Spike has been hung up on Fluttershy for a long time, but he's worried that if he gives in to his lust he'll only hurt her. Maybe the sexy, fluffy pegasus isn't as timid as he thought?
Science! Spike! I know what's going on! What do you think I am? Last seasons fashion! What, how, Why now! Spa day! You think she can keep you all to herself you have NO idea! Rarity it's okay I can share... Yay MORE SCIENCE! What's this? count me in! me three! DATA OVER LOAD! That's my boy, Quite the impressive herd...
Have you heard of the Clocktower Society verse? If you enjoy writing domination / submission stories, maybe you could consider writing a Clocktower story.
Great chapter. I am happy to see some progression at the end here. I feel Twilight is right, that at least talking to her is the best bet. If it kept going how it was Spike would have snapped on her or worse someone else and that wouldn't have been good at all. It is interesting how Twilight brought up Shy ma not be as submissive as he think she will be. That is a interesting thing to play with, I do think no matter what Spike best chance will come out as the dominate but Shy could put up a good fight and how a side of her none of us have seen before. I think as well we could best chance get a side story or something when this is all said and done of Twilight joining in.... for science lol. I mean just think of shy innocent Twi being double teamed and dominated by the big strong dragon in her life and her supposedly most shy and reserved friend lol. It would set a interesting dynamic but also could trigger more issues with Spike's greed as well.
8618792 The Clocktower Society is creepy and disturbing. There's infinite possibilities for BDSM outside of a creepy underground sex society composed of just about everypony that's ever appeared in the show.
8618927 Hey, don't kink-shame. What you call "creepy and disturbing" is for some people really hot smut. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it if someone came to you and said you were a sick and deranged person for liking BDSM.
Furthermore, the Clocktower is just a setting that allows writers to play with the idea of a place where shame and inhibitions don't exist, while still respecting the fundamentals of BDSM : trust, consent and safety.
I don't understand how that is so different from BDSM, and if you find it disturbing, maybe you just read the wrong story. There is a lot of really good Clocktower stuff that you maybe just haven't seen.
Now if you find Fall of Equestria disturbing I would understand, because that verse is basically just a rape fantasy, but the Clocktower is still about trust and consent.
"If you do end up, well, sleeping with her ," she whispered, her voice conspiratorially low. "Do you think you could record some thoughts and detail on the experience for me?" her voice began to speed up as she spoke, and Spike could almost feel the excitement pouring from her. "Inter-species mating between a pony and a dragon, it's unheard of! There are so many things we could learn from the data, so many things it could reveal about dragons!"
8622625 Honestly, I don't think that the porn tag is warranted for this story. I think that is more geared towards stories without a real plot where the only goal of the story is sexual gratification and the story (as much as there is) only serves to give a thinly-veiled reason for the two characters to fuck. Obviously the decision rests in the author's hands, but that's how I saw the introduction of the tag.
"If you do end up, well, sleeping with her," she whispered, her voice conspiratorially low. "Do you think you could record some thoughts and detail on the experience for me?" her voice began to speed up as she spoke, and Spike could almost feel the excitement pouring from her. "Inter-species mating between a pony and a dragon, it's unheard of! There are so many things we could learn from the data, so many things it could reveal about dragons!"
Oh Twilight, you are just too much!
Spike slowly, tortuously turned on the spot, finding a giddy Twilight once again scribbling notes. "...Twilight, you do realise how strange that is to ask, right?"
Spike, please! This is Twilight we're talking about! Why wouldn't she ask questions like that?! She is a total knowlegdge seeker!
She does have a point though...a dragon mating with a pony is comletely unheard of.
He knew one thing for sure. If he and Fluttershy did end up fucking, if it was anything like Spike pictured in his head, then Twilight was going to have a lot of data to sift through by the time they were finished.
Ain't that the truth Spike...ain't that the truth.
Rather good, I’m looking forward to seeing how this plays out.
