Displaced: Human In Equestria but the Human becomes Twilight Sparkle only more, also Pokemon are there

by SilverStarApple

1 - David Clarkson and the Story Titled Like a Steamed Hams But-Edit Video

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Tennessee, there was a loser.

A lone, lonely loser, whose contributions to the world could be counted on one hand. In fact, if you closed your fist and extended a finger for each good thing he did for the world before today, you'd have two fingers extended.

And yet, through some strange twist of fate, he had been graced with the luck to become a popular streamer on Twitch.

His name was David, his last name was not and is not important, and he was mediocre in almost every way. However, he liked to think of himself as “Average”. Memes about how he was totally “Cursed by being ok at everything and not amazing at just one thing” made him feel comfortable in his excessive mediocrity. It made him feel comfortable about how he never tried hard to master a skill or really make a name for himself, when he compared himself to people who were actually good at things. His only noteworthy trait was that the dark-haired dark-eyed light-skinned game-torrenter was kind of good at video games, and pretty good at terrible ones. Which was why, when he was streaming and the metaphorical cameras were rolling, he exclusively played games designed by people who were terrible at video games, for people who were terrible at video games.

Hearthstone, a pay-to-win luck-based card game for people those who found Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic The Gathering, or even the Pokemon trading card game too hard to figure out.

Fallout 4, which he'd phased out over the past few years after its Microtransactions Paid-Mod system disgusted even its most tasteless and spineless diehard fans. There was a reason why paid shills could only hype up Fallout 3 by lying about its flaws, and why they could only try and keep people hyped for Fallout 76 by insulting its fans for having expectations, standards, and limits.

Fortnite, everyone's favourite Youtube-approved PUBG knockoff.

Overwatch, a game where being terrible meant you picked a DPS champ or Doomfist and tried to get “Cool” kills, and all losses could be blamed on your team or whatever the sapient roulette wheels that killed and replaced the Devs two weeks before launch did to “balance” the game this week.

And, to the surprise of some, Brawl Minus! Of course, it simply wasn't possible to be bad at a Ch4os-tier meme-mod that made a bad game worse. Especially when any losses in official tournaments could be blamed on the subtle, yet simultaneously blatant and overwhelming superiority of the project manager's main, Olimar, and the mains of the project manager's friends. He liked feeling that like he could blame his mediocrity at games like this on the creators without anyone judging him. This guy was not a mockery of what the author might consider a typical brony, and if he was, he would also have a youtube channel in which he poorly sang or made excuses for bad episodes while he imagined his 60K subscribers watching, even though each video was only watched by around 400-4000 people. This loser wasn't a manifestation of a concept or a mockery of any particular nationality or ethnicity, this man was just a loser in his own right.

It was somewhat early in the morning, which meant he'd be “Fun”posting on 4chan, were this a normal day.

It was not.

Instead, the loser found himself at Comic-Con in San Diego, California. People were swarming the convention center in all kinds of outfits, great and terrible. A beautiful woman dressed as Wonder Woman here, an ugly woman dressed as Wonder Woman there, a handsome man dressed as Wonder Woman over there, excited kids running around with their more-excited parents, each family sticking to an obvious theme like “Bat Family” and “The Incredibles”, multiple Deadpools of assorted genders competing to be the most Deadpool-y, it was like two people who had never been to Comic-Con wrote a “Funny” comic about “The types” you “Always” see at Comic-Con, and some other third guy took that comic as gospel and hired crisis actors and dressed them up to fill these roles together in one highly conspicuous location.

Adding to the surreality... Was that a real word? Reality was a real word, Surreal was a real word... Surreality had to be a word, because if it wasn't, the only alternative was 'Surreal-ness', which just didn't feel cromulent enough to be a word. He didn't know of the word "Surrealism", after all.

