All The Good, All The Bad
The silence was heavy, the tension in the air so thick one would need something a little more substantial than a mere knife to cut it. Midnight stared at Rainbow, astonished. The pegasus stared back at her in desperation. She sucked in a deep breath and took a step back, momentarily contemplating turning tail and running the other way. She was quick to cast aside such a cowardly idea, though. She was committed, now.
Midnight blinked, taking a few, tentative steps forward. “...What do you mean?” she asked skeptically, one of her eyebrows drifting up.
Rainbow swallowed hard before looking down at the ground. “...My memories. I’ll let you have them, as long as you don’t take anypony else’s,” she finally said, committing herself to this course of action. If it would end this madness, then what choice did she have?
Midnight’s brow furrowed, and she opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.
Rainbow took advantage of the silence to keep talking, starting to slowly and gingerly advance on the speechless alicorn. “You’re right… I hid things from you that I never should have,” she admitted, her eyes never once leaving the ground. “It was your life, not mine, and I didn’t have any right to keep it from you. I was just so scared of what might happen if you learned something bad about yourself… What you might have done… I couldn’t make myself trust you because I was so scared of losing you again.”
“Rainbow Dash…”
Rainbow lifted her head, fighting to maintain her composure as fear clawed its way into her heart. “I’m sorry, Midnight… and I am so sorry that my silence drove you to turn into this… I can’t give you back your memories, but… I can give you mine. All the good… and all the bad.”
There was a moment of tense silence before Midnight narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Why? Why offer me yours?”
“Because I’ve known you since I was eight,” Rainbow immediately pointed out, her mind wandering back to go over some of those old, cherished memories of her foalhood in this city. A tiny smile graced her lips, and one of her hooves drifted up to hover over her heart. “I’ve seen you at your best, and I’ve seen you at your worst. I've known you since you studied under my mom all the way to right now. We practically grew up and lived together for the last ten, eleven years…”
Rainbow met Midnight’s gaze. “You want to know about your past? I’m your best shot.”
Midnight stared at Rainbow, completely dumbfounded. Slowly, the hostility and anger in her eyes began to melt away, replaced with something far more solemn. Her wings ruffled at her sides, a sign of indecision and agitation. She took another step forward, her eyes drifting down and to one side. “I had planned on sparing you and Spike, if only out of respect for what we had…” she said quietly, now close enough for Rainbow to reach out and touch her if she so chose.
She looked up to meet Rainbow’s gaze again. “You do realize… if you let me go through with this, then you won’t remember me at all when you wake up, right? It will be as if you never even knew I existed.”
Rainbow’s heart leaped into her throat at the possibility, and for a brief fraction of a second, the fear of forgetting so many great things actually had her second-guessing herself. Her doubt was short-lived, and she nodded in understanding. “I know that… but… if it means saving you from turning into this and saving our friends, then no price is too high.”
Midnight’s eyes widened again, and Rainbow could see a war of emotion raging behind those reptilian slits. After a few seconds, Midnight nodded and drew closer. “Fine… then hold still,” she instructed simply.
Rainbow did as she was told, remaining planted in place and falling to her haunches. Her eyes locked onto Midnight’s face, drinking in and memorizing every single detail, committing it to what would soon no longer be her memory. Her eyes locked onto Midnight’s horn as it began to glow, and her breath hitched in her throat when she felt the tingle of magic building up around her.
“T-Twilight?” she finally managed to stutter out, giving the alicorn in front of her pause. Midnight looked into Rainbow’s eyes directly, waiting for her to continue. Rainbow took a deep, shuddering breath, and put on her best smile, even as tears began to roll down her cheeks. “I love you… I love you so much...”
Midnight’s mouth dropped open a little, and she actually looked away for a moment. Slowly, she settled down onto her haunches as well so the two were sitting face-to-face, their muzzles mere inches apart. When she finally turned back to Rainbow, there were tears in her eyes as well. “...I know,” she choked out before leaning forward and pressing her horn to Rainbow’s forehead.
Rainbow’s eyes flew wide as the spell took hold. She sucked in a strangled gasp as pain exploded in her mind, the magic worming its way in. It hurt. It hurt more than words could possibly describe. Even the agony she had suffered from Chrysalis paled in comparison to this.
