A manic earthen mare with powers beyond comprehension has been killing and eating folk all over Equestria. Now she has reached Ponyville, and her next victim to be is Rainbow Dash. But the creature was being followed. Vengeance being his objective.
Good start but i think you might need a bit of a transition to make things less confusing.
"I got closer and told her, “You are more correct than you know.” " Something that tells the reader we are doing a flashback Do the flashback Tell/show the reader we are back to the present.
I was confused because there was a flashback and no signal that there was one.
and his head literally shoved up the arse of Nail’s bottom half.
Reading this at work right now and I nearly spit my tea out.
I'm loving this writing style. Feels like something of a mishmash between Lovecraft and Melville. And the concept of a crazed Pinkie on the loose using her powers for evil is both hilarious and chilling. Good start, will be reading more.
A nice start and a nice job well done, so good show dude
Good start but i think you might need a bit of a transition to make things less confusing.
"I got closer and told her, “You are more correct than you know.” "
Something that tells the reader we are doing a flashback
Do the flashback
Tell/show the reader we are back to the present.
I was confused because there was a flashback and no signal that there was one.
8701039
Got it. Sorry. I'll fix that now.
Reading this at work right now and I nearly spit my tea out.
I'm loving this writing style. Feels like something of a mishmash between Lovecraft and Melville. And the concept of a crazed Pinkie on the loose using her powers for evil is both hilarious and chilling. Good start, will be reading more.