Remedy was the first to rise of the pair that evening. She didn't wake her companion right away, and instead enjoyed the feel of Rosetta nestled up close to her as she looked at the sky as it gave off a brilliant orange shade as the sun was setting. It was a beautiful and peaceful few minutes.
Unfortunately, she remembered that she had plans to go try visiting her father tonight and that soured the mood for her. It wasn't that she didn't want to try to make peace with her father; it was the dread that she wouldn't be able to.
"Rosetta, Haley, Cuddle Wings, it's time to get up," she said as she nuzzled her marefriend to wake up.
Rosetta half opened one eye and gave a smirk.
"Cuddle Wings? That's going to be your pet name for me?" Rosetta giggled.
"If it gets a smile out of you then I guess so, Cuddle Wings," Remedy said with her own smirk.
"As long as you keep it for when we're in private, Sweet Flanks," Rosetta said, still smirking.
"Got it, pet names for private time," Remedy replied. She then let out a sigh and looked in the direction of her house. "I decided to go see him by myself. If he gets nasty I don't want him getting nasty at you."
"However you want to deal with it. Do you want to meet me back at the church when you are done?" Rosetta asked. "I can go and see how your mother and Tonya got along with setting up their food drive while you are dealing with that. I won't even tell them what you're up to,"
"That works. I don't know how long I'll be though," Remedy said as she nuzzled her companion.
"If you take a long while I'll just go to the AV room and hop on the internet. I'll leave my family a few messages, do some more research, maybe find a funny video or two to watch. If it takes too long I'm going to come check on you though," Rosetta said.
"That reminds me, Luna visited my dream last night," Remedy said as she stood up and turned to face Rosetta.
"Really? Well, special you get all the important humans and ponies to take notice of you. Though you're pretty special. What did her royal highness want?" Rosetta said smirk returning.
"We talked a little longer this time around. She was just getting to know about me, trying to get a feel for how and how much I think. Apparently the Equestrians are half wondering too if we're all brainwashed, and trying to verify that we can think for ourselves," Remedy explained.
"So, did you convince her you aren't a mind controlled zomb-pony," Rosetta giggled.
"I'm pretty sure. I told her a little about you too, and she said she knows another pony that has an interest in history. She said she would pass your name along to them and they might see if there is anything they can do to help you out with the whole university thing," Remedy said with a smile.
Rosetta's eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open. She then got a big ecstatic grin on her face and grabbed Remedy up in a tight hug and planted several kisses on her.
"Thank you, thank you! You've no idea how much this means to me," Rosetta said as she squeezed harder.
"They only said they'd try to help you, don't get your hopes too high yet," Remedy cautioned.
"Even in the worst case scenario I could have a princess on my list of recommendation letters. Do you have any idea how big it is to have that kind of endorsement? A lot of these places it can be more important who has a good word about you than anything else when trying to get in. You have no idea how much this helps," Rosetta squealed and started hoping on her hind legs while still hugging Remedy tightly.
"I'll take your word for it. If you think your chances just increased dramatically then I'm really happy for you," Remedy said as her marefriend continued bear-hugging her.
"I do think it will. Thank you for putting a good word in for me," Rosetta said happily. Her eyes then widened and she released her hug and took a few steps back. "Um, sorry for getting so happy and excited when you're about to go do something that's going to be extremely difficult for you. I'm very happy, but now might not be the best time for showing that."
Remedy came over and kissed her marefriend long and hard on the lips, causing Rosetta to hum with pleasure. She broke the kiss and stepped back leaving Rosetta giving a brief pout that it had ended sooner than she wanted.
"You go off and do your research and let yourself be giddy about it. Don't worry about what's going to go on with my dad and me. You always say you don't want to worry about things you have no control over and are going to happen no matter what. Don't stress over me, go and enjoy yourself for now and I'll be with you again later," Remedy said with a soft smile.
"It isn't the same if I know you're not going to be happy at the same time. You matter a lot to me. You came and comforted me when I was at my lowest point, you stood by me when I told John I didn't want him in my life anymore, came with me when I had to face my parents as a pony for the first time, you're always honest with me and supportive of me, now you do this for me, and you never ask any favor or anything else from me. Your happiness matters to me," Rosetta said voice filling with emotion.