After reading your shorts, these chapters seem to drag a little, though. Like your padding them for a specific word count. As I’ve been told by a few authors, don’t worry about a word count(save the minimum FimFic requires). Just tell your story don’t worry how long a chapter is.
This is now on my tracking shelf, so I’ll be jumping back in with each chapter shortly after you post them.
I cant think of any way to describe the chapters other than this Zoidberg: more Fry: there arent any more and there never will be Zoidberg: more! MORE! MOOAAR!! MOOOOOAAAAR!!! SERIOUSLY just get on with it i have had it up to the andromeda galaxy with me finding incomplete stories that are really engaging and the author abandons it less than a week after i find it
Still, he was glad that out of any mare in the world, it was Twilight who he found himself in the same room as. Not only did she know him better than anyone in the world, she was probably the only good looking mare around that Spike would never have any interest in banging, no matter how prurient his thoughts were.
: "Not sure whether I should be honored or offended..."
But still, this is Fluttershy. She may be cute and innocent on the surface, but she's far from helpless. I imagine that if you tried what you dreamt up on her in real life, she wouldn't take it so easily.
: "You are a bad dragon... And bad dragons must be punished!" *later* : "And that's how I, a big, fearsome dragon, got dominated by Fluttershy, an cute, timid pegasus..."
Spike flinched so hard he almost knocked over his drink. " Fluttershy ?" he choked out, incredulous. "This isn't about one dragon just having their way with the other, this is about two dragons being as rough as they can with one another. Fluttershy is, well, gentle, and soft, and not any of those things whatsoever."
......you do realize you're talking about the same mare that can go to a grizzly three times her size and wrestle it into submission, right?
You telly bastard. The beginning sex act is a great way to demonstrate exactly what Spike fears becoming, as well as showing a vivid picture to the audience that puts them in the same feet as the protagonist.
That being said, it's unfulfilled.
It feels tame despite the content. No one really gets hurt, no one goes too far--none of the legitimate fears are properly explored with front seat view of the repercussions of such an act.
To explore more of the other side of Spike's psyche is probably outside the scope of this story, but it's still a criticism nonetheless.
Another issue is your over telling instead of showing. A rule of thumb: if something in prose can be expressed in dialogue, or better yet, conflating dialogue, it makes it all the more compelling, and thus, easier to read. Too much you tell us about how bad his dragon side is without really showing us anything about it.
By having acts happen when his dragon side comes out, we see that his fears are legitimate, and are the only ones alongside spike's alienation because of he did not mean to do what he did while in that state. Better yet, we could have had a taste of the consequences of those actions km realtime, which would put pressure on his thoughts and character and make the whole conflict real instead of imagined.
Telling is always easier than plotting but it comes at a cost. You are great at scenes, and what you show is better than not most writers on the site, but writers overall, but your fidelity to telling skewers your talent.
Overall, the scene with Twilight is terrific and accomplishes a lot, but at the same time, a bit too much that creates whiplash.
"You do realise that we're potentially talking about the mare who has intentionally persisted on goading the big bad dragon, knowing that it might get this result?"
She wrestles bears in order to give them a massage, Spike! You really think she isn't used to roughhousing? Sure, it's not something she often wants to do, but that doesn't mean she's incapable of doing it!
I imagine that if you tried what you dreamt up on her in real life, she wouldn't take it so easily.
There is such a thing as consensual master/slave play, y'know; as long as both of them agree with it, and they have signals to tell each other when either's getting uncomfortable, his dream could very easily occur.
"If you do end up, well, sleeping with her ," she whispered, her voice conspiratorially low. "Do you think you could record some thoughts and detail on the experience for me?" her voice began to speed up as she spoke, and Spike could almost feel the excitement pouring from her. "Inter-species mating between a pony and a dragon, it's unheard of! There are so many things we could learn from the data, so many things it could reveal about dragons!"
