The Alicorn Foal

by MythrilMoth

Hoofston, We Have A Pinkie

Pinkie Pie slowly awoke to find her friends gathered around her, looking down at her in concern. "Ugh..." she groaned. "Need...cupcakes..."

"Are you okay, Pinkie?" Twilight asked. It was a ridiculous question; the pink mare was in absolutely horrible condition. Her hooves were cracked and worn, she was covered in layers of grime so thick her coat looked gray and her cutie mark was no longer visible, she sported numerous cuts, scratches, and bruises, one leg appeared to be sprained, and she had a halfway-healed puffy black eye. Her mane was limp; Rarity had already brushed various twigs and leaves out of it. Most of her tail was missing; what remained was mostly a mess of singed split ends. She had a threadbare old saddlebag strapped on that looked like it had been fished out of a dumpster, and for some reason, there was a filthy leopard-print yellow bandana tied around her neck.

The pink pony sat up, blue eyes narrowed. "Hell-LOOOO! I just said, I! NEED! CUPCAKES!"

"Yep, she's fine," Rainbow Dash said.

Mrs. Cake brought a tray of cupcakes for Pinkie, who wasted no time inhaling them. Her mane regained a bit of its poof, and a tuft of cotton-candy-like tail abruptly sprouted from her rear. "Better," Pinkie said. "Ugh, I could use a shower."

"At least," Rarity said, earning a sharp nudge in the ribs from Applejack.

"Pinkie, what happened?" Twilight asked, lying down in front of her friend, eyes full of concern. "Cadance said you went flying out the window after you burped Velvet, and then you just went missing for a whole week!"

"Yeah, where the hay WERE you all this time?" Rainbow demanded, forehooves on her flanks.

Mrs. Cake provided a second tray of cupcakes, and Pinkie bit into one, chewing slowly. "Well, after Velvet launched me out the window..."

* * * * *

EQUESTRIA PEGANAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION (EPSA)

HOOFSTON

"Confirm, we have an Unidentified Pink Object," a serious-faced gray earth stallion in a lab coat spoke into a headset. "Repeat, confirm, we have an Unidentified Pink Object."

"No duh, she's lying right in front of us."

Two pegasus mares, one puce and the other chartreuse, stood over the pink earth pony who had just crashed through the roof of the EPSA observatory. The chartreuse pegasus nudged the pink pony with a hoof. "Think she's still alive?" she wondered.

Pinkie Pie sprang up off the floor like a superball, bouncing in place a few times, blue eyes blinking rapidly. "Wooooow, that was SOOOOOOME burp," she said woozily. She glanced around. "Anypony got a banana cream pie? Because I could really really go for a banana cream pie right now. Ooh, or some carrot ice cream. Or a sweet potato muffin. Or..."

The other ponies just stared at her. "Um...excuse me, Miss," the gray stallion interrupted. "This IS a restricted facility. Just...exactly who are you, and how did you get here?"

"I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pink pony replied cheerfully. "And how did I get here? I rode a burp here. Um, where's here?"

"Obvious brain damage," the puce mare said clinically, nodding.

"We'd better take her to the hospital."

"Hospital? Oh, don't be silly. I'm fine! Well except for this big lump on my head and I think I sprained a hoof when I landed, but otherwise I'm—"

* * * * *

"So you say you're from Ponyville."

"Um, YES! I've said it like fifty bazillion times!"

"And you don't know where you are now."

"Only because nopony will TELL ME where I am—"

"And you got here, so you claim, by riding a burp."

"It was one hay of a burp."

"Mm-hmm," the unicorn doctor hummed, scribbling on a clipboard with a pen. Across from him, Pinkie lay on a bed, forcibly restrained. The walls of the room were white and padded. "Alright, Miss Pie, here's the thing. It simply isn't possible to ride a burp..."

"It is if it's an alicorn foal doing the burping and she has freaky weather control magic—"

"Yes, this whole alicorn foal thing again," the doctor said. "Tell me all about the alicorn foal."

"Well, her name is Velvet Frost and she's an alicorn and she's a foal and she looks kind of like a red velvet cake with white frosting which is funny because I told her mommy and daddy that when she was born and that's how she got her name and I made a big red velvet cake with white frosting for the new foal party I threw that night but anyway it turns out she's got really powerful weather magic and it makes crazy stuff happen all over Ponyville..."

"Now, Miss Pie..." the doctor said as she paused for a breath. "I think if an alicorn had been born recently, we would have heard about it. I mean, that would be the biggest news in all of Equestria..."

The door opened. "Doctor?" a timid-looking nurse pony with a stringy black mane said, shifting his front hooves nervously.

"Yes? This had better be important," the doctor snapped impatiently.

"Um...Miss Pie's story checks out," the nurse said. "There really is an alicorn foal in Ponyville, with weather control magic."

"No, there isn't," the doctor replied calmly.

"Uh...yes, there is," the nurse said.

"No. There. ISN'T!" the doctor replied sharply, eyes wide and bloodshot. "I am going to CURE. THIS. PATIENT. Of her delusions!"

Pinkie blinked. "I don't have any delusions, silly!"

"Yes. You. Do. Because. I. Say. You. D-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

The doctor fell to the floor like a sack of oats, a syringe sticking out of his rump. The nurse quickly unlocked Pinkie's restraints. "Better get out of here, fast," he said quietly. "Good luck."

"Thanks!" Pinkie replied before escaping the mental hospital at a full gallop.

* * * * *

"So after I got out of the loony bin..."

* * * * *

Pinkie stared at the endless gray mess of roads and buildings around her, ears flat and mane beginning to defrizz.

It hadn't taken long to learn she was in Hoofston, which was a long, long way from Ponyville. It was big and gray and boring, with roads that circled back on themselves a dozen times and made no sense; the sky was a dull gray because equally dull gray pegasi kept piling up dull gray clouds over the dull gray city.

As she tried to get her bearings, a baseball smacked her in the eye. "OW!" she cried, rubbing the fresh bruise.

"Sor-ry," a gray donkey wearing a Hoofston Asstros uniform called out, trotting over to her and picking up the ball in his teeth.

Twenty minutes later, a football bounced off her flank; she was immediately trampled by a stampede of bulls in blue helmets and jerseys.

After she regained consciousness, Pinkie smelled yummy food and wandered in the direction of the smell; she found herself in a building with a gleaming hard wood floor. She had only just realized she'd wandered onto a basketball court when she was buzzed by a pegasus dribbling a ball, who soared up and dunked it. "Hey," the pegasus called down to her, "no fans! Off the practice court, or I'll call security!"

"Sorry..." Pinkie replied. "Didn't mean to interrupt..." she trudged off the court. "By the way, that dunk sucked," she called back over her shoulder. By now, her mane had gone mostly limp.

By the time she finally managed to find a sign pointing her in the direction of Ponyville, she'd collected additional injuries from a soccer ball, a hockey puck, and yet another baseball. She nearly wept tears of joy when after hours of walking, she saw a sign that proclaimed:

NOW LEAVING HOOFSTON

"Worst. City. Ever," she grumbled as she reared up and bucked the sign before venturing out onto the open road.

* * * * *

"I didn't have any money with me, so I couldn't take a train or a bus or a taxi or an airship or anything, so I just walked all the way back to Ponyville," Pinkie said. "And I kept getting lost, so it took a really long time to get home, and I couldn't buy any food, so I had to live off the land and sleep in parks like a bum. I actually met some bums. They had really mangy bums.

"But I saw a whole lot of neat places on my way home! Hosstin, San Anponio, Baltimare, Gnu Orleans, Chicagoat, Sacrapinto..."

Twilight took a step back. "Uhh...Pinkie...most of those places aren't anywhere between Hoofston and Ponyville. Some of them are on the other side of Equestria!"

"I KNOW!" Pinkie cried. "Like I said, I kept getting lost!" She nibbled at another cupcake. "It's good to finally be home..." She looked around. "So, when are Lavender and Sable getting back?"

Twilight looked sheepish. "Actually, we just got a postcard from them..."

Comments

[Zeromant]

There's no doubt about it, you've been to Houston before. My condolences.

We (Texas) try to keep travelers out of that neck of the woods so to speak, damn shame they got tourist attractions like NASA control though.

[GunslingerWhiteRose]

I'm from Texas, and you know what? That was a really good description of it. It's boring, dull, grey, and in summer, you fry in the sun in 10 seconds flat. I'd rather live on a mountain than live in Texas. Lol

[RaisingShad0ws]

As much as I would have said, "I Take offense to that!," I'm not gonna. The references are almost spot-on, and everything that you did for the city was amazing. Excellent job.

[ElJorro]

I am from Texas and I think Houston was pretty nice...except for the heat.