But in spite of that, Rainbow forced herself to stay where she was. She forced herself to smile, grit her teeth, and power through the pain and panic. “If you’re going to get my memories,” she resolved, an odd sort of peace settling over her. “Then the last one might as well be good…”
Rainbow began to think back on every single moment she had shared with Twilight since the day they met. How she had mistrusted her when they met, how they slowly became friends at Celestia’s behest, how they spent their days playing silly games and bantering back and forth. With each one she looked back on, she did her best to think of how happy she had been, and how special the mare in front of her truly was...
That was… odd. The memories in her mind were becoming fuzzy. She knew she was thinking of a mare, a mare who was so important to her that she’d do anything for her, but… Rainbow couldn’t remember her face. Confused, she tried as hard as she could to remember… remember…
What was it she was trying to remember?
“Nice to meet you, Rainbow Dash. I’m Twilight Sparkle.”
“Er, I think? She’s over a thousand years old, Rainbow Dash. I doubt I can get to know her very well unless I have a comparable frame of reference.”
“Well, maybe if you didn’t throw the boll quite so fast I wouldn’t have to use magic to protect my face.”
“I’M NOT CRAZY!”
“I… I, um… I didn’t mean… I sh-shouldn’t h-have… Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Spike! I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that and… I’m just so sorry! Can you please forgive me?”
“Well, then, allow me to introduce Princess Rainbow Dash, the adopted daughter of Princess Celestia and, might I add, the pony you insulted as soon as you showed up?”
“You needed an ego boost, I thought. Using your status to spook off those bullies seemed like a good way to go about it.”
“And Rainbow Dash… who acted to protect her closest friends, despite the incredible risk it put her in… She represents loyalty.”
A thousand different scenes played out in front of Midnight’s face, each one flooding her mind with sights and sounds and feelings. Moments from her life, shown from Rainbow’s point of view, and each one painfully loaded with the thoughts and emotions of their owner.
“I forgive you, Rainbow… it’s okay. It’s okay. Let it out. I know you have to.”
“Don’t worry. To the rest of Equestria, you’ll always be the brave and fearless Element of Loyalty who never cries and never gives up.”
“That right there? That confidence and eagerness? That was the Rainbow Dash I want back.”
“HEY! That’s mine!”
“...If you enjoy being with me that much, you can just admit it.”
“RAINBOW, YOU HAVE TO STOP!”
“No, I am not okay! What the hay were you thinking?! Why did you do that?! That was the OPPOSITE of keeping a low profile!”
“Are you… were you talking about me?”
“I told you I was really there, didn’t I?”
“Rainbow, you can just say it. We’re not school fillies, here…”
“We’re all here for you. I’m here for you. And I believe in you. We may not be royal advisors or anything, but for Celestia’s sake, we’re your friends. You’re not alone here, so, please… don’t act like you are.”
The struggle against Discord. The trip to Manehattan. The incident on the Friendship Express. The harrowing journey through the woods. Rainbow’s sullen confession in Hollow Shades. Twilight’s eventual forgiveness and their reconciliation. The invasion of Canterlot. The rescue mission that got them Starlight Glimmer…
All of these memories and so, so many more raced through Midnight’s mind almost too fast for her to keep up with. Her head was starting to hurt from the sheer volume of information, emotions, feelings, and thoughts that Rainbow had kept private for so long. A pressure was beginning to build up in the back of Midnight’s skull, making her think of a dam that was about to buckle under the weight of the ocean it held at bay.
But she was committed now. The headache would be worth it, she knew, so she cast aside all other concerns and drank in each and every memory with a combination of anticipation and shock. There was a lot more in Rainbow’s mind than she had honestly been expecting. She knew Rainbow would have more then those she had targeted, yes, but to have more memories of just Twilight than Midnight had of everything put together? It was overwhelming…
“You have got to do something about this tension. Every time you two interact, it feels like any moment something might snap, and if it does, it’s going to be bad for everypony… We don’t want a repeat of the train, Rainbow.”
“Rainbow, it’s okay, that’s in the past. It’s in the past and we already forgave you for it.”
“If this aggression of yours comes from a spell, we need to get rid of it.”
“I never said I don’t feel the same way… I said I don’t know how I feel.”
“Okay… but, Rainbow?”
The image of Rainbow and Twilight standing at the edge of the Crystal Empire came into Midnight’s mind. A tall, dome-shaped barrier made of lavender and cyan magic bubbled and rippled over them, and just beyond it, a shadowy mass awaited. She could see the rest of their friends gathered nearby, watching on in apprehension as Twilight and Rainbow stared into each other’s eyes.
