The bits in brackets seem redundant to me. Shoving in "(at 11:30 am)" ruined the flow of that sentence. Likewise, "(except Applejack)" is completely unnecessary, you can expect the audience to realise AJ isn't going to shout her own name when she shows up.
Breaking the fourth wall really threw me, when you mention "that one episode". I don't think referring to the show itself is needed in a fic unless it's for ironic or comedic effect because it completely breaks immersion.
Aside from that, I really enjoyed this, it was hot!
Really fun story! Casualized sexual society stuff like this really benefits from a sense of humour, and there was definitely plenty of that. Looking forward to the conclusion.
thank you, sir, you gave me something I always wanted super slut ponies.
Oh my god that cover art...
You should do a chapter where Pinkie Pie and Sugar Belle competing to be a Creampie Queen Of Equestria by all stallions participating.
8607202
8608576
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/734/910/a74.jpeg
Ok, you know what, lets give this a shot.
I think I have to go to bathroom, also I wonder how she became such a size queen, I going to blame the princess for now,
I fucking love it. Keep going.
8615351
Thanks man.
A good idea! And pretty well executed.
Couple criticisms though:
The bits in brackets seem redundant to me. Shoving in "(at 11:30 am)" ruined the flow of that sentence. Likewise, "(except Applejack)" is completely unnecessary, you can expect the audience to realise AJ isn't going to shout her own name when she shows up.
Breaking the fourth wall really threw me, when you mention "that one episode". I don't think referring to the show itself is needed in a fic unless it's for ironic or comedic effect because it completely breaks immersion.
Aside from that, I really enjoyed this, it was hot!
8638701
Thank you for the advice!
Dash has huge tits and wants sex...WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!
Keeping an eye on this and hoping Spike gets to have some fun with the girls.
new chapter
New chapter when?
Really fun story! Casualized sexual society stuff like this really benefits from a sense of humour, and there was definitely plenty of that. Looking forward to the conclusion.
It’s been quite some time since the first chapter was posted, is the story even still active?
when can we expect the next chapter?
9155609
Soon™
While I myself am not often a fan of body parts being so enlarged, I must say this is a good story and I am eagerly hoping for a second chapter.
Hell yeah
Will it ever be finished?