The Chronomancer
Twilight peered at the filly. She didn't look like much: she was a bit on the scrawny side, her mane done up into a pair of sloppy pigtails, and her eyes were bright and shining with happiness as she stacked books with her gamboge-coated friend. Were it not for the fact that she already knew otherwise, Twilight could have easily dismissed her as an ordinary little foal.
But she did know otherwise. Starlight Glimmer was anything but ordinary.
"Sunburst and I did everything together," said the filly’s grown-up counterpart softly from beside Twilight. "In fact, I don't remember us ever being apart. Until today."
The book stack that the filly and her friend had been building up groaned and collapsed. It would have showered filly-Starlight with books, if little Sunburst—the gamboge unicorn colt—hadn't jumped up and heroically caught them in his magical aura.
As the younger Starlight looked to him gratefully—adoringly, Twilight thought—a ring of magic on Sunburst's flank signaled the appearance of his cutie mark. He whinnied in surprise and delight and galloped out into the street to show it off, leaving behind a dejected heliotrope filly who merely sat and watched from a distance.
"And just like that, my friend was gone," Starlight continued. She sounded as heartbroken as her younger self looked. "His family recognized his magical talent and sent him off to Canterlot. I never saw him again."
"Well, why not?" demanded Spike.
"Because of his cutie mark! He got his, and I didn't! He moved on, and I didn't! I stayed here and never made another friend because I was so afraid another cutie mark would take them away, too!"
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Twilight snorted a little. "That's ridiculous. A cutie mark can't take your friends away."
"Not everypony's lucky enough to get her cutie mark at the same time as her friends," Starlight hissed.
It began to sink in that this was what Starlight had been so upset about the entire time. Twilight had nearly died multiple times because of this pony's inability to deal with losing a friend when she was a filly. Some of those worlds had lost thousands, maybe millions of ponies. This was what had created all those nightmarish alternate realities. This was what had created Our Town.
This pitiful grudge.
“This is why you did everything?” she blurted out.
Starlight cocked her head slightly. “What do you mean?”
“This is what made Our Town? This is what made all those broken worlds? You—You had a falling out with your friend when you were eight years old and you never got over it?”
“Don’t… Don’t put it like that… It sounds pathetic when you say it like that…” muttered the unicorn.
“That’s because it is pathetic, Starlight. I’m really sorry, but you need to understand that.” Twilight gently touched a hoof to her shoulder. "It makes me angry, too, because you're a smart mare, with a lot to offer the world, and yet you've spent your life consumed by... Well, this."
When Starlight replied, it was through clenched teeth. "Stop patronizing me."
"I'm not patronizing you... I'm trying to help you understand that there's more out there than this well of hate you've trapped yourself in. It's pathetic. All of this is pathetic. And you deserve better than a pathetic life dictated by this petty grudge. You deserve happiness."
Starlight's eyes narrowed. She let out humorless bark of laughter and jerked away from Twilight. "Who do you think you are to tell me what I deserve?"
"I know you deserve better than this," insisted Twilight.
"You don't know anything, then. You know nothing at all!"
"You're right," said the alicorn carefully, "I know nothing. I'm just... I don't want you to have to live your life without friendship, Starlight Glimmer. Being all alone is something I'd never wish on my worst enemy."
“You couldn't possibly understand what it’s like to have no friends!” Starlight snarled, her posture quickly turning aggressive. “And how could you ever possibly understand? How could you ever know how much it hurts to be alone? You’re the Princess of Friendship! You’ve always had friends! Y—”
“Twilight didn’t even have any friends before she moved to Ponyville!” interrupted Spike. “She thought it was a waste of time! But she didn’t make a whole creepy cult about not having cutie marks and not being friends because of it, unlike some ponies!”
“At least I chose to start fixing the problem instead of becoming part of it!” Starlight was unmistakably blinking back tears now.
“Please, Starlight,” said Twilight, “please think about what you’ve been doing. You just visited an entire future where everything was wiped out because of you and you're still trying to say that what you’re doing the right thing! This isn’t worth it! I’m so sorry, but it’s time t—”
She didn't get any further, because Starlight was on top of her then, slamming her forehooves into Twilight’s face. Though Twilight fought back, her horn was already smothered by Starlight's own magic and Starlight herself seemed an immovable object atop her. The unicorn's face had twisted into a mask of rage; when she spoke it sounded more like the fury of a wild animal than the words of a pony.
