It was nice to see that the fight for Equestria wasn't completely one sided. If Dainn didn't have that armor, he likely would be ash by now. Keep it up.
Thank you for new chapter and I hope that in future you gonna write also about falling other princesses and mane six characters. Because on fimfiction we have some stories but really there are about 90% of them are not finished. So keep it up and hope to see new chapters and new stories about fall of questria
9299406 9299279 New chapters? Heck yeah. New stories? Ehh... one thing at a time. Once i'm done with this, i have my eyes set on Fall of Cadence, but aside from that, well, my mind is far too occupied with some things right now. But I also want to see the princesses as Red collars, or at least Celestia. I made an analysis with Schorl and Aristagtle, and we were sure to make the fall to last only a couple years at the most, due to... you know? Totalitarian regimes don't last long. A couple decades, at the most. So, as far as Cadence, Twilight and Celestia's breaking, it will be enough time. Luna? I don't know.
9299534 You do? Wow, that's certainly weird news to me, but welcomed nonetheless. Last I checked, plenty of people seemed to dislike the story, the universe it was set in, and even my writing style. Thanks for the uplifting comment.
9299678 I have to be honest with you I know some of people don't like Fall of Equestria stories, and I hope everybody on fimficion don't hate me for saying this, but to be honest I really do like them, especially the ones and other stories that have a bad end. Don't get me wrong, I like stories when they have a good ending as well. Love, adventure, romance, drama, comedy, all of that. I just wanted to let you know that. Sorry to bother you or it's just offend you in anyway, let me know if you want me to take this down if if you don't like this comment 😞 but I meant what I said, I really do love your story
9300163 On the contrary. It's inspiring and uplifting, and i really thank you not only for being honest, but for liking my story as well. Have a like, dude.👍
If you want, in case you didn't see it on the forum, kinda made an updated battle with more action and still balanced in a way that makes somewhat sense with what's established. All you have to do is fill in the connecting parts of the beginning and end and fill in the thoughts and vision of others, what they might see and think really in their own way.
I just really focused on the action and how to make it at least a spectacle that if an anime or rather a hentai studio made it, it would literally kill their ep budget for all action scenes in that one ep...I may accidentally finally found an answer for all the DBZ eps and why things last that much and the fights are so drawn out just now.
So yeah, action should make sense and fit in, Celestia loses and all that, and either I may have gone far enough with her Daybreaker form or not, I'm not sure. But she does have the mental power to recognize the fact she needed to kill the armor first before getting him. Yeah...that's what I went off of with thinking of the fight in my head when I came up with this.
If you also want, you can give to others and see what they think and all that, maybe fix some parts of the battle. And another piece of advice, join these groups as they are more active unlike the old one.
9303846 I see...and the updated fight I made? Did that help with the lackluster bit that almost everyone is talking about?
Also...kinda the reason why I detract from many of the canon stuff of the show and canon stuff of the plots like FoE, is so I can enjoy writing my own thing in my own way. Not having to follow very strict rules. You want an example, look to my debauchery story and how I introduce the caribou on chapter 30 (Chapter 30) and then posted the modified info for the story here (Info on Caribou). I don't know if others that really follow the guidelines or gives advice for how far you can deviate from them will like them or not, but it's my thing, my take on it. An unofficial way to write my story that I am making on my and towan's own terms. And also Krrst. He helped make most of the species listings and what they are in this futuristic world.
9303906 Actually, i had already read it before, and while i didn't add that many details, like you did, it did serve as inspiration for this version. To deepen the battle and also to make it, as one of my readers said, not so one sided, to let others see just how powerful Celestia is on this universe, at least before her dehorning.
9303942 Yay. Glad you like. Because if you do place it, it might quiet some of the complaints down from the audience that reads these for…plot wise and not the sexual things.
She fired another spell, and had the same effect, and then the next one and the next one. Twilight's fear grew as she realized her only talent, her one true summoning on life, was nothing against those brutes approaching her.
She'll get a new calling.
Meanwhile, Twilight grinned as he saw the caribou going down, until he fell safely on the fountain she had seen before. They were monsters, but they wouldn't make HER a monster. She used her wings, still clumsily, as she flew away from that place.
As fun seeing Twilight become an immortal foal factory, it would be interesting seeing her go full tyrant and create a reverse FoE setting.
It was nice to see that the fight for Equestria wasn't completely one sided. If Dainn didn't have that armor, he likely would be ash by now. Keep it up.
