Everyone emmediately knew they were in trouble when they reached the other side of the rift. Once everyone was through it closed, trapping them in Equestria. Once that was done they found themselves surrounded on all sides by Sombra’s demons. Sombra himself stood with his own unit of ponies he had recruited to his cause, among them was prince Blueblood.
“Lay down your weapons.” Blooblood called to them.
Leonidas replied, only not before sending a nonverbal message. He threw his spear, his aim was true, his spear embedded itself in Bluebloods chest, and he fell to the ground lifeless.
The Spartans then entered the phalanx formation in a perfect circle while facing all directions to compensate for the number of enemies and where they were.
Then he called out, “Come and get them!”
Sombra ordered his army to close in, then took half of his troops with him when he left. Spike dropped the ponies he was carrying earlier off in the center of the Spartan formation then took off to fight the demons himself. The mares were not idle however, Twilight and Rarity both used their magic to strike at demons from afar while Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow brought Spartans who were injured too much to fight back so that Fluttershy could treat them. Spike was a terror to behold as he flew down on the enemy scorching them with his fire and tearing through them with his claws.
The fight was a stalemate for some time, the scales slowly began tipping in the Spartans favor, too slowly. Spartans were dying left and right and for every demon slain two more took its place. Despite the predicament, the Spartans seemed to be enjoying themselves. They laughed often as though this was no more than a game.
Numbers dwindled on both sides, each one getting closer to annihilation. But in the end the Spartans came through, at a price. They had lost almost half their number and most of the others were injured, Leonidas was one of them. He had been injured in several places and his armor was useless now, the only armor he could still use was his helm, he had a slight limp as he walked and his left eye had been cut deep.
Luna came to his side as soon as she found him and brought him to Fluttershy to be treated. All Spartans were trained to treat wounds and the best they had came to treat their leader. Luna slept alone that night, it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just a little strange to be in a bed without the comfort of her lover next to her.
The next morning Leonidas was up and about, he was bandaged and he had a cloth tied around his head to keep his dead eye from bleeding out. Luna had been relieved to see him in such a good state, he healed quickly. However he wouldn’t need to because that night, he and Luna had a visitor.
Leonidas sensed rather than saw the pony behind him when he came into his and Luna’s tent. Reacting quickly he spun holding his sword in hoof and held the blade against the intruders throat. He was about to thrust when Luna stopped him.
Leonidas looked at the intruder and surprise entered his mind. It was an alicorn, a black alicorn with a galaxy on its flank, its wings were like that of a bat with the look of the night sky in the membrane. It’s eyes were dark blue like Luna’s coat, and its mane was like that of a black darker than any he had seen before.
“Hello father.” Luna said to the alicorn.
The alicorn replied with, “hello Luna, its good to see you’re safe.”
Leonidas sheathed his sword hurriedly and stepped back. He saw Luna embrace the alicorn she had called father. If he was her father, than Leonidas would have to speak with him.
“And this is Leonidas if I am not mistaking.” The alicorn said. “I am Galactus, pleased to meet you.”
“Likewise.” Leonidas said.
“I am sorry but I dont have the time to get tied up in formalities. We have watched you Leonidas, ever since you... purchased our daughter.”
“Father, don’t...”
“I am not accusing him of anything. If anything I am quite pleased with his actions, and his actions yet to come.” Galactus told Luna. “I must ask you both to come with me.”
With that a rift opened into what appeared to be a world of the night sky and nothing else. They both followed Luna’s father into the rift and it closed behind them. Leonidas Looked around to see stars, nothing but stars, then his gaze landed on Luna, leaving him breathless.
Luna had seemed to grow in grace and beauty. Her mane no longer like that of a cloudless night but like that of a nebula full of stars. Her poise had somehow gotten more imposing and graceful than when she was on their world. Leonidas struggled to tear his gaze away before either of them could notice him staring. Luna managed to hide a giggle while Galactus grinned knowingly.