Adding to the surreality was the fact that the miserable lonely loser known as David, out of a desire to impress friends he desperately wanted to make here, had chosen to dress up in a clashing mixture of multiple costumes and outfits, “Spiced up” with as many plastic props as possible. After all, he had money to throw around at costume designers and prop makers, and he could spend money others had given to him however it want, even if it meant spending over 800 dollars on one costume.

His head? Covered by a visorless “Halo helmet” (That's what it was to him, he knew nothing of Halo and had never played it), and under the helmet, he had an Adam West Batman Cowl, plus the neck segment of a Deadpool mask, a Persona 5 Joker Mask kept on his face with string, though painted one-way glass coated his Mask's eyes and made him appear to have Madara Uchiha's iconic set of Sharingan and Rinnegan. He also wore a jagged green Kishibe Rohan headband, plus a white wig that looked like the white hair of the protagonist of Asura's Wrath, a game he never played. Ash Ketchum's Gen-6 hat had been superglued to the top of his “Halo Helmet”, bonding the two for life. That Ash hat had Yukari Yakumo's hat sewn to the back of it, so it'd drape over the back of his helmet and look like he was wearing that on his head, too.

His torso was covered by Iron Man's iconic Endo-Sym armour, only with two missing pectoral plates that revealed: Golden cloth, with long sleeves and a gold-coloured cape, with a wide thin-lined black triangle drawn on the pectoral region. Between the base of his pecs, an S was made using the negative space between what was almost a Yin-Yang symbol, but the top and bottom dots were instead additional separate symbols from separate works of fiction mounted on slightly-raised plastic chunks glued into his outfit. Apart from the two symbols replacing the two dots of the Yin-Yang Symbol, it was a perfect replica of the chest of Superman Prime One Million. Not to be confused with Superman Prime, who was completely different. SPOM was basically Post-Crisis Superman but from the future, thousands of years into the future, after he left Earth and bathed in a Super-Sun for a long time and became golden and immortal and the strongest Superman ever besides the Plot-Bot thought armour android, which just looked like the regular Superman, to be honest, so nobody would be able to tell that's what he was dressed as. David was convinced SPOM also got extra powers from The Source Wall, since his powers supposedly “Came from the edge of time and space”, which was where the Source Wall was. That may or may not have actually been true, but he thought it was, so it was enough to earn a spot on his stupid outfit.

The symbol that replaced his Yin-Yang's upper coloured dot? Iron Man's Arc Reactor, made from a cut-off segment of a Pringles Can, which contained an activated white LED light attached to a small battery. The symbol for the White Lantern Corps had been drawn on this Pringles Can's plastic lid in greyish-white paint, and the lid had been glued down to the pringles can, which had been glued to his outfit's chest. The symbol that replaced his Yin-Yang Symbol's lower coloured dot? It was like the spiked Omnitrix Symbol Ben had in Ben 10: Ultimate Alien whenever he turned into an alien's Ultimate Form. You know, that green hourglass-like pair of triangles on a raised circular black/grey background, plus four metal spikes that emerged from the Omnitrix symbol to symbolise its new Ultimate-ness. However, instead of being Green, the hourglass-like "Universal Symbol of Peace" was a pale bone-white, because it was the symbol of his own original Omnitrix, the Infinitrix, something he dreamed up when he was young and never bothered to write about or draw. The Infinitrix was like the Omnitrix, only "Infinitely Better", and because he hadn't yet figured out what that meant, it meant his Omnitrix could do fusions, and Ultimate Evolutions, and Double-Ultimate Evolutions, and anything else he ever wanted from it, ever. It could even one-up anything anyone else's Omnitrix or Original Omnitrix-like device could ever do, even if he'd never said it canonically could before he needed it to.

One Punch Man's iconic cape was under his golden Superman Prime One Million cape.

Oh, and “That” Locket from Undertale was around his neck, along with a Leaf Village of Konoha forehead-protector. Around the back of his neck was a traditional headband with a purple horn and purple pony ears, because it didn't fit on his Halo helmet.

