36. - Aftermath
“Sister?” Luna peered around the stock pots and frying pans that were hanging from the ceiling. “Are you here?”
“I’m over here by the stove, Lulu!” Celestia’s chipper voice carried back. “Come! I could use your assistance.”
Luna slowly walked deeper into the kitchens, curious and more than a bit concerned about her sister’s cheerful attitude. Twenty minutes ago, she was melting stones and on the verge of reducing three changeling intruders to grease spots, and now she was happily humming a soft tune while she chopped up a bundle of carrots. The speed of Celestia’s mood swing was enough to give a pony whiplash, and Luna worried about her sister’s state of mind.
Insanity is hereditary, Celly. You get it from your sister.
“Lulu, could you bring some celery, please?” Celestia asked, while quickly sliding the diced carrots into a large pot on the stove before her. “Oh, and some of that vegetable stock, if you would.”
“I am a bit surprised to find you here, sister,” Luna offered while grabbing the requested items. “I thought you were going to see Doctor Horsenpfeffer.”
“Oh, I did already,” Celestia replied. “She said the only way to remove the remains of my regalia would be to cut my coat and mane off, to wait for it to grow out, or to superheat it again until it melts. I told her I would simply wait, and then I came here. I do believe Bean will be quite famished when he returns, and I thought a nice minestrone soup would be perfect. Look! I’m even using the same recipe he used when he cooked for us on our first wedding night.”
“That’s not what I meant, Celly,” Luna gently shot back. “You destroyed half of the palace while chasing Chrysalis and her little minions. I find it hard to believe that you can make the transition from destructive fury to lovestruck wife so easily, and I worry about your mental state.”
“I appreciate the concern, dear sister, but you need not worry. I am just fine, and once my beloved Baked Bean has been returned to me, everything shall be as it should. Besides, I only damaged a quarter of the palace, at best.”
“The total amount of damage is a side note, Celly. You let your anger get the better of you. You have told me time after time that I need to be calm and collected, yet you fly off the handle with little provocation and do very little to mitigate it. Had you followed your own advice, we could have ascertained Bean’s location from the imposter and simply imprisoned Chrysalis. Now we are forced to negotiate with her, and I fear for Sergeant Pokey’s welfare. You have created many complications, sister, and it will be difficult to disentangle us from them all, to say the least.”
Celestia’s chopping slowed, and her ears folded back. “I know, Lulu. I’ve made a mess of everything, and I’ll gladly pay the price for it. But I had to. There was just so much inside me that I had to let it out. If it was Star Struck instead of Bean, would you have acted any differently?”
It was a ray of sunlight cutting through Luna’s worry, and she could not help but chuckle. “No, I suppose not. If anything, you have shown more restraint that I would have.”
Celestia shook her head. “No, I doubt that. It was a near thing; I was so ready to simply let my anger control me. I could punish all who would dare to harm my beloved, level their hive, and there wouldn’t be a changeling left to report on what had happened. Just the thought that my Bean had been entrapped filled my mind with rage.
“But then I realized something. The changeling had learned how to act like Bean from Bean. He is alive, sister. Alive and well and probably driving the changelings just as crazy as our court. And since he is alive, he will return for real, which means if I lost my temper, he would look at me with those big, sad eyes and be so disappointed in me.”
Celestia paused for a moment, and her magic sprinkled in a dash of salt and a pinch of pepper into her soup. The steady rhythm of her chopping slowed once more, and she drew in a deep, steadying breath. “In his eyes, I could never do such a thing. Even so, I don’t know if I could hold back my fury if I was left alone with Chrysalis. To think that she would dare to send one of her minions …”
Celestia snorted, and the water in the pot suddenly began to boil. “Well, anyway. What matters now is that Bean is alive. When he gets back, I’m going to take him into my embrace, and I’m not sure I’ll ever let him go. I have so much to tell him; so much I want to apologize for. He needs to know why I wanted him to go to the safehouse, and why we transferred our magic to Twilight. Had I trusted him in the way he trusts me, he would not have been forced to endure all of this agony and pain.”
Celestia scooped the chopped celery into the pot with the edge of her knife, then looked her sister square in the eye. “He’s going to be upset at me anyway, isn’t he?”
“I am not sure Bean could be upset about anything, sister. Your husband is a deep well of forgiveness, filled to the brim and above with a never-ending supply of patience and understanding.”
“I hope so. I really do.” Celestia’s gaze went to the rolling bubbles in the soup. “I worry that I’ve pushed him too far this time. It’s …”
Celestia didn’t say anything for a long moment, but when she did speak again, it was in soft and contemplative tones. “Lulu, for hundreds of years I’ve been able to manipulate the means to meet my ends. I have been able to set the tone and the pace of innumerable diplomatic summits and practically write out the terms of all treaties by myself. Even centuries ago, when we first took the thrones, I made plans for grand battles in theaters of war, and I’ve watched you execute them with unflinching accuracy and devotion time after time, knowing full well that you would be able to do so. You and I established the means of governance for Equestria during its founding, and even Iron Hoof was bound by my boop law. Everything, Lulu, from what will be served at dinner tonight to when the sun itself would rise and set have all been at my whim and my decree.”
Luna bit her tongue. Celestia was inflating her own importance yet again, but Luna realized that now was not the time to call her out on it. Besides, she was right.
“But this?” Celestia tried to fight back the tears, but the effort was for naught. “I can’t control this. We’ve already seen what happens when I try to dictate my terms to Bean. When he returns, I will be at his mercy, and that scares me. My dear Bean could decide that what I have done is unforgivable, and rightly so. His fight with Tirek, his abduction, and whatever else has happened to him in the meantime is my fault, without question. I have inflicted pains and torments upon him that never should have been, and he might now view my crimes as beyond the pale.”
