Sorry, But Your Princess is in Another Dimension

by Mr AJ

I want to play a game.

The last thing I remembered was flying through the air after I made my less than dignified escape from Grumpy's belly. However, I found myself waking up in a bedroom. I did a quick check of myself and other than a large goose-egg of a bump on my head and a burn on my chest, I was relatively uninjured. As I surveyed the room, I noticed Derpy looking out of the window with her back to me. She was crying for some reason. I eased out of bed and walked over to her, the thick carpet muffling my hooves. The crying was starting to get to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, my own voice wavering. She sniffled an answer, but didn't turn around.

"My friend is....is dead!" And she started sobing all over again. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I put a hoof on her back.

"I'm sorry to hear that, who was it? T-T-Twilight? Did the dinosaur get her?" I asked. Tears started falling down my cheeks. I hoped it wasn't Twilight. Even though she scared me she was still pretty nice. She turned around and leaned into me with her eyes squeezed shut.

"No, it wasn't Twilight. It was Anthony!" *sniff* "WAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!"

....

....

....

"That's so sad!" We both flopped down on our flanks in a sobbing mess.

"I know!" "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The door flew open and Twilight, a creepy looking older guy and the Celestia formerly known as princess burst in.

"What in Equestria is going on in here?" the unicorn asked. From the looks on their faces they were just as upset as Derpy. The more I looked at the old guy, the more I thought I new him from somewhere, but I couldn't remember. Derpy pointed a hoof at me.

"He's dead!"

"I'm dead!"

"You're both dumb-asses." The old guy finally spoke up. He and Celestia turned and left the three of us alone. Twilight just stared in unbelieving confusion. She shut the door. She calmly walked over to the two of us. A rolled up magazine floated up next to her.

SLAP!

"Get it together Anthony! You're acting like an idiot. Though I guess I should explain how we ended up here with the princess." she said. I nodded and rubbed my head. She hit the lump. Derpy had calmed down and was blowing her nose on a tissue. Twilight waited for her to finish and cleared her throat. "When you were sent flying, Derpy took off after you in the air and I followed on the ground. We sort of lost track of you until we heard a loud crash. It took us a few minutes but, we finally found a shed with a large hole in one wall. It was unicorn shaped. We pulled you out, but we thought you really were dead. We heard somepony coming up behind us and beyond all hope, it was my teacher, the princess and well...." she trailed off.

"Well? Well what? That old guy? He kind of looks familiar. Do you know who it is?" I asked. It was really starting to bother me now.

"Well, you might want to sit down. It's pretty bad." She said.

"Um, Twilight, I am sitting. Please, tell me." I asked. Twilight looked at Derpy and sighed.

"Apparently, there's some kind of temporal distortion we pass through between here and Equestria. I don't understand how it works completely." she said.

"It's all a big bunch of wibbly-wobbely, timey-wimey....stuff. But, from the time you first arrived in Equestria until we came back, its been about fifteen years, give or take a month or two. Even the princess was shocked when she first figured it out. Your family assumed you were dead and they moved out of the area. There is some good news though." Derpy carefully explained. Fifteen years!? Temporal distortion? What the hell? That sounded like some random episode of Star Trek or something. I just sat there, my mouth hanging open and my right eye twitching.

"Anthony?" *twitch*

"Anthony? *twitch-twitch*

*sigh*"Let me get the magazine again." A purple glow picked up the magazine an brought it next to my head. *snort* Nope!

"I'm awake! I mean here! So what's the good news?" I asked. Twilight put the weaponized periodical back down. "Oh, and if it is not too much trouble, where did the burn on my chest come from?" I asked rubbing the burned hair and shiny skin over the burn.

"Well remember when we said we thought you were dead? It was because your heart stopped. We brought you back here and used an old stethoscope and we couldn't hear anything. It had been about ten minutes and the princess was a little reluctant, but, she zapped you a couple of times to restart you heart. You should probably thank her. And to answer your first question, that old guy is Claudius-er I mean Andy." Twilight said. It was shocking sure, but not that surprising that it was Andy. At least it was him. We were so close as friends and (some would say) appearance, that we were often mistaken for brothers.