She watched as Twilight placed her hoof on the back of Rainbow’s head before suddenly leaning in. Midnight gasped when she finally bore witness to Rainbow’s first true kiss with her. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest, a small red tint coming to her cheeks as she felt how Rainbow had felt at that moment. Stunned, shocked, but so, so happy.
“You come back to me in one piece… you hear me?”
The pressure in her mind was growing, as was her headache. It was almost to the point of being distracting, but still, she forced herself to keep watching; to keep listening, feeling, and learning. The rest of the events in the Empire played out before her next, and she couldn’t help but let her ears droop when she realized how much Rainbow Dash had been hurting for the entire experience.
And the memories of her one guiding light, the pony who Rainbow adored above any other, the one mare that kept her from falling into complete despair, who gave her the courage and the strength to stand up and keep going.
“Ahaha! Oh my gosh, that’s bad! You really don’t understand science, do you?”
“I saw it, Rainbow… the memory you have to see every time…”
“You can forgive me all you like… But that doesn’t mean I’m going to forgive myself…”
“Dash… I know that you’re hurting. We’ve had to watch you crumble under the pressure, and it’s been horrible on all of us. Me especially… But you shouldn’t let all of that turn you into… into this… I don’t want to remember the mare I love as somepony who quit.”
“Are you still the Rainbow Dash who taught me to rise above my failures? Are you still the Rainbow Dash that I fell in love with?”
“Just… before you go… let me hear you say it. One more time, okay?”
Midnight barely choked down a sob as Rainbow’s second hoof emotions flooded her system. Her eyes shimmered with fresh tears. She had been so scared… but despite that fear, she did everything in her power to protect her friends and keep them safe. She had been ready and willing to die to protect them.
“Just like I did…” Midnight thought to herself, her eyes growing wide. The pressure was becoming almost too painful to bear, making her grit her teeth and shudder in pain.
“I… I love you, too…”
Midnight’s breath hitched in her throat the moment she heard her own voice saying those words. She saw herself as a unicorn, imprisoned in a cage of shadowy crystals, staring back out at Rainbow with watering eyes and a hopeful smile. She watched as her past self used her magic to gingerly draw Rainbow in by the mane, and their lips locked together in a tender kiss.
It was too much. So many memories. So much information. So many emotions. Midnight gasped as the pressure building up inside of her skull finally reached its peak. With a proverbial crash, the dam broke, and Midnight felt herself being swept away in a torrential flood that she had no control over.
A flood that had been building up, unbeknownst to her, for two years.
A flood of her own memories.
Midnight’s eyes snapped wide open, a strangled gasp tearing out of her lips as an explosion of memories began to rush into her mind alongside Rainbow’s, this time from her own perspective. Emotions, thoughts, and ideas that had long ago been lost, seemingly forever, filled every corner of her mind, drowned out all others in a seemingly endless roar of sensation.
She cried out, a spike of pain piercing her skull from the onslaught. She buckled as if under a great weight, her mind reeling and breath coming in heaving gasps of pain and shock. “I… I remember!” she choked out between her heavy breaths.
“What am I doing?” she thought to herself a moment later, dread and horror gripping her heart in icy claws as she realized what it was she was doing. With some effort, she lifted her head to look at Rainbow Dash. She saw the pegasus’ tortured face mere inches from her own, contorted with pain and agony. Alongside that horrid sight, more memories washed through Midnight’s mind.
“Rainbow Dash… RAINBOW DASH!”
Screwing her eyes shut, Midnight focused on her spell and immediately cut the flow of her magic. A deafening boom filled her ears, a powerful gust of wind tearing out from the tip of her horn. She cried out in pain from the unclean cancellation of the spell, but at that moment she didn’t care.
After a few seconds, the wind died down, and Midnight reluctantly opened her eyes. The ghostly magic that had been leaking out of her was slowly starting to fade away as she came back to her senses, her gaze locking onto the mare in front of her.
Rainbow’s eyes were closed. With a tired sigh, she fell forward into Midnight’s waiting forelegs, her body limp. Midnight pulled her close, shuddering at just how heavy the mare in her hooves felt. “She shouldn’t be this heavy,” she thought, struggling to contain her emotions.
Everything fell silent after that. Midnight sat there, Rainbow’s limp body cradled in her hooves, her eyes wide and her breath coming in heaving, guilty gasps. “Rainbow…” she choked out, the realization of everything she had just done crashing into her like an avalanche. Shaking and on the verge of completely breaking down, Midnight lowered Rainbow down so she could look into her face.