“What is that phrase you like to use?” Luna tapped her chin for a moment, then smiled. “Ah yes. ‘Trust in Harmony.’ Celly, all that you say could be true, I cannot deny, but consider for a moment; why did he defy your oh-so-perfect orders in the first place?”
“Because he was upset with me?”
Luna forced her eyes not to roll. “No, because he was right. Look at what he did, sister. He smashed the stained-glass windows, and he formed a small army to fight back against Tirek. Those are protective moves, designed to keep you safe. Removing the windows kept Tirek in the dark about Twilight Sparkle, and the fight was Bean’s attempt to slow him down more. Both actions were designed to give Twilight the time she needed, and we can only imagine what would have happened if Tirek had walked into Ponyville unopposed.
“Celly, nopony enters into the embrace of Death so willingly, unless there is something much greater than themselves that motivates their actions. What he did, he did out of love. Even now, imprisoned by the changelings, I am sure he is trying to manipulate events, to whatever degree he can, so that they will be in your favor and to your benefit. When he returns, I would daresay that he will beg your forgiveness for defying your instructions and for causing you such heartache. He will fear that your love for him is no more, just as you harbor that same secret terror.”
“I fear you may be right,” Celestia said with a slow nod. “But that may be even worse. I could not live with myself if I found that I somehow manipulated him into believing that.”
“Thankfully, that problem can be easily rectified, if so. It will take very little to convince him that your love is as strong as ever.”
Celestia smiled. “Thank you, Lulu. You are right, and when he returns I am going to show him how much I love him for several hours, if not days.”
“I have no doubt of that.” Luna chuckled, and her magic snagged a nearby mixing bowl. “Now, I think that some fresh bread would pair nicely with your soup, don’t you?”
Bob blinked.
He blinked again.
He then wondered if Celestia would slow roast him over an open fire or flash fry him in a pot of boiling oil with some garlic and butter, and then he wondered if he had spent too much of his rapidly shortening life studying the Prince.
Baked Bean was not in his cocoon. He was not in his jail cell.
And Bob was pretty extra sure that Baked Bean was no longer inside the hive, either.
“But, he’s supposed to be in here.” Mandible stated the obvious in a fearful and subdued voice, as if it would somehow reveal a Bean stuck in between the couch cushions, or in the drain’s grease trap. “Thorax was guarding him. How could he have gotten out?”
Bob didn’t reply. He was too busy trying to figure out how long it would take him to fly off the edge of the world if he took off now and headed due south.
He was just about to carry the two in the equation when Mandible grabbed him and began shaking him furiously. “Bob, Chrysalis is going to murderize us! Bean is gone! This is all your fault! If you hadn’t blown your cover, we—”
“My fault?!” Bob slapped Mandible’s hooves away. “How is this my fault? You’ve been here at the hive the entire time! How did he manage to get out when he was right under your nose?!”
“I wasn’t the one who was supposed to be guarding him!” Mandible shot back. “Our Queen put Thorax in charge!”
“Oh, sure. We’ll just waltz on back and explain it to her like that, shall we? ‘Oh, I’m sorry, My Queen, but Thorax somehow lost track of Baked Bean. Would you like to separate our legs from our bodies before or after Celestia gets done banishing us to the sun? Or perhaps we’ll be lucky and Princess Cadence will get to us first, and all we’ll have to worry about is how fast she’ll have us drawn and quartered and turned into glue!’” Bob thought for a moment. “Do you think they can use changeling tails for violin bows?”
“Who cares?! If we don’t bring Baked Bean back, Celestia is going to track us down and eat us alive!” Mandible began pacing the room. “She’ll probably bring her entire army with her too, and she’ll tear this place apart until she finds out we’ve misplaced her husband! We’re going to get squished! We gotta do something!”
Bob inhaled deeply and actually thought⁽¹⁾ for a change.
⁽¹⁾Proof that being around Bean had rubbed off on Bob, even if it was only slightly.
“Okay, okay. You’re right. Let’s just think this through. He couldn’t have gotten far, and he’s hurt. Maybe Thorax is hunting him down. Maybe he’s already caught Bean! That’s it! All we have to do is go out and find them, and never mention this to anyling, ever! That’s brilliant!”⁽²⁾
⁽²⁾ Admittedly, as much as Bean had rubbed off on Bob, he was still a little new to actually thinking.
“Bob, do you have any idea which way they went?” Mandible stared at his fellow bug like he had just grown a second horn. “Do you know how long he’s been missing? Do you really think he left any tracks across bare rock?! How are we supposed to find him?!”
“Well, do you have a better idea? I’m open to suggestions at the moment!” Bob shouted back.
A sharp whistle then echoed throughout the hive, and the two bugs glanced to the open door. “The mail is here?” Bob asked. “I thought she came last week.”
“Special delivery, maybe?” Mandible replied while they both changed to their default pony disguises. “C’mon. We don’t need a pony figuring out where the hive is and reporting back to Celestia.”
Bob and Mandible fidgeted and took turns at taking swipes at each other while the dutiful mailmare dropped out of the clouds and landed with a hard thud in front of them. The wagon she had been pulling creaked and popped in furious protest of the rough handling, and for a moment, there was the distinct possibility that it would simply give up and shatter into splinters.
“Hey Bob, how’s it going?” Ditzy Doo asked while she unhitched herself. “Sorry about the late delivery; I just don’t know what happened. One minute, I’m making my rounds, and then before I know it, I’m shearing an alpaca named Lupé in the San Cremello Mountains. I’ve got a few certified letters I need you to sign for, and a couple of parcel post items too.”
“No problem.” Bob managed to remain reasonably calm and mostly collected while he signed for the items, and then he and Mandible pushed the mail wagon back towards the hive.
“Bob, she knows something is wrong!” Mandible hissed. “She’s going to tell everypony where we are!”
