As Sundance stood watching, stunned, with blood trickling down his sides and seeping into his wings, Sumac repaired the dining hall. The splintered, broken pieces of wood swirled in a vortex of magic and reassembled themselves, very much like a puzzle putting itself together. Even in his stupefied state of shock, it was wondrous to witness. When Sumac was done, the dining hall looked as though it had never been ripped apart by an angry, rampaging owlbear.
Standing near the doorway, Sumac said, “I do apologise, but I must ask you to leave.”
One by one, the peasants filed out of the dining hall, each of them with their heads held low. Not from fear, but from respect it looked like. They looked at Cucumber’s limp body as they went by, and some of them wept. Sundance felt woozy, his wounds both ached and burned, but something in the back of his mind told him that his own needs were of the least importance. A curious sense of resolve swept over him, a feeling of peace, and he found the wherewithal to go on.
What sustained him, he did not know, but he felt it like a fever in the blood.
“It’s happening,” said Sumac.
“What is?” asked Sundance.
“We shall see. Come. Follow me. What we do next determines your future, as well as Cucumber’s.”
“How?”
“As I said, follow me.”
Cucumber was laid down upon a blanket, near the fire, and Sumac knelt down beside him. The old retainer’s breathing was pained gasp after pained gasp, and Sundance could feel his heart in his throat. Cucumber’s left side was lifeless, limp, it sagged with no muscle movement and his left legs did not move, not even in the slightest.
“I hear crows…”
“Don’t be afraid, Cucumber. You hear ravens, actually. That’s Brave and Nibo. They are not patient, but they will wait until we finish. The Guédé will do as I bid them.” After settling in beside the dying unicorn, Sumac asked, “Do you know why I am here?”
At first, there was no response from Cucumber, and Sundance, uncertain of what was going on, crept closer. He eased himself down to the floor, and when he did so, he left a tremendous smear of blood on the wooden planks. Cucumber sniffled a bit, and then, without warning, began to weep. It was unbearable to witness, and Sundance, stricken by the sight and sound of it, turned away.
“If you confess, it will make your passing and what comes after easier. After your life of service, you deserve a rich, rewarding afterlife. My purpose is to wipe the slate clean. Oaths and vows are serious things, Cucumber—”
“You already know.” Cucumber breathed out the words and when he did so, blood-flecked spittle turned his lips crimson. “Why torment me? You already know.”
“Of course I know,” Sumac responded, his ears falling into a passive, almost sorrowful position. “It is my business to know. But I am not here to torment you. I want to save you.”
A pitiful wail came from Cucumber, a shuddering gasp, and then weak sobs. Sundance, unable to bear the moment, squeezed his eyes shut, and did so hard enough to make himself see stars on the inside of his eyelids. The pain of his torn flesh was nothing compared to the exquisite ache felt in his heart.
“I broke my vow. I broke… my oath.” Cucumber closed his right eye, but his left eyelid didn’t budge, and his bloodshot, bright red eye remained visible. “I killed the Milord.”
Sundance’s eyes flew open and he saw Sumac wincing with pain.
“Why, Cucumber? Can you tell us why? Can you tell us what happened?”
“He… he was… he was going to evict us… all of us. Cast us out. He told me… he told me”—Cucumber’s barrel was hitching so hard that the stricken unicorn could barely speak—“he told me that he was going to dissolve the barony’s trust and sell our land.”
Sundance almost choked on his own tongue.
“After he told me, I… I…”—here, his right eyelid fluttered open and a frightful, manic gleam could be seen in his rheumy eye—“I plotted his death. Later, that night in fact, when he came down the stairs to greet me, I made him slip.”
“And you caused his death with a fall?” Sumac asked, his voice low, kind, and without judgment.
“No… he lived. He tried to attack me. I flung him around the room—I wanted it to look like he’d fallen down the stairs, you see. But he just wouldn’t die. The old stubborn bastard just shrugged it off and he just wouldn’t die.” Cucumber’s right front leg made a feeble kick, and then he went still. “When he would not die, I broke his neck. I twisted it around three times, so I did.”
Sumac, thoughtful, pulled his head back, and Sundance, horrified, went blank with shock. It was too much; all of it was too much. The owlbear’s attack, Cucumber’s injury, and now, as the retainer lay dying, the worst, the most awful of confessions. When the pain grew overwhelming, tears streamed from the corners of Sundance’s eyes and his vision lost its sharpness, leaving everything he saw dull and indistinct.