This was incredibly well done! It's EXACTLY how Twilight would be in a realistic setting, one that wasn't prettied up and edges softened for child consumption. Also, wow Twi. I love you.
8683536 pfffft. Now THAT's a story I wanna read! Spike dominated by Fluttershy.
Wow, we're starting off strong, aren't we?
Whoops. Premature comment posting. I'll edit this with more later.
I lost it at that part!
Science!
Spike! I know what's going on! What do you think I am? Last seasons fashion!
What, how, Why now!
Spa day! You think she can keep you all to herself you have NO idea!
Rarity it's okay I can share...
Yay MORE SCIENCE!
What's this?
count me in! me three!
DATA OVER LOAD!
That's my boy, Quite the impressive herd...
8616434
8616969
derpibooru image 1182435
Maybe this will help give my thoughts.
8617438
Very cute, artist's drawings are simple but have good lines and proportions.
Amazing! I want moar!!!!! Please add another chapter soon!!!
Have you heard of the Clocktower Society verse? If you enjoy writing domination / submission stories, maybe you could consider writing a Clocktower story.
Great chapter. I am happy to see some progression at the end here. I feel Twilight is right, that at least talking to her is the best bet. If it kept going how it was Spike would have snapped on her or worse someone else and that wouldn't have been good at all. It is interesting how Twilight brought up Shy ma not be as submissive as he think she will be. That is a interesting thing to play with, I do think no matter what Spike best chance will come out as the dominate but Shy could put up a good fight and how a side of her none of us have seen before. I think as well we could best chance get a side story or something when this is all said and done of Twilight joining in.... for science lol. I mean just think of shy innocent Twi being double teamed and dominated by the big strong dragon in her life and her supposedly most shy and reserved friend lol. It would set a interesting dynamic but also could trigger more issues with Spike's greed as well.
This clop has some awesome plot. Honestly, the character motivation is great for erotic fiction!
8618792
The Clocktower Society is creepy and disturbing. There's infinite possibilities for BDSM outside of a creepy underground sex society composed of just about everypony that's ever appeared in the show.
8618927
Hey, don't kink-shame. What you call "creepy and disturbing" is for some people really hot smut. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it if someone came to you and said you were a sick and deranged person for liking BDSM.
Furthermore, the Clocktower is just a setting that allows writers to play with the idea of a place where shame and inhibitions don't exist, while still respecting the fundamentals of BDSM : trust, consent and safety.
I don't understand how that is so different from BDSM, and if you find it disturbing, maybe you just read the wrong story. There is a lot of really good Clocktower stuff that you maybe just haven't seen.
Now if you find Fall of Equestria disturbing I would understand, because that verse is basically just a rape fantasy, but the Clocktower is still about trust and consent.
8618927
8618950
2static3.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Blank+_b86b780fbd552a0b14a0d3e272e06461.jpg
you cheeky motherfucker! my trope awareness was tingling when you started off so strong. and i was right! IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!!
8618950
It's not kink-shaming. It's setting-shaming.
Although it's infinitely better than Fall of Equestria...
This made me f***ing giggle!
Never change, Twi, never change.
I really like this characterization of Twilight. She's been through enough shit academically and otherwise to not handle this in a mature manner.
Good good I love it I must have more
There's a porn tag now? oh dear.
8622625
Honestly, I don't think that the porn tag is warranted for this story. I think that is more geared towards stories without a real plot where the only goal of the story is sexual gratification and the story (as much as there is) only serves to give a thinly-veiled reason for the two characters to fuck. Obviously the decision rests in the author's hands, but that's how I saw the introduction of the tag.
8622889
Shit, you make a good point. ...Do I backpedal?
Hmm, I'll see how porn vs plot weighs by the time this is marked complete and decide whether to remove the tag then. I think that's the one.
Twi: "What were you worried might happen?"
Spike: Rape, twi... Rape!
Oh Twilight, you are just too much!
