And here's the next chapter! What'll happen next? My guess is as good as yours, because I'm totally winging it!
It would also be interesting to note that I'm not sure why people like this, since this is probably one of my dumbest ideas ever. Either way, this captain is going down with his sea-faring craft.
Alright, at first I was highly sceptical that Silk Weave would deal with the six so calmly but it makes sense that she would;t want to beat the daylights out of national heroes. The party however I find it somewhat unlikely, Linens' trauma aside he would likely snap under the weight of a normal party, never mind one where he would be having constant reminders of what must have been the most painful and degrading experience of his life. More likely is that if his sister does want an apology from each mare involved in the incident is that each would come to his house over a period of time, most likely only one a day, to apologise personally. On the other hand, watch a socially and possibly sexually broken person collapse in a social gathering does make for a good piece of drama.
Awaiting the next installment with popcorn on hand. BlackWinter
Now that would be a plot twist now wouldn't it? Young Linen becoming a father would be quite interesting, after all there are his many issues to work with, Colgates' own responsibilities in the matter. his family, and just precisely what kind of relationship would he have with the foal? I doubt it would happen though, it more likely she just took the cupcake offscreen.
Took 4 chapters for us to see the OC actually have a reaction beyond taking it like a doormat? Finally!!
Annyway.
Superb writing. Like, top notch in all possible ways. Flow, structure, speeches, character development, details. Everything just read good.
But.. there are problems.
Massive number of rape, OC is abused, objectified, negated and denied in all ways by the others. .. He was developed early on, but he was erased after the rapefest.
OC is also a total spineless doormat. He just take it. Doesnt make any sense, initially. (Btw that angle isnt fun to read, give some actual fight/spine to the OC.. being shy and awkward doesnt make him weak) Stockholm syndrome seems to be in full swing too, wich is sort of interesting. I expected the OC to fight, scream and flee with reckless abandon when the rape began.. but he didnt (not really anyway). And now he's a broken shell running on autopilot, so St.Syndrome is going strong. He sides with his tormentors to survive, befriend them, defend them. His mind wont accept conflict (or else it snap) so he just goes with them all the way. His personality is also erased by that point, and that makes him dull to read.
So... when is he going to snap? I expect these weaksauce apologies from the mares/M6 to make him blow a fuse sooner or later. These apologies have no chance of wor-- What. THEY WORKED?!
At least AJ show her support and control herself. Rarity seem more interested in him in the professional sense. But why did he faint when his sister showed up? I would have expected for his to seek her out for support.. (then again, Stockholm syndrome might explain that reaction.. defend your tormentors)
It reads more like a psychological horror story than a " clop" one, imho. The clop just objectify him. The dark theme fits like a glove. The OC is abused to hell, alone and broken, surrounded by an uncaring crowd. Even his sister was very much "meh" about his horrible abuse... (she says herself that ponies are perfectly capable of controlling themselves.. Canterlot isnt evacuated every year at estrus, so all the Mares have no excuse for the rapes) and payback/justice is very unlikey (M6 cant be touched, being the EoH)
But still, upvote for it. Its flawed (imho) but solid. I don't like the way you wrote the OC's reactions to all of this (spineless doormat who's personality was negated pretty quickly), but the rest is good.
Ill be following your work, if the rest is written with that quality.. that should be real good.
1699141 Your points are all very valid; this story was a shot in the dark, and I half-expected it to be received wholly negatively simply based upon the premise alone. The criticisms against Linen's personality are correct. I think I sort of ended up straying off the road when it came to focusing on his reaction and it sort of devolved into just pushing the story along instead, and that's something I hope to try to fix in the coming chapters.
But why did he faint when his sister showed up? I would have expected for his to seek her out for support. (then again, Stockholm syndrome might explain that reaction.. defend your tormentors)
It's certainly not too far off to assume that he does care about protecting his tormentors. The feeling of having such a huge urge that it can override reason is something that Linen does not fault them for having, as he truly believes that he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. When presented with a natural solution to alleviate themselves, it was anticipated that the mares would obviously go for it, and he knew that; he also knows that they aren't normally like that, and that's why it poses a problem for him when protective family shows up: blame will be shifted somehow, and at a point where he believed that he was going to close the problem, an unknown variable steps in instead and disrupts the status quo. At the very least, that was what I had in my mind as I wrote this chapter, and I know it's not without its flaws, either.
(she says herself that ponies are perfectly capable of controlling themselves.. Canterlot isnt evacuated every year at estrus, so all the Mares have no excuse for the rapes
That's an error on my part, as the way I had originally had it meant that it wasn't supposed to sound as easy as it did, just a casual reference by Silk that I was going to go in-depth during the next chapter.
Again, thanks. Wholesome feedback like this is greatly appreciated.
And here's the next chapter! What'll happen next? My guess is as good as yours, because I'm totally winging it!