"Hey! I've got some sweet tea ready if y'all want some." Andy hollered from the kitchen. Hot damn! I loved his tea! He always put a little "extra" in. I followed the others out of the room, falling in behind Derpy. On the way out, I picked up the stethoscope and put the prongs in Derpy's ears. She stopped and looked at me. I took a deep breath and got ready to blast her.

"A-hem." Twilight's glare made me think twice. I just put the little cup-piece-thing on my own chest. Derpy scrunched up her nose and cocked her head to the side.

"Your heart sounds funny, almost like it's beating twice for every normal beat. Is that normal for your kind?" she asked. Twilight dashed back and yanked the ear pieces to her ears.

"Let me listen." after a second or two, "She's right! Here, listen for yourself." she told me as she magicked it to me. I took it with my magic, and listened to my heartbeat.

"Ohhhh, that's not right. It sounds familiar, but I can't quite place it. What's up Andy? What's with that little wooden box and that look on you face?" I asked my friend as he walked back into the room and over to me with a serious expression.

"You told me that I would know when to give this back to you. I've kept it safe all these years, here take them." he said and opened the box. It was lined with red velvet and had three slots. The first was about as wide as my thumb and as long as a pencil. It was empty. The second held a plain looking key. The third and final slot held an antique pocket watch. The cover of the watch had a very interesting pattern that really looked familiar. I was about to pick up the watch when I saw something scratched into the underside of the box's lid.

"YANA? No, Y.A.N.A. Wait, isn't that from Dr. Who?" I asked, completely confused now. I remembered seeing it on the show. It meant...

"You are not alone." said a new voice that belonged to an Ood, suddenly appearing to my left. SHIT!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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"AAAAAAAAAAAA(Anthony!)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(Anthony! Wake up!)AAAAAAAAAAH! Huh? Wha? Derpy? What happened? The last thing I remember is that thing swallowing me and then getting launched over those trees? Man, I had the weirdest dream." I sat up and looked around. My vision cleared and and I saw that I was out in the front yard of my friend, Claudius, or Andy as he preferred to be called. "Oh god, I hope it was a dream."

"It was. Don't worry, you're not a timelord or anything." She reassured me. Good. Wait, what? "After we found you, Twilight, the princess and Andy patched you up. You had a few places that were bleeding pretty good. As for why you're still outside, they didn't think it was a good idea to move you because they thought you might have a head injury." she explained. I looked behind me and saw some blood on the ground next to a gouged out rut. Dang! I must've hit pretty hard, that's kind of impressive. I got up and trudged into the house after Derpy. "By the way, we had quite the discussion while we waited for you to wake up. It's been about fifteen years since you've been gone. There was some kind of time warp or anomaly or something in-between here and Equestria. The princess suspects it was Discord's doing." I walked in the door and saw Twilight sitting on the couch next to the princess, chatting and sipping iced tea. In an old chair to the left of the couch sat Andy. An old Andy. An old Andy with a demented looking grin on his face.

"Welly welly welly welly well. Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence. Welcome back to the world of the living." he said. I gave him a glare.

"I'm taken to a different world. I'm turned in to a part-time pony. I'm gone for a decade and a half. I'm swallowed by a dinosaur, burst out of its gut and do an impression of a meteor. All that and that's the best you can come up with? Seriously? I'd kick you in the yarbels, if you had any yarbels." I growled. Celestia, Twilight and Derpy just stared in stunned silence while we tried to stare each other down. I cracked a smile first. The smiles soon broke out into full on belly laughs. Twilight face hoofed.

"We should've known."

After we calmed down, Celestia decided to speak up. "Well, now that that is out of the way how about we deal with finding my sister, defeating Discord, oh and I don't know, SAVING THE WORLD? While It's been nice living here with Mr. Claudius for the past three years, I would like to get home. Any plan on how we do it?" She asked with a forced calmness.

