Memoirs of My War

by Antiquarian

The Mare Who Knows How to Get Things

Interview Excerpt: Foreign Secretary Rarity Belle, former Colonel, Equestrian Army

Have you ever heard the expression, “An army can’t fight on an empty stomach?” Well, it’s much more than empty stomachs that you have to worry about. Ammunition. Armor. Clothes. Fuel. Replacement parts for jeeps, trucks, tanks, SAW Harnesses, machineguns, artillery, and so on and so forth. You don’t really comprehend how much it costs to run a battalion until you have to provide for seventeen. When our M*A*S*H needed plasma for the unending wounded, or Applejack needed phosphorous shells for her tanks, or Rainbow Dash needed fresh spark plugs for her harness, I was the one to acquire them.

And not just the official requisitions, but the more… esoteric requests as well. When Twilight declared Pinkie Pie the 3^rd Army’s “Morale Officer,” who do you think created the paperwork necessary to make it official? Me.

How, you ask?

Well, darling, suffice it to say that garments aren’t the only thing I can fabricate.

I’m just thankful that mare never needed my help to acquire her party supplies. How she got them may keep me up at night, but I think I’d sleep even worse if I knew.

It takes a lot of pony charm to keep even a single battalion supplied. As Twilight worked her way up the chain of command, I found myself needing more and more of it. There were never enough bullets to go around, it seemed, and I often had to “scrounge,” as Applejack so coarsely put it, just to keep us in business. Sometimes that meant cutting deals with the other supply officers. Other times it meant manipulating requisition forms to our favor, or calling in markers with other battalions.

And, when none of those worked… let’s just say that I found other options.

But the supplies alone aren’t enough. There are other things that a unit needs to keep running. It needs cooperation from the higher-ups. It needs the support of other units. At times it needs, as distasteful as this is to admit, political and social capital, especially to handle things off the books.

What do I mean by that, you ask? Well, let me give you a purely hypothetical situation. Let’s say that there was a certain superior officer who didn’t like a certain young captain. Let’s call the captain “Twibright Sparkles,” and note that she bears absolutely no similarity to any real-world pony. Now let’s say that this superior office couldn’t command his way out of a sack, had casualty rates that even the Equalists might have been appalled by, and still somehow believed that the sun shined out of his—

Ahem.

Posterior.

Now, darling, if a pony like that were in command and consistently overrode a more competent officer, this Twibright Sparkles for instance, that would be dangerous to the war effort, would it not? It would be nothing less than one’s moral duty to see to it that he could no longer bring death upon our own ponies’ heads, I should think.

So, let us suppose that I might have, in this hypothetical situation, called in some favors, worked a few contacts, scratched a couple backs, and ensured that this officer was reassigned to a desk job counting latrine parts in Canterlot.

Purely hypothetically, of course.

Every pony had a part to play in that war. Twilight was the leader of our Great Crusade. Applejack, her strong right hoof. Rainbow Dash claimed the skies, Pinkie shook the ground, Fluttershy fought the Grim Reaper, and Spike, dear Spike, remained Twilight’s number one assistant. And me? Why, I’m the one who ensured that everypony could do their jobs. The armorer, in a sense. From couturier to armorer; a fitting evolution, wouldn’t you agree?

My role was never as flashy as the others. There’s no glory in being a logistician, after all. But to know that my friends, my soldiers were provided for was all the praise I ever needed.

Author's Note:

“Was she a good supply officer? Was she a good supply officer? Let me tell you something: we ran out of fuel for the SAWs in the middle of the Twin Pines Offensive. Rarity said that there wouldn’t be any through official channels for weeks, but promised to ‘scrounge some up.’ The next day, we have a full shipment of fuel… with Equalist markings on it! To this day she refuses to tell me how she managed it! I can’t stand it! She used magic! I just know she did! Nothing else makes sense!”