"And your happiness matters to me too, which is why I don't want you worrying about me when you should be celebrating the good things that are going on with you," Remedy said as she passed a wing over to touch the side of Rosetta's face.
"You don't understand. Your happiness matters to me more than John's happiness ever did. I wanted John's happiness for my sake so he wouldn't abandon me. It feels selfish saying that, but it's true. I want you to be happy purely because I want you happy. I think.." Rosetta caught herself from saying whatever she was about to say.
"Is it really important to you that you be close to me while I do this?" Remedy asked.
"If you'll let me be there," Rosetta said in a hopeful tone.
"My dad might say some terrible things about me, and possibly about our relationship. I'm not going to get in a fight with him if he does. I'm trying to make some peace between us, not widen the divide. Can I count on you to not escalate tensions further?" Remedy looked Rosetta in the eyes as she asked.
"I won't escalate anything, but I won't promise to zip my muzzle if it becomes clear he is refusing to listen to you and is treating you cruely. I'll do my best not to interfere no matter how much I want to until I'm sure that point is reached though," Rosetta said firmly, meeting Remedy's gaze.
"That's fair, and probably for the best. Sometimes we all need to be told when we are wasting our time. Just make sure I get my chance to really try, okay?" Remedy said in a lowered voice.
"Of course, I want this to work out with your dad. I just don't want you getting hurt more than you need too. I'll sit and watch and be patient, I promise," Rosetta said as she came over and gave a nuzzle.
Remedy have her marefriend a quick kiss and then spread her wings. Rosetta stepped back and mimicked her action. As soon as Remedy to to the air Rosetta was right behind her.
The flight was done in silence and only took a minute or two. Remedy quickly found herself landing in the yard of her childhood home. She was a little surprised to see the front porch light was on even though it was getting dark. It also made her wonder how much longer the power company would wait before cutting the power on delinquent payers. She didn't know how much money her parents had in savings, but it couldn't hold out forever.
She stared at the grey painted door and brown welcome mat for a long moment, trying to build her courage. She also debated with herself whether she should ring the doorbell or just let herself in. She did technically live her so she didn't need to treat herself as a guest.
Rosetta waited quietly and patiently behind her, just silently watching. The other mare made no attempt to urge her into action, or to ask her if she wanted to return some other time. She just waited for Remedy to come to come to some decision.
Remedy took a deep breath and walked silently up to the door. As she looked at the doorknob she realized that the decision over the doorbell or just letting herself in was pretty much made for her. She wasn't sure she would be able to turn the normally tight doorknob with her hooves, not without a great deal of trouble. That was assuming it was even unlocked. The doorbell was what she was going to have to do.
She gave one last look back to Rosetta for encouragement. Rosetta glanced at the doorbell and made a gesture with her head to go on. Remedy turned back around and held her breath as she brought her hoof up to the doorbell and pressed it, causing the familiar bell chime to go off.
A long moment passed, and she wondered if the bell was going to go ignored. Finally the sound of movement came to the other side of the door.
"Who's there? What do you want?" Her dad said gruffly.
"It's your foal, Dad. Mom isn't with me, can we talk?" Remedy said loudly to the through the door.
The door clicked, indicating it had indeed been locked up to this point, and then the doorknob turned and the door opened. Standing before her was the green unicorn with blue mane and tail that she knew to be her father. He looked somehow older than he had just a few days ago, and she could see bags under his eyes that had not been there before.
"Well, come in. I won't leave my own blood sitting out on the porch. Is that one behind you coming in too?" her father said with a point of his hoof towards Rosetta.
"Yeah, she stays with me. That's my marefriend, Rosetta," Remedy said as looked back at her companion.
"Marefriend, huh?" Her father asked as he eyed Rosetta. He seemed torn for a moment on what to do, but good manners eventually won out. "Well, come in then, both of you. I'm not going to sit here standing at the doorway all night."
The two of them silently entered into the house, and Remedy saw Rosetta bow her head in silent greeting of her father as she walked in. There was no smile or scowl on Rosetta's face, just caution. Her father simply eyed Rosetta as if trying to read her, unsure how to react to her presence.