Spike, please! This is Twilight we're talking about! Why wouldn't she ask questions like that?! She is a total knowlegdge seeker!
She does have a point though...a dragon mating with a pony is comletely unheard of.
Ain't that the truth Spike...ain't that the truth.
I do believe we are expecting new chapters
Zin krif horvut se suleyk. What is better - to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?
Hot damn this took me a while. Weird...
Is good chapter.
------------
that she was due (??)
both their coffees had gone cold.
(This way, both refers to coffees instead of cold and potentially something else)
Rather good, I’m looking forward to seeing how this plays out.
After reading your shorts, these chapters seem to drag a little, though. Like your padding them for a specific word count. As I’ve been told by a few authors, don’t worry about a word count(save the minimum FimFic requires). Just tell your story don’t worry how long a chapter is.
This is now on my tracking shelf, so I’ll be jumping back in with each chapter shortly after you post them.
Really liking this story so far, when is the next chapter going to be?
8649594
Pretty sure it's over
Fucking hot and amazing.
Never change, Twilight!
I cant think of any way to describe the chapters other than this
Zoidberg: more
Fry: there arent any more and there never will be
Zoidberg: more! MORE! MOOAAR!! MOOOOOAAAAR!!!
SERIOUSLY just get on with it i have had it up to the andromeda galaxy with me finding incomplete stories that are really engaging and the author abandons it less than a week after i find it
: "Not sure whether I should be honored or offended..."
: "You are a bad dragon... And bad dragons must be punished!"
*later*
: "And that's how I, a big, fearsome dragon, got dominated by Fluttershy, an cute, timid pegasus..."
any chance he finishes this?
......you do realize you're talking about the same mare that can go to a grizzly three times her size and wrestle it into submission, right?
You telly bastard. The beginning sex act is a great way to demonstrate exactly what Spike fears becoming, as well as showing a vivid picture to the audience that puts them in the same feet as the protagonist.
That being said, it's unfulfilled.
It feels tame despite the content. No one really gets hurt, no one goes too far--none of the legitimate fears are properly explored with front seat view of the repercussions of such an act.
To explore more of the other side of Spike's psyche is probably outside the scope of this story, but it's still a criticism nonetheless.
Another issue is your over telling instead of showing. A rule of thumb: if something in prose can be expressed in dialogue, or better yet, conflating dialogue, it makes it all the more compelling, and thus, easier to read. Too much you tell us about how bad his dragon side is without really showing us anything about it.
By having acts happen when his dragon side comes out, we see that his fears are legitimate, and are the only ones alongside spike's alienation because of he did not mean to do what he did while in that state. Better yet, we could have had a taste of the consequences of those actions km realtime, which would put pressure on his thoughts and character and make the whole conflict real instead of imagined.
Telling is always easier than plotting but it comes at a cost. You are great at scenes, and what you show is better than not most writers on the site, but writers overall, but your fidelity to telling skewers your talent.
Overall, the scene with Twilight is terrific and accomplishes a lot, but at the same time, a bit too much that creates whiplash.
Onward to chapter 3!
She wrestles bears in order to give them a massage, Spike! You really think she isn't used to roughhousing?
Sure, it's not something she often wants to do, but that doesn't mean she's incapable of doing it!
There is such a thing as consensual master/slave play, y'know; as long as both of them agree with it, and they have signals to tell each other when either's getting uncomfortable, his dream could very easily occur.
Twilight would sell her own mother for knowledge!
Huh...
.*offers all his books!*
*Take my money style ^^
Twilight is so in character it's fucking scary. Amazing job lol.
This was incredibly well done! It's EXACTLY how Twilight would be in a realistic setting, one that wasn't prettied up and edges softened for child consumption. Also, wow Twi. I love you.
8683536
pfffft. Now THAT's a story I wanna read! Spike dominated by Fluttershy.
9468735
Yes, Yes she would.