“Shut up, she’ll hear you!” Bob retorted. “If we act casual, she won’t suspect anything. Let’s just get this unloaded and get her out of here.”
“Maybe we could use her as a replacement Bean,” Mandible mused.
It was either a stroke of genius or an oncoming stroke, and it took Bob a moment to reply. “A replacement Bean.”
“Yeah. We could just paint her and then take her back with us. Celestia would never know, right?”
“Right. She’ll never know. She’ll love whatever we bring back, so long as it’s pony shaped and yellow.”
“So you think it would work?”
“Are you crazy?!” Bob nearly shouted, but he somehow managed to keep his volume down. “She has wings! Bean is an earth pony!”
“So we’ll say he ascended. He’s a half an alicorn, right? Yeah, a halfacorn now. That’s a real thing, isn’t it?”
“Maybe, but there is definitely something else she’s gonna notice.”
“What?”
“She’s a mare, you twit! I’m pretty sure Celestia is going to notice there’s a few parts missing! This is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of!”
“Well, do you have a better idea? We gotta do something. You wanna go back empty hooved?”
“Hey, uh, how long are you two going to argue?” Ditzy said with an uncomfortable chuckle. “I gotta get back to Ponyville.”
Bob groaned and dragged his hooves down his face. “I am not paid enough for this. I’m not. This is beyond ridiculous.”
~*~
“Your precious Bean is in the crate, Your Greatness,” said Bob. “He’s probably sleeping, so don’t open it up until we’re gone.”
“Yeah,” said Mandible, edging toward the ornate double doors at the other end of the room. “Like an hour or two. Maybe three.”
Celestia stood, gave the two changelings a flat look while she descended from her throne, and used her magic to rip open the top while the guards ‘persuaded’ Bob and Mandible to remain where they were at spearpoint. Celestia then took a long look into the wooden crate, blinked a few times, and then put a hoof to her forehead while letting out a tense breath.
“Hello, Ditzy,” she offered through clenched teeth. “How are you doing today?”
“Hi, Princess. I’m doing very well, thank you!” Ditzy replied while she hopped out of the crate and bowed, leaving a little trail of golden sparkles.
“I told you she would notice!” Bob shouted while taking a swipe at Mandible.
“Well, it’s not like you were trying to figure out something better!” Mandible shouted back.
“May I ask why you were in that crate, and why you decided to dye your coat?” Celestia asked Ditzy while the two changelings were slapping each other.
“Oh, I didn’t dye it. This is luster dust,” Ditzy replied with a quick glance over her golden wings. “Bob said he’d give me the most delicious muffins I could ever possibly taste if I would paint myself yellow and get in the crate, but I didn’t have any paint, or even any banana pudding, believe or not. By the way, where are those muffins, Bob? If they are really that good, I want to get the recipe from you.”
Bob was too busy with his own fight to acknowledge Ditzy. He and Mandible were now careening around the throne room while throwing punches, kicks, and insults at each other, and it took Celestia’s magic snatching them up by the nape of the neck to finally separate them.
“Bob. Mandible.” Celestia casually inspected a hoof while she reeled them in. “Those are your names, correct?”
“Yes, Princess,” Mandible squeaked.
“I will only ask this once, and I hope, for your sake, that you can give me a reasonable answer. Where is my husband?”
That familiar fire was beginning to blaze in Celestia’s eyes again, and Bob gulped. “We, uh … to tell the truth, he’s, um … that is to say, in a manner of speaking, uh …”
“He escaped, didn’t he?”
Bob broke. “It wasn’t my fault! I was here, with you, the entire time! I wasn’t responsible for guarding him, Mandible was!”
“No I wasn’t!” Mandible screeched. “Thorax was guarding him! You can’t pin this on me, I was on the oversight committee for the west wing expansion! Ask Trochanter, ask Kevin! Ask anybug you like! I wasn’t anywhere near his room at any time! I’m innocent!”
The two changelings continued to beg, plead, and blame one another while Celestia dipped her head and took slow, even breaths. After a minute of this, Celestia silenced the two of them by pulling them in so closely that they felt their chitin would begin to melt, and the guards at the door quickly took bets on how long it would take to roast them both.
“He escaped,” Celestia repeated. “You were supposed to keep him locked up, and he got away.”
“Um, yes?” Mandible replied.
Celestia was still for a moment. Then her shoulders began to shake. An odd noise started to emanate from deep within her, but then it grew louder, and stronger.
Princess Celestia was laughing.
“He broke loose!” Celestia crowed in delight. “You couldn’t keep him contained! My cherished Bean outsmarted you! Take that, Chrysalis!”
Bob and Mandible chuckled nervously, and Bob decided to press his luck. “Well, I’m glad this is so amusing, but since he got away there’s not really anything else we can do. Mandible and I will just quietly return to the hive now, and we both promise to never ever bother you again so long as we both shall live, which will hopefully be for more than thirty seconds …”
Celestia’s head snapped up, and her eyes met theirs with no trace of amusement, though there was some comfort in the fact that they were their normal magenta color, and not the churning whirl of golden fire from before. “Oh, no. I’m afraid we’re not done yet. You two will be traveling with a company of my finest guards to go find my beloved Bean and return him to me. I will keep Chrysalis here as my ‘special guest’ until you return, and I’m sure she will want you to make that as quick as possible. You would not want to upset your queen, would you?”
Bob and Mandible nodded meekly, then paused and began to shake their heads rapidly.
“I thought not. Lieutenant?”
“The search party will be underway within the hour, Ma’am,” Spear Point replied with a crisp salute. “And I will make sure Bob and Mandible are given our finest accommodations for the journey.”
Spear Point and three guards then escorted Bob and Mandible out of the throne room, but Ditzy watched the procession with a confused expression and a small pout.
“Does this mean I don’t get any muffins?”
“Sergeant!” Lieutenant Point snapped. “What in the name of Luna’s blue moon do you think you are doing?!”