"Go in the living room and make yourselves comfortable on the couch while I close this back up. I'll be just a moment," her dad said as he lit his horn and the door shut behind them.
Remedy nodded and started in the direction of the living room with Rosetta practically on her tail. She heard the television going and when she entered the living room it was just as she had left it days before. She made her way over to the couch and hopped up on it, and Rosetta quickly joined her. Remedy suddenly had a strange wave of anxiety and checked her hooves to see if they were muddy, thankfully they didn't seem to be. Rosetta gave a small chuckle at the action though.
Her dad walked into the room, lit up his horn, and the television shut off. He then strode over to his typical chair and hopped up in it. The size difference between him as a human and him as a pony made it seem almost like he was in a loveseat rather than a chair. Remedy noted blankets and a pillow on the chair and assumed it to be where her father slept as well.
"Well, I see you have one of those marks on your flank now. No return to humanity for you. Care to explain your mark for me or am I just to assume you to be a killer pony?" Her dad asked as he gave the mark a long look.
Rosetta stifled a giggle and Remedy suppressed a groan. Why did every pony assume she was a murderer or something?
"I help ponies understand their fears and what they should be afraid of," Remedy said, keeping it brief.
"Like a psychologist or something?" Her father asked with a raised brow.
"Something like that," Remedy replied.
"Hmm." Was all the response that she got back from her father.
"I took a pony name too, Phobia Remedy. It felt like the most appropriate thing given my mark, and my legal name ended up getting me in trouble with the authorities briefly. They weren't at first prepared to accept my name as Matthew. I have been just using Remedy for short," she explained.
"I see. Did your mother go and toss away her given name too for some stupid pony name?" Her dad asked her while frowning.
"She renamed herself before I did. She named herself Sunset Blessing. I told her it wasn't a very wise name to take, but she didn't listen. The government is keeping tabs on her now because of it," Remedy answered.
Her dad didn't say anything to this. He just sat staring at her.
"She has a cutie mark too. Her cutie mark is a pair a hooves gripping a Bible. She says her faith as a Christian is a core part of who she is, and she intends to try to do God's work," Remedy explained further.
Her dad just sat still considering her silently. It was starting to worry her. She expected yelling or something. Not this silence. The silence stretched on uncomfortably for several minutes.
"So, that mare there's your romantic partner? Does that make you gay or straight?" Her dad finally broke the silence by asking.
"I see it as making me very much a lesbian. How do you see it?" Remedy asked, hoping to get some sort of actual reaction from her dad.
"I'm not sure. If you have a cutie mark I assume you're in that form forever. I have to accept the reality that you're a mare, whether I like it or not. By that logic you are engaging in homosexual activity. I'm not sure how to feel about that, because I feel I would be more bothered if you were with a stallion. Things feel so muddled now," her dad said. He looked down at the ground and lowered his ears. Remedy was again struck by how much he seemed to age in the last few days.
"Dad, I came here hoping to keep you in my life. Mom has made it abundantly clear she wants nothing else to do with you, but I'm not ready to say that. You're my dad, and I'll always love you. I don't ask that you agree with me about everything on my life; I just want the opportunity to have you in it," Remedy pleaded, getting emotional.
"I've thought about this at great length. You'll always be my son to me, or daughter if that is how things are going to play out. I appreciate your attempts to reach out to me. Believe me when I say I really do want to just be there for you, even if I don't know how to feel about a lot of things involving you. I can't do that right now. I can't afford to do that," her dad said in a pained tone.
"Why? Why can't you be there?" Remedy demanded. She was getting angry and she didn't know why. Her dad wasn't doing anything hostile. Why was she the one getting angry?
"Because I want my chance at getting my humanity back. I don't even know if it's possible or not. I do know that if I give in and be the father you need to me to be that I'll lose myself, and end up sooner or later with one of those marks. Then there won't be any chance," came his response. His voice was extremely tight, like he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
"Would it be so bad? To just let yourself be a pony? To just let yourself be my dad?" Remedy cried.