Back to the chest... Around that “Most important” symbol, the Superman-Iron Man-Infinitrix-White Lantern symbol, was a cluster of other, less-important symbols. Notable ones included: On his right pec, a black circle with a green circle, its top and bottom marked by two parallel lines, it was the emblem Kyle Rayner got on his chest when he was a Green Lantern. He'd added this because Kyle Rayner was just the best Lantern, he'd make a green Construct out of hardlight and willpower, design it to look like a magical girl, and stand around while he watched it kick your butt. Goku's Gi symbol was next to it, the one that was in the DBFZ fighting game, he forgot what it meant or represented. Small versions of the Spider-Man, regular Superman, Hal Jordan Green Lantern, Cyborg, Raven, Robin, Red X, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Taskmaster, Iron Man, Venom, Fantastic 4, Hawkeye, The Flash, Reverse Flash, Savitar, Green Arrow, Deadshot, Iron Spider(Spider-Man in a cool Iron Man suit), Punisher, and Firestorm logos were scattered around his chest, along with the Batman logo in a yellow circle, the black modern Batman logo on black, and the red Batman Beyond logo. Also, a crucifix, an infinity symbol, and a crucifix sticking out of an infinity symbol, plus the logo of each Lantern Core besides Green and Death, plus the symbol on Jotaro Kujo's hat and the symbol of every other Joestar, a buttload of the One Piece character symbols he'd copied from One Piece Pirate Warriors 3, including Luffy's and Law's, plus all the Cutie Marks of the Mane Six, and the Cutie Marks of Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and assorted other ponies he liked, including the marks of Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Time Turner, Milky Way, Lyra, Bon-Bon, Moondancer, the error mark given to Princess Erroria in fanart, and the marks of assorted no-name background ponies that caught his eye. And the Pip-buck Cutie Mark of Littlepip. And a white-rimmed black-filled circle split by a horizontal wave that turned the circle into a yin-yang with no white dots and two black sections. Over the line and inside that circle was an upwards-pointing broadsword, with a golden infinity symbol for a handguard. This was the Cutie Mark of the “Ponysona” he made using the Pony Creator one time, “As a joke”. Six years ago, he changed his profile picture to that pony on every site he used, and then proceeded to do nothing with that character for six whole years because he was a monumentally lazy loser.

On his left shoulder, he wore one of the big round yellow shoulder bits from Erza Scarlet's Giant Armour. On his right shoulder, a massive white and gold shoulderpad on a shoulderpad, plus a bright purple crystal, it could only be one shoulder from the Paladin plate shoulder armour piece known as the Pauldrons of Guiding Light.

On his left arm, he had a Battle City-era Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Disk with all five pieces of Exodia in his Monster Card Zones, an Infinity Gauntlet with all the Infinity Stones including the Soul Stone, plus a Triforce sticker on the glove's lower back, and just for fun, a green bicep armband like the one John Cena wore. Under that Infinity Gauntlet was a fist was coated by Gen-1 Ash Ketchum's left glove, plus the Green, Red, Orange, Phantom, and Blue Lantern Rings. The Duel Disk held his best deck, an Exodia deck with a large number of forged cards, and a larger number of completely made-up cards he'd designed himself - the game-accurate art commissioned from some DeviantArt artist - and then commissioned into genuine existence from some Etsy store that sold counterfiet Yu-Gi-Oh cards on the cheap. His real deck, a SPYRAL deck worth almost $400 he'd ripped off from some Yugioh site that kept track of who won what tournaments, with what decks, and when, was locked away in his backpack, in the first Yugioh Card Tin he'd ever bought.