It would also be interesting to note that I'm not sure why people like this, since this is probably one of my dumbest ideas ever. Either way, this captain is going down with his sea-faring craft.
Colgate didn't eat a cupcake or muffin or whatever it was did she?
I wouldn't be surprised.
Alright, at first I was highly sceptical that Silk Weave would deal with the six so calmly but it makes sense that she would;t want to beat the daylights out of national heroes. The party however I find it somewhat unlikely, Linens' trauma aside he would likely snap under the weight of a normal party, never mind one where he would be having constant reminders of what must have been the most painful and degrading experience of his life.
More likely is that if his sister does want an apology from each mare involved in the incident is that each would come to his house over a period of time, most likely only one a day, to apologise personally. On the other hand, watch a socially and possibly sexually broken person collapse in a social gathering does make for a good piece of drama.
Awaiting the next installment with popcorn on hand.
BlackWinter
1696903
Good enough for me!
Aw yeah! Let's get it started! Good chapter by the way. I like the part about him moving out was purely his own thing.
1697182
Now that would be a plot twist now wouldn't it? Young Linen becoming a father would be quite interesting, after all there are his many issues to work with, Colgates' own responsibilities in the matter. his family, and just precisely what kind of relationship would he have with the foal? I doubt it would happen though, it more likely she just took the cupcake offscreen.
Enjoying the fanfic
BlackWinter
I expect bitch slapping
Took 4 chapters for us to see the OC actually have a reaction beyond taking it like a doormat? Finally!!
Annyway.
Superb writing. Like, top notch in all possible ways. Flow, structure, speeches, character development, details. Everything just read good.
But.. there are problems.
Massive number of rape, OC is abused, objectified, negated and denied in all ways by the others. .. He was developed early on, but he was erased after the rapefest.
OC is also a total spineless doormat. He just take it. Doesnt make any sense, initially. (Btw that angle isnt fun to read, give some actual fight/spine to the OC.. being shy and awkward doesnt make him weak) Stockholm syndrome seems to be in full swing too, wich is sort of interesting. I expected the OC to fight, scream and flee with reckless abandon when the rape began.. but he didnt (not really anyway). And now he's a broken shell running on autopilot, so St.Syndrome is going strong. He sides with his tormentors to survive, befriend them, defend them. His mind wont accept conflict (or else it snap) so he just goes with them all the way. His personality is also erased by that point, and that makes him dull to read.
So... when is he going to snap? I expect these weaksauce apologies from the mares/M6 to make him blow a fuse sooner or later. These apologies have no chance of wor-- What. THEY WORKED?!
At least AJ show her support and control herself. Rarity seem more interested in him in the professional sense. But why did he faint when his sister showed up? I would have expected for his to seek her out for support.. (then again, Stockholm syndrome might explain that reaction.. defend your tormentors)
It reads more like a psychological horror story than a " clop" one, imho. The clop just objectify him. The dark theme fits like a glove. The OC is abused to hell, alone and broken, surrounded by an uncaring crowd. Even his sister was very much "meh" about his horrible abuse... (she says herself that ponies are perfectly capable of controlling themselves.. Canterlot isnt evacuated every year at estrus, so all the Mares have no excuse for the rapes) and payback/justice is very unlikey (M6 cant be touched, being the EoH)
But still, upvote for it. Its flawed (imho) but solid.
I don't like the way you wrote the OC's reactions to all of this (spineless doormat who's personality was negated pretty quickly), but the rest is good.
Ill be following your work, if the rest is written with that quality.. that should be real good.
1699141 Your points are all very valid; this story was a shot in the dark, and I half-expected it to be received wholly negatively simply based upon the premise alone. The criticisms against Linen's personality are correct. I think I sort of ended up straying off the road when it came to focusing on his reaction and it sort of devolved into just pushing the story along instead, and that's something I hope to try to fix in the coming chapters.
It's certainly not too far off to assume that he does care about protecting his tormentors. The feeling of having such a huge urge that it can override reason is something that Linen does not fault them for having, as he truly believes that he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. When presented with a natural solution to alleviate themselves, it was anticipated that the mares would obviously go for it, and he knew that; he also knows that they aren't normally like that, and that's why it poses a problem for him when protective family shows up: blame will be shifted somehow, and at a point where he believed that he was going to close the problem, an unknown variable steps in instead and disrupts the status quo. At the very least, that was what I had in my mind as I wrote this chapter, and I know it's not without its flaws, either.
That's an error on my part, as the way I had originally had it meant that it wasn't supposed to sound as easy as it did, just a casual reference by Silk that I was going to go in-depth during the next chapter.
Again, thanks. Wholesome feedback like this is greatly appreciated.
1699332
I don't know. I see the protagonist being like most of us. Throught most of our lives we get stepped on, on a daily basiss.
(Although we don't get the rape part.)
This is fun read, let's see what happens next!