Surrender

by Saekwaka

Ch. 1: Spike

I lie here within Twilight's library during midnight in utter depression; thinking of the one pony whose striking perfection is only the kind one would see in ponytales. Here I lie: me, Spike. Twilight's out for tonight and is sleeping peacefully while I drown myself in loneliness. I don't mind that much, really. It gives me a chance to think of sweet Rarity while the luminescent stars caress Luna's night sky.

Thinking and hoping is fine and all, but couldn't she at least miss me at nights, too? This ongoing obsession taunts me day and night. Beautiful Rarity consumes me in my dreams. Once I think about it, I sort of feel empty; as if some sort of leech or bacteria's emptying me out gradually. It's sickening...

The inside of me calls for her emrace, but my condition denies me my most bothersome desire: sweet Rarity's love. It could be that I am not the strong, grown stallion she wants; but if it were my choice, I would be. I'd be anything for her. Anything.

Time has turned against me. I am no full grown pony, but instead a fire-breathing baby dragon. I grow tired of being young. Unlike her, I have no elegance, no grace. I have scales and spines covering my body and face.

And yet, instead of being pestered by greed, I reminisce.

Once, I was a full grown dragon; a mean one at that. Once, I was blinded by greed; but she brought me back to reality with such force that it not only shrank my hideous size, but crushed me using guilt. I almost hurt my only love. When we were falling after I returned to my normal size, I almost told her how I truly felt, but she stopped my words... She must have known for a long while before that day. That, however, tells me nothing of her thoughts. Could I be nothing to her? No; it isn't possible. She must at least feel something towards me.

Even if she doesn't, it's no matter to me. Once I think about it, what sort of troubles would one have to endure being the spirit of Generosity? I can't ponder the possibilities, but I know that with me, she would have no need to give. I'd shower her with gifts and blissful fantasies. She needn't lift a hoof to please, for she is the other part of me that went missing. I'd give her no reason to be generous; I'd give her everything. I know this is corny, but... Sometimes I think she is my everything.

I remember when the Diamond Dogs took her away. Those hideous brutes grabbed her and held her hostage underground. I could hardly breathe when she was gone. I thought she was lost forever. 'Guess she took pretty good care of herself, though, because by the time all of the five ponies and I came down to rescue her, those dogs were cowering and shaking against a pillar in fear. Such a strong mare, to have placed those savages in horror while still being able to come out with hundreds of gems. Still, I can't see why they'd be so scared of her. She's just so gorgeous.

Don't get me wrong; it's not her looks that make me fall so quickly (though that is what sparked the fire). If I were to decide, I guess it's her perfection that brings me to my knees. With her lovely personality, her kind generosity, and how she's able to make the world look amazing, well, I bet just about anypony would fall in love. But, maybe not as much as me; and even though I'm a dragon, I'd try to make up for our differences. I'd gladly give up everything to get back the rest of me and to get her love in order to fill the emptiness that hurts me.

Even as I lie here awake listening to Twilight's steady breathing and watching the moon float peacefully in the sky, I cannot find sleep - or, maybe sleep cannot find me. It's kind of hard to keep track of what all is lost at this point, in all honesty. I'm pretty sure I still have a hold on my sanity, but for the life of me, I can't seem to find myself. I think my other personality is stuck within Rarity, but I can't be sure.

This is hard to admit, but sometimes when Twilight is gone, and I'm all alone in the library to clean up after her, I try to think in my head what I'd say to her if I ever told her how I really felt. Like I said, I almost told her once, but she hushed my words. Even if I had spoken them, I know they wouldn't be enough. Crushes are for enjoyment, but love is like a precious jewel; priceless, nearly irreplacable, and difficult to come by. Only, one cannot trade love; that is, trade it for something better.

It's funny; I kind of want to laugh at myself right now. A dragon and a pony couldn't ever hope to be together, could they? How many dragons actually love anything, anyway? The only things I've ever seen a dragon cherish are just, well, things. We grow by greed, not generosity; therefore, Rarity and I are opposing forces of nature and by nature.