"What do you know?” Starlight snarled, bringing her hooves down as hard as she could. “You don't know anything about me! It's his fault! He left me alone! You don't know anything! Don't ever tell me what's worth it! You're just a pretty princess with a pretty princess cutie mark! You don't know anything about being worth it! You don't know anything about earning your wor—"
Mid-sentence, mid-word, Starlight recoiled with a screech and scuffled away from Twilight, leaving the dazed alicorn roll over and half-crawl away from her attacker. Once she’d reconnected somewhat with the world, Twilight gingerly got back to hooves, though with her balance still not quite right it took a couple of tries.
She found Starlight holding Spike several feet above the ground with her magic. Two claws’ worth of deep gashes had almost completely replaced Starlight's left cutie mark with a mess of blood and muscle. It was Spike, Twilight realized, who had stopped the unicorn from beating her half to death.
"So this is how we're going to play," panted Starlight. Not only was she ignoring her bleeding wound, but she seemed almost invigorated.
"Put him down!" Twilight ordered, trying not to let worry seep into her voice. "Don't you dare hurt him, Starlight!"
"Don't worry, Twilight! She can't hurt me!" yelled Spike, which prompted Starlight to spin him around so she could leer at him.
"Can't I?" she asked.
"No, you moron! I'm a baby dragon. There's, like, pretty much nothing you can do to hurt a baby dragon!"
"Oh, well! Clearly I made a mistake tangling with you, didn't I?"
A victorious little grin crossed Spike's face. "Yeah, you did. Now lemme go or I'll roast you alive!"
Starlight threw back her head and laughed. It was a crazed laugh, the kind that maniacs gave in magical theatrics. "Did you hear that, Twilight? I should let him go or he'll roast me alive! Do you think I should let him go?"
"Yes!" replied Twilight immediately. "Let him go. He's, uh, a very ferocious dragon to his enemies!"
"Well... He does seem like the type, Twilight! I’m very afraid! Mister Spike, are you a ferocious dragon to your enemies? Do you like to set them on fire?"
"Yes I am! Lemme go!"
The unicorn whickered loudly. "If you're so ferocious, mister Spike, I dare you to set me on fire!"
"I… I will if you don't let me go!" said Spike, though he sounded more blustery than anything now.
“Oh, no, mister Spike… I think I’ll await your firebreath. Come on, give me your best shot.”
"Starlight, for Celestia's sake, let him go now!" Twilight lit up her horn, only to have Starlight rapidly project a telekinetic lasso onto the alicorn's horn that squeezed the base until Twilight's nebulous spell died away.
"Tch. You've obviously never had to fight for your life, Princess," sneered Starlight. "Here's a tip: raw power isn't all there is to it. You can cast all the shield spells and teleport all you want, but I'm just used to casting faster."
A small crowd had gathered around the group by then, whispering about the mysterious purple princess and the dragon and the bleeding mare who apparently looked like one of the ponies in town. Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw filly-Starlight peeking out from a doorway to watch with wide eyes. She wondered, for a moment, what the foal must have been thinking about this exchange, and if she realized that the heliotrope mare with the bloody flank was her own adult self.
"Dude, if you don't put me down in, like, thirty seconds, I'm gonna burn your fa—"
Starlight plastered some turquoise magic over Spike's mouth, silencing him. "You and I both know you're not going to set me on fire. The only thing that could convince you to harm a pony is protecting your hoard… and your hoard is clearly your friends. I’m not hurting any of your friends right now, am I? No.”
She turned back to Twilight.
"I'm angry," she explained—rather unnecessarily, as Twilight had figured that out a long, long time ago. "You took advantage of me."
"What do you mean?" asked Twilight, a bit confused by the accusation.
"You tricked me into showing you the worst moment of my life, Twilight. The moment when everything went wrong. You made me think that maybe I could trust another pony, and then you mocked me when I told you how I was hurt. You are just like everypony else, but you are worse. You made me trust you just so that you could hurt me."
"Starlight... I didn't trick you. I was angry and I'm sorry—"
"No excuse," sneered Starlight. "You are the embodiment of ego and inequality. You think that the world revolves around you. I was like that too, once." She glanced ever-so-briefly at the filly version of herself hiding in the doorway. "I thought the world revolved around me. But now I know it doesn't. I'm going to teach you about the world, Twilight."
