You desperately need an editor to fix up your grammar and sentence structure. Furthermore, Twilight's development into a deranged killer is rather rushed and unexplained. Some more focus could be spared to that. Also, the fight scenes require far more details to avoid being treated as after thoughts.
This is so over the top and hillarious theres no build up it was just like HIYA! imma kill everyone! say did you base this story off of HATRED cause got dam son they have similar plotlines
You desperately need an editor to fix up your grammar and sentence structure. Furthermore, Twilight's development into a deranged killer is rather rushed and unexplained. Some more focus could be spared to that. Also, the fight scenes require far more details to avoid being treated as after thoughts.
8556048
Yup, this was kinda rushed and i am still editing it as well as patching it up, but thanks for the heads up man!
Just the description alone made me want to add this to my library of stories to read later! like holy crap i cant wait until more chapters are out.
This is so over the top and hillarious theres no build up it was just like HIYA! imma kill everyone! say did you base this story off of HATRED cause got dam son they have similar plotlines