Still, I ache so badly; I want her next to me. Twilight is great and all, but I honestly don't see us together. She's a diligent student with no time for a dragon's dream; that, and in reality, I'm just a child locked inside his own wild imagination. In fact, I'm kind of hoping that all of this is a dream so I'll wake up and forget everything. Forget my love for Rarity, forget my - no, our time in Ponyville. And finally, forget the Elements of Harmony; which also includes Rarity.

This wish is in vain, I know. Maybe some day I'll confess to Rarity.

Or, maybe not.

But for now, since she doesn't seem to know, doesn't seem to see the yearning in my heart, I'll just lay here in my bed within Twilight's library and think of her until I fall asleep. As I lay my head on my pillow, I place my claws on my hungering heart and whisper,

Good-night, my sweet Rarity...

---

I wrote that when I was young. Admittedly, I edited it to my liking - to perfection. Before, it was nothing more than a statement. Now, with painted words and vivid passion, it is a work of art. It must be perfect, every detail must be. Nothing can be mediocre if I'm telling the story of my Rarity.

By now, I am the age of seventeen (in dragon years, which go by faster than pony years). I'm not so large that I'm unable to fit inside Twilight's tree, but too big to be entrusted with cleaning duty; so I sleep outside. Now, I'm little more than a friend and a writing dragon to her. That's fine by me. Twilight, in her kindness, never had need for me to write, but still allowed me this small gesture of importance by assigning me to do so. She did, however, need me to send her letters. So I do, and as a pony might blow out a candle, I huff a small breath and let the wind and magic carry her words to Princess Celestia.

Enough of Twilight, though; I am recording the events of my love, my diamond in rough. My precious gem.

I want to tell of how great she is, and I want her to know how strongly I feel. I want her to feel the brunt of my words, but I also want her to feel a sense of security. I want her to look at the gem I gave her, and flush red with happy feelings.

But now, my claws ache along with my saddened heart. And before I go any further, I will rewind back to where our story began.

I owe Rarity at least this...
I owe her everything.

Comments

[Reed Libro]

First!

[Path_of_cloud]

Poetic and quiet a rare find. It's going to be hard to tell the story like that if it is your intention to keep with it through out, but it could prove masterful.

[SebasMarolo]

dawww...soo cute

[awesomespike]

I liked it, but felt it was way too short of a opener. Of course you have me wanting more, dont get me wrong but I wish the first chapter was pushed longer.

[Prof Tokeman]

This was awesome

[Myrandall]

The well written form makes it hard to imagine a baby Spike writing this. The contrast with the show is just too big.

Liked it a lot, but my imagination can't really get into it.

[spikethed]

I would love to a huge comment on this but I'm in class so I'll keep it short. It is story's like his that make me love Spike because I know what the kid is going thru and I can relate. Only difference is I lost anyways thank you for beings able to write how I fleet. It's story's like this that make me wish Spike and everypony was real so I could relate even deeper. Spike my dragon you will get her one of use has to get the girl or in your case mare. Besides love is a crazy thing maybe she does feel that way who knows just don't lose hope

[Theatre Pony 66]

hmmm. I am very interested in were this goes next and how you tell this story.

So far great start and I can not wait to read the next chapter.

[SgtRamen]

Spike...I feel your pain...I know about it in ways that you couldn't even imagine. My phyc is locked in a constant battle between madness and sanity. Everytime I read a story like this, or see a picture about something like this, it feels like I've had an aluminum baseball bat swung into my head, a rusty knife stabbed into my heart, and a steel-toed boot kicked into my groin. Because somehow, deep down, I know that I'll never be able to find someone who I can share my happiness with. Someone who will be there when I feel alone and depressed.
Sometimes, I feel as though I'm the one person on earth who will never find someone to love them. Anyways, great chapter, I really like it. It's very well thought out and you did a very good job writing Spike as a teen-ager. You get a yay, and a moustache.

The Master of Madness, signing off.

[Fury of the Tempest]

Well well well... isn't this poetic.
I really don't feel that Spike would ever be 'just a friend' with Twilight. Their relationship will always be deeper then that. She had a close relationship with him when she was young, so how could they not have a strong relationship?
However, I think you capture Spike's feelings for Rarity greatly and the cliffhanger is rather saddening. I hope for a happy ending, but the Tradgey makes me think otherwise...

[DarkDMan]

Wow, this story is going to be deep. Now to continue!