"Oh, you're one to talk. My bloody power bill was nearly double those three years. Once you figured out the t.v., I couldn't get you away from it. Damn those Twilight Zone marathons." The old fart grumbled. Twi slurped her tea at this.

"The me zone? What the hay?"

"Oh Twilight, it's my favorite show. It has nothing to do with you however. It'd be easier to show it to you than explain it, but we really don't have time right now." the unicorn's teacher told her. As funny as it was, she was right. We were short on time.

"Well, personally, I don't see why the portal spell wouldn't work like it did when we used it to get here. That however, raises a question. Princess Celestia, why didn't you just teleport back? You obviously have power comparable to Discord's. What gives?" I asked the royal alicorn. She eyed me for a moment and pointed a hoof at the silvery ring I hadn't noticed that was half-way down her horn.

"This. It is made of a metal that is very rare in Equestria. I've only encountered it twice myself. It cancels out magic in normal unicorns completely. In me however, it only scaled my power down. I have about the same level as a foal at the moment. I believe it is called aluminum. Discord intended to use the metal to strike me down with a viscous blow. Or at least contain me in this world. *chink* Andrew? What did you do?" Celestia asked in shock. Andy had reached over and cut through the ring with a pair of scissors.

"Aluminum? Hell, I thought it was some magical something or other. I'd have done that right off the bat and sent you home if I'd known it was as easy as that." He said as he plopped back into his recliner.

"Well, I see no reason to hang around. I can teleport us all back to the castle. We can start the search for my sister from there. After we deal with Discord. Are you ready?" she asked.

"I'm ready, princess."

"I'm ready as well."

"Me too, your highness."

"Just let me get Mr. Toothy and I'll be ready." Andy answered. The white alicorn looked at him curiously.

"You're coming too? She asked.

"Sure as hell am. I'ma get the bastard that started this whole thing. That, and I'd like to think we've become friends over this short time we've known each other. So, yeah. I'm coming too." He said and walked to a back room. He returned a second later with the meanest looking chainsaw I've ever seen. The blade was about three feet long and the middle was painted gold with "Mr. Toothy" written in drippy red letters. The other end had been modded to look like a human skull with the blade portion coming out of a screaming mouth. He tossed me a small bundle to me. It was my clothes. Considering what was coming up and the fact that I had used up the contributions of the others, I saw no reason to wear them.

"Thanks hoss, but I think I'll stick to this form for now." I told him. He snorted and mumbled something that sounded like 'nudist'. He gripped the handle of the saw and pulled the cord and revved it a couple of times.

"LET'S KICK SOME ASS!"

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Discord appeared in Equestria in the Everfree forrest. Silently, he stalked towards Ponyville making sure not to be seen, when he suddenly stopped and slapped himself. "Why am I sneaking like this? These ponies are powerless against me. Though, I suppose I should capture some of the remaining elements. Just to be on the safe side. Oooooh, I can make them my little pony servants. I still have to catch them first, but how?" He thought out loud to himself. Then Discord got an idea. An awful idea. A wonderfully discordant, awful idea. "Why just some? Why shouldn't I catch'em all? Oh, and little Luna as well. This is going to be fun. HAHAAAA-WAH-HAHAHAHA!" He laughed to himself as six orbs appeared at his side as he sped towards the town. "I sense my 'friends' are on their way. Looks like the human managed to survive my little pet. That's fine, I'll just have a surprise waiting on them."

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"DERRRRPYYYYYY! Hurry it up!" I yelled. We heard the sound of a toilet flush and the grey pegasus walked out.

"Sorry. When you gotta go, you gotta go!" She said with a sheepish grin. Yeah, no kidding. Now we were ready to leave.