On his right arm: the upper arm of an X-01 Power Armour arm from Fallout, painted with the yellow and blue Vault Boy paint-job, and the distinctive lower arm and hand of Iron Man's Bleeding Edge Armour. You know, the one that's red and yellow, but it has cool glowing-blue dots here and there within the cooler black lines, and it's made from mind-reading "Nanoparticle" stuff. It had extra repulsors around the knuckles, chest, back, and rear legs of the armour, and it could also use these repulsors as cameras, seeing through them and feeding that information to its user, giving him a three-sixty-degree Panoramic view around himself. Eat your heart out, Byakugan. Speaking of Nanoparticles, that weird metal-ish stuff resided in Tony Stark's very body when inactive, and could allow the user to create new weapons and shields on the fly, all made from that same infinitely-useful nanoparticle substance. The suit didn't even need dedicated motors or servos, it could just construct its own artificial musculature with extra rigid structures on top over Tony Stark's super-cool practically-transhuman body, which, around the time he made this invincible self-repairing armour, he'd also modified to have a super-intelligent brain enhanced further by energy taken from his upgraded high-yield Arc Reactor. If that reactor still functioned, the suit could repair itself to its maximum functionality in a few seconds, it didn't even matter if you had the suit destroyed by a stronger AU Starlet Witch, it would just repair itself and go back to being the best. According to Stark himself, it wasn't just an upgrade on Extremis, it was "What came after that". It could make big guns, it could stop howitzer shells, it could make a lightsaber able to harm anything, even one of The Worthy during that 2011 Fear Itself story, it was incredible. One time, when Tony Stark had to fight Magneto in this suit, he had the suit itself replace its own Iron+Platinum Alloy (Because a combination of Gold and Titanium was so 2004) with Carbon Nanotubes on the fly, making it immune to Magneto's magnet powers.

Anyway, back to Dave and his outfit, He wore a plus-size Pip-Boy on the bicep with a red part of the Ultimatrix (With Polymorphic Crystal) sticking out of the side, and some metal cord tied the handles of Captain America's shield to that arm, while he had the wiimote-like wrist strap of Thor's Hammer around his wrist, the plastic hammer itself dangling down. Under his arm's armour, he had the Blue, Black, Dark Purple, Light Purple, and White Lantern rings.

His belt? The yellow stuff on Batman's utility belt, complete with Batman buckle, but it was the Four Strength Four Stam Leather Belt from the classic dead World of Warcraft meme. It also had one shrunken Pokeball and eleven shrunken Master Balls, Link's Master Sword on his left hip, and Perfect Cell's tiny tail-thingy on the back. On his right hip, there was the holster and its weapon, a fake plastic gun he'd commissioned from some Etsy plastic-gun-maker, so it'd look like the heavily-customized .44 revolver from the modded Fallout 4 game he played and streamed quite often a few years ago. It wasn't a Nerf or Airsoft gun, it was pure plastic, which meant instead of seeing a lame nonlethal plastic or foam bullet, you had to imagine a real bullet, which was cooler. Of course, this fake gun didn't fire plain old imaginary bullets, he was too cool for something so commonly fired out of common things like finger guns. This fake gun, well... The .44 revolver as it appeared in-game had been modified by his character with a big and rectangular blackish-grey Bull Barrel, a cylindrical silencer sticking out of its end. It also had a cream-white plush comfort grip, and a “Fusion Reciever”(The bullet holes were filled with fake yellowish-orange batteries). A rectangular white-plastic Recon Scope with a clear plastic "Glass Scopre" dotted with a tiny green dot in the center topped this thing off. Along the blackish bull barrel, in golden letters, the weapon's name was written. “Dead Inside” was what he'd named this weapon, and he found that pretty impressive. After all, anything he shot with it would find itself dead, inside and out, the explosion burning your outsides while the radiation got your insides and his overwhelming might destroyed your soul.