“I’m going after my charge, sir,” Hokey Pokey replied while he tightened the straps on his saddlebags.
“Spur my sides you are!” Spear Point replied. “Need I remind you that you are on administrative leave?”
“That doesn’t matter, sir. My primary duty is to protect Prince Bean, and I’m not going to rest until he is returned and placed under the care of the Princesses.”
“Sergeant, you’re not going—”
“Lieutenant, with all due respect, I am going. Prince Bean was captured because of my failures, pure and simple. You can court-martial me when we get back, but short of clipping my wings and throwing me in the clink with Chrysalis, there’s nothing you or anypony else can say or do that will stop me. I owe it to him.” He paused, taking several short breaths while his jaw worked silently. “Besides, it will get me out of the castle and away from her.”
The Lieutenant gave his insubordinate subordinate a hard glare. “Do you realize this will end your career, Sergeant? By the time Captain Armor and the JAG Corps get done with you, you’ll be begging for Celestia to send you to the moon.”
“I’ll cede ops to Sergeant Clover, sir,” Pokey replied, and he faced his Lieutenant at full attention. “I also recommend Corporal Quillpoint and Private Tart be assigned to the search. We could use Tart’s speed, and Quill’s advanced tracking spells will be essential for the operation. I can brief them on the way out, sir, and we’ll set up a relay from base camp once we’re in and established.”
Lieutenant Point continued to glare for several long moments, but then he blew out a frustrated breath. “Element of Stubbornness for sure. Pokey, you’ve got operational control for now; Clover is still grounded. Take Quill and Tart, and get them up to speed while I get the rest of the recon team together. Reinforcements will be sent once you get camp set up.”
“Understood, sir. What about the changelings?”
“If they can help, utilize them. Otherwise, just tie them up somewhere. Either way, they are to be treated as a hostile liability, understood?”
“Completely, sir.”
“Dismissed, and good luck.” Lieutenant Point returned Pokey’s salute, and he said nothing more while the Sergeant marched out of the room.
~*~
Midnight had wrapped itself over the fair city of Canterlot, and across the breadth of it, all was still. The ponies who lived and worked within sight of the palace were now peacefully tucked away in their own beds, and each dreamed dreams of warmth and delight while they rested in preparation for another day. The Royal Guard kept their silent vigil over the beloved citizens, as they always did without fail, and the Princess of the Night worked her magic among her little ponies with a deft and delicate touch.
There was only one who was awake at this late hour who should not be, and she sat upon her gilded throne in a deep depression. Once again she had remained, long after Day Court had ended and the ponies of her staff had gone home for the evening, and nothing had been able to entice her to move. Food and drink had been rejected in a polite but firm manner, visitors were asked to graciously postpone their intended conversations, and even a cherished sister had failed to convince the elder to retire to her own quarters for the evening.
She sat in the darkness, unmoving, but not without feeling. On her right side a small stuffed toy sat and offered what company it could, its plush yellow coat stained with tears and its bright glassy eyes gazing out upon the emptiness of the throne room. In her hooves she held a brilliant, translucent yellow crystal, cut to resemble the shape of her own cutie mark and reflecting the moonlight in respectful beams across the hall.
She twisted the crystal in her hooves, then again, and again. Each time she did this she seemed to be muttering something softly to herself, but each twist and flip seemed to add to her misery and despair. It was as if she was wishing upon the crystal, like one might wish upon the first star of eventide, and yet each wish went unheard and unfulfilled.
Another flip, another unfulfilled wish. Her wing gently scooped up the toy beside her, and with a soft and mirthless laugh, her hooves tenderly placed the crystal around its neck.
“There we go,” she whispered. “Right where it belongs. You look so handsome, you know; just like a stallion straight from my fondest dreams.”
Her face contorted with the swell of emotions that surged out from her broken heart, and for a moment, her lips quivered while she fought in vain against the emptiness in her soul.
“Oh, my dear, sweet Bean,” she finally said with a sob as she drew the toy in for a deep and lonesome hug. “How am I going to get through this?”
* * ✹ * *
It was rare for Prince Blueblood to be bored at a meeting.
Normally, he subsisted on summits, cherished conclaves, and fancied forums. While his dear Aunts might be the figureheads of government, it was in the conferences and caucuses that the true work of Equestria was accomplished, and it pleased him to no end to be such an integral cog in the gears of the government. There wasn’t a thing in the world that could compare to a carefully negotiated concordat, and he always had to wipe away a tear when he could sign his name to a masterfully constructed regulation.
But for the first time, Blueblood was bored. Minister Penny Wise had been yammering on for far too long about the ‘impetuous and foolhardy’ damage that Princess Celestia had caused when she had attacked the imposter changeling in the palace, and he idly began tapping his hoof in the hopes that she would get on with her presentation already.
He was a bit surprised that his Aunt Celestia wasn’t trying to counter any of Minister Wise’s arguments. She simply sat, taking the verbal volleys with slumped shoulders and a gaze that was forlorn and despondent. Her little stuffed Bean sat on the table before her, and Blueblood noticed that, for the most part, her gaze had been on the toy’s bright glassy eyes and not the proceedings.
“... and with that, I have the preliminary damage assessments from your romp through the palace. I must say that I am highly disappointed, Your Highness. Somehow, through some inexplicable means, you managed to either damage or incinerate most of the greatest and most priceless art known to ponykind. In honesty, it may be impossible to ever know the true cost of your temper tantrum, as nearly all of the pieces that were destroyed were priceless. The Hall of Suggestive Pillars alone held the collective life’s work of ponies from over five centuries, yet you somehow blasted it to ribbons in thirty seconds or less. I could almost accuse you of deliberately destroying the pieces, based on the evidence.”
Celestia gave a weak chuckle but said nothing.