Rainbow was still unconscious. Midnight blinked away the blurriness in her vision and reached out with a trembling hoof to brush aside a lock of Rainbow’s mane.
“Hey, Rainbow… wake up...” Midnight pleaded, her voice quivering with guilt. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way. She wasn’t capable of doing something like this, was she? Not to the mare she loved. Besides, she had cut the spell off before it could conclude, right? Rainbow still had her memories. She had to! She had to…
As much as Midnight tried to assure herself of that, there was no denying the fact that there was almost an entire lifetime’s worth of memories floating around in her mind that did not belong to her. She could see them with crystal clarity, and what little hope she had that Rainbow would be able to retain anything grew more and more dim with every passing moment. There was so much...
Midnight was lurched from her thoughts when the body in her hooves shifted and groaned quietly in groggy discomfort. Midnight held her breath, looking down at Rainbow and clinging on to the last vestiges of her fragile hope. “Please remember me, please remember me, please remember me…”
Slowly, Rainbow’s eyes began to open, and another groan slipped past her lips. She blinked her eyes several times before looking around in confusion. “Uuugh… wha… what happened to me?” she moaned before her hooves flew up to her skull. “Ow! My head… uuugh… Where am I?”
“Rainbow…?” Midnight ventured quietly, giving Rainbow a gentle shake.
“Hmm?” Rainbow mumbled, looking back up at Midnight, exhaustion and bewilderment all over her face. She blinked a few times, her eyes drifting from Midnight’s eyes to her horn. “Who… who the heck are you…?” she murmured.
Midnight wilted. It took every ounce of restraint she had to keep herself from screaming out in anguish. But, despite the ugly truth staring back at her, she tried to smile. “Its… I-It’s me. It’s me, Twilight,” she stammered out in barely even a whisper. “Twilight Sparkle. You remember me, don’t you?”
Rainbow was silent for a second, looking Midnight up and down and taking in her appearance. She let out a quiet grunt before closing her eyes and letting out another tired sigh. “Nope… never heard of ya,” she mumbled before shifting in Midnight’s hooves, seemingly to get more comfortable. “I think I’d remember somepony as… as cool looking as you…”
“Rainbow…” Midnight croaked, her face twitching erratically as her grief began to spill out into the open despite her best efforts to contain it. “R-rainbow, please… don’t do this to me… d-don’t…”
Rainbow didn’t open her eyes, slowly relaxing in Midnight’s hooves. “I’m tired… I think I’m gonna… gonna take a nap…” she murmured. “We can talk when I wake up…”
“Rainbow…!” Midnight breathed, desperate for something, anything.
Rainbow fell silent, her breaths becoming slow and rhythmic.
Midnight stared down at her for a long, long time. With every second that passed, her composure fractured even more. All of her animosity was forgotten, replaced with a cold, painful realization. “This is my fault,” she thought to herself over and over while reaching a hoof out to lightly brush Rainbow’s mane back. “Oh, merciful Celestia… what have I done?”
She didn’t need an answer. She knew what she had done. It was sleeping in her hooves, completely oblivious to who she was.
Breaking down into uncontrollable weeps and sobs, Midnight drew Rainbow’s unconscious body up to her chest and closed her eyes. Her cries filled the silence around her, echoing up and down the street over the path of bodies she had left in her wake, each and every one adding more and more weight to her shoulders. She could practically feel their judgmental gazes piercing her through the memories she had stolen, and each one made her cry even louder.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered between wails, pulling Rainbow closer in some vain hope that she could give the memories back through sheer force of will alone. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…”
But no matter how hard she apologized, no matter how much she wished that it weren’t true, there was no denying the reality before her. There was no denying what she had done...
And there was no going back.
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Had a feeling this was going to go down this way.
Oh, Twilight...
Bad things are coming.. very very bad things.. also I have a feeling that dissy is about to get a very rude awakening and then spanking untill he fixes this because we all know he loves messing with minds
Well, once again, a really good job on this latest chapter. Truly emotional stuff. So, now, Twilight has a pretty good approximation of her memories, but at the cost of Rainbow losing HERS. At least this ended without anybody ELSE getting hurt AND Twilight realizes just how badly she messed up. But I have a feeling, when Celestia hears about Tirek's escape, she is going to need to hire a good detective to track him down so that she and Luna can handle him themselves, because Twi and Rainbow are NOT going to be in any shape mentally for that.