This wasn't visibly apparent, or known by anyone other than himself, those who watched his streams, and whatever poor FBI agent was assigned to snoop on his worthless existence, but in the game, this modded gun also had an Ammo Override effect – It took Fusion Cores, just like a suit of Power Armour, because it was just that cool – and a Projectile Override effect. The PO effect meant, instead of firing regular old 44 bullets or lasers or whatever the thing would normally fire, it fired MIRVs. MIRVs were big cluster-bombs unique to the Fallout universe, cluster bombs that would split apart into six bombs in the air. That is, six low-yield nuclear bombs, each individually only slightly less powerful than a regular Mini-Nuke explosive. Also, thanks to some genius modding the “Two craftable legendary effects per weapon” mod to let him put ten weapon legendary effects on weapons, he had a “Two Shot X” effect that made his gun fire ten MIRV cluster-nukes at once, rather than the usual single MIRV Cluster, meaning ten MIRV Clusters fired in a single gun click would become sixty MIRV mini-nukes soon enough. The second legendary effect slot was filled with a Wounding X effect that would cause anyone hit by the Nukes or the explosion to take 250 points of damage over a few seconds, he'd never checked exactly how long the effect lasted, but it was enough to kill off anything in Fallout 4 that could somehow handle getting hit by a few nukes. Slot three was taken by a “Freezing” effect, meaning that each shot would do an additional 10 points of Cryo(Ice) damage, and freeze targets on critical hits, like the kind his Pip-Boy could guarantee. Slot four was taken by a Neverending effect, which would normally mean he'd never have to reload, and his gun would just teleport ammo out of his bag. And thanks to Fallout 4's sloppy, shoddy, amateur-hour Bugthesderp coding, this plus the Fusion Core meant the one fusion core his gun used as an ammo supply would never run out of energy, turning the Fusion Core from cool and impractical to very cool and even more practical. Slot five was taken by a Lucky Weapon X effect, which meant Critical hits would deal ten times the usual damage, and the critical meter would fill 150% faster. That is, if you assigned Ten as the arbitrary rating you rated the rate it would normally fill with, it would find itself raised to 150, rather than 25. Slot six was filled by a Relentless effect, which meant if any of his MIRV Cluster shots, the bombs they split apart into, or their explosions dealt a Critical Hit to a foe, or if he used VATS to activate a banked critical, he would immediately regain all of his Action Points upon scoring that critical hit. Normally, this meant you could activate VATS, shoot someone with a normal gun a few times, earn a critical shot and use it, and fully restore your AP so you could re-activate VATS as soon as you left it. With the power of Dead Inside, it was just overkill layered on top of overkill. Or it would be, if he wasn't so terrible at aiming and spotting enemies that he often had to rely on VATS to hit foes. Slots seven, eight, nine, and ten were filled by “Rapid X” effects, and this was from a mod he'd commissioned from the genius who made “Ten legendary effects per weapon” mod, just like Two Shot X and all the other X effects. Each instance of Rapid X resulted in a 50% faster reload and a fire rate increase of 125%. In the game, this meant his gun could fire faster than he could click, and he was honestly too scared to check what would happen if he turned his weapon into an Automatic by putting a Gamma Signal Repeater on the end of his gun instead of a Silencer, and then held his mouse button down. He was pretty sure that would make his PC explode and take his house with it. The thing already slowed to a crawl every time he fired one set of MIRVs off, and firing two or more of those at a time guaranteed a "Crash to desktop" when they hit something. He liked to tell himself this meant the weapon's power was destroying the universe, forcing him to reload it, Undertale-style.

His legs? The wide red pants with black-outlined yellow flames, the pants Erza Scarlet wore in that one outfit, the one that had bandages to cover her chest. On his legs, bigger versions of the Long Fall Boots, except the shoes were Sonic the Hedgehog's Soap Shoes, the ones from Sonic Adventure 2.