"You have no idea how much I want to give into that. I have to struggle every day not to just give into this, and it's very hard. None of us were meant to be this though. There may be no going back for you, this is what you are now and forever, but there may still be hope for me. It's important to me to be what I'm meant to be. If you and that Tonya mare really are right about the whole gender..sex..whatever thing, and expect me to respect that, then can't you respect my feelings on this?" He said as he gave her a heartbroken look.
Remedy was about to fire off a heated response, but jumped slightly as Rosetta laid a hoof on her flank.
"Remedy, we should respect this. You know he loves you still, and that's more than you knew for sure an hour ago. If I didn't have my cutie mark yet and I wanted to go back to human because it would make chasing my dreams easier would you protest that too?" Rosetta asked.
Remedy just stared at her marefriend. What Rosetta said struck her like a hammer to the head. Was she being selfish in this?
"If you somehow get turned back into a human will you make an effort to get back in touch with me? I don't care if you end up being a human and me a pony, I want my dad," Remedy begged.
"I promise. I can't promise that there won't be yelling and a lot of criticism thrown both ways, but I do love you. I don't even know if it's possible or not to be changed back. At some point I might end up getting a cutie mark as I wait and will have to figure out some way to make my peace with this life. I promise that at some point I'll get back in contact with you and keep in contact," her dad promised.
"I guess that's the best I can hope for," Remedy said glumly.
Her dad hopped down from his seat and gestured for her to follow his example. Remedy got down from the couch with a slow roll off of it.
"So, Phobia Remedy is it?" Her dad asked her as he stood facing her. She nodded back. "Well, Phobia Remedy come give your old man a hug before you go so you know I do love you. Just in case I don't see you for a long time."
Remedy didn't even say anything she just wrapped her forelegs and wings around her dad and and squeezed tightly. She broke down crying and started sobbing onto his shoulder. She felt him cautiously begin patting her on her back as he hugged her on return.
"And you, Rosetta was it?" She heard father address her marefriend. She tensed up, fearing he may have saved some final venom for her.
"Yeah, that's me," Rosetta answered cautiously.
"Keeping doing right by my daughter," she heard her dad say.
She broke down into a new series of overjoyed sobs after that.
Just did a quick editing pass on this chapter. Actually about four editing passes and found new things each time.
Edit: Argh! I hate cell phones sometimes. Took two editing passes to correct this comment. I swear it inserts new problems when I try to fix others.
gripping
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Me: looks at obvious edit I missed after four passes. Wonders if I someone inserted the mistake while trying to fix something else.
Sorry for missing out on the last few chapters, I have a hard time keeping up with nearly daily updates. And sorry for the pain you are going through, I hope things are going better for you. It was nice to see Phobia's father again and show how things have been going for him in all this time, I am guessing that loneliness is really wearing him down despite trying to cope with it. I think it was good how you decided not to have him admonish or judge him for nearly disowning his child and tried to reach out to him and get some acceptance from him; rarely do people change their ways in their opinions of other on the flip of a hat in real life when faced with such changes in your world. It is funny to think that as religious has Phobia's parents are, they have taken competently opposite position about how to take their stance with the pony changes, while her mother has decided to bend and revise her position to adapt and cope with her situation her father has stood still unbending and nearly unheeding about and reject the new found equinaty.
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It took me a while to decide how I wanted to play this meeting. I had always planned them to come partially back together, but wasn't sure on the how's.
As a trans woman myself who has had a bumpy relationship with her father over the years I borrowed some from that. My own father isn't some super religious zealot, but he definitely wasn't in the camp of accepting me. Early on in my transition, a few years before talk of transgender people became even a blip on the news media I got death threats and vandalism against me and he said straight out "that's what you get".
Over the years things have gotten better, he just avoids pronouns, uses my female name, and will even tease me that certain dresses make me look prengnant. It isn't all perfect, but there is an odd friendship between us that wasn't there before. The thing is that he never really stopped loving me despite his condemnations, and was always there to offer financial support when things went to hell; as they often did years ago for me.
So I brought that to Phobia's father. A man who doesn't understand and can't really bring himself to accept. But also a man who really does care. We like to see the world as this "you are either with us or against us" mentality or just not involved. There is a lot of grey area in there though.