“However, the Office of the Exchequer has attempted the impossible, and the numbers are quite staggering, Princess. To start, we have the stained-glass windows that Baked Bean destroyed.”
“Bean.” Celestia’s magic grabbed the stuffed version and brought it in for a tight embrace.
There was an awkward pause, and most of the ponies in attendance cleared their throats and averted their eyes. It had been a full week since Chrysalis and her changelings had been caught in the palace, and Blueblood had watched on in silent wonder while Celestia had spent most of that time fretting about her husband’s welfare and waiting for the next status update from the search party. Shining Armor had quickly made the return trip from the Crystal Empire and was now leading the search personally, but the amount of territory to cover was almost overwhelming. Each passing hour without her Bean added to her depression, and Blueblood had found much truth in the whispers amongst the staff that Celestia’s heart might not be able to take the pain for much longer.
Minister Wise, however, let out an annoyed huff. “Princess, forgive my impertinence, but this simply must stop. The Kingdom has spent quite the sizeable sum in the search efforts for Baked Bean, but we must face the reality that is before us. As much as we all want to have the Prince returned, it would be nearly impossible for any pony to survive that long without food and water. Equestria is moving on, Your Highness. It’s time you moved with it as well.”
Blueblood watched his aunt very carefully, waiting for her fury to flare once more at the incredulous suggestion.
Celestia’s anger did not surge to life. She drew her wings around her substitute Bean and sniffled back a tear, and Blueblood felt a twinge of sadness pierce his own heart. Despite the differences in their personalities, Blueblood did care for and about his aunt, and he had never wanted her to experience the pain she was feeling now.
For the first time in Blueblood’s memory, his Aunt Celestia looked old. The youthful vigor that had always been a part of her reign was gone, and in its place, a dark miasma of depression and defeat had firmly entrenched itself.
Blueblood snorted. This would not do. “Minister Wise, may I ask a question?”
Penny Wise nodded. “Of course.”
“What price would you put on a life?”
Penny Wise somehow managed to frown even more deeply. “Obviously, the life of a pony cannot be measured in any quantifiable way, but we cannot continue to throw money at a problem that has no positive solution. The search for Baked Bean—”
“Should continue until he is found,” Blueblood finished for her. “Just as we would expend all possible resources to find any of our beloved Princesses. He is our Prince, after all.”
He then pushed away from the table and stood while Celestia and the other attendees stared at him and his outburst. “Now, if you will excuse me, I believe my services are needed elsewhere. Should you need me, I will be out with the search parties in the Badlands.”
“Where are those two morons?!” Chrysalis fumed, and she twisted back to continue her pacing across her room. “I’m going to feed them to a pack of puckwudgies when they get back. No, I’m going to throw Thorax at them first, but that will be after I rip his wings off and mount them on my throne. They have so lost their bonus pay for the year.”
Chrysalis continued to mutter while she stormed around her gilded cage. It had been a full week since she had sent those two incompetent numbskulls off to bring back Bean, and she’d spent most of that time devising ever more torturous ways to punish them and Thorax for their failures once they returned.
Bean had escaped. It was the only way to explain the lengthy delay, and those nattering nincompoops were going to pay through the nose for this when she got a hold of them.
Of course, Chrysalis took a few of those moments to plan revenge against Celestia and her infernal guards. Despite her very calm, collected, and reasonable arguments for why she should be released, her captors were insensitive enough to describe her persuasions as “the most epic hissy fit in the history of Equestria.” She may have raised her voice a notch or two when the deadline for her marriage to Pokey approached - and perhaps there had been some harsh words spoken when she found out that her magic was not affected by the lack of nuptials when the time came and passed - but she had not thrown a tantrum at any point.
At least not a very big tantrum. And she had not pounded her hooves on the floor like a petulant foal, no matter how many guards insisted she had.
“Guard!” Chrysalis pounded on the door with a snarl. “I demand you take me to your Princess right now! This is cruel and unusual punishment! I’ll sue!”
There was no response, just like always. Chrysalis kicked the door once more just out of spite, and then she began stalking around the room like a caged tiger once more.
She wanted to get out. She needed to get out. There was a whole hive of changelings that were, without a doubt, laying around like slugs and cheering her absence. They would only grow more insolent and defiant with each minute that passed without her, and that was a thought she simply could not tolerate.
Left to their own devices, her little minions would, without a doubt, try to unionize.
Chrysalis paused and looked out the small and triple-reinforced window, glanced to the two pegasus guards that were posted on either side, stuck her tongue out at them, and then peered off to the horizon. Her hive was out there, filled to the brim with her little changelings.
Chrysalis grunted. She was going to get out of here. She would devise a daring escape plan, find that insufferable yellow menace, and then return to Canterlot with him as a conquering hero. Those foolish ponies would be oblivious to the end that would shortly befall them.
Celestia would soon know the wrath of a true Queen.
Sergeant Hokey Pokey snorted in frustration while he looked over his hastily-drawn map of the Badlands. This search had gone on for far longer than he would have liked, but he was determined to find Prince Bean, even if he had to spend a hundred years looking under every rock and down every crevice.
He owed Bean and Princess Celestia that much.
“Search group Tango reports all clear, sir,” Corporal Quillpoint called out. “They’re moving on to to the next sector.”
“Very well,” Pokey replied. “Any word from the Captain yet?”
“Nothing, sir. I know Miss Inkwell has received the message, though.”
Pokey fought back a smile. Wysteria had proclaimed herself an honorary guard when the orders had come for Quill to move out, and in spite of her pregnancy and the complications that had come with that, she’d followed her coltfriend out into the wilderness and provided her invaluable organizational skills to the search efforts. The combination of her skill set and Captain Armor’s determination to find his fellow prince had sped up the search considerably, and Pokey couldn’t help but feel they were on the verge of success. At least she was not moping around the castle, throwing up into any vase or carelessly misplaced guard helmet anymore.