There was something horrible in her eyes as she said it.
Then Starlight cast a spell that made her horn glow golden. Something far in the back of Twilight's mind remembered that only very powerful spells were able to override natural horn auras and produce unique colors, but consciously she was more focused on the fact that Starlight's spell conjured a spear of light through Spike's heart.
"SPIKE! NO!"
But she knew the spell, and she knew Spike could not survive it. No dragon could, for it was created solely to kill them. Twilight watched, seemingly for an eternity, as Spike's warm eyes went cold.
Eventually, Starlight's spear of light faded away, leaving a gaping red hole behind, and she flung the body over towards Twilight. The sound of the little dragon scuffing against the ground broke a spell Twilight hadn’t even been aware of. She threw herself on his motionless body, desperately searching for some sign of life—but there was nothing.
"Welcome to real life," she heard Starlight say, just before a roaring vacuum opened up over her head and pulled her into the familiar tunnel.
Moments later, she tumbled into the fluffy white skies of Cloudsdale. Feeling impossibly drained, Twilight just flopped over onto a cloud and cradled Spike in her hooves, wrapping her wings protectively around him, and cried.
"Oh, Spike, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I should have protected you…"
She stroked his spines gently. He'd only been a baby dragon; only twenty, the mental equivalent of about ten for a pony, as dragons matured very slowly. This was not his time to go. He was supposed to live for thousands of years and reign across Equus as Spike the Brave and Glorious.
This was not how Twilight had imagined parting with her… well, she didn’t really know what to call Spike. Her number-one assistant; her best friend; almost a little brother, almost a son; a creature she'd raised from the time he'd hatched from his egg. And now he was gone.
"Hurts to lose a friend, doesn't it?”
Twilight whipped around. Starlight Glimmer was floating in the air not far from the cloud, surrounded by a turquoise aura. She had a strange I-told-you-so expression plastered across her face.
“You!” snarled Twilight. "You murdered Spike! How could you?"
"I wanted to make a point," Starlight explained, shrugging.
"A point?” Waves of anger rolled and crashed within the alicorn’s heart. "You wanted to make a point?”
"I didn't feel like you were taking me seriously. Now you'll listen."
"That's it? You murdered Spike just to get my attention?”
"Well, he did also give me this horrible wound. And he was your friend, and I hate your friends. But that's beside the point. What m—"
Starlight was indeed very fast: she'd had the glittering turquoise shield up before Twilight even finished casting. Twilight recognized it as a variant of one of Shining Armor's favored defensive spells.
A barrage of spells bounced harmlessly off the bubble. No matter what Twilight threw at Starlight’s shield, it simply wouldn’t break. Few ponies could have been able to maintain such a complex shield under such a bombardment—but Starlight hardly seemed to be straining. Either the unicorn possessed the magic of ten alicorns, or else she had modified the shield spell to make it more efficient.
Twilight tried teleporting inside the shield, but always found herself back on the same cloud each time. Even smashing a hammer of pure magic against the thing did nothing. She tried funneling her own magic into it, overloading it, but found that Starlight could simply cast two shields at once and leave one to handle the overload.
At last, Twilight was finally unable to summon the magic to cast another spell, and sank down into the cloud with tears flowing freely down her cheeks, too exhausted even to stand.
"Well, that was certainly worth the effort you put into it, wasn't it?" said Starlight as she approached the spent alicorn and settled into the cloud with a soft puff.
"I hate you," sobbed Twilight. "I hate you..."
Her words triggered a cacophony of derisive laughter from Starlight.
"You think you hate me?" the unicorn sneered, lifting Twilight's chin with telekinesis so she could look into her eyes. "Oh, Princess, you don't know the meaning of the word! But I'll show you. I'm going to make you hate yourself almost as much as I hate you. More, even, perhaps. You can't hate somepony else if you don't hate yourself, after all! I'll make you hate the air you breathe!”
Twilight began to cast another weak stunning spell, but Starlight telekinetically punched Twilight in the horn, further disabling her already exhausted magic.
"I almost fell for it, Twilight. Almost. You had fooled me into thinking that maybe I could trust you; that maybe you really were just trying to help me. You made me think that you didn't deserve this. But then you ruined it. You showed me what you're really like. You laughed at me and you said those things to me. You brought this on yourself."
"So you murdered Spike to punish me?" Twilight blurted out, cutting off Starlight's rambling. "You killed an innocent baby dragon just to hurt me!"
