The Setup

by BlueEricsson

A Bit One Sided

It was the worst kept secret in all of Equestria that Carmel Apple was a colt cuddler. I mean, I don’t have any problems with that, or anything, but it was just so damn obvious. He was always friendly with the mares, but never friendly friendly. He was always styling and touching his mane every five seconds. He also talked like something was up, but you didn’t hear that from me. The second worst kept secret in all of Equestria was that Carmel had the hots for his boss, Big Macintosh. Now, for the longest time I thought they were related. Turns out they only share the surname, Carmel being adopted by his aunt and all. He’s just a worker there. Well, you can bet I gave old Macky hell about it every chance I got. He’d never acknowledged poor Carmel, which I felt kinda bad about. I mean, they guy was head over hooves for him, might as well set him straight. Er, you know.

Whatever. Carmel was actually a nice enough guy, which is why I didn’t really mind bumping into him while I looked for Big Mac. He had this voice, though. Just kinda grated at you, y’know? He had an accent, all right, but a different kind than Applejack’s. I happened to meet him just after I left the market, actually. He was standing there, chatting it up with somepony behind a flower stand or something, when he saw me out of the corner of his eye. He turned and said, way too enthusiastically, “Oh, Parchment! It’s so fantastic to see you again!” He’s the kind of pony who’ll say that even if you just saw him yesterday. I figured maybe he’d help me find Big Mac. He’s always got an eye out for Big Mac. I trotted up next to him. Besides, the flower pony had turned and started talking to somepony else, so now I was stuck with him.

“Hey there, Carmel. How’s life on the farm?” I didn’t really care, but I needed an easy in. He’s like a mare, you know. Loves a lot of pointless small talk.

“Oh, it’s fine, thank you. A bit laborious, but all that bucking is really great for my flanks, wouldn’t you say?” The guy proceeds to turn around and give me a full frontal view of his behind. I guess it was to show me how toned they are, or whatever, but I didn’t appreciate it. And I mean they were right in my goddamn face, too. Well, I was pretty uncomfortable with that. Like I said, I don’t mind the gay thing, but boy was this guy obvious. Obvious and flamboyant.

“Ahah, yeah, they sure are um… toned?” I was struggling to form a coherent sentence. “Listen, you seen Big Mac around here? I need to find him real quick.”

He turned around and glared something fierce at me. Then he lowers his head and puts on his best ‘Joe Cool’ impression. You know, eyelids lowered, looking away, hoof rubbing his chest and all. He sort of leaned up on the flower stand and made off like he was real chill.

“Hmm… I might’ve. Why do you ask?” You could tell he was trying his hardest not to look too interested. See, I had heard ponies saying things, like that he was jealous of all the time me and Big Mac spent together or something. I didn’t want to believe them, because I really did like Carmel, but he’s just so obvious about it. He’s obvious about everything. You could read this guy like a book, believe me.

I let of an irritated sigh, which I admit was a pretty rude thing to do. He hadn’t done anything wrong, really. But I wanted to find Big Mac as fast as I could. After all, I’d need all the time I could to get the big guy ready. “Carmel, listen. I know this thing you got for Big Mac, but-“

“Thing? What thing? There is no thing between me and Macintosh; I don’t know why everypony keeps saying that!" His voice got high, higher than normal, and it was all shakey and laughy, as if he was telling a lie. He was. Did I mention he denied any and all romantic interest in Big Mac? For god’s sake, he bought the guy flowers on Valentine’s Day one year. That spells “Love Interest” to this guy, but hey.

“… but I need to find him right away. I’m trying to help him out with something.” I was pretty annoyed that he interrupted me, but I ignored it. Guy gets enough flak about being a closeted colt-cuddler; least I can do is be nice to him.

“Oh? Help him with what, pray tell?” He was always using little expressions like that. It sounded like he was trying his hardest not to yell again. I don’t know why he gets so emotional, honestly. He spent too much time with that one designer pony, if you ask me.

“I just…” I didn’t know what would happen if I told him about that party, if he’d just invite himself over or what. But I didn’t see any real reason to lie to him. “… A party, okay? There’s this party I got invited to, and I gotta tell Big Mac. He’s invited, too.”

He shut up for a little bit. “Oh. Oh I see. And the two of you stallions are going… together?” He looked up at me, all of a sudden he was acting real bashful. He’s real confusing, in the same way a lot of mares are.

I didn’t really get what he was implying at first. “Well, yeah. How else would…” Oh. Right. “Uh, no! No! It’s not like, we aren’t, he and I…” I sort of hated Carmel for even putting that image in my head. I’m awful at dealing with things like that. I thought I’d turn the awkward tables on him, let him know why I was really bringing Big Mac along. I was sure he’d find that information awfully interesting. “There’s this mare, gonna be at the party… Big Mac likes her. A lot. I’m gonna try and set them up together,see? As sort of a favor.”

