My horses run wild over your mind.
The tiara upon Princess Cadence's head is heavier than it looks. Burdens and expectations rest inside each little gemstone, but she's carried them all her life with ease. Everypony agrees that she is the epitome of goodness: she's always helped those in need and never spoken ill of another pony. She's never even sworn.
So nopony would blame her for being a teensy bit naughty on her bachelorette party.
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Ho. Lee. Sheeeeee-it.
Ooh, that is just 👌. Grade A sauciness from Classy yoo no hoo Also
I am all here for Poly!Cadence.
I’ve been called a master of lewd but this is art! Not too explicit, not shallowly implicit. It feels very, very “plicit.”
Incredible. My heart felt like it was in my throat the entire time. The way you weave together the ambience and make the audience feel what Cadance is feeling is nothing short of incredible. Thank you for writing this; I really enjoyed reading it.
You had my attention at 'mojito'
This was very sweet!
And ooh, this was a pretty image I had not heard or thought of before!
One problem: you don't relish in something. To relish means to like. You don't like in things, you like things. You revel in things. Very common mistake.
9169244
Written as Cadence thinks. She relishes.
9169264
lol.
This is one of those stories where I wish there were more of it, but there isn't more to tell. That was some of the better drunk POV writing I've read, where it took awhile Cadance to be established as an unreliable narrator. I wouldn't call it subtle, but I'd call it effective, and well done. Cadance's emotions were so very out there, loud in a way that only a drunk person can be.
A good friend of mine passed this story along to me because of Cadance. I normally don't take solicited story reads, but hell the concept alone sounded great.
The way this was flawlessly woven into canon was quite remarkable. The characters were extremely believable and what caught me off guard was the knowledge of voice that was contained in the piece. Cadance is consistent. Not only with that of the show but through her thoughts, words, actions. Wholly consistent. You can feel not only the drunken-ness driving her desire but how she would only feel/do these things under her inebriation. Without it? She might be more... well. Herself is the wrong word.
A really, really remarkable piece. I hope to see more from you. Followed.
9169003 Fimfiction is a christian website?
This was fucking awesome! Caught me completely off guard, and I loved that. 10/10 would party with again.
9169264
She can relish all she wants, that's fine. Just so long as she doesn't try to relish in something, because that's not how English works.
9170216 If I want an editor, I will ask for one. Please consider that some of us write for fun, that this is a hobby, that this doesn’t have to be perfect because it’s fanfiction for My Little Pony. I’m not a professional writer and I don’t want to be.
I also didn’t ask for you to edit my work, and I’m sure you think you’re being helpful, which I thank you for, but I’d also thank you to consider that this is a PM conversation material and not for a comment section. It just feels like you’re trying to show off how much you know.
I appreciate how English works. I also wrote this as a first-person fic and focused on the cadence of Cadence’s voice, and I don’t like the way “revel in” sounds. Did you understand what I meant? Did the point get across? The wonderful thing about writing is that I, like many authors, can take creative liberties... and I think this is a pretty small one to take.
The most important question:
1) Pegasi Cadance
2) Unicorn Cadance
3) Alicorn Cadance
4) Earth Pony Cadance
Let's see what we get!
Aww, I was kind of hoping for 4.
So, so lewd. And that's fine. Good story.
9170322 Hmm... If I didn't have the stocking magic part, she could feasibly be any of the four. Hmmmm...
Bloody brilliant, always been a fan of Cadence/Chrysalis, even if it's dark. Oh, and I'll leave this here.
https://youtu.be/1pP5wRXkrgQ
9170564
Yeah, I went back and double checked and there was no mention of wings that I could find.
9169313 Thank you! I always struggle whenever I read a drunk narrator in fiction... it never feels like how I experience it. Maybe I experience drunkenness differently than "norm", I thought, but this made me feel a little better about it. Thanks.
Why do people waste time writing porn when they could be writing this?
This was gorgeous
Best explanation I've ever seen for how she was captured, though as the story itself notes, pony strippers have an inherrent absurdity that undercut the sensuality a little. But only a little.
All told, this was brilliant work, especially since it explains just about every hole in Chrysalis's intelligence (aside from the ones that were there to begin with.
) Thank you for it.
Daaaamn, this was seriously awesome. The execution is very smooth and the dramatic irony adds some great tension that juxtaposes really well with Cadance's thoughts and situation. And then it finishes off with a properly chilling reveal.
Excellent story!
I'm just imagining that years later, Cadance finally works up the nerve to broach the subject to Shining during their happy, perfect little marriage.
"Shiny...? Have you ever thought about, um, 'clothes play'?"
"I... Isn't that kind of, well, naughty?"
"That's the point."
"Um... Are you sure? We've never need-"
"Trust me."
...DANG.
You pulled this off really well, I could even picture it being canon.
Best explanation as to how the switch happened. And, I bet that Minuette, Lyra, and Twinkleshine are already in "Classy's" thrall. *shiver* The story works.
A real shame this is your only fic, as it's excellent. I reviewed it off-site long ago, but in short: great unreliable narration, and a wonderful new take on an old event. My only real complaint is that I saw the twist coming a long way out. This still gets a favourite, though.