On his back, over a blue Sans The Skeleton jacket, a rounded backpack had been painted up to resemble Blue Beetle's scarab, but a circular section on the back had been painted to resemble the business end of the Jet Turbine that made up Metal Sonic's body. Oh, and it had a hollow plastic replica of the Buster Sword strapped to its back. That backpack was full of other assorted fictional weapons and other costume pieces, including but not limited to the Portal Gun, Kars's Stone Mask and the Super Red Stone of Aja, his Pokemon, Digimon, and Chaotic trading card decks, custom-ordered body pillows of assorted male and female fictional characters with high power levels, plus, in the case of female ones, high hotness levels, and he even had a custom-made The Cross Alpha Omega Infinity Time Key of Life Universe Creation Protection “The Armor” Control body pillow. He also had a bunch of Medaka Box body pillows, including Ajimu Najimi, the best girl. His backpack also contained his limited edition Legend of Zelda-themed Nintendo 3DS(Hacked with Freeshop, which meant he had over 500 games stored on his 3DS's colossal 512GB SD Card), its game slot taken up by a real Pokemon Ultra Sun cart with a hacked-to-perfection team of decidedly UNbalanced hacked Pokemon, a full deck of hand-made My Little Pony tarot cards he'd bought from Etsy, Kirito's Elucidator and second sword, whatever that was called, a plush doll of that little green slime parasite thing from the Ben 10 sequel that let him access the powers and body parts of other aliens in different forms, that tiny skull thing from some anime called Bleach, Zoro's headband wrapped around his three best katanas, and so much more. Oh, and it had food and bottled water, all seven Chaos Emeralds, the 8th Chaos Emerald from Sonic the Fighters, those rectangular-ish versions of the Chaos Emerald, some weapons from the Ratchet and Clank series, including the Omniwrench, a blue-lined A4 Notebook containing the names of over 50,000 fictional weapons, armour pieces, book characters, anime characters, manga characters, a few SCPs, his terrible OCs for assorted video games, cartoons, animes, books, and more. His half-everything ever "Orochimaru's Backup Plan" OC was there, too, and that thing was absurdly strong. His Marvel OC, who wore a thick metal bikini over her thin-metal-coated body that had everything from the neck down coated in metal, leaving her beautiful face and long rainbow hair uncovered, was also there in his pages, and you would not believe how strong this character was. Her metal clothes were made of an Uru Metal-Endo-Sym-Amazo-metalflesh-Galvanic-Mechamorph Combo. This OC, right here, was the granddaughter of a highly detailed family tree that included Doctor Strange, She-Hulk, Carol Danvers, Apocalypse, Scarlet Witch, Franklin Richards, Hope Summers, Legion, his own OC Daughter of Jean Grey and Wolverine, Emma Frost, Loki, his own OC daughter of Gohan and Supergirl, and an unoriginal OC David made as a child to be the cool edgy 'Embodiment of his inner darkness', who had infinite power and showed up in the Marvel universe and other Universes to smack the heroes and villains around out of boredom now and then, and Thor. This god-tier beyond-omega-level OC of his was made even stronger by having an Arc Reactor enhanced by the trapped bodies of two hundred Beyonders implanted in her chest, harsh training from all the greatest warriors in all of existence, including those born in the past and future and alternate timelines, she even had over 96,000,000,000,000,000,000 Better Knockoff Versions of powers she could copy from people just by being around them. His book also contained art of Stormbringer, The Sword of Elric of Melnibone, Ea from Type-Moon, Ebonbane from some DND book, The Subtle Knife, Death's Sword from Discworld, Callandor, Oblivious, The Shining Trapezohedron, All Black, Shieldbreaker, The Universal Undo Button from Marvel, Coinspinner, Nightblood, The Luck Dragon, many more real and fictional weapons, tanks, planes, boats, vehicles, and more, miniaturized versions of the Super Chaos Emeralds and the Master Emerald, the Dragon Balls, miniaturized versions of the Namekian Dragon Balls, and miniaturized versions of the Super Dragon Balls. The center of his book contained many blank pages, and the back of his book contained many spectacularly inappropriate drawings and sketches of his OCs, especially his MLP one, but he didn't think they were good enough for the internet to see. His backpack also had alicorn princess Twilight Sparkle's purple wings printed onto plastic and sewn onto the sides, because why not.