“Have we heard back from recon?” Pokey asked over his shoulder.
“Not yet, but they’re due back any time now.”
Pokey nodded but didn’t verbally reply. He had expected Bob and Mandible to make a run for it at the first convenient opportunity, but the two changelings had torn into the Badlands like their lives were on the line. They only let up to sleep for a few hours and to take an occasional water break. Pairing the two with Private Tart had been a stroke of genius on the Captain’s part, once he had gathered some intel on the topography of the area from the bugs, and the three of them had been able to provide valuable reconnaissance overflights and crucial details on the natural hazards that awaited the searchers.
“Sir! You should come see this!”
Pokey’s heart both simultaneously soared and sank. He had been begging for some sort of breakthrough, but the last thing he wanted to find was evidence of his Prince’s demise.
“What do you got?” Pokey glanced over Quill’s shoulder.
“Tracks, sir.” Quill’s magic illuminated the faint traces of hoofprints in the thin layer of dirt in a gully were the passing wind had not wiped them out. “See this? I’ll snap off my own horn if that isn’t the track a pony leaves when they’re dragging an injured leg across the ground.”
Pokey nodded, and for the first time in over a week, he smiled. “Send word to the Captain. I’ll head out with Tart as soon as they touch down. With luck, we’ll have the Prince back in Canterlot in time for dinner with the Princess.”
~*~
Pokey was regretting his words.
After spending two hours scouring the most likely path that Prince Bean would have taken, there was nothing to show for it beyond sore wings, two grumbly changelings, and a lot of rocks. It was infuriating, but Pokey remained calm and continued to stare at the ground beneath him.
“Sergeant!” Tart called from from his side. “We need to touch down! We’re losing the bugs!”
Pokey glanced over his shoulder and then nodded. Bob and Mandible clearly needed a breather, given that they were just barely buzzing over the ground.
The two collapsed in a heap as soon as they saw Pokey and Tart angle down to land, but Bob tried to stagger back up once the guards had landed.
“Gotta find … that Bean …” he wheezed.
“Catch your breath first,” Pokey ordered. “You’re not going to find anything if you’re dead.”
“We’re dead if we don’t find him,” Mandible hoarsely whispered from his prone position.
“Not exactly guard material, are they, sir?” Tart muttered while studying the ground for evidence of the Prince.
“I dunno. A couple of laps around the track and a few hundred pushups might help their stamina,” Pokey replied. “And we can’t deny that having a shapeshifter on our side would completely change how we do infiltration missions.”
Tart nodded while her gaze went to the horizon. “Correct me if I’m wrong, sir, but aren’t we getting close to the Forbidden Jungle?”
Pokey quickly produced his map, and the two guards studied it for a moment. “You’re right. We’re only a klick or two away, perhaps.”
“There isn’t anything in there that would … well, eat him, is there sir?”
“I really want to say no, but it is a possibility. The Forbidden Jungle wasn’t called that just to keep tourists away. However, if I was hurt and running for my life, I doubt I’d try to cross this ravine. He may have headed back north once he hit that.”
“Did you say we were near the Jungle?” Mandible asked while he approached the guards. “There’s a pony settlement nearby that might know where your Bean is.”
“There is?” Pokey asked. “Where?”
“It’s not a settlement, Mandible,” Bob cut in, and he pointed to a spot on Pokey’s map. “It’s one pony family. They live out on the edge, right about here. They harvest a lot of spices and such from the jungle, and it’s where we typically go to get ingredients for our Queen’s mint julips.”
“You don’t say.” Pokey rubbed his chin for a moment, then turned to Tart. “Private, I do believe we should go pay this fine family a visit, don’t you?”
“We did come all this way, sir,” Tart replied with a grin and a nod. “Really, it’d be rude not to.”
~*~
“Please be there. Please be there. Please be there…”
Pokey rolled his eyes before banking slightly and drawing closer to the changelings. “If there is a way to pessimistically think optimistically, you two have just found it.”
“Uh, thanks? I guess?” Bob replied.
“Is Queen Chrysalis really going to kill you two? That seems like a rather large waste of bugpower, if you ask me.”
“Yes!” they both replied, but then Mandible continued. “Won’t your Queen … I mean, Princess, do the same?”
“No. She’d never do anything like that,” Pokey replied while Tart pulled up to his left.
“Really? She doesn’t execute those who fail her?”
“I’m not sure ‘execute’ is in Princess Celestia’s vocabulary,” Tart chimed in. “At least, not that definition of the word.”
“So, what will happen if you can’t find Bean?” Mandible asked.
“She’ll just look …” Tart trailed off, and both royal guards shuddered. “Disappointed.”
Mandible glanced to Bob, the confusion obvious on his face. “Really? You don’t want her to be disappointed with you? That’s it?”
“What else could be worse?” Tart replied. “Princess Celestia naturally commands that the guard give their all and their best, and all without saying a word. Just her presence is enough to send our morale through the clouds, and every single one of us want her to be happy. It’s … well, it’s like when she’s happy, Equestria is happy, y’know? So, when we see how broken up she is about losing Prince Bean, it just makes us all want to do whatever we can to bring him back. We care about her because she cares about us.”
Mandible clearly couldn’t believe was he was hearing. “So, that’s all it takes to keep you ponies in line? A smile here, or a frown there? Not even a little yelling?”
“Why would she yell?” Pokey asked.
“Well, that’s how you know she loves you.”
It was now Pokey’s turn to exchange confused glances with Tart. “Chrysalis shows she cares by yelling?”
“Yeah. The more she loves you, the more she yells.”
Tart shook her head in disbelief, and Pokey vocalized their shared thought. “Well, whatever floats your little changeling boat, I guess. But if that is the case, she must really love you, Mandible.”
Pokey didn’t know it was possible for a changeling to blush until right then. “R-really? Do you think she l-loves me?”
