I was very surprised at how... pleasant the beginning of the interrogation had been so far. This "Princess Celestia" asked me my name, asked if I was feeling alright (I replied that I was actually a little chilly without my shirt. Also, I didn't tell her this, but meeting the ruler of an alien planet half-naked is kind of embarrassing.) and she even gave me my shirt back, and my soap (Union issued pine fresh #21, so your guns are the only thing killing people, not your smell.) After she somehow made them appear from light out of her horn (seriously, what the actual heck.) the door opened and three ponies walked inside. First was the pony doctor from before, and behind her were two armor wearing unicorns. They took a seat and Princess Celestia rang a bell. Suddenly, a cart with five plates on it was pulled in. The princess smiled before saying,
"I figured we should start with breakfast given you haven't eaten yet."
Okay, what the heck. Where were the needles? The white-hot irons? The tongs? The rusty fishhook they would remove my gallbladder with? (Seriously, the Union's Inquisition Unit uses all of those, amd more.) I was suspicious to say the least, but also very hungry and in need of a shower. I decided I could satisfy at least one of those needs and accepted a plate with a quick nod. The only thing on it were some thin cut hash browns with a cup of orange juice. I scooped up some and took a bite and... they tasted like grass. I would know, I once ate some on the field trip to the City 12 Plantetorium (only place with plants in the entire city. Each city had one since plants were inefficient compared to carbon scrubbers.) I managed to hold my gag and slowly swallowed. I looked up at their expecting faces and faked a smile.
"It's good! It just... needs salt."
I grabbed the salt shaker and sprinkled some over the hash browns from hell. I slowly made my way through my plate as the ponies watched. The doctor from before (who had her mane in a bun and rectangular glasses on, pretty adorable.) paid extra special attention to my eating, eyes glued to my every move. When I was done, the plates were cleared away and the questions began.
"Now then, what are your government's goals? Why are you here?"
Honestly, I wasn't sure. They had said resources, but I wasn't entirely sure. I shrugged.
"Please understand, cooperation will get you farther than silence. I will ask you again, what are your goals?"
I shrugged again. I honestly didn't know, so saying something would probably get me in trouble. I winced as a sharp pain filled my stomach. Please, don't let me crap my pants. The princess sighed before motioning towards the door. The ponies all filled out, obviously determining how to torture me. A few minutes later the two guards returned without their helmets. What was their plan?
"Alright scum! Start talking!"
Wow, intimidation didn't work when you were so dang pet-able. Suddenly, the other guard was at my side.
"Oh, don't mind him, he's always been a little grumpy. Now then, why don't you just tell us what we need to know, and you can get out of this room."
Oh... this one was so nice. I really wish I had something I could tell them, but the only thing I know is that you don't put metal in a microwave. I winced a little as my stomach spasmed. The devil's handmade hash was fighting back.
"Hey! You better start talking before I have to get serious!"
Seriously! I was just a conscript! I didn't know anything! Couldn't they understand that? The ponies sighed before walking out. Well then, that was fast. After a few moments the doctor came in with them.
"Well then, since you've decided to be difficult, I'll be conducting some tests."
Oh, I'd heard of this one! The doctor comes in and then pumps you full of chemicals until you melt. I didn't flinch as she approached, until my stomach exploded in pain. I gasped and fell to the floor. It felt like my insides were being stabbed with thousands of white hot pins. I heard hoofsteps running towards me and suddenly I was being rolled onto my back.
"What happened? Are you okay?"
Like you didn't know, you obviously poisoned me.
"He must not be able to digest hay! Quick, we need to pump his stomach!"
Oh, must have been a truth serum gone wrong. I've heard of that, they never did manage to get them to not make your eyes shrivel up. Suddenly, I was being rushed through hallways and... I'd prefer not to go into detail about the process of having the contents of your stomach removed.
After that incident, I was allowed to shower and went to sleep as soon as I was brought back to my cell. I woke up in the middle of the night, just as I had hoped. Standing across the hall was my favorite pony, Orchid.
"Hey Orchid, how's it going?"
She started and soon was at the cell door.
"Are you alright? I heard something happened today about you and hay and whatever. What happened?"
I shrugged.
"Must not be able to eat hay. Who knew?"
Her concerned expression was soon replaced by a stern one.
"I also heard you refused to talk. What's with you! You don't seem too bad, but your trying to help kill innocent ponies! Princess Celestia wants to end the fighting."
"Try 'Didn't know the answers to any of the questions.' I'm just a conscript, not an actual soldier."
She looked at me in confusion.
"Conscript? You mean you're being forced to fight?"
"Well duh, barely anyone wants to be in the military. We're just cannon fodder. We don't even know why we're fighting!"
She gaped before shaking her head.
"That's sad. But anyway, you'll be telling Doctor Carefull Observer tomorrow when she examines you. She thinks you guys are really neat."
Oh great, I get to be a lab rat. What fun.
