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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like Fairy Tail, I am intrigued by this story, you have my attention now
Yep. is an interesting fic, hopefully you don't abandon it XD.
Careful Lex, you have the purple one's curiousity
Interesting. OP as all heck (always fun, if handled right), but at least they don't seem to have knowledge of a certain show.
At least that avoids the whole "ooo, can't mess up the timeline thing." (And why do such people always seem to think their mere presence won't do it, or that the similarly-OP enemies (or the ones from their own character's franchise!) that would not have been beaten without their help would not have changed it?) I mean, it's up to the author whether it's an AU or not, so why does the character need to have angst about it? :D
So, like I said, glad to see that avoided.
Though, I think there was one fiction where the residents found out that they WERE a TV show, and had amusing reactions (i.e. arguments about most popular princess, etc).
After reading that last bit...
Look out! The purple one's gaze has been attracted to you! :P
They have legs ending in hooves and arms ending hands with muzzles.
Hands with muzzles? That some nightmare inducing material right here.
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oh what was the name of the fic where they found out could you send me a link?
Ack, my ears bleed from the Mary Sue alarm.
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Isn't that almost displaced fictions in a nutshell?
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Depends on who you're being displaced as
9484540 Don't forget the author, as well.
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THANK YOU, it always ticks me off we a character doesn't take action or is super insistent that things have to be exactly like the show or it's their or some other new comer's fault that something went bad, I mean learn to distinguish a TV SHOW form an alternate universe and reality, especially since lives and many other factors are on the line and their throwing a tantrum about it not being like the show and if I somehow go to another world and meet someone like that, I'd tell that to his and/or her face
I'm curious about this character's personality, since she's being surprisingly calm about all this. Most I know would at least make an exclamation.
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An alarm perhaps, but not necessarily proof. We don't know the character's personality yet. Read on, you may be surprised. I hope I am, for one, after taking a few years to actually read this more.
This is a prime show of not pacing yourself. Throughout everything in this chapter before this paragraph, there is no mention of even NEEDING to get help.
All of this should have been expanded upon. First, if you really want her to be a calm and collected individual, then okay, that is your choice and not a bad one. But, I would recommend keeping in mind she is being hit with very big news and revelations about things that you should still show her going through. If I were you, I'd make a show of her going through several exercises one can use to calm down. Maybe one or two more, if not three. These particular descriptions can be brief, but I'd advise making them not TOO brief. Say, seven or eight words.
Second, descriptions descriptions descriptions. Describe her new surrounds. 'Nature' is far too bland and general of a description. You have a few options here. You can be brief, you can be in-depth, or you can be grandiose and subtle. Being in depth basically just means explaining things as much as you can. Being grandiose? Simple. Adding flair, like metaphors, similes, colorful word choices, the works. You can even just use one or two similes or metaphors or what have you to really paint the scene. All up to you, but try to steer away from losing your pacing.
This honestly is just a slight pet peeve of mine, as I never understood how a character could ever see their eye color change without either a mirror or someone else's perspective. But, to each their own.
However, the rapier? Different story entirely. Rapiers may be light among bladed weapons, but they are still heavy to the untrained. New body also means a lot of things to get used to, like, for instance, if you are shorter or taller, you might trip a lot as you get used to things. Or, if you're stronger or weaker, you might need to get used to the power or lack of it. Wings are another thing, and in this case, a big thing. There are EXTREMELY few things that should feel natural to a character, especially at the start like this. She would need training for this, unless of course the scroll gave her some unconscious knowledge on how to do it, but honestly? I'd say making it natural was a bad idea. People like to see these characters grow, and to me, I like to see my own characters grow. Pleasing others with that is just a bonus, in my book, but either way, it's not the best idea to gloss over that.
It should at least be explained in some capacity.
So far with this chapter, my hopes are dimming that this will be steering away from Mary Sue levels. The hopes ARE still there, but they are dimming.
Love the premise of this story, though its a hard to read with the numerous grammar mistakes and sentence structure needing some fixing.