I loved this chapter so much! I had just been waiting for the dad to be redeemed and this exceeded my expectations beyond belief. I feel so bad for him since he has to force himself away from his own child because he's scared of getting stuck as something he's not. Really great job!
Just started reading this and now I'm caught up. I have mixed feelings about it. I love the setting, so I'm glad to see someone finally writing a spinoff. And this story touches on some interesting concepts and shows how ETS affects regular people not in the middle of the fight for planet Earth. On the other hand, it seems to have quickly gotten away from the initial conflict that seemed to have been arising in the creepy cult mentality and moved into a more slice of life affair. Not that that's a bad thing. Just not what I was expecting from the start.
But the only real issue I have is, as others have pointed out, the dialogue. It's gotten less stilted as the story has moved along, but can still sound awkward, particularly whenever a contraction isn't used. When you really examine contemporary spoken English, people almost exclusive speak in contractions to the point that when someone doesn't and uses the full words, it sounds very strange. Obviously, there are exceptions, notably, when stressing a particular emphasis (i.e. "You do NOT want to go in there." "I AM your father."), but for the most part they're essential. My advice, and what I do in my own writing, is to actually act a scene out. Pretend you're staging a radio play and talk out dialogue a couple different times in different ways. See what sounds good. All those things you learned in english class about proper formatting and sentence structure and the like? They're all well and good for a MBA formatted paper, but for fiction they can cause more harm than good sometimes. One of the easy ways to make things sound more natural is to split up the long strings of dialogue. Here's an example:
Rosetta, in one breath, addresses three different things. 1) I'm not going to worry. 2) It's time for sleep. 3) Should we sleep in the same place as last time? Then, also in one line, Remedy responds to all three. 1) I won't worry either. 2) Yes, it's time to sleep. 3) Yes, the same place. A more natural flow of conversation would have three topics address by three shorter exchanges, rather than one long one:
"I won't worry."
"Me either."
"I'm tired. It's about time for bed."
"Me too. Want to go to the same place as last time?"
"Sure."
Obviously, a polished product wouldn't be so clipped, but you get the idea. Conversation flows as people respond to each other, rather than one person throwing out an itemized list of ideas and the other replying with an organized response like a forum post. Just try to think about how an actual conversation would sound. Also, 8922164 had some good pointers.
One last thing, and this is entirely my own opinion: Phobia Remedy is an awful AWFUL name.
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The slice of life and bigger stuff will kind of ebb and flow back and forth. A lot goes on while the characters are sleeping which is one of the constraints of the characters I choose to work with. I have a lot of days to cover, and have to let some things develop slower which means a lot of slice of life in between. Have some patience with the bigger things.
I'm going to be working with the character's dialogue more, but it should be noted that both are very stiff even if Rosetta is a little looser than Remedy. Remember Rosetta is a shut in academic who had severe self esteem issues and Remedy spent much of her time closed in on herself as well. I will be definitely trying to loosen up their dialogue more as they become more comfortable, and will put extra emphasis on making sure others talk a little more fluidly.
Lol, and if you can't guess this is a failing of my own dialogue when I am speaking. 99% of conversations from me are strictly work related with me having to take control of conversation in strong terms. I have taken the feedback into account though and will be working on making adjustments.
I like the reconciliation scene. It seems believable to me, and makes her father's struggle more poignant.
'twould be ironic if his mark ended up being
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2a/Fist.svg/337px-Fist.svg.png or something similar at the last moment...
cuddle wings? sweet flanks? omg im so done lol i love that they are both so understanding of there situations i feel her father should have the mark of stubborness though he still loves his child he is to stubborn to accept the way his life is now he needs to overcome that and help other ponies with the same problem. question? can more than one pony have the same cutie mark?
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It is possible for the same cutie mark to appear on different ponies. Though it may mean different things to each of them. Multiple ponies in show are shown to have an hourglass as a cutie mark.
It is also possible for two ponies to have different cutie marks that essentially mean the same thing. Such as Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer both having cutie marks saying they are very good with magic but with different cutie marks.