dude dont kill ditsy you will only be hatet

Not cool... she's dead... thats not cool man...

Dude......not cool dude not cool

And that plot twist....just bad very bad

And despite all that you get 4 stars because: a)you had a good idea

                                                                       b)everything up to the ending was turning out to be a                                

                                                                          promising crime fiction

                                                                       c)your writing itself was pretty solid easy

All you need to do is work on your story plot

Not bad, but the ending was a let down

Vader reads story and finds out Ditsy Doo is dead

Image: http://worldofwardcrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/vader_no.jpg

I think he took that pretty well.

But in all honestly I thought that you were going to do something clever like have a pony have some sort of deep psychological hatred for Ditsy.

>>6331563315

Sorry; I can't imagine anyone hating Ditzy Doo.

>>6326063260

Thanks for the comment.

I can't imagine anyone hating Ditzy Doo.  So I wrote the ending that way.

>>6325863258

Thanks for the four stars!

again....again a fanfic kills ditsy doo. i refuse to read this and you have lost all respect from me as a fan, and you as a writer. good day

again....again a fanfic kills ditsy doo. i refuse to read this and you have lost all respect from me as a fan, and you as a writer. good day >>6343063430 ok, to back this up, i am a fan. so any fic that kills my favorite pony isnt going to get my readership no offense to you, and im sure the story was great, but no dice on my behalf lol

you get a fiveeeeeeeeeeeee

because i am not a faggy fag fag and i don't have any sort of emotional link to some horses on TV

Good shit man, balanced plot, can't think of another ending because all of it -would- sound canon so uh

five

>>6343163431

Thanks for your comments.

I wanted to write a crime fiction story in Equestria.  

If it's any consolation, I chose Ditzy -because- she's a wonderful, hardworking mare and a good parent... and this story is filled with love for Ditzy.

In too many crime stories, the victim is a cipher that appears at the beginning and never personally affected the detective.  That's not the case here. The story is about who could do this terrible crime to someone the town loves.

>>6346863468

Thank you very much!

What the...you sick......Seriously ?!?

I mean just...ugh. No words can ever describe just how....ugly and dark this storyline is. I mean just....ugh.

I mean that was just plain messed up in a way, and it wasn't a good way either. Still...ugh.

Poor Ditzy, she will be missed.

>>6357963579

I wanted to find out if I COULD get people to really feel.  Thank you for letting me know that I could.

And thank you for reading this very dark story.  Next one will be lighter.

Ditzy.... Ooooohhhhh kaaaayyyy.... Emtional Time over.

Well written, but it went too fast. A little more investigation, detail, and perhaps a more thought out ending? all could do this justice.

That being said, Good Job.

Back to Emotional Time.

DERPY!!!!!!!!!!  

This was a good read, it was interesting, and felt unfamiliar to a lot of fanfics I've read before, in a good way. I suppose some could say it was a little fast-paced, but nothing too severe. The ending was, interesting. I suppose it was alright, though, it just felt a little dissatisfying. A bit rushed, left some questions. For future stories, you really do need to slow it down a bit and give the reader time to actually get into the scene, and the whole story itself really. I was personally trying to get into the story as I do with all of them, so I didn't notice it too badly, but if a hardcore fanfic critic looked at this (I know how pathetic that title is by the way) I'm sure they'd have a bit more to say about your pacing.

Either way from my perspective it was a good read, maybe, like, 4/5, I'm not picky.

>>6442864428

Thank you very much for a detailed analysis of the story.  You're not the only one who's said that I need to slow down my stories more.  (Would you believe that I was trying hard to slow down THIS story already?)

And, yes -- I really was trying to do something very different than most fanfics here.  I had never seen a crime fiction in FIMFiction (though I didn't look closely), and I had never seen a Ditzy (Derpy) dies fic when I wrote it.  (I NOW understand that there are other stories that kill Derpy... After I published the story, I saw MailMareDerpy's complaints... and her comments were published before I published my story.  I'm sorry, MMD.)

Killing off my favorite pony then after reading through the story and the comments I guess I can understand... not bad story between the tears though...

You call her Ditzy in the comments and Derpy in the fanfic.... care to explain?

>>160861160861 Certainly.

In the story originally, she had been named 'Ditzy'.  But then Hasbro officially named her as 'Derpy'.

I changed the story to match her canonical name.

i like how you made discord slightly less mean and i give it 5 stars!