“Well, if what you say is true, and based upon how much she screams at you, then yeah. You two should probably get married.”
“Don’t get any ideas,” Bob hastily cut in, and he smacked Mandible’s lovestruck grin clean off his face. “We’ve got work to do. Besides, our Queen needs to marry Pokey, last I heard. Sergeant, how much time does Princess Celestia’s boop law give for a pony and an alicorn to get married before they lose their magic?”
Pokey scoffed. “Three days, but that only applies to real alicorns. Chrysalis fell for Prince Bean’s bait hook, line, and sinker.”
“What?” Mandible shot in front of Pokey and stopped the entire flight in midair. “Wait, wait! You mean to tell me our Queen was never subject to that law?!”
“Why would she be?” Tart replied. “She’s not an alicorn. She’s a changeling. Besides, the law only affected Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”
“I almost died because of that stupid law!” Mandible screeched.
“Well, maybe this’ll teach you not to abduct ponies,” Pokey casually replied. “C’mon, we’re wasting daylight.”
“Bob! Our Queen was gonna squish me over nothing!” Mandible sobbed while the guards resumed their flight, and Bob gave his fellow bug a comforting hug.
“I know, it’s okay. Let’s just find Prince Bean, and then this’ll all be one happy nightmare that we will never speak of again.”
~*~
“Sir, I have a visual!” Tart called out. “Looks like a cluster of houses, two o’clock low!”
“That’s it!” Bob called out. “Winding River and her family should be there, given how late it is!”
Pokey replied by banking with Tart towards the center of the small homestead, and they touched down with poise and strength while the now disguised changelings slammed into the ground with all the grace of a minotaur in an antiques shop.
It only took a moment for a pale orange mare to emerge from the house, and there was a look of both profound relief and severe annoyance on her features.
“It’s about time you showed up. I was wondering if I was going to have to smuggle Junior out somehow. Kale, Tip Top, good to see you again.”
“Good to see you too, Windy,” Bob replied. “We’re wondering if you could help us out. You see, we—”
“You’re here for Prince Bean,” she cut him off with a huff. “Dunno why it took so long for you two armored nitwits to get here. I guess it just goes to show how far the Royal Guard has fallen.”
Pokey suppressed a groan of annoyance and plastered on his best neutral face. “Do you know where the Prince is, ma’am?”
“He’s around back.” Windy turned and motioned with a hoof. “C’mon. Maybe you can talk some sense into him.”
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Poor Bean, it’s been more than long enough for Chrysalis’ spell to do its work and destroy his mind.
No doubt Celestia will receive a yellow shell, and I can’t imagine what she’ll do to Chrysalis when that happens.
Well, it looks like they finally found Prince Bean. Now they just need help lift the spell that Chrysalis placed over him to bring back his sanity.
Okay, what's gotten into Bean this time? And what about Thorax? Has Thorax changed into a rock to hide and Bean's talking to a "rock" like there's nothing wrong?
Thrall. Sure. And gimlets is a dwarven delicatessen.
What a nice way to get back at Blueblood, by having him eat his own words. Great writing there.
Keep up the good work you sly son of a bitch
9254049
Fine, fine. I'll change it. :)
9254088
Umm... Were you not making a Terry Pratchett reference?
“He escaped, didn’t he?”
now comes the part where they remember that Crysalis did that memory stuff that was supposed to leave him with not but mush for a brain. I'm guessing that they might find a way to fix it, but I kinda want to see Crysalis get the fear of god put in her. Like the level of fear that says "I'm never going to look at another pony again" Kinda fear.
9254034
Crysils put a memory charm on his that was melting his brain.
Omg
Harsh! Poor Twilight and Cadence…
Hold on Celestia, just a little bit longer.
Well I was thinking that Chrysallis spell has had enough time to his mind into retried Bean, and so what will Celestia do to fix her Bean...
But more important who is going to become the shop steward of the Changeling Union, I would like to suggest Bob, do I hear a secondary?
Not a huge fan of how long this kidnapping arc is going tbh. Not that it’s bad or poorly executed but all the same I wish it had ended either this chapter Or maybe the last.
And I wonder what he needs convincing of? Maybe he’s trying to make the worlds best Mint Julip apology?
9254099
Nope. I was not that clever.
Glad to see a new chapter! Can't wait to see what happens next. When Celestia finds out what Chrysalis did...well, the Hall of Suggestive Pillars ain't gonna be the only thing melted to a puddle...
Also, not to be pushy, but I've uploaded a new chapter for From Far Beyond, due to a popular demand for "moar".
An absolute travesty! A miscarriage of justice which hath no rival in this modern Age of Harmony!
I must insist this be rectified, posthaste!
Muffins for the Muffin God! Scones for the Scone Throne!!!
Scones are just differently-shaped muffins after all...!
oh damn so Bean's gone the way of Last Jedi Luke Skywalker
9254113
Oof. Yeah, that was kinda mean to cutestprincess and loveyestprincess...
guessing Prince Bean is freaking out thinking Princess Celestia is going to hate him.
love the chapter grate writing.
She'd BETTER have gotten those dang muffins!
A week? A WEEK??!?!?. The Badlands isn't that untraceable.... Even considering its a yellow pony on a tan desert...
In any case, that poison ought to have set in something fierce, let's hope his constitution stat is still high...
Keep going! ;)
9254010
9254028
Things are probably going to get a bit toasty for Chrissy after this.
9254034
All in good time. :)
9254085
Keep up the good writing?
Well, if you insist.
9254100
One of my personal favorite lines from this chapter.
9254101
I think she'll think twice about it after this anyway.
9254307
man dont even joke about that. that's a horrible thought
9254113
Yeah, he didn't phrase that very well, did he? We'll call it a slip of the tongue. :)
9254122
Hopefully not too much longer.
9254124
Hee hee.