"No, no, I killed the dragon to show you that I'm serious," replied Starlight, almost giggling now. Her eyes were darting from one side to the other. Twilight couldn't tell if she was excited or nervous. "You weren't taking me seriously, Twilight. You were playing with my mind, and it's not supposed to work that way.
“I was weak when I started!” she went on. “I made this scroll for you, but I was afraid. I had doubts, and I let you manipulate me because of my doubts. You took advantage of me. You almost made me rip up the scroll, even! But now I know better. Now I don't have any doubts."
For just a moment, Spike's death wasn't on the forefront of Twilight's mind anymore. Rather, she was rapidly being consumed by a mixture of confusion and alarm. She’d thought Starlight’s plan was to erase the sonic rainboom from history—but the unicorn seemed to be thinking along a different line.
"Starlight," she said, "w-what are you talking about?"
Starlight's eyes opened unnaturally wide and she grinned manically. That horrible thing that had been present when she'd killed Spike was there in her eyes again. "Twilight, I'm going to... teach you some things, hmm? You like to learn, right?"
Twilight backed. away from Starlight’s frightening gaze, only to have the unicorn follow her. Starlight pressed her nose up against Twilight's, glaring into the alicorn's eyes.
"I'm going to teach you about equality. About reality. About... about... Don't you get it? I'm no better than you. You're no better than me. We're hardly that different, Twilight Sparkle. Once I break you of your ego, you'll see that. You just need some practical experience."
Shoving Starlight away, Twilight snarled, "You're wrong, because I'm not a murderer, unlike you! We weren't that different until you murdered Spike!"
"I can bring him back," said Starlight, almost offhandedly.
Twilight's breath hitched. "W-What?"
"I take it you didn't actually read the entire scroll," sneered Starlight, holding up the scroll and waving it around a bit. It vanished into thin air a second later; probably deposited into a pocket dimension for safe-keeping. "It doesn't just loop time back to that particular day in Cloudsdale, you idiot. How do you think I managed to bring us to a different time and location? It's certainly not just a single spell!"
"But... necromancy... what it does... you can't do that to him! I won't allow it!" Twilight shuddered at the implications. She did not want Spike to end up as a mindless zombie.
"For Aequitas’ sake... Didn't you read the documents about me that’ve been circulating around the Royal Guard offices? I thought you liked to read."
"N-No... I mean, yes, I like books! But I didn't even know they had information on you. The Guard, that is—"
Starlight just laughed outright upon hearing this.
"You truly are a special pony, Princess. If you'd done your homework, like a good student, you'd know that one of the fields I specialize in is chronomancy. Expanding windows of time, altering perceptions of chronological passage, clock stuff, and so on. And I've gone further than any chronomancer ever has, even Starswirl the Bearded! This scroll lets me control time absolutely! I can do things that were hardly even theoretical before I perfected them!"
"...Chrononecromancy," Twilight realized. "You’re talking about reversing the events that led to death."
"Very astute. Yes, the spell includes chrononecromancy. Perfect chrononecromancy, I'd like to add."
"Y-You can really bring him back?" Tears welled up in Twilight's eyes.
A horrid little smile bloomed on Starlight's face. "Yes, Twilight. I can resurrect the dead—Anypony, not just the dragon. I can bring back your friends, too. I can kill you and resurrect you as many times as I want. I can and will reset this timeline as often as I please. There's no escaping from what I've created for you. You are my student now."
"Your student?" repeated Twilight. “I’d rather not learn how to b-brainwash ponies, thank you…”
“But Twilight, I thought you loved to learn! And, anyway, you don’t have a choice. You’re going to learn whether you want to or not. This is a life lessons class, dear.”
Twilight shuddered and hugged Spike closer to her body. She wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. But she knew the only way to get Spike back was to get the scroll from Starlight, and if Starlight was as intelligent as Twilight knew she was, she’d made it so that only she herself could retrieve it. That meant she had to deal with Starlight if she wanted to get Spike back. And, anyway, she didn’t think her horn was up for a teleportation spell yet, and she had a feeling Starlight would just drag her back if she tried to fly away.
“You are going to learn the meaning of life,” continued Starlight, her voice strangely soft and hollow. "Life… is about loss. Hurt. Abandonment.