“I am loyal to the land,” said Cucumber, muttering the words so slurred that they were difficult to comprehend. “My charges, I had to save them… I had to save them from the Baron. What else could I do? Can I be forgiven? I broke my oath… I don’t regret what I did to the Milord, but I do feel bad that I broke my word. It pains me… so it does.”
Sumac’s head turned and Sundance saw his own blurry reflection in the green glass of the alicorn’s round spectacles. “This one is on you, Sundance.”
“On me?” he asked, incredulous, uncertain, and fearful.
“You’re the Lord of this land. You alone have the power to forgive—”
“Me? I don’t know if I deserve that. I’m just a pegasus. You… you’re an alicorn.”
“I am not the Lord of this land,” said Sumac in response. “Whatever great power I have, it means nothing here.” Reaching out, Sumac stroked Cucumber’s side, a gentle action to comfort the dying unicorn. “Don’t take long, Sundance. I can slow death, but I can’t cheat Lima Bean of what is rightfully hers. She and her servants will only wait for so long.”
“What do I do?” Sundance began to feel a frantic sense of worry gnawing at him.
“You forgive… or you don’t.” Sumac turned away, lowered his head, and turned it at an angle so that he might look into Cucumber’s frantic right eye.
“Why is this so important?” Fearing his lack of time, Sundance still wanted to understand what was going on, so that he could make sense of it.
“Oaths and vows carry with them a special magic all their own. Cucumber is an Oathbreaker, a deed far worse than murder. Though, that’s pretty bad, too.”
“I’m scared.” Cucumber’s whimpered words cut through Sundance’s fog of panic.
“I forgive you,” Sundance blurted out. “All is forgiven. You… you didn’t… you did no wrong, Cucumber. You saved the land and the peasants, and that’s important. You… you… you saved”—he struggled to find meaningful words to say, so that his trusted retainer would be reassured in his final moments—“without you I wouldn’t have a barony to save. You saved the land so I could claim it. You didn’t kill the previous Milord, he gave up his claim to the title the moment he betrayed the land.”
There was no response from Cucumber, who had gone still.
“Cucumber?” Sundance crawled forward on his belly, leaving a vivid smear of scarlet behind him. “Cucumber?”
A pocket watch blinked into existence near Sumac’s head. He opened it, looked inside, muttered something to himself, and then, as if weary, he sighed. Sundance, almost frantic, reached out to touch Cucumber, but at the last moment, hesitated. Death was something new to him, something unknown—something terrible that he discovered that he could not bear.
When the agony reached a point he thought might break him, something happened. Warmth overtook him, his pain eased just a bit, and the floodgates opened. Sundance bawled like a foal, even as the curious sensation continued to overtake him. Outside, he heard shouts, and drifting in a state of near euphoria, he wondered what was going on.
“It’s happening,” Sumac said in a voice of fantastic calm as the pocket watch vanished.
Sundance wanted to know what, but found that he could not speak.
“Princess Celestia will surely be sensing this,” Sumac continued as he rose into a standing position. “I’d expect a visitor soon. She’ll be sad to discover Cucumber’s passing. Come. I have something to show you. I can sense it as it grows. I think… I think seeing it will make you feel better. Twilight’s magic is at work.”
Sundance felt himself pulled up into a standing position, which pained him. He wanted to stay near Cucumber, his retainer, his friend. He gave Sumac a blank stare as his emotions swirled into a dangerous, tempestuous force within him. There was pain, to be sure, but it was dulled, and the feeling of euphoria was peaking. It was almost like the time he had gone to the dentist and they had given him a little too much laughing gas.
“Come, Sundance. I want to show you something.” With a sad smile, Sumac covered Cucumber with a blanket. “We’ll bury him, together. But we have to wait. I’m confident that we’ll have guests. For now, follow me.”
Blubbering, his heart broken, Sundance allowed himself to be led along by Sumac. His wounds still oozed blood, it dribbled down his sides and bright red droplets soaked into the soil that he tread upon. His peasants had gathered into a circle, but Sundance was not sure why. He felt the soft touch of feathers beneath his chin, his head was lifted, Sundance blinked, not sure what he was seeing.
A small crystal tree.
At least, it looked like a small crystal tree. It was a tiny thing, as if it had just sprouted. When he looked at it, he felt tingles all over, in his hooves, his feathers, in his bones. It was beautiful like nothing else, delicate, and at the moment, it was the only thing that he could see with any clarity. There it stood, right in the middle of everything, between the barn and the dining hall.
Perhaps more miraculous was the fact that it was growing.