“You have come a long way Leonidas. Me and my wife Solara agree that you should be rewarded, and granted a boon to help you in your quest to liberate Greece and Equestria.”
Leonidas replied with, “You honor me sir. Though I must know, what have I done to deserve such kindness?”
Galactus looked at Luna and gestured for her to leave. Luna nodded and disappeared. “You have pulled our daughter out of a deep sorrow that she has carried for millennia. She was lonely Leonidas, lonelier than any has been before and for longer than any other than us immortals have been alive. She loves you Leonidas, and I know that you love her. She’s happy now Leonidas, no one has managed to make her so, not even us. This is our way of thanking you.”
“Sir...”
“I know what you intend to speak with me about, but it is not necessary. You two will be in union with each other, this I promise you.”
There was a sudden weight on Leonidas, it felt familiar. He looked down to see himself armored in a silver breastplate, silver helm, silver greaves and bracers, a silver shield by his side, a silver sword at his hip, and in his right hoof was a silver shafted and silver tipped spear. He heard a faint hum coming from each of the weapons. On his shoulders was a cape of blue feathers, he had a feeling they belonged to Luna.
“This is our gift to you Leonidas. These will not break, they will not fail. Each piece was forged in the heart of a dying star, and tempered in the heat therin. The cape is made from the feathers shed by the mare you have welcomed into your bed, these feathers are enchanted to give you great speed and strength, they wont break and they will not allow your back to be pierced. Now, I would appreciate if you waited for a few minutes.”
Hi Sawtoothetherium. An entertaining read, thank you for this.
You asked for feedback, so here I am. There are a few typos - PM me if you want a proofreader - I never point them out in public as I think that's tacky. Everyone has them and they should be discussed/taken care of in private. I will say here, however, that it doesn't cost much to buy the story image from iStock and it looks better and more professional if you do. Nice find, btw.
Your tenses tend to bounce back and forth, even in the same paragraph, which can be confusing to readers. This is something else a proofer can clean up and should be done at some point. It's pretty apparent your strengths lie in the descriptions of the battle armor, war and tactics. I have a new found appreciation for those subjects as I am gearing up to craft some war scenes for one of my ongoing stories. I caught the movie Troy (with Brad Pitt) on t.v. months ago and was very intrigued as I read the Iliad and Odyssey as a teenager and were fascinated by them. I've grown love all aspects of the movie, though am of an age that violence tends to bother me more than it used to, but I've seen it quite a few times as I think David Benioff did an AMAZING job on the script. His dialogue is exactly how I imagine King Sombra spoke during his reign, as well as all his soldiers. I am a huge soundtrack whore as well and the end song constantly inspires me to write of King Sombra's own tragic tales of love and loss thereof as I imagine they might have happened - if they ever did happen.
You write well, but as I first read the story, I thought there was something missing. It took me a bit to figure out what as I didn't sit down and read the entire story in one sitting, nor did I have time to really ruminate on it, but now I know what it is. There is a bit of lack of detail - just enough missing that some scenes are powered through too fast and characters not gone into enough depth to really capture a reader's attention. This is something that comes with time and practice, but you definitely have the potential to achieve that gift as long as you are open to acting on the advice you are asking for - and you do seem to be - good for you!
If you are open to it, I would like to ask your advice on whatever I get stuck on in my battle scenes, if that's okay. Let me know and let me know if you would like a proofreader - I would be happy to lend my services. Oh and have a thumbs up - you certainly deserve it.
Take care and remember to always
Hail King Sombra!
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I would love to help you with your battle scenes. I have some trouble with detail on them but if you ever get stuck do not hesitate to ask me for assistance. I am always happy to help and I would love to receive the help you offer. Thank you immensely for the advice you have given me so graciously and I will certainly take what you have said to heart and do what I can to improve with these kind and helpful words. I would most certainly be delighted to have you proofread my stories in the future and I would be happy to offer the same assistance.
Godspeed and a long life to you.