Equis has been destroyed, the land of magical creatures gone forever. I now find myself in charge of the survival of what's left of my species, as well as a handful of others. The only bright side is that we have a ship big enough for all of us, and a little inter-dimensional help.
~ From the journal of Twilight Sparkle
This story takes place, for the most part, in the Multi-verse. Expect to see elements of many different series, both popular and cult status.
Update: Remember how I said there was gonna be a webcomic? Yeah, it's not exactly webcomicish, but here. http://fav.me/dcyhcww
Chapters (5)
Umm... yeah that's not how that works. A supermassive black would throw an entire galaxy out of sorts and if Equestria is located in its galaxy in a similar position as earth is in our galaxy it would be seen coming centries in advance. Now if it was a stellar-mass black hole it could go unnoticed until it entered the ort cloud. Okay, I'm done nitpicking.
wow, that was a pretty long break
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Oh. Mmhmm. I see. Very good points.
Counterpoint: shut her yapper. It's based in a world that literally has magical miniature horses that can fly and blow stuff up with their horns. Exactly what is factual about anything here?
Ok. Done shutting up "That Guy" for the day.
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I know right? Real life is a bitch sometimes.
9431460
come on now there is no need to be like that.
9431475
There's also no need to try and make yourself feel superior by pointing out a blatantly obvious inaccuracy, or at least what would be one if we were talking about OUR physical universe. This is a modified fantasy universe. Suspend you disbelief for two minutes and be frigging entertained.
9432516
I myself admitted I was nitpicking nor was I claiming myself superior nor was that my intent. I was merely making a comment and I have the right to do so.
So they stopped being in leading roles just because they dont have absurd powers anymore? Thats pretty stupid tbh
9439924
Your face is pretty stupid tbh.
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o k s i r thats going too far, im afraid im going to have to yeet tf out of you now.
9442662
You're... going to flail your arms around at me in a weird dance craze... Whatever get you to sleep at night.
I just went through all the chapters to date and have some suggestions/comments.
What worked:
*I liked how suddenly the black hole appeared, which leads a much-needed urgency to the evacuations, and the realization that not everyone can be saved, and aren't saved.
*I also liked how, even when they're seemingly united in a common cause, the various species still don't co-exist that well onboard the ship, with some even choosing to leave, instead of going with the optimistic approach of everyone working together
*Having Celestia and Luna's magic be tied to the sun and moon, and subsequently disappearing, makes for an interesting contrast in that they're still leaders of the ponies, but don't have any exceptional magic, forcing them to rely on their knowledge and experience to guide the others.
What doesn't work:
*I felt that having the ship, the androids, and all the other species introduced so quickly and without explanation was almost like cheating; While this may be an alternate universe where ponies know of other space-faring civilizations, having them and/or their ships appear without any foreshadowing is jarring.
*The biggest issue I have is with Timber. Despite your notice about him in the first chapter, he feels like a typical OC who has special abilities/skills that no one else has that cannon characters rely on to save the day. In this case, it's finding out about the black hole, having space ships, and contacts with other species. His appearance, and introduction by Twilight, feels like my comment about the appearance of ships and species from other series.
Suggestions if you are up to rewrites:
*I'd suggest making Luna be the one who finds the black hole and warns everyone instead of Timber; she feels like the natural choice for such an event, given her association with space and the moon.
*I'd suggest having Equis finding the Exodus drifting past the planet a few months prior to the story with all the crew missing or dead, and they had been studying it ever since. That would help set up a more logical explanation of how they suddenly have such a large ship at their disposal. If it's been battered and damaged, that would raise the stakes for the rest of the story, as all the survivors would have to work to keep their only refuge intact, lest it give out and kill them all in addition to all the other hazards they encounter.
*I'd suggest making Timber the pony in charge of studying the Exodus when it arrived, which would give him greater knowledge than most about how it works and what it can do.
Overall, I like the premise of the story, and many of the complications the characters have to face up to this point, and I'm looking forward to seeing future installments, but I feel that some strategic changes will help make the opening a bit smoother.
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First off, thank you for the politeness of your review. It's a welcome change from "THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!"
Second, about the crew of the Venator's mishandled introduction. You have a good point about it being jarring, but what you need to remember is this is all excerpts from Twilight's journal. It's gonna be all jumbled and rough cut for a few chapters as she sorts through both the task of handling their new situation and the emotions and stresses that are being put on her. I agree that I need to do a better ship introduction, and plan to revisit that in a later chapter (Twilight reads back through her journal at some point and sees this very flaw).
Third, my OC. Most of what's know about him is headcanon. As I said, I probably won't write a lot of the adventures he's had, but the basics of him is he's Doctor Who, only instead of wibbly-wobbly Timey-wimey, it's Dimensionally-wenchionaly shifty-wifty.
Fourth, introductions of plot devices. Yeah, I really should change the way the black hole and the Exodus are revealed. I probably will at some point. And your Luna idea is spot on; that's a change that will be made when I have a moment. Thanks for that too.
I hope I can write well enough in the future for you and others to continue to enjoy reading this. And I hope you at least peek at my other (INCOMPLETE!!! I really need to get back on those) works.
You're Awesome!