“The land has accepted you,” Sumac whispered into Sundance’s ear. “This is Twilight’s most wondrous magic. She’s enchanted all of the Clock Face Fiefdoms. Twilight’s not one to leave things to chance. I don’t understand the magic at work, but I have my own little crystal tree at home. When I do good things, it grows. When I make poor decisions, it shrinks.”
Agape, Sundance stared at the tiny crystal tree.
“You forgave Cucumber and showed mercy. In his final moments, you brought him comfort so he could pass in peace. Right now, even as I speak, your blood flows into the soil. You have bled for this land, suffered for your claim, and the land has found you worthy. Look, Sundance. Look at what your actions have caused, and know that you are worthy. May you always prove worthy.”
“Cucumber is gone?” somepony asked.
“He is,” Sumac replied.
A pall settled over the crowd, a serene, but sorrowful quiet. Staring at the tiny crystal sapling, Sundance felt something creeping up from the ground, into his hooves, through his bones, something that almost felt like motes of sunshine flowing through his blood. Cucumber, Sundance felt, would be happy to know that his death had served a purpose, that with his passing this miracle had come about.
Still at a loss for words, Sundance blubbered, and was not ashamed to let the others bear witness.
9349849
Might I suggest reading Ink again?
That was quick. As I finished reading the last chapter, this one popped up. I think poor Sundance needs a few bandaids now though...
9349852
I might need to.
I don't understand Sumac's role - is he a confessor? Surely his appearance has to do with Death, since he wants to be a mortician, and he can slow death - but beyond that, I am unsure.
9350010
Charismatic command.
Sumac tries to give the dead their due, and acts solely as an intermediary. Those dying might not know that a terrible fate awaits them. They don't know the terms and conditions, so to speak. Cucumber was not aware of the fact that he was an Oathbreaker, and that he might suffer for having done what he did.
Good chapter man
The Retainer's pages so do end, with a life dearly sold.
The oath broken upon the false lord struck, his punishment waived.
He rests now in a bed of soil, and becomes one with the land he loved.
So he does.
Cucumber was in a double bind by his oaths. break neither and he broke both. To stop one calamity he has to break one oath or the other.
9350226
Correct. He was the subject of tragedy. He paid for his ideals.
I've read the chapter twice trying to come up with something meaningful. But I don't think I can add anything that hasn't been said in the chapter or comments. Except this. For all the sorrow, there is goodness and mercy.
9350303
Basically this. I can only offer some crying emojis to represent my anguish at the passing of ol' Cucumber. :'(
9350010
to me he seems like a sin eater.
Kill one Lord to save the barony, die saving another possibly also saving the barony. Interesting parallel.
Twilight, always meddling.
And one more song that this chapter reminds me of.
But, on a serious note, I really loved this chapter. For even though it was sad, it was a kind of sad that was also hopeful. Cucumber died, but his death had meaning, and even his breaking of his oath had meaning. I hope he gets the funeral of a hero, for that is what he is, a hero.
Ok i will have too look at your other stories cause i am so lost here???
9589936
Start with The Weed.
Just so you know, you are the culprit of a 6 hour reading binge. I don't even know where the time went, but I started this story today, and now there are some ninjas cutting onions in my room.
Just incredible story. Loving all the references to the rest of the 'verse and all the conexions. Makes me think of destiny... makes me think of Skyreach, of all the inner workings of magic and destiny that have been revealed there.
So, I want to say, I like this story so far, I think it's a very interesting story with decent writing, and it's worth reading, even though I find the pro-feudalist elements not only unhinged, but a little morally bereft. If I look past the ideas as being something to take on the surface, and simply something that the characters are thinking and discussing as part of the narrative, it works pretty well so far.
Then you get moments like this. I feel like the one issue this story has is just how much of it feels completely unnecessary, or at least, that plot elements are just being kind of thrown in and never really resolved. Many chapters ago, his cousin / liaison told him he would send The Engineering Corps to help rebuild the ancient town, and I was all psyched to see that, and it still hasn't happened, because so many other things have been happening in the meantime. Characters have been introduced, that's interesting. This woman with three kids comes out of nowhere and is part of it, and there are problems involving her having those three kids, and they end up being solved by introducing at least one more character, who is also interesting: this is all on plot, because building up the barony is a major goal. He made deals with his neighboring nobles, which is an interesting concept, and I would totally love to see that played out... But the narrative doesn't have the time to play that out, at least not quickly.