Couple of chapters ago, I told Georg of an idea I had that I probably wouldn't be able to use: a meeting of Changeling Union Local 87, to discuss changes to their benefits package:
"We're pleased that our beloved Queen could be with us during these negotiations, and we hope we can reach an amicable agreement in regards to salary, pension, and short term disability limits. And now, everybug please welcome our union boss ... Queen Chrysalis."
"Thank you, thank you." The Queen held up her hooves to silence the obligatory applause. "Right. I've had some rather tough negotiations with myself, but I think I've made some good breakthroughs."
And then Georg added:
One small hoof went up in the crowd. "What happened to the former union boss?"
After a period of tense silence, the lifted hoof went down rather quickly. "Nevermind."
9254172
I understand the frustration with the length, but bear with me. I think it'll be worth it in the end.
9254292
Moar?
MOAR!
9254191
Oo, I love scones! Yes please!
9254307
Would you believe me if I said I still haven't seen that?
9254388
Thanks!
9254505
I bet Celestia made some arrangements for poor Ditzy. :)
9254562
Keep going I shall!
Plus, they have no idea which way he went. If you've got to search every single inch, that can take awhile, even with overflights.
9254604
More like extra crispy! LOL
This is such a great chapter. Still feel bad for Sergent Pokey over what Chrysalis did to him. I do hope something good comes out of it for him.
For Bean. I do hope he turns out okay. That he is not stuck in some strange world because of Chrysalis spell on him. I hope someone knocks some sense into him before he is lost completely.
Also, if you don't mind me asking, how far are you going to take this story? Still got more chapters or you plan on making another story from this one?
"Minister Penny Wise?"
"What?"
"SHUT YOUR F%^&ING TRAP YOU DUMB B*&%^"
Seriously, I was hoping for Celestia to finish melting the regalia off. This pony had literally just gone over how much Celestia had just destroyed in a fit of rage over her husband and here the "good" minister is poking the bear.
But then that would have destroyed her Bean plushie. So instead I just really wanted to see something like:
Honestly, Penny Wise is seriously ticking me off now.
Awwwww, sad celestia hugging her bean doll, now that's a pic that's guaranteed to break your heart.
9254744
I love it when a character in a story forces you to write alternate scenes to get back at them.
This is the best kind of rage comment.
Baked Bean's breakout brings Bob brief, but bamboosiling, broken brainstorms, best brought before a bombasticly brainy bipartician board bedazzled by brilliantly blathering bureaucratic bugs.
Addendum: I hope that Chrysalis' brain scrambling spell doesn't leave them with a Refried Bean as opposed to a Baked Bean, or worse, a Lobotomized Legume.
9254609
Bean's probably going ga-ga over those exotic plants, trying to "cook" with them in new and strange ways... at least according to the owner of this very isolated property.
Also, it would surprise me if the search party didn't have a dragon-mail letter to send back so Celestia can get the information as soon as magically possible. And if not dragon-mail then Luna's slipping if she doesn't contact the team at night.
9254604
Are you saying that Celestia's going to...
(Wait for it...)
... warm up to Chrysalis?
9254744
d. That's brilliant.
You magnificent b
and now they go to see prince Bean who in fact is Thorax and the real one continued on his journey... please I really need this to happen
9255169
*flicks nose* Stop that. Bad gopher.
9257886
What's wrong? How can you possibly object to me using my own bean in a half-baked manner.
Is it weird that I spent most of the last few chapters wanting to give Bob a hug and tell him it was going to be okay? I know I know, deceiving someone by pretending to be their spouse is bad m'kay, but it's not like he had an abundance of options. Mandible and Bob are good examples of the classic Trope Punch Clock Villain, they've done things that can be considered evil, but mainly out of necessity, not desire. I think it would be kind of sweet if, were she to eventually learn just how warped the average Changeling's way of thinking is thanks to Chrysalis, Celestia has a brief heart to heart with Bob to let him know that one day she will be more then willing to forgive him...even if it's not RIGHT this second
It also feels like we are on the home stretch of this current arc, which is wonderful because as well written as it's been, watching Celestia's battle with depression as she pines for her sweet little Bean has been heart wrenching, especially as she's gone through several severe mood swings over the course of just two chapters. That said, the reunion should be nothing less then epic...
***
It said something about Celestia's state of excitement that it had never occurred to her that the door a few inches to the left would have been an easier form of entrance then busting straight through the wall. Yet there she stood, dressed in an Alicorn sized Nurse outfit and a wild gleam in her eye, an exuberant grin threatening to split her face as she struck a pose and let out her own thunderous application of the Royal Canterlot Voice.
"NURSE CELLY TO THE RESCUE!!"
As everypony (sans Luna who had seen this coming by a mile) stared slack jawed, she promptly trotted over, and with exceptional care picked up Bean by the scruff of his neck in her mouth like a dog and her pup. "Now, if anyone needs anything for the next, oh say, eight to nine days, I'd recommend you to my lovely sister. Toodles!" And with that she was off, though this time she at least settled for the door this time.
***
If that inspires you in ANY way I will be delighted
I believe I see two "ands" in there.
9260599
That you do. I shall go fix that forthwith!
I got more amusement out of that paragraph than I probably should have, lol.
9260610
Many thanks to thee!
i.redd.it/gybeeq3opwa01.jpg
I’ll give her water, sure, but as long as he’s in a place with grass, then he’s got food. At the end of the day, ponies are still grazing creatures, even if they prefer their grass dried and sandwiched between two buns with mustard and ketchup.
9809619
True, but with Bean being a gormet chef, his efforts in grazing would probably look like this:
i3.dealtwith.it/i/n/a361f09c4fd4dc84a06d7c0954c3d12f/grass.gif
9817509
Before opening the picture link and reading your comment I know you were going to use that. And I laughed in satisfaction at being right now the nose.