A week passed and things went to shit REAL fast.
The day after my glorious hunt, I tried to get a pulley from Applejack, but for whatever reason, she had gone from hateful to fearful in a day. Instead, I had to deal with Big Mac, who saw me as the source of AJ's fear and charged me double for the pulleys and transport. I was pretty sure the damn things are defective as well, if the rope constantly getting caught and stuck is any indication. May have sabotaged them himself. Not to self, NEVER deal with the Apples. Or at least return the favor, in price but not quality. I did have a business to keep afloat, after all.
At least I got my goods from Sweet Apple Acres. When I went to Rarity's, she screamed, slammed the door, and locked it. After a full five minutes of yelling through the door about how unfriendly and unladylike this behavior was, I gave up and returned home. My day was pretty much ruined by that point. After all, Rarity was a good friend, or so I thought. I was probably overreacting, but damn it did it piss me off. I completed an order or two, completed a few more pages of the Everfree Bestiary; leaving an empty space every so often as to leave room for pictures, then went to sleep.
Things got worse in the next four days. Over those few days, all the work I put behind gaining the trust of the ponies crumbled. Rumors spread, glares returned and doors were barred. Conversations halted when I was near, the eyes of the ponies were fearful, but absolutely full of malice. I was unwanted here. Before they hushed, I heard three constants that made my blood boil. Rarity, Applejack, and shed. I didn't hear the rest of the rumors, but I knew they were malicious in their sickening nature. It didn't take a mathematician to add them together. I didn't hear from my other friends as I was unable to show my face around town. I hoped that if I lay low, the ponies would forget and I would be able to live life as usual. The only good from those four days was the free time it gave me to write more of the bestiary.
On the seventh day, I heard a crash outside my house. I didn't need to light a candle as my night vision was well good enough to see out my window. My window faced my shed and I saw a mob of ponies with torches and lit horns fleeing from my shed. In the moonlight, I could see that my shed door was broken. Those bastards defiled my property, trespassed, and pushed me away after I have been an active member of this community for six months!
I... I don't think I can continue my life here. It would only be a matter of time before they stormed this building or torched it. I liked it here. Hell, I loved living here in Ponyville! I loved being a part of this thriving community. I had friends, a job, a life! Then those two, those two pieces of shit had to ruin everything! I even trusted one of them. I trusted her to not invade my privacy. If I see the two of them again, I'll...
I couldn't think about those two for much longer, lest I set myself off. I quickly packed ups some of my things, wrote a note, and was about to leave, when my gaze fell onto my desk. I made quite a great amount of progress with the Everfree Bestiary. I couldn't let one of those bastards take my work and publish it as their own. If they don't want me, they won't have my work. I packed my papers, including extras, ink and quill, and left for the Everfree, tears in my eyes.
If they think me a beast, then a beast I will be!
One week later
Just as Jacob had predicted, the mob did return after they mustered the courage, and raided his home. Applejack led them in, but didn't partake in the wanton destruction of the home. She was searching for Jacob. She wanted to him out of this town. She couldn't stand the thought of him hunting some pony, or her family; especially after that sour deal Big Mac gave him. So while the mob was destroying his living room, Applejack searched the home. The more she searched, the more her heart fell. Jacob may have a fox head mounted above his fire place, but on the mantle were pictures of good times that Jacob had with his friends. In the halls, there were frames with all of Jacob's friends in some manner; including Applejack. There was a picture of Jacob and the other Element Bearers in a group hug at his 'Welcome to Ponyville' party. On and on, room after room, Applejack saw mementos of good times. Some were hunting trophies, which disgusted her, but then there were gifts from his friends. Be it picture or item, they were all well taken care of. He cared about them.
When Applejack entered his bedroom, it already looked ransacked. She then realized it wasn't looted, but Jacob packed in a rush. On his desk, there was no ink or guills, the papers that were left were all scattered on the floor.
All but one.
Applejack quickly read the paper, feeling the full weight of her guilt when she reread it. She had to get this to the others, and fast. Landsakes, I really bucked up this time.
