Sequel: Singular's Demise
In a dusty town within the desert plateau to the far south, a person sits, complaining about the changelings' fate. He mentions many things, and the barkeep is stuck listening until closing hour. While most things this traveler says sounds ridiculous, his words don't come off as drunken stupor and some things ring true in a very strange and distant way.
His attachments to the now-reformed changeling hive comes off as someone mourning a great loss, and he speak of his tales with that brood...while also inferring something more disturbing in the process.
Art is 'Night Mountain' by Novum1
Chapters (1)
Why not both?
Too messy.
8935236
Do explain so I may rework this.
8935239
Yes.
Thats not how ice layers.
"permafrost"
"dripping"
"I couldn't see"
"I saw them"
Arm mounted floodlight.
Uh huh.
Deux ex machina arm fails for deux ex machina reason.
I'm not even going to explain this.
Thats not how deserts work.
Thats not how sandstorms work.
He didn't pay for his drink.
No one at a bar would give a shit about a drunk guy running outside.
I knew I recognized the writing style of this one.
My advice is flesh this out more, the start was well done and the interaction with the reformed changelings was as well. However the lack of detail in the second half of the story made it feel incomplete to me. Maybe describe the interactions more, flesh out how this “person” came upon the information concerning more broods existing, and of course add more detail to the final part of the “person’s” story. I like the idea of “people” just disappearing into a changeling hive, since it mimics being pulled to the “other world” of fairies and fey beings in folklore.
Just flesh the idea out more, add more details and descriptions.
As for ice not acting like you described, well ice can freeze in many myriad formations. Since this is tundra ice we are talking about, it can end up looking somewhat as you described given the proper conditions. Also I took the ice being stacked like building blocks in that area as meaning to imply something was unusual about the area. Which if that was intended, is a very nice subtle hint.
Overall a solid concept.
I still owe you feedback for the other story.
Glen Gorewood
8935533
None of these are issues. Most of these are just you complaining because there's no realism applied. The only thing I'll explain is the arm.
I don't do realism. I do fantasy, fantastical, and sci-fi.
8935738
That should be easy enough.
8936172
If that's your answer: too messy.
8936187
Well, that's your opinion, guy. Thanks for reading this anyways.
8935738
Is this better? I added some interactions with the changelings, explained his arm, and added a few more basic interactions.
8936312
Those changes made the difference Psychopath. It’s much better now, both halves of the story feel complete and the added details work very well. Of course now I really want to see stories about the other broods of changelings. in the future if possible.
Glen Gorewood
8936510
Yay! Refined story.
8936519
Yay!
Also the writing style you chose for this one really works. If you ever make side stories about the other broods, I suggest using the same writing style that you used here.
Glen Gorewood
8936541
This is actually my current writing style. I just experimented there with the italics for the story telling.
8936543
Really? I need to catch up on the stories I missed over the last few months during my recovery now.
You’ve definitely found a style that works.
Glen Gorewood
8936549
Recovery? What happened?
8936562
Oh, I sort of almost died from a deterioration/malfunctioning body illness and returning epilepsy in February that are normally kept in check by an ongoing treatment that my old insurance refused to cover for some reason that failed completely last July or so. It started to get really bad back in October/November, and my health spiraled fast from there. It’s why my stories stopped updating or took far longer to update, my art thread is frozen, and the recovery (PT) is why I completely disappeared for three months starting in early February 2018 right after I got my treatment barely in time after getting new insurance. I’m better now, well recovering but not dying is better. The doctor says I’ll make a full recovery, with no permanent damage done to nerves, muscles, brain, or body. As long as I remain on the treatment I’m fine, kind of like as long as changelings get love they are fine.
Glen Gorewood
8936629
Oh yeah. I recall you mentioned something dire happened to you. Glad you're doing better.
8936649
Yeah, though it will take time to fully recover like the changelings in the story.
I’ll be sure to give feedback on the next story in this series.
Glen Gorewood