9298102
Thanks for the positive feedback. It was hard to describe the battle on a balanced perspective, but i'm glad how it turned out.
Thank you for new chapter and I hope that in future you gonna write also about falling other princesses and mane six characters. Because on fimfiction we have some stories but really there are about 90% of them are not finished. So keep it up and hope to see new chapters and new stories about fall of questria
I really wanted to read how Twilight and other princess and mane six become sluts and whores and become red collar mares.
9299406
9299279
New chapters? Heck yeah. New stories? Ehh... one thing at a time. Once i'm done with this, i have my eyes set on Fall of Cadence, but aside from that, well, my mind is far too occupied with some things right now.
But I also want to see the princesses as Red collars, or at least Celestia. I made an analysis with Schorl and Aristagtle, and we were sure to make the fall to last only a couple years at the most, due to... you know? Totalitarian regimes don't last long. A couple decades, at the most. So, as far as Cadence, Twilight and Celestia's breaking, it will be enough time. Luna? I don't know.
9299406
Me 2 Love the story by the way
9299534
You do? Wow, that's certainly weird news to me, but welcomed nonetheless. Last I checked, plenty of people seemed to dislike the story, the universe it was set in, and even my writing style. Thanks for the uplifting comment.
9299678
I have to be honest with you I know some of people don't like Fall of Equestria stories, and I hope everybody on fimficion don't hate me for saying this, but to be honest I really do like them, especially the ones and other stories that have a bad end. Don't get me wrong, I like stories when they have a good ending as well. Love, adventure, romance, drama, comedy, all of that. I just wanted to let you know that. Sorry to bother you or it's just offend you in anyway, let me know if you want me to take this down if if you don't like this comment 😞 but I meant what I said, I really do love your story
9300163
On the contrary. It's inspiring and uplifting, and i really thank you not only for being honest, but for liking my story as well.
Have a like, dude.👍
9300472
Thanks
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/201787/fall-of-equestria/thread/382478/need-feedback#comment/6668330
If you want, in case you didn't see it on the forum, kinda made an updated battle with more action and still balanced in a way that makes somewhat sense with what's established. All you have to do is fill in the connecting parts of the beginning and end and fill in the thoughts and vision of others, what they might see and think really in their own way.
I just really focused on the action and how to make it at least a spectacle that if an anime or rather a hentai studio made it, it would literally kill their ep budget for all action scenes in that one ep...I may accidentally finally found an answer for all the DBZ eps and why things last that much and the fights are so drawn out just now.
So yeah, action should make sense and fit in, Celestia loses and all that, and either I may have gone far enough with her Daybreaker form or not, I'm not sure. But she does have the mental power to recognize the fact she needed to kill the armor first before getting him. Yeah...that's what I went off of with thinking of the fight in my head when I came up with this.
If you also want, you can give to others and see what they think and all that, maybe fix some parts of the battle. And another piece of advice, join these groups as they are more active unlike the old one.
Fall of Equestria - Redux
The Real Fall of Equestria Fan Group
9303846
I see...and the updated fight I made? Did that help with the lackluster bit that almost everyone is talking about?
Also...kinda the reason why I detract from many of the canon stuff of the show and canon stuff of the plots like FoE, is so I can enjoy writing my own thing in my own way. Not having to follow very strict rules. You want an example, look to my debauchery story and how I introduce the caribou on chapter 30 (Chapter 30) and then posted the modified info for the story here (Info on Caribou). I don't know if others that really follow the guidelines or gives advice for how far you can deviate from them will like them or not, but it's my thing, my take on it. An unofficial way to write my story that I am making on my and towan's own terms. And also Krrst. He helped make most of the species listings and what they are in this futuristic world.
9303906
Actually, i had already read it before, and while i didn't add that many details, like you did, it did serve as inspiration for this version. To deepen the battle and also to make it, as one of my readers said, not so one sided, to let others see just how powerful Celestia is on this universe, at least before her dehorning.
9303942
Yay. Glad you like. Because if you do place it, it might quiet some of the complaints down from the audience that reads these for…plot wise and not the sexual things.
Woot this is good!
9322768
And i thank you for the positive feedback, pal. Have a like for you 👍
She'll get a new calling.
As fun seeing Twilight become an immortal foal factory, it would be interesting seeing her go full tyrant and create a reverse FoE setting.
10999084
Quoting King T'challa: "we don't do that here"
But hey, that's an idea, and maybe you can make it come alive