Because you have the stuff that doesn't feel like it really has any purpose within the wider narrative. I was okay with the subplot of deliveries, even though I do feel like it should have been its own story, but then you start introducing this plot that there is apparently a war currently going on, outside of the Civil War in the past, and it not only seems pretty irrelevant because other than being told that there are problems we've seen very little in terms of actual consequence for the characters... So it just becomes this thing that makes you beg the question if they are just always at war, because that's a big fucking deal to most countries, to be at war...
But okay, you've got some plot elements that seem either very out of place or just hanging details about the setting that aren't being utilized, which doesn't really feel great in terms of story structure, because you are getting massive idea bloat here on a story that really does not benefit from padding because it's already a central concept that has so much to do, that it feels like everything else is just a distraction. So many interesting threads, so many potential opportunities with the central plot, and they're just getting left to fade into the background as the story is loaded down with one random thing after another.
Oh, and also, Celestia apparently has a fuck ton of kids, and I can overlook the fact that she should be over a thousand years post menopausal and just hand wave it with magic, but that's a thousand years of having a fuck ton of kids... And all it really does at that point is undermine the initial plot: Sundance was made into Lord Sunfire because he is related to her. If she literally has hundreds of children, over the past thousand years, then it quickly becomes meaningless. She would have thousands of descendants at that point, because descendants are exponential, meaning it would be like when people with English ancestors noticed that they are like all somehow related to the royal family, simply because there were members of the royal family in the past thousand years who had a lot of children and those bloodlines were just kind of forgotten about. And the purpose of her having a bunch of children seems to be entirely so you can have this scene where the children are acting wacky, which feels very out of place because it contributed nothing to the story: Nuance and Hailstone could just be some other descendants who Celestia has taken it as wards, with no further siblings to act wacky around, and the plot would not have essentially changed.
But that's not the worst thing, because now Sumac comes in and he's a fucking psychopomp of some sort, so like, what? Not only does this feel like it's out of the blue, as there was zero foreshadowing of this, but to be honest, it starts to break down the setting on some level. Like, okay, there are just random alicorn psychopomps running around, and there's got to be a lot, because if this was the only one people would have mentioned "Hey, Lord Sumac is some sort of minor death god." This is so far from what the narrative needs... And it's actually really bad writing to just shove it in there, at this moment, because a major character has just been killed off. Like, wow, that's a big deal. Lord Sunfire could be having all sorts of crazy emotions right now, being dragged through this. Imagine how much better this scene would have been without Sumac showing up: picture if he had dragged himself over to his Retainer, his friend, and with his dying breath, he had confessed to him that he had killed the previous Lord, and begged forgiveness, which he had to bring himself to give before hie friend died. Wow, that would have been a powerful scene, you could have lingered on it for pages upon pages of all the characters reacting to this sudden death, while the Lord of the barony ends up bedridden for several days... But instead, a distraction comes in. The great awesome thing that the whole story should be focused around, at least for the moment, is happening, but no, some random out of the blue fantasy crap is happening for no apparent reason.
And then there's a fucking crystal tree.
Not only is this further distraction from a major character dying in this really important matter, not only is this a further distraction from his deathbed confession, but it's a distraction from the distraction that was thrown down in the first place, and it's not even a good one. Like, why and how the fuck did Twilight plant a crystal tree in every barony? What the fuck is going on in this story? Can you please just focus on the really interesting plot that you already have before you start jamming in new plot elements?
Anyway, I'm not trying to say this story is bad in general: I think the high concept is absolutely great, if an ambitious undertaking, I think the ideas and writing that go with that are coming out good and strong. I keep thinking that this could make a great video game even... But things are quickly getting mired down in plot elements that really just don't belong here. There is zero need for him to be stunt flying deliveries, there is zero need for them to be talking about some war that somehow is being fought but doesn't affect anyone, especially when there's already an interesting civil war plot that could have been explored but isn't being explored, because I would really like to hear them actually discuss what the separatists wanted... And then you get to Sumac and this crystal tree, and it's not even a zero need point, it's a point where the real need is to stop doing it.
The story itself is good. Loading it down with extra concept is detracting from that. Just write the good story and let the random ideas that aren't related go be something else. They are interesting ideas, except maybe this crystal tree thing that is now being jammed in out of the blue, and deserve to actually be explored in their own story, but here, they are distracting from a story that is already good and already has a lot to say. I'm not even sure that the story is going to finish at this point, because it is spending just so much time on this completely unrelated stuff.
TLDR: The story is great, but it has this one major problem that rather than focusing on its core element, it is focusing on throwing in completely unrelated and unnecessary concepts.