-------------------------------
I sat waiting on an examination table. I had been made to remove my shirt and had just barely been able to keep my trousers. The door opened and the white doctor with the bun and glasses walked in. I should have known. She looked at me and started shaking like a kid in a candy store before saying,
"I just can't wait to learn all about you! I mean, think about it. I'll be the first pony to study an alien species!"
I was just thrilled to be studied. At least she was cute with her little glasses and tattoo of a magnifying glass on her butt. Wait...
"Now then, any questions before we start?"
"Yeah, what's with the tattoos? Your's isn't the first one I've seen. Is it just tradition to get a butt tattoo around here?"
She blinked before looking from her rump to me before a look of dawning comprehension grew on her face.
"Ah! You mean my cutie mark! It's a magical mark that appears on the flank of a pony when they discover their special talent! Don't you have something like that?"
I shook my head. Earlier I probably would have laughed at the magic part, but given the circumstances I was more inclined to believe it.
"Good! Now then, let's get back to observing your rather impressive, musculature."
She ran a hoof over my arm as she said "musculature." Honestly, I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about given I was in only decently good shape. Definitely not bodybuilder style muscles or anything. She started circling me, tracing my back with a hoof before stopping in front of me.
"Now then, I want to know all about the scientific impossibilities possible only to your species-or in my bed, standing offer.- and use that knowledge to further ponykind as a general. Also, I want to study every part of your anatomy and physiology in great detail. Ready to start?"
"What was that about a bed?!?"
yup... a doctor xenophile, you're screwed.
I feel sorry for the protag, being the specimin for such an insane[ly smart] individual, also i got that little reference there, kiddo
Ha ha ha this is great keep it comming.
Jeez this is more difficult than I thought. After all, how do you convince someone to cooperate with you when their entire life they've been conditioned to believe that a government that only thinks of you as a tool and will kill you for the slightest infraction is "normal"?
8120932 Apt choice of words.
8120932 Do you mean figuratively or literally.
8121270 Reference win!
8121310 Thanks! And, just a heads up, I do try to post a new chapter every other day or so.
8121390 And thus we get to the meat of the problem.
8121402 ha, knew it
Also good story so far
This story also gives me a kind of a TFTB vibe.
I'll be watching to see where this goes
8121412 Good to know! Also, for reference, what is TFTB? It sounds familiar.
8121865 Hooray for pointless endeavors!
8121851 tales from the borderlands, i see similarities.
Normal guy from evil corperation gets screwed over by evil corperation ( Rhys getting demoted to janitor / protag getting conscripted) goes to alien planet,
Meets the enemy ( prosperity junction / unicorn in the forrest) , conflict( Loader bot vs bandits / nervous breakdown) , finding out the enemy isn't so bad (deal going relatively well / caring ponies)
And (probably as it's whatever the player / you choose to do.) joining up with them.
8121878 Huh, haven't played it. But hopefully that's a good thing that they're similar.
8121888 I'll try to keep that in mind, always got to be careful when writing these to avoid bad grammar and pacing.
Redacted due to spoiler tag not working
8122719 That explains the redacted part. I was curious.
8122762 if I can get it to work at home I will post it again
8119100 No problem. I was playing off your words in the story, so I'm sorry if I came off too snarky. ^.-.^'
8124361 Not at all! I took it as advice to improve the story. Though props to you for being polite.
The Oder is #1 most popular weapon of mass destruction of mankind
Best Cafeteria EVER
IDIOT!! you ALWAYS put metal in the microwave
me
foon fer alll
Good that i dont got no cootie merk?
YES A BED!!!! A BED GREAAAAT!!!! YOU GOOTA SWEEEP ON DUH FWOOR BRUH!!! YOU WANT DAT BEAD!!!!
Ah hah ha! The scientist point is Tannis! That's great. Love it.
8121406
Speaking of meat... Here's how I'd end this chapter.
"Why sure, Carrie," I said, my voice a husky whisper. "I'd love to eat you on your bed, but I'd rather do it with you on my favorite steak plate!" Nom! Grr, why is still-naying unicorn so tough!
Comprehension. Unless the doctor is currently being squeezed tightly. Which, I mean, she might be. No judgement.
8331423
I suck at life.
Uh, humans can eat and digest hay just fine, sure it's not very nutritious and you'll have a bad time in the bathroom half a day later, but it's fairly harmless, especially if it's been prepared as a meal.
8359755
Well then I must be weird because when I was a kid I saw my brother stick a stalk of hay in his mouth and thought he was eating it. I ate a whole bunch and thought I might die it hurt my stomach so bad.
8359857
Hehe that sucks, but could be applicable to a lot of things if you were a kid and overindulged in something new. The scenario itself works, but it's still a bit 'seriously, that just happened?' You'd think they'd ask him about his dietary habits before serving him something.
Wow, this 'Union' sure sounds like a place which could be improved by giving the ruling class a few napalm enemas.
I wouldn't mind a check up by this doctor.
8120932