Finally, someone took an action, which meant this story's tone could get more interesting. It was David, who shifted his weight to his right leg as he silently let out a slight release of foul air from his rear, many years of practice aiding him in stealthily completing this ordeal.

Truly, a riveting life this man lived. This was such an interesting character, and he certainly made those many paragraphs of text it took to describe who he was and what he wore and what was in his backpack worth it. When he grew tired of awkwardly standing around, he chose to awkwardly shuffle around the area, hoping something interesting would just happen to him, out of the blue. That's how many people lived their lives, and it supposedly worked for them. If it didn't work, so many people wouldn't be doing it right now, right?

His life started to get more interesting when David noticed a family of four starting to stare at some guy dressed like Twilight Sparkle, as she appeared in Equestria Girls 1. Yes, a grown brown-haired bearded middle-aged man with the starred skirt, and boots, and purple yoga pants and long-armed gloves to simulate purple skin, and everything.

“Hey, look!” The family's little girl, who was dressed like Robin (Because dressing like Batgirl was too mainstream, I suppose. Then again, hadn't Batgirl officially been Oracle for longer than she'd been Batgirl or something? Would kids these days even know who Batgirl is? He had no idea) yelled, pointing right at the guy. “That man's dressed like Twilight!”

The guy dressed like Twilight rapidly walked away in shame, and David chuckled, the sound echoed by his stuffy helmet.

It would have been really funny if someone mentioned Twilight, the crappy vampire books, David thought to himself, but the cultural impact that godawful “Trilogy” had left upon modern society was rapidly forgotten once awkwaredly yelling "Haha am dese vampires sparkle?” and “Our vampires cool they not sparkle” got old and Fifty Shades reminded people why letting women write is always a mistake. That's the lesson he chose to take from that abomination, anyway. Thinking that socially-unacceptable thought made him feel really cool.

And then, the family turned to look at him, and he froze.

He couldn't feel cool now, not like this, not with what just happened in that very moment. His mind associated being looked at by this family with shame, and now, they were looking at him.

“Hey, look!” The family's little girl yelled, pointing at him. “That man's dressed like EVERYTHING!”

Metaphorical spaghetti erupting from his pockets in violent geysers – Gotta get that cross-site appeal by mentioning a dead board's semi-dead memes somehow, I suppose – He chose to resolve what he saw as a highly awkward social situation by turning around and legging it like he'd been caught trying to steal something. Yes, such an action could only make this situation LESS awkward.

But the incredible oddity of a man actually moving quickly at Comic-Con - (shots fired) - only made him more noticeable.

Panicking, he continued to run, epic chase music playing in his head-

“Over here, Stranger,” A familiar voice called out to him.

The music stopped, and so did he. He turned to look at a guy standing at a table full of props on sale, a guy dressed just like that Merchant from Resident Evil 4. “Got something that might interest ye!” He said, chuckling ominously as he pulled open part of his cloak.

“Dude, that impression is perfect,” David said, looking over what the guy's table sold, along with what the cloak had on offer. On the table, Link's Master Sword and Fierce Diety Sword, the Omnitrix from the original Ben Ten, Generator Rex's goggles, Kirito's black “Elucidator” sword, the generic Keyblade, some keychains for that Keyblade, the headphones the guy from Persona 3 wore, and an Ultramarine Chainsword and Bolter straight out of Warhammer 40K. Masks of the Mane Six were also there. On his cloak, a bunch of smaller weapons, like knives, batarangs from different Batman eras, and boomerangs, plus a bunch of accessories. Including the skull thingy from Bleach.

David picked up the chainsword and bolter, and checked them over.