"Wait a minute!" Andy shouted. "You took so damn long now I gotta go!" I was starting to wonder if we would ever get to leave. Finally everyone was ready. Again. Celestia's horn glowed and she spread her wings. In a second we all disappeared in a golden flash. We reappeared a second later in what should have been the garden of the castle. I say should've been, because it looked like a stadium or an arena of some sort. And it was dark. Huge stadium lights flashed on and lit up the area, showing Discord on one end, waving. The seats were filled with ponies. I found myself suddenly floating in darkness. What. The. Hell? Where was everyone? Then I heard a booming female voice that must have been an announcer.

"WELCOME TO CANTERLOT STADIUM! LET'S GET READY FOR A PONYMON BATTLE OF THE AGES!" The crowd roared. "I'm Celadon Leaves and I'll be your announcer this evening." A screen at one end of the arena turned on and revealed a small green hued earth pony mare with a sky blue mane sporting a cutie mark with three over-lapping leaves. The camera then cut to show a large brown unicorn stallion with a darker brown mane and a squint-eyed expression. He was wearing a black and white stripped ref's shirt with a whistle and sporting a large boulder for his cutie mark. "Now let me introduce your referee, Mr. Pewter Stone!" The crowd erupted again. Ponymon? What the hell is that? It must be like pokemon.

......

......

Wait. If that's like pokemon, then....... Ah, crap. It dawned on me where I was. All I could hear is the announcer's voice and the deafening crowd. I tried to ask what was going on out there, but found I couldn't talk. What the heck was Discord thinking. A familiar theme started blaring from the speakers. Looks like ol' Disy thought of everything. The announcer came back on.

"THIS IS GOING TO BE A SIX ON SIX BATTLE! THE WINNER WILL GET TO DECIDE THE FATE OF EQUESTRIA!" Discord appeared next to her and whispered something in her ear before reappearing on the field. "Oh, and uh, the fate of someplace called Earth as well." she added half-heartedly.

================================================================================

Discord snapped his talon and a device like a iPad appeared in Andy's hand. The draconnequus's voice came from the speaker. "You might want this. I know you're familiar with a certain game series, so, think of this like you would your game screen. You can basically do the same things you could there, like issue commands and swap out whoever maybe on the field. I'd hate for this to be too easy for me."
The small viewing screen lit up in front of Andy. The top half showed an overhead view of the main area of the field. Below that were six full ball slots. Six? But all I remember is Anthony, that purple one, the pegasus, and Celestia. I wonder who the other two are? He touched one of the slots. It now displayed a picture of a dragon-like creature called Spike and listed his attacks and stats. Hmm, he's a powerful little guy. Crunch, dragon rage, dig and flamethrower. And pretty well rounded, even if they are all attacks. He was about to try the next one, when it disappeared. An instant later, a pony he'd never seen before appeared on "our" side of the field. Her bouncy yellow mane swayed in a breeze that came from a light flapping of her wings. Her stats were listed at the bottom of the top half. Let's see. The attacks listed were hoof stomp, strength, air slash, and cosmic power. Discord's jaw hit the ground with a loud CLANG! The pony turned to Andy. She reached a hoof behind her and produced a cap. She tossed it to him. He looked at the gift. A red and white cap with a large green L on the front. The big guy teared up. "I'm going to be the very best." he said. She answered him and turned to face Discord.

"Like no one ever was."

"Where the hell did she come from?" he shouted. The white pegasus giggled.

"I know you originally had somepony else picked out to fill out his team, but, they had small 'accident'." she said, making air quotes with the tips of her wings. "I sorry if this comes as a," She paused and put on a pair of black sunglasses. "Surprise." Another white pegasus that looked like he lived on steroids hopped up with a loud shout.

"YEEAAHH!"

"LOOKS LIKE THIS BATTLE IS ABOUT TO GET UNDERWAY!"

Comments

[Hearse Boy]

"They had a little 'accident'"

......and she's none to shy to admit it.

[Mr AJ]

1927930oi49.tinypic.com/20rl81y.jpg

[Poets Dream]

We sort of lost tack of you until we heard a loud crash

*track

[Mr AJ]

1930871 Fixed.