Chapter 5: Savior With Metal Arms…
Jon woke up suddenly at the sound of the tent flap zipping up, and he turned his head so he could face the tent entrance, and then he saw a female silhouette going away from the tent.
He turned to look at the cot next to him.
It was empty of its occupant.
Jon shot out of the cot and onto his feet, looking at his watch and seeing it was 1AM at night, made him worry.
Luna was supposed to be in the tent. Where is she going at this time of night? He thought as he took off his coat, which he had been wearing to keep the cold of the mountain air out.
His actuators shot out and snaked around in the air, scanning their surroundings after he got out of the tent so the fabric won’t get caught.
His attention right now was to hear anything unusual around him, but there was nothing except for the sound of the actuators and the soft and even breathing of the people asleep around him.
He’s gonna have to go into the possibly wolf infested forest, isn’t he?
Jon sighed, at one hand, it would allow his actuators to stretch and move around more, on the other, he might get caught, but if Luna was in danger, he shuddered at what Celestia would think or do if she found out he could help her younger sister.
Hell, she would BLAME him for not helping Luna with the actuators.
With the decision made, he maneuvered through the campsite as quietly as he could, and then flew through the trees with an ease that makes one think that he was very flexible and badass if one were to see him.
After about ten minutes moving around trees and shrubbery, his attention was caught by his bottom left actuator which shrieked at him.
Jon stopped and closed his eyes.
He figured that he can see what the actuators see after a week ago while dozing off. It worked perfectly in case he becomes blind by something.
Through the blue and red haze of the actuator’s camera, he could see an red heat signature huddle up inside a crevice made of rocks and wood according to the sensors, and it was in a clearing about 100 meters away to his right.
He then noticed that there was another signature, but much larger.
A scenario popped into his head and his eyes shot open, his blue irises glowing with primal fury.
Luna and Celestia might not know it yet, but he sees them as his sisters, and he was the middle child if they were family. So he’s gonna do his damned best to protect them if either one of them were in danger.
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*Elsewhere*
Luna stared with fear as she was backed up against a large rock wall, facing a giant bear claw trying to get to her, but it was blocked by a crevice of rocks and wood that nature created to make a perfect shelter for someone like her got lost in the woods at night.
She was just coming into the clearing earlier that night to think about things, and possibly ask the night sky about why she was forgiven after what she did.
But the Moon-damned bear interrupted her melancholy and thoughts, and jumped her, breaking her ribs in the process.
So she immediately squeezed herself into the crevice to escape immediate death, coming to a close call when one of its ginormous claw swiped at her, but missed a scant few inches.
She pressed herself more against the rock wall as much as she can to keep distance from the bear’s claw, but she was as far back as she could go.
Just as when she thought she was dead, the claw suddenly yanked out of the hole of the shelter and was roaring at something.
Something roared back, but it was more of a metallic screech than anything else.
Suddenly there were loud thuds and something clanking around for awhile, then sound of metal against metal was sudden, but not more than the sound of a bone chilling crunch echoing throughout the clearing.
Luna tried to keep her blurry vision from going dark, and the only thing she saw was the sight of a metal claw with a red light reaching towards her, and a silhouette appearing at the entrance of the shelter…
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When she woke up, she was back in the tent, on the cot.
Luna was confused, Was that a nightmare? Or was it real? She thought as she got up into a sitting position, hissing slightly in pain and surprise.
She then looked down and her heart dropped, No it was not. She thought in slight dismay.
Luna stared at her bandage covered torso, wrapped around the lower ribs where the bear’s claw hit her.
Her thoughts stopped as she saw that she was partially naked, her black lace bra covering her and her usual pants were the only things giving her slight decency.
Who-who took off my shirt?! Luna thought, flustered and slightly angry at the boldness of someone taking off her clothes without permission.
But on the other hand, they wrapped her up and numbed the pain a little. So there’s a slight chance that whoever did this didn’t do anything undesirable to her while she was unconscious.
If they did, his or her future generation would be at risk, and she was VERY good with a knife.
Luna slipped a clean blue shirt on to cover her bandaged torso and put on some sandals, then she grabbed the edge of the cot and heaved herself to her feet, ignoring the pain on the way up.
As soon as she was confident enough to keep her balance and walk normally, she made her way out of the tent and into the sunshine.
She looked around the campsite that was filled with students mingling or working on making the dock, which once was considered rundown earlier, even better.
She kept looking through the area and a scene caught her eye; It was Jon playing with a bunch of younger students, including the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
He was laughing, his blue eyes shining with a gleefulness. A stark contrast to his usual look of a man who was on the verge of a full mental breakdown. To be frank it scares her and the rest of the faculty.
If kids can do this to a man that usually doesn’t have a heart on his sleeve, what has Mr. Whalen gone through to be like this? Luna thought, while she went to the lodge where the teachers were congregating for morning coffee…
She also needed to talk to her older sister about what happened last night...
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“ You were attacked by WHATNOW?!”
Luna covered her ears as Celestia voice echoed throughout the large clearing. She could accept that her sister was upset that she went off into the woods at night, alone.
