Sunset found herself unwilling to leave the hospital room. As morning passed into afternoon and into evening, Applejack and Fluttershy left. Tomorrow was a school day, after all. Rainbow Dash, however, refused to go.
“You guys can go if you want,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m not leaving her.”
Applejack pressed her, saying that Rainbow Dash had been there too long and needed a break.
“I’m not leaving her.” Rainbow Dash repeated. And so her friends went home for the night, leaving Rainbow Dash and Sunset’s unconscious body alone.
In her ethereal state, Sunset watched as Rainbow Dash drifted in and out of sleep half a dozen times before she finally gave up on getting any rest. Rainbow Dash moved her chair a little closer to Sunset’s hospital bed, and as she sat back down, she leaned her head on one of the machines beside her.
“Hey, S-Sunset...” Rainbow Dash’s voice was dry and shaking. “This... This is my fault. I know that. I just... I hope you know I never wanted this to happen. Ever since this whole Anon-a-miss thing started, I—I don’t know...”
Sunset knelt beside Rainbow Dash’s chair. Even though she knew that Rainbow Dash wouldn’t hear her, she felt compelled to respond.
“I don’t understand you,” Sunset said. Just as she thought, Rainbow Dash made no indication of noticing her. “I know I made mistakes, and I tried so hard to make up for that. Just before Anon-a-miss started posting, I was beginning to believe you saw me as one of your friends. When I realized the truth...”
“I was so confused,” Rainbow Dash whimpered. “When the others first suspected you, I didn’t know what to think. But as time went on and more of the signs pointed to you, I think I made up my mind before any of the others. I didn’t want to think about the details. I just...”
“I wanted to believe I knew you better than that,” Sunset said. “I thought you would never turn your back on me. I thought you would trust me when I told you it wasn’t me.” She looked at Rainbow Dash, the sounds of the heart monitor ringing in her ears. “It was never enough, I guess. I was never enough. I want to blame you, but I know the truth.”
“I wanted it to be you,” Rainbow Dash said. “I don’t know why. Some part of me, some stupid, petty thing in my head wanted you to be the bad guy again, because I was used to that. It made sense. It was the way things had been for so long that I just never stopped to question it, and by the time I realized how wrong I was... I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself...”
“I don’t blame you for hating me,” Sunset said. “Of course you would hate me. The things I did for years... The things I would have done if Princess Twilight hadn’t shown up...”
“It’s unforgivable,” Rainbow Dash said, her head drooping. “If—when you wake up, I won’t ask for forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. None of us do, after what we’ve put you through...”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Sunset said. “I wish I could go back. I wish I could talk to the person I was back then, and tell her there’s a better way. When I first came here, I was so bitter and selfish and angry. I just wanted to feel in control, and I was so scared of losing that control, so I lashed out at everyone. I hurt you all so much... I was a fool to think I could wipe the slate clean. I don’t deserve that. There really is no going back...”
“All I can do is try to be better,” Rainbow Dash said. “I know it’ll never be enough, though. There’s no way I can make up for all this. Applejack was right—I don’t think anything can.” Tears streamed down Rainbow Dash’s cheeks. “After everything you did to turn your life around and be a better person, we threw it all back in your face, and look what happened. I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life for that...”
“I wish I could hate you,” Sunset sighed. “Part of me does, anyway. Which isn’t to say I forgive you or any of the others, though.”
“I can’t get it out of my head, Sunset. That look you gave me on the roof, I mean,” Rainbow Dash said. “If I’d been a little faster, maybe—maybe I could’ve stopped you. Maybe I could have saved you.”
Sunset looked up at her unconscious body, lying motionless before her. “There were some things you shouldn’t have had to see. You or Rarity. Of all the things I hate about myself, what I think I hate most is that I put you both through that...”
“I’m sorry, Sunset...” Rainbow Dash cried softly.
“I hope you can forgive me one day,” Sunset said.
Rainbow Dash’s quiet sobbing blended with the clicking and beeping of the various machines in the room. Sunset stayed silent, her transparent figure still kneeling on the floor. Upon glancing at the hospital bed, her mind drifted away from the present.
Sunset had spent a full day in this room, and in all that time, the only thing she had seen regarding her health was the nurse taking her vitals every few hours. She felt a degree of shame every time the nurse would roll up the bed sheet and reveal Sunset’s scars, and she felt a confusing sense of disappointment every time she saw her vitals were stable.
Why, though? As the evening passed in silence, Sunset found herself caught between the exhaustion of living and the dread of dying. Her conversation with Luna played over and over in her mind as Sunset searched herself for some scrap of hope she could cling to, yet nothing ever came. For all the volatility in her mind, Sunset reluctantly acknowledged that the only constant was her wish to just be done with it all.
Such a feeling left her even more disgusted with herself. Rainbow Dash had not left her side from the moment she got here, and yet Sunset still wanted to die. The resentment made her yearn for an ending even more, creating a vicious cycle of self-loathing. In the time that had passed since the Fall Formal, such occurrences had been a common issue for Sunset. To handle this, she frequently resorted to her razor, though she had sometimes corresponded with Princess Twilight as another means of distraction.
Thinking about Twilight only made Sunset more miserable. What would she think of Sunset now? Luna had made it clear that she had not informed anyone in Equestria of Sunset’s situation, implying that such a decision had to be made by Sunset herself. And in the months leading up to her fall, Sunset had drifted further and further from Twilight, neglecting her journal entirely.
What would be the point, anyway? Twilight always meant well, but anything she said to Sunset would be the same advice she’d heard before. And yet, if this was going to be the end, she would like to see Twilight one more time. While the thought of such a conversation filled her with anxiety, Sunset still found herself longing to talk to Twilight for the first time in months.
“Luna?” Sunset spoke out loud. “I’d like to come back now. I have a favor to ask.”
Several moments passed, then her vision filled with light.
I really like this one way mirror sort of conversation, and the way it lets Sunset hear Rainbow's unbridled thoughts. Curious what the favour will be.
yay! another chapter
Oh no...twilights going to rip them a new one.
I like the in depth view we get of Dash’s reasoning.
Can we talk about how the CMCs are going to have hell to pay for this?
While the CMCs might not have been the cause of Sunset jumping off the building, the were definitely the catalyst. Honestly, they might as well have given Sunset a gun. They might not be the ones pulling the trigger, but they are still responsible for this. Yes, other people have hurt her, especially her friends. But the CMCs put Sunset in this position, even if indirectly.
That being said, Sunset definitely needs to see a counselor. Self harm for the sake of self punishment is a serious issue.
Never again will they see each other in the same light, now that they know what they have done to each other. Now they will have to live with the pain of this moment for the rest of their lives.
They may learn to deal with the pain, but it will never go away.
Every Anon-A-Miss story may have come from the same source material, but many are like a fingerprint. Many people may tire of reading about Anon-A-Miss but I can safely say I don't.
I'm loving this story. Please keep writing.
9337118 But first, we have a lot of talking and brooding to get through first before we reach that part.
And now I wait for the next chapter with, dare I say, eager anticipation.
I suppose it would be delightfully Shakespearean--if not predictable--for the plot of this fic to feature Rainbow Dash falling into the same depressive trap of self-harm as Sunset had once endured.
Why did Rainbow Dash take Sunset's betrayal so hard?
Because she's the Element of Loyalty, and it felt like it had been thrown back in her face.
9702917
Yeah out of all of them I can understand her anger the most it was still wrong and misplaced but at least I can kind of understand her, she might represent being loyal to others but it would also mean she would react harshly when she felt that loyalty had been betrayed.
The "conversation" between Dash and Sunset is the highlight of this chapter. There's something beautifully tragic about how they're filling in the gaps left between each other, even if Dash doesn't know it.
Spot-on self-reflection, Sunset. And this hits me hard in a lot of ways, too. When you're feeling lost and scared and alone, it's far too easy for those feelings to translate into bitter, selfish anger (Forgotten Friendship is a great demonstration of that too). And when everything is distressing, you just want some way to make it less so. Even if that means trampling on others. The fact that Sunset recognizes this now, even with what happened to her, shows how far she's come.
I love how parallel this conversation is. Loyalty is one of Sunset's strongest qualities after her reformation, but I guess I've never thought about it that way before. Seeing how much Dash agonizes over this makes the parallel so blindingly clear.
Into the whirlwind, indeed... Anticipating that conversation with Twilight for sure.