Dear, well, someone I hope actually cares,
I don't know when you found this note, but it obviously shows you don't know how to mind your own damn business. I know it is stating the obvious, but you ponies finally ran me out of town. As of writing this, I don't know why I was betrayed. But I do know you don't care. All of you -Word was illegible as a tear stain smeared the ink.- are nothing but spiteful creatures. To think I could have trusted you people. So I left. You - a beast. Well, you got one. I left to the Everfree to live peacefully. Away from ponies. Don't follow me. I promise, I will not - anypony that enters my territory. With exceptions. Rarity, Applejack, I hope one of you are reading this, because if I see you, I WILL maim you. I'm not even joking. Applejack I will cut - in your legs then drag you back to Ponyville. You will be unable to walk for the rest of your - And Rarity, I will scar you. You will be so hideous that you will no be able to look in a mirror for the rest of your misera - king life. I will actively hunt you two down if I see any sign of you in my territory. You ru - my fu - life!
Goodbye to those that care, Jacob Feles.
Applejack looked up at the other Bearers. Everyone of them looked back at her, except for Rarity, who had fainted after hearing of Jacob's spite. "Ah think we bucked up."
Gee, you think.
I have a question to all the authors who write these HIE stories. Don't you think that it is ridiculous at all, that you all write Rainbow Dash as a rabid, unhinged nut job that attacks anything non pony instantly on sight. OK, yes, there could be one or two stories where rainbow sees somebuggy and instantly and rabidly attacks them on first sight. But come on 30 stories, 60 stories, If you go by fan fiction, there is a rabid, foaming at the mouth pegasus flying around ponyvill viciously attacking anything she sees instantly on sight.
Stop it. Come up with something new. There are 1000 stories on here where you could copy pasta of each other.
How about some new rules.
The character has been in equestria and DOES NOT DO THE BEATEN TO DEATH MEETING WITH THE MAIN 6 They are cookie cutter any way, whats the point.
Rule 2 No more main character with a sex phobia where they hyperventilate in a paperbag any time the scene remotely gets suggestive.
Rule 3, Beating to death the polygamy angle FOR CHAPTERS. One of my favorite stories on here that i listen to regularly has a main character that has a phobia about herds and polygamy. I understand it. Don't beat me to death with it. Most of you just go on, and on, and on, and on.
you guys are ruining your stories doing this. For example in the story "Herding Instincts" the character makes a sexual mistake and they beat him to death with it for chapter, after chapter, after chapter, after chapter. They fixed it, but dam near lost their following.
Come on, we are an aging group of Bronies, watching a show that is 7 or 8 years long in the tooth. You can't tell me this cookie cutter generic stuff is the best we can do? Nothing new, nothing creative?
To the Author of this story. This is not meant for you and don't take it personal. There is a thing called cultural or genre in breeding, where a tight knit group of Authors who only read each others works, begin copying each other in negative ways. On this sight, for example in the past, this manifested in the word "Chuckled" Every story had the main character chuckle. Not giggle, or laugh, or titter. Ok you say whats the big deal. One of the more popular Authors on here. One I admire, wrote a story where the OC "Chuckled" so often that it became sexually creepy. It really does begin to ruin the stories.
Just think about what your writing. Would EVERY first meeting with flutter shy be the same way? No. In the real world we have good days and bad days, and sick days, and DONT SCREW WITH ME days.
Everyling here is an amateur, but you are still Authors. Be careful of Author Inbreeding.
The Monk
8763809
I do understand where you are coming from, and I'll admit, I am using SO many cliches in this story. To be honest, the purpose of this story was to flex my writing muscles a bit to see if I could do it.
I am very appreciative of your criticism. It is these kind of responses that are needed if I am ever to improve. I have been putting off my rewrite of A Diamond In The Rough until I could get good enough to stray away from the absolute cliche, and it is stuff like this that reminds me that I still have much to learn on writing.
So once more, thank you for taking the time to read this and giving your input.
Wow. The complaints.
Ouch.
Not really. Putting rehasss to the side there are plenty of non rehashes out there. Also this story is not a full on rehasgmh at all.
If you want varietty give me a message. As long as I am not on a deployment I will attempt to give you a reference to something you might think is unique.
Otherwise just keep searching. There really are alot of interesting and unique angled fics on this site.
Isthisdead?
Dude I hope they continue this story, so far I really loved it!
And what a cliffhanger we have been left with! Lol
Hell yeah they fucked up!
Update please! :)
This is standard practice.