—Prime Minister Twilight Sparkle, former Field Marshall of Equestria

Comments

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

In todays US Army there are 7 people in support of every soldier in a combat arms field. In the USMC there are 5 in support.

http://www.answers.com/Q/How_many_military_personnel_does_it_take_to_support_one_combat_soldier
That's possibly because a lot of the USMC's support personnel are technically in the Navy

[FanOfMostEverything]

From a certain standpoint, Twilight isn't wrong. It's just not the kind of magic she has in mind.

[Antiquarian]

9291243
Logistics. It's a lot more complicated than most people think, and these numbers show why rather eloquently. Thank you.

[Yutah123]

9291170
Ah yes, the Battle of the Somme. Even I know what that is. Its reputation precedes it; appropriate, considering it was one of the bloodiest battles of the War.

You know, the 20th century wasn't a very pleasant time to live in: two World Wars are an unwanted experience, to say the least. While other times might have been less pleasant long-term, there's nothing like a global conflict to leave an indelible mark on our history in a relatively short amount of time.

It makes me wonder how it felt, surviving the First World War only to realize that you have to live through a Second. While I expect that would make quite a few people lose their faith in humanity – and it did, as a matter of fact – it also brought out the best in others. War is a complicated and nasty thing, but not everything that comes out of it is bad. At least, that's what I believe.

[Antiquarian]

9292528
The irony of the First World War is that it came in an era where people foolishly spoke of utopias - they thought that humanity's genius would wipe away all the world's ills, and that the new technology and industry and government would usher in a Golden Age. Then those same things were used to create a war of previously unknown horrors. The era that followed was one of disillusionment, nihilism, depression, and reactionary ideologies (like the Nazis and the Communists) which caused yet more suffering.

But there were some who resisted. Men like Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, who lived through the war and rejected both the utopian ideal and the nihilistic self-destruction as foolish. Life is full of both joy and suffering, and they understood that. They also understood that there was good in the world that was greater than the evil, and that it was worth preserving. We especially see the effect of the Somme in Tolkien's writing. After losing so many friends and seeing so much death, is it any wonder that Frodo asked, "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back?" And yet, the theme of Tolkien's work was always that there is good in the world and that it's worth fighting for. The scene in Two Towers (ironically not in the book) where Sam tells Frodo why they're fighting capture Tolkien's message perfectly: the darkest stories where it doesn't seem like there's any hope, but then, when all seems lost, the victory comes... those are the stories that mean something.

Tolkien experienced a phenomena known as "Post-Traumatic Growth." He channeled his trauma into creation and life-giving efforts (his family; his writing) and came out healthier for having endured such suffering. It's a hopeful message for us all, I think. Suffering needn't lead only to a bad end. The greatest things we accomplish come through trials.

[Venerable Ro]

9293337
Utopia? Hah! 'tis no such place.

[Yutah123]

or Rainbow Dash needed a fresh spark plugs for her harness, I was the one to acquire them.

There’s an “a” combined with a plural there (“plugs”, to be exact). Seems that it got under your radar.

[Antiquarian]

9295378
Thank you

[Darkstarling]

I mean, surely someone as smart as Twilight must realize that Rarity must have been in contact with the smugglers and various battlefield vultures on both sides. And if, through talking with Pinkie's friends among the prisoners, she learned which smugglers could approach a corrupt Equalist supply officer who didn't much care what happened to their gas after they fudged it out of their books...

So yes. Magic. Just not the horn kind.

[Darkstarling]

Rereading this again. It’s still wonderful.

Particularly striking, I read Rarity here and I immediately think of the picture of Susan Pevensie presented in Queen Susan in Tashbaan and that whole fanfic verse.

[Antiquarian]

10512954
Glad you think my writing holds up. Memoires remains one of my personal favorites among my works, and it's been of great help to me in honing my craft.

[Draco Dei]

No glory in logistics? Truly even in Equestria there is a lack of justice. Logistics is.what great generals think in terms of I do believe?
9293348
For anyone who doesn't get the joke: "Utopia" literally translates to "No Place".