“It is about knowing that every pony you care about is going to throw you in the garbage one day, and that there is nothing you can do about it. It is about realizing that no matter what you accomplish, you will never, ever be worthy of love, and accepting it instead of fighting uselessly against it. It is about recognizing that you yourself are no better than the pony you blame your problems on. You are all equally worthless."
"That's... that's such an awful way to look at the world," mumbled Twilight. “No wonder you grew up to be such a… such a… a monster… if that’s how you see things.”
"Yes," Starlight said, in a tone of general agreement, "but it's the way things are. I'll make you understand. We have all the time there could ever be, Twilight. We'll never age thanks to my spell, and we'll never run out of resets. I can do this forever... quite literally."
"I don't... I don't understand any of this," Twilight admitted. "What's your goal? What's the point? Why are you doing this?"
"I'm doing this to hurt you," the unicorn said with another smile. "I made this scroll for you, just so that I could torment you in our own private hell forever. You took everything from me, Twilight Sparkle. I made one tiny place in Equestria for myself, a place where the ponies were as worthless as me, and you destroyed it and left me to drown alone. I'll take your friends away from you a thousand times. I'll kill everyone you love. I'll make you watch as I rip, and cut, and mutilate the innocent, your friends, and again, and again, and on, and on.
"And you'll join me in the madness, Twilight, because you're just like me. We're not different; you just think we are. Oh, you're going to be afraid at first, but soon, you're going to find that you can't contain your hatred for me anymore. And then I'll give you targets. And it'll be my face you're thinking of, but you're still cutting the throat of an innocent pony. You'll see. I'll break you. I'll drive you insane. I'll make you into the beast that haunts your own nightmares.
“This is what a pony is, Twilight Sparkle. It's a seed of insanity. A monster.”
Twilight stared at Starlight's mad grin with wide eyes, fighting back the urge to throw up. "You're crazy… You’re completely, totally crazy… You’re the monster…”
"I'm a pony," spat Starlight. "I never said I was anything else. Not even in Our Town. But I was content there, and you ruined it, and now I'm going to cut you down to size, so shut up."
She flicked her horn casually and a turquoise spell shaped like a buzzsaw whirled out of it. The thing was almost a meter wide; nearly the size Twilight felt her eyes grow to when she connected Starlight's comment with the spell. But the magic was apparently not meant for Twilight at all, and the words seemed to have been incidental: the spell whizzed off into some clouds and vanished. Noticing that Twilight was shaking, Starlight raised an eyebrow.
"What are you so nervous about? That wasn't aimed at you. Just someone you'll never know in a few years. Hey, do you think you might forget them if you stay in here long enough? Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to keep them fresh in your mind. Eheheh."
For a moment, Twilight didn't understand what Starlight was talking about... and then she remembered where and when they were. Her breath caught in her chest and her ears pinned back in horror. Starlight hadn’t been aiming for Twilight at all.
For a split second, Twilight pictured two lifeless blue chunks tumbling, inevitably, to the ground far below. A lump grew in her throat.
"So, here's the deal.” Starlight was no longer sitting on the cloud—she'd gone back to levitating again. "You have a couple of options. You can kill me, take the scroll, and reset everything to your liking. I don't go down easy, as you’ve seen, so by the time you manage that, you'll have so much innocent blood on your hooves that you'll never be the same pony again. You'll have become the abyss you gazed into, so to speak.”
She paused to idly file a section of her hoof that had been chipped slightly, probably when she’d attacked Twilight not long before.
“If you want to play along with me,” she went on, “I'll reset everything, but only after you've completed your life lessons and become enough of a monster to please me. Alternatively, you could just refuse to take part in violence at all, and so instead I'll just kill everyone you care about again and again for the rest of time. You'll go insane that way, too, and I’ll probably have even more fun. It's safe to say that no matter what you do, I'm going to win."
Still gazing out at the vast expanse of sky where Starlight’s spell had probably slaughtered Rainbow Dash, Twilight didn’t say anything for some time. What was on her mind was less the words Starlight had spoken to her, and more the realization that the unicorn now wanted to utterly destroy her and everything that was dear to her.
Starlight was far more unhinged than any of them had ever suspected, Twilight now knew; there was no telling what she was capable of.
And at the same time, she knew that she could not let Starlight break her. She thought of her friends, and all the things they had taught her over the years—Rainbow’s loyalty; Pinkie’s laughter; Fluttershy’s kindness; Rarity’s generosity; Applejack’s honesty; