You sir, have grabbed my attention! What is he, a Zerg infested Terran Marine?

hmmmm i think hes a infested ghost or a mix of infested terran marine
and ghost

8281303
Sounds Like it, I am enjoying this story already! (Even though during me typing this, I haven't read it yet)

I don't see a lot of Star Craft stories here so this story gets an instant like and fav from me. I know this will be good. :D

This has my follow

Tenebris smiled down at her, enjoying the embrace while he could. "Lux, I'll be fine. Once I leave to join our forces we will finally be able to stem the tide of demons and push them back to Tatarus." Gently, Tenebris pulled himself from Lux's side. He gave her a quick kiss, something that was enough to show his affection for her, before making his way out of their chambers. "I must depart soon, the demons have become to powerful for us to idly stand by."

I. 'too' is better/correct here.

Rain was gently cascading down onto(?)the armored creatures below as they made their way through the mud and muck left from the constant downpour. In the front of the army, the first king of the newly found country of Equestria marched surrounded by a squad of the finest ponies around. Among this group were the council members of the Three Race Council and their respective boy guard. They led the way for 10,000 troops, other creatures that knew what was at stake to the south of Equestria. The army itself composed of 2,000 Shamans and Warriors whose greatest strength came from their alchemy and ancient knowledge only Zebras seemed to have at their disposal. Only armed with a simple spear and tribal hide shield, they could easily be underestimated due to the lack of equipment or even armor. However few felt this way as the Zebrican Tribes had shown time and time again how skilled their Warriors were in combat and how deadly a simple alchemic powder from a Shaman could be. From the Minotaur Empire, 4,000 elite Chargers clad in heavy plate armor much like an earth pony marched forth with halberd in hand. Due to their great strength and bipedal nature, they could easily be a formidable force. The Chargers were mainly known for their ability to make a deadly charge into enemy lines with their halberds, and once engaged, easily switching to a long sword and shield to push the enemy back. The fact alone that they can wield a long sword with one hand is enough to incite fear to an untrained opponent.

II. 'onto' is, possibly, missing here. Though, I suppose you could've been referring to how the rain is actually running down their mail. Nevermind.
III. 'found' is another case of "what are you going for?". This jumped out as a possible typo that was supposed to say founded.
IV. 'boy' is almost certainly supposed to be 'body', unless author is implying that the council live like clerics of a Dark Ages calif?

However the most interesting addition to the army of reinforcements from neighboring nations were the Sky Guard of the Griffon Kingdom. The griffons were clad in thick leather armor, studded and covered with a thin layer of steal to add additional protection without risking too much mobility.

V. *steel

Another thing that peeked his interest was the strange, metallic polearm hanging by a strap from it's shoulder.

VI. *piqued

All the errors that jumped out at me, unless you count commas, which I do not. I mean, there's official ways to use them, but really they're just for wherever the reader is supposed to pause that a sentence hasn't ended.

Going to be keeping an eye on this story; here's hoping that Amicus has the opportunity to be an agent all his own at some point.

8281479 That’s the way it reads
8281640 I’ll keep quite, You do a better spell check than I do

I’m in

8281749
...

wat?

You're in what?
You need to keep the Butterfly equipped to keep her, I've heard.

8281640

As the creature spoke, it's mouth remained closed, speaking not without it as the voice echoed within everyponies' minds.

VII, I suppose. The 'not' really confuses things here.

If this doesn't annoy the Hell outta you, then I suppose that I can keep doing this.

8281479
I'll tell you you're right about him being an infested Terran. However what he was before becoming infested and what lead to his infestation will be shown throughout the next few chapters. He's more than what he appears to be for now.

8282807
I don't mind one bit, always hard to edit your own writing and I don't exactly have editors for myself. It's greatly appreciated if you catch errors on my end.

Once it was on its feet, everypony began to take in its appearance; glowing yellow eyes with veins that seemed to be pushing against the skin leading away from them, two legs and arms much like the minotaur, it appeared to be wearing a strange suit of sorts that gave off an air of an military officer of sorts and stood at least two feet taller than Tenebris himself, however the strangest thing to note was the large growth on its back that was covered in both a bone-like chitin and more cysts like the ones around the clearing.

Alright, at first I was planning to only point out that having the phrase 'of sorts' repeat twice in such quick succession, while not incorrect per se, is clunky and jumps out at you a bit. I was going to do that, but then I noticed that this is all one sentence. Up to you if you wanna keep it that way (obviously), just figured I'd point that out.

Yay another zerg story we don't have enough of those

Rain was gently cascading down the armored creatures below as they made their way through the mud and muck left from the constant downpour. In the front of the army, the first king of the newly found country of Equestria marched surrounded by a squad of the finest ponies around. Among this group were the council members of the Three Race Council and their respective boy guard. They led the way for 10,000 troops, other creatures that knew what was at stake to the south of Equestria. The army itself composed of 2,000 Shamans and Warriors whose greatest strength came from their alchemy and ancient knowledge only Zebras seemed to have at their disposal. Only armed with a simple spear and tribal hide shield, they could easily be underestimated due to the lack of equipment or even armor. However few felt this way as the Zebrican Tribes had shown time and time again how skilled their Warriors were in combat and how deadly a simple alchemic powder from a Shaman could be. From the Minotaur Empire, 4,000 elite Chargers clad in heavy plate armor much like an earth pony marched forth with halberd in hand. Due to their great strength and bipedal nature, they could easily be a formidable force. The Chargers were mainly known for their ability to make a deadly charge into enemy lines with their halberds, and once engaged, easily switching to a long sword and shield to push the enemy back. The fact alone that they can wield a long sword with one hand is enough to incite fear to an untrained opponent.

I have notice that you have a tendency to use large sentences that could be broken up into individual parts. For example when you start talking about the army you should start a new paragraph when you introduce a new soldier type.

As the creature spoke, it's mouth remained closed, speaking not without it as the voice echoed within everyponies' minds. Slowly Tenebris began to approach the strange creature, signaling for everyone but Hurricane and Platinum to stay back. The creature continued to look at them with both curiosity and intrigue, making them all feel the powerful presence of it's mind. Once they stood before it, the being spoke once again, but this time to them only.

also when you use two negatives you cancel them both out. If you look at what i highlighted i think you ment to say "the creature spoke without using its mouth". But with the two negatives, in this case not and without, they cancel each other and the sentence reads " the creature spoke using its mouth".

but other than that you have my attention with this.

The smile on Amicus' face was genuine and large.

And full of sharp teeth.

Zerg versus Demons, lead by an infested marine... And it's well written so far!

Not only am I itching to read more, but because it's Displaced, I'm wondering if you're interested in doing some serious crossovers with other Horror Displaced writers...