“Stranger, stranger, now that's a weapon!” The Merchant enthused enthusiastically, gently taking them from his hands. “The Chainsword's plastic and foam, blunt and safe for kids, but it vibrates and the teeth still move.” He said, pressing a button on the handle and demonstrating for him. The thing buzzed and shook like a PS4 controller, and the chainsword's teeth turned surprisingly slowly, moving about as quickly as a supermarket's conveyor belt.

The Merchant pointed the bolter at David and fired, launching a jet-black 50-caliber foam NERF bullet at his chest with a low amount of force. Picking the bullet back up, he demonstrated how to stuff the projectile back into the gun, the trapped air pushing the pressed trigger back out. “Powered by air.”

“Awesome, how much?” David asked, getting his wallet out.

“One hundred dollars,” The Merchant declared.

“Deal!” He said, counting his tenners and excitedly slapping a fist full of them onto his table. It wasn't like he had anything better to spend his money on. And he was a streamer, so he could just get more if he spent a streaming session getting highly paid to play some "Viewer-Requested" meme game.

“Is that all, stranger?” The Merchant asked.

“Well...” David trailed off, and grew quiet as he leaned in. ”How much for the Twilight mask?”

“I'll throw it in for free.” The Merchant decided.

“Thanks!” David said, taking off his backpack, putting the weapons and his wallet in, then putting it back on. Then, he grabbed the mask, and walked away.

“Come back anytime!” The merchant called, and David held the mask over his helmet-covered head as he suddenly broke out into a run, dashing away from the awkward situation he'd left behind moments ago, even though the family in question had long since forgotten about him. He apparently didn't realize that disguises were worthless if the people you wanted to hide from saw you put them on. Or that they were even more worthless if the disguise was just a mask on your face, while the outfit you were wearing could make you stick out no matter where you were on the planet.

Maybe if everyone thought he was an obnoxious clown desperately looking for attention, people would stop giving it to him.

David continued to run away from the confused stares of onlookers and the terrifying thought that his crushing sense of awkwardness, fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, and fear of never being able to exist normally in human society would follow him wherever he went, not because he was “just the awkward type”, but because he was too egotistical to accept that he'd sometimes look bad and he had to take responsibility for how he chose to present himself, and that awkward things sometimes just happened on the wild ride people called life, and he quickly chose the men's bathrooms as his destination. Once in there, he was quite certain he would feel bad about who he was for a person for a bit, and then come out when he felt better and was quite certain everyone had forgotten who he was. And maybe, since his head was covered, nobody would know it was him, David. Yes, he'd just go into that toilet for a while, and everything would be fine.

He did not. Instead, once he'd locked himself in the only vacant stall, the world went dark and he felt his head hit the toilet seat before passing out and vanishing in a flash of blinding white light.

Comments

[metroid_freak]

Just...wow.

I'm hoping this was written ironically.

[DisplacedWriter]

This chapter gave me plenty of laughs plus I love the jab you made at some of the Displaced who buy alot of stuff just to become overpowered.

[Everglue Horace]

I laughed, it's so nonsensical it borders on the insane. The main character isn't nearly as delusional as the author ironically appears to be; I looked up the things and franchises 'the bawdlerized chunibuyo guy I never heard of, but who is totally a Greg the Bunny Dilbert' has pieced together and my imagination just sort of shut down before I could add it all up.

Sadly, despite the rather detailed description my mind just settled on imagining Duke Nukem in a crinoline dressed like the angelic Lord Canti from FLCL held together with duct tape and rolls of stickers for manacles with a fluttershy backpack/knapsack or similar. . . Shamefully, for some unfathomable reason, in my imagination he's also wearing a furry stole or boa and only __thinks__ he has all the gear he's reportedly decked out in because the rule of adaptation further applied will lead to Zootopia the anime directed by Bendzz.

[ferret]

Did you really have to list every single sticker?

[SilverStarApple]

8971459
Yes.

[ksuiata]

I can't even imagine it you fried my brain

[Wagooigi]

Ok that comment about women writing being a mistake is rude as Harry Potter is written by a woman.