Please do a sequel!

Nice, would like to see a story with these two

Much enjoyed. So wow!! Hot!! Very sexy!!! Want more! Yusssh!! Anthro Dragonlord Ember maybe? Hu hu hu

This was pretty good for a re-telling, but I don't think I'll ever understand how some people think rewriting the dialogue from a hentai is a good idea. Maybe you just have to be into that cringy dialogue :p

Anyway well done !

That was fantastic. I haven't been this turned on in awhile.

FOREPLAY IS VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE! Speed toward the end is no fun.

Overall, very good. I did notice a few small issues, the most noticeable of which is that the tense seems to change from present-tense to past-tense midway through the story, and then change back again a bit later. Recommend fixing this, as it was quite distracting from the narrative.

I also agree with some of the other readers in that I really don't like the idea of Flash being a bully. There is a pretty decent-sized roster of background characters you could have used to fill this purpose, and yet you chose one of the most chill motherfuckers in the school (as far as I know. To be honest, I haven't gotten around to watching the actual movies yet).

One last thing (though this one is just me nitpicking, so feel free to ignore) I thought the school's name was "Canterlot High," not "Equestrian High." That's like having a school called "American High." It doesn't really work, in my opinion.

But in all, it was a very nice story with a very nice sex scene. In fact, it was pretty inspiring. Would you mind if I took a few pieces from it and made my own thing with them? (It won't be a carbon copy, i promise. Just want a few of the plot set-up bits to work with. hate to feel like i'm stealing, so wanted to ask you)

Yep. I know exactly what hentai you watched.

Ooooohooohooohooo, daaaaaamn... mmmm this was a damn fine read, I freaking love stories like this with Gilda, they are glorious~

Good show! Good show.

8199862 what hentai?? I need to know the name
For science

8199862
8200601
I also need to know... for science

8200601
Watashi Ga Toriko Ni Natte Yaru, for those who are curious for research

I feel ashamed... I know the exact same Hentai you're referring too

Well, that certainly wasn't the kind of pounding the protagonist expected
Good read, though!

All of which attached to a curvaceous, yet flat torso

Story would become unexpectedly gruesome if it didn't attach!

Villain Flash Sentry is not credible given his displayed canon character. The only time he's been shown being unnecessarily mean was when he was Siren-charmed. And he's not a jock; he's mainly a musician. He is popular, but that's because he's notably nice. He's often friendly with geeks, and he's gentlemanly and honorable.

You'd do better making an OC to bully your protagonist, because this is Flash In Name Only.

After taking the cowards way out

This actually highlights a problem with the story. Protagonist is so amazingly cowardly to be actually doing this, that it is difficult to keep any respect for him whatsoever. When writing a story, it is a bad idea to make your protagonist such an extreme antihero that you lose the sympathy of the audience.

“Wow, I never thought Gilda would wear panties like these,”

Me neither. She's an athlete. Thongs and Athletics don't mix very well. Rarity would be more likely to be sporting that stuff.

Though maybe she only wears them when she's not doing track and field?

Her expression devolves from initial surprise, to neutral.

Honestly, I can see Gilda having many possible reactions to this situation. "Neutral" isn't one of them. I mean, how often do friends of hers show up in her locker, half-naked, sporting erections, and holding her panties? That can't be a normal turn of events for anyone's life, outside of a porno movie.

Now, see, "passionate lust" is not a "neutral" reaction. Not unless your Gilda is a lot more insane than any of the canon versions we've seen of her. I'm guessing the reason she gave protagonist a handjob instead of beating the crap out of him is because she likes him, again, unless she's seriously insane and this is what she does to boys she doesn't like.

Just as you begin to regain yourself, you feel something soft, but firm grab you and pulls you out of the locker. It hurts, to say the least. Gilda dragging you along the ground for a few short moments.

Please don't tell me that she's dragging him by his dick. If she was actually holding him off the ground by that member, she would be causing him intense agony and possibly long-term and severe physical injuries, depending upon his body weight. If Gilda does that to people she likes, then she is seriously insane, but not at a fun haha level, but rather more like sociopathic.

If you don't want the reader to think this, you should probably described by what part of protagonist Gilda is lifting him off the ground. Because the horrific possibility is the one that immediately suggests itself, given where she was holding him before.

dropped pretty ceremonially on the floor

I think you mean "unceremoniously." You have given me the image of Gilda lighting candles, donning a fancy dress, and conducting a complex ritual with protagonist. Possibly, one ending in marriage, given the obvious implications of her earlier actions.

“You…you make it sound like you’ve never seen one before,” you asked, raising your head once again.

"Whereas we all know you're a total slut and you're always giving handjobs to random strangers ... Ow! Was it something I said?"

Smooth move, Casanova.

Given the outcome it's obvious that Gilda returned his feelings. The sex scene was actually quite well written, though protagonist was unexpectedly virile. But why not? Maybe that's what his Dream Mark is telling him.

I especially like that Protagonist decided to be loyal to Gilda at the end. That was character development, and redeemed him as a character. Up until then, I was feeling very sorry for Gilda being in love with a cowardly jerk like him.

So, I'm upvoting the story.

Am I the only one who noticed the frequent tense changes? That bugged me.

if you have a sequel in mind, please write it as soon as you can, this was great, easy fav

so really all you did here is take the entire ep of Watashi ga Toriko ni Natte Yaru and turned it into this. -_-

8206637
Ehhhhh some guys are nice to women, but are bullies to others. We didn't see flash much in the movies and he could be a two faced motherfucker for all we know.