He was quiet again, but a different kind of quiet this time. Like, the kind of quiet you can hear. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It was heavy, a real weighty type of silence. I couldn’t see his face, because he kept his head down and that damn stylish mane got in the way. “… Ah.” And that’s all he said about it. Boy, if I didn’t feel low just then. I guess it was the only way to get him to shut up and help, but it still felt kind of bad. The way he was acting, though, you’d think he never realized old Macky was straight. I don’t know, maybe he never did. I sort of pitied him just then, for getting his hopes all high.

So we both stood there a little while longer, not making eye contact. He sighed a few times before raising his head. “Come along, now. He took a short cut to Sweet Apple Acres. I’ll show you, if you’d like.” Something in his voice had changed.

“Thanks, Carmel. I’d appreciate it.” So he had gone back to the Acres, and there was a short cut after all! Who’d a thought? So Carmel leads me away from that stand and up to this big line of really tall bushes that snaked nearly all the way across town. At first I just thought it was nothing, but Carmel pulled away a few branches and wouldn’t you believe it if there wasn’t a little pathway running straight through the middle.

“With this, you can get straight to the Acres without having to hassle through the streets. He, his sister and I would play in these when we were younger.” He added with a bit of sadness. By now I was feeling horrible, but I all I did was nod at him, all quiet like. Did I really just break somepony’s heart? Maybe I was reading a little too deep, but still. Wasn’t a great feeling, let me tell you. He led me in and we got on our way.

We kept walking along through the bushes in complete silence. I could tell you that it was because we didn’t want to be caught, expose the shortcut and all, but that’d be a lie. In truth it was just awkward as all hell, because every now and then I’d hear a little sniffle or sigh from in front of me. I thought maybe I should apologies or something, but that might’ve just made it more awkward. I don’t know how, it just might’ve. It’s hard to explain. Lots of things are hard to explain around Carmel.

Soon enough Carmel stopped short. I knew that because my entire field of vision was composed of his tail and flank when I bumped into them head first. That guy was always shoving his flank in somepony’s face, intentional or not. “Hurry along. He should be working the fields now. He works so awfully hard... ” It really was a short cut. We’d made it there in around five minutes, much shorter than it would have taken otherwise. We also didn’t run the risk of seeing any of the mares. Carmel went and pushed forward through the bushes.

Boy, you’d have loved Sweet Apple Acres. It was huge, and beautiful, and there were apple trees everywhere. It seemed like the sun was shining every time you went there. They had this big old barn; I wish you could've seen it. It was old and red, and a little run down, but it had this weird charm about it. The whole farm had a charm about it. The fact that the mare of my dreams ran the place sure added to that. Another thing I loved about Sweet Apple Acres was Granny Smith. She was always just sitting in her creaky old rocking chair on the porch of the old house. I had been to the Acres more than a few times and only spoken to her a handful of those times. She was always offering really sage advice, you know, real simple but honest advice. It was because of her that I really fell in love with the place. It’s sort of hard to explain, though.

I remember this one time, a while back, I was having dinner there. Applejack wasn’t there, which was good because I'd be liable to go goo-goo eyes in front of Big Mac. But it was a fine time, and Granny baked one hell of an apple pie. She was out in her chair the whole meal, though. When I got up to leave, I sort of saw her out through the screen door, just sitting and rocking. The sun was going down so the light was just on her face and all. A little bit of a breeze came and blew through her mane. She was asleep. I saw just how old she really was. I mean, her face was cracked and wrinkly and splotchy all to hell. She wasn't very pretty. I started hoping Applejack would end up like that one day, you know. Applejack never wore any of that makeup city ponies wear. Her face was already worn and dirty from the farm life she lived. But I liked that about her. See, with somepony’s face, you can tell things. Like, where they been and what their life has been like. Makeup just covers all that up. I started hoping that, one day, Applejack’s face would be as splotchy and wrinkly and full of stuff as old Granny Smith’s. Ever since that day, the old farm had meant a whole lot more to me. I couldn’t really explain it any better than that. I’m awful at explaining these sorts of things.

I was sort of sad to see that Granny wasn’t out rocking in her chair that day, but we kept on walking. We had come out a little ways off of the main entrance,which was a really just a white picket gate, so we could see the side of the barn and the fields in back. The apple orchards were behind that, on the other side of the barn. I could see Big Mac pulling the plow from where I stood, but Carmel led on anyway. I was sort of dreading it, him talking to Big Mac. He was just like a mare, y’know? I could never tell what the hell was going on in his head. And that bugged the crap outta me.

A/N: This chapter may recieve some editing. I'm not to pleased with it, to be honest. Comment, please.

Comments

[rdaniel_76]

I feel bad for Caramel.

[BlueEricsson]

64435 Yeah, me too. I'll have to do something about that, won't I... ?

[thejayowl]

poor Caramel.

i can't WAIT for the next chapter!!

[Snapple Jack]

Aw Caramel It's getting pretty good bro keep it up

[Meta Knight]

delightful

[ThatCrazyPerson]

*sigh*. Another gay Caramel story? You gotta give the guy a break, ya know?
Anyway, love the story.

[Applelover34]

Wow this story is very nice I'm curled up on my sofa reading it and am having a blast Anyway love the idea your portraing the characters quite nicely keep up the good work