Celestia is protective of her younger sister, ever since Luna got out of the mental hospital and out of rehab. She has taken precautions on stressful situations her sister can go through without physically attacking someone without even knowing what she was doing.
Ever since Mr. Whalen arrived at the school for the job, Luna has been more calm and less cold lately, so Celestia couldn’t blame her sister for wanting to make a new friend, even if said friend is an enigma.
I wonder what Mr. Whalen is hiding? The only way he shows true emotion is through me and Lulu. Yet he acts as if he has a positive and professional mask on to everyone else, or just doesn’t talk about his family life in general. What is that about? She thought.
“ We need to find out who saved me, Tia.” Luna said, putting her hands on the taller woman’s shoulders, staring into her magenta eyes, a look of pure determination swirling in her turquoise ones.
She was adamant on finding out what that metal snake thing was and finding out whoever was controlling it so she could thank them. Evidently they had saved her life.
Her answer wouldn’t come until the final day, when Gloriosa Daisy would use Gaia Everfree’s magic and trap them all in a wall of thorns…
I haven't even read any of this, but I still need to make this joke:
"Oh my god, it's Alfred Molina!"
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...I feel so old.
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We all do, my friend. We all do.
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I am so glad I'm not the only one who remembers this.
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...Whut The Hell?
Aw I don't want it to end.
I have to ask for clarification on why he feels that way, based on what I've read gratitude is what he'd feel at most for hiring someone with literally no proper training in education or did I miss something in previous chapters.
I don't think humans regeneration works that quick. Could probably have mentioned a slightly numbed pain from an ointment instead of having them "healed" a bit.
Is she considered violent in this world? Probably wouldn't risk her career like that when she could just know a good lawyer as she is in the education business.
Consider "which one could consider rundown" instead?
Consider breaking this up, "He was laughing, his blue eyes shining with a gleefulness. A stark contrast to his usual look of a man who was on the verge of a full mental breakdown. To be frank it scares her and the rest of the faculty." The way that it looks originally looks far to cluttered, like you were rushing to get the thought down before something could distract you.
If kids can do this to a man previously thought emotionless, what exactly has Mr. Whalen gone though to cause him to act this way towards his fellow staff. Luna thought on her way to meet with fellow teachers over morning coffee." I would like to use this as an example for how important consistency is. Here you are trying to draw a clear line in how he acts but where does he draw his line in emotional availability? You word it as an observed emotionless behavior but is it only toward the sisters or is it the school staff as a whole?
You don't need the second "Luna" here if it is only the two of them, use "she" instead. You can also get away with "her sister" instead of "Tia" due to what person the sentence is in.
A bit more insight on what Luna was suffering from and why might help your readers connect. Also could mention that her "disorder" is a widely know fact among the staff to prevent anyone from egging her on. The fact that she is able to limit her sisters interactions with others might be doing more harm then good, as in being treated like glass can sometimes make one feel alienated.
Thanks for clarifying where the line sets to a degree but how freely does he act around the two and when it comes to family does he deflect the questions by downplaying who he is as a person or is it straight up ignored?
She was Adamant on finding out what that metal snake thing was and finding out whoever was controlling it so she could thank them. Evidently they had saved her life.
I saw that you had commented that people were just saying "It's bad" with no really insight on what they didn't like. I took the liberty of posing some of the thoughts I had while reading this and giving suggestions based on what I know and have seen but take everything with a pinch of salt due to that fact I'm not an English Major. I do like how you are having your character interact with the world but your leaving us with what I can equate to pudding skin in how he affects the world he is in, if you know what that is. I hope this is what you're looking for and it doesn't discourage you in anyway. It takes no small amount of bravery to put yourself out there like this, even if it's only a piece. Be proud of that effort!
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he has been taken from his home by The Merchant, the two principals were the first people he met, and after no contact with his actual family, Jon decided to look at the two sisters as his siblings, because Luna reminds him of his little sister, ( did I mention that in the first chapter, I think I did), and Celestia is the big sister that he never had.
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basically the entire world except the sisters, since they seem to get through his shell of a man who has been taken from his family since they remind him of his loved ones. I put a bit of my personality into him, since I have been the observing type of guy if that makes sense?
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HAHA! did you forget that Nightmare Moon was Luna? in the Equestria Girls world, there were no Elements Of Harmony, so Celestia signed her up to the local mental institute, where she had to get through her nightmare moon phase, or whatever you wanna call it. as you can see, some traces from Nightmare still exist in Luna's psyche. Ooh, I just made that up on the spot, I could use that.
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I think he ignores the fact that he's in another world to a small degree, but he is always reminded that he doesn't belong there. It's more than enough to make anyone close themselves off to other people. Somehow Luna and Celestia give him a job for which is very grateful, and it turned into something that he wants to return, the gratitude of someone who wants to belong, and he sees them as his sisters because it reminds him of his old life, that's what attracted the idea of him being the middle sibling secretly, so he's protective of both sisters since he has the means and ways to do so. what is the one desire almost anyone wants in life? Love of a family, love of a sibling.