But, anyway, really good job on the exchanges, flashbacks, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places.
Just two more chapters to go and we'll be set up for the NEXT story in the series.
My mind is running a million miles per hour, I need the next chapter, I need to know what happens next. How will everyone react (well I have a good idea, but I still want to see it). What will twilight do? What will rainbow do? Sure, she’s lost huge chunks of her memory, but she should still have more than enough to function in society no problem, so she wont be dependent on twilight, unlike twilight when she got amnesia.
She might be pissed and never want to see her again since any memory that had any of her other friends while twilight was there is probably also gone, so she might despise her for taking away the memories of ponies she still remembers. And how much of her childhood is now gone as well?
And since she has no recollection of twilight, and probably the first thing she’ll learn is that she was the one who removed the memories, rainbow will have little to no sympathy. She’ll probanly be pressured by her friends, celestia, and Luna into not completely throwing twilight to the side, but who knows (well, the author obviously).
.....well you got what you wanted, Twilight.
Will Twilight go on trial? With Rainbow Dash no longer a key witness, will she be find guilty for her crimes on Canterlot and for bringing harm to a member of the royal family?
Why the emotional heartstrings!?
9978394
Fascinating. Please, tell me more.
I really hope this can be fixed.
9978454
Me too!
9978491
I'll cast my vote to that as well.
I'm sure that's the author's plan already, though gauging from previous arcs, in about 5, 10 or 15 chapters (not that that's a bad thing).
9978428 - Oops, apparently reading on a phone without due care and attention can result in posting nothing without noticing.
Since you asked though, I do want you to know I've enjoyed the series. It's been quite the emotional rollercoaster to read, especially the last few chapters.
All the Twidash shippers:
https://m.Aside from Midnight feeling less menacing than last chapter, this was REALLY well done. Just..... all the emotions.
9978454
Well, the author never fixed twilight’s amnesia (until now anyway, but I don’t think it really counts), so we know the author is more than willing to completely change up a character’s personality if given the circumstances.
And the next book needs some conflict, so...
9978855
Why would it not count?
9978900
Because she's made so many new memories since her amnesia that she'd still be a different pony to who she was before she lost them. So even though her memories are back, her character from before isn't. It's a new third character that's a cross between pre and post amnesia Twilight. Of course how far she leans onto her old self is up to you, she has got 10 times more years worth memories from her pre amnesia self, but her post amnesia memories are newer.
9978924
Everyone is a slighy different person today than they were yesterday... The key thing, I think, is that the foundational, core memories that made Twilight who she was, that Twilight has been without all this time, are back. So, Twilight is finally back to being Twilight again.
As for Rainbow Dash... Iunno, just thinking about it, she might be *worse off* than Twilight was at the beginning of the story. Twilight factored into so many of her memories, losing them all must have just made swiss cheese of her brain. Having to relearn everything from a blank slate would be infuriating, but trying to make sense of a lifetime of memories with huge chunks just missing would be a path to literal madness. If you're Rainbow Dash looking back on the Crystal Empire, on the train, how does half the stuff that happened make sense anymore in retrospect with Twilight just missing from the equation? I would go literally crazy.
What does she even do with herself now...? Her entire life for the last two years was dedicated to helping Twilight get better. What's her life's purpose now? I guess logically if this all doesn't get reset in the next few chapters, she moves back to Canterlot so her mom and aunt can help her recover? Idk.
And... What does this do to her PTSD? Yet another traumatic experience involving magic, even more painful than what Chrysalis subjected her to, according to the narrative... Lots of different ways this could go.
god don't do this too me man
9979177
Nyaaahahahahahahahaa!
Merciful Emperor....
9979270
This story if not the series needs Tragedy Tag
Moozik.
Just a bit more magic-based PTSD to the list, why not?
But with those memories comes the experiences, the emotions, and the realisation of what the actual fuck you just did Twiggles.
Well... that's a very 'old' Rainbow line.
"This isn't Canterlot..."
-Sunset Shimmer
The parallels to Sunset's sacrifice are so apparent tbh
Me: *evil laughing* yessss
Also me: *sobbing* I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE
Riiiight up until you make a counterspell... or find a magical deus ex machina.
This reminds me of the movie What Dreams May Come.
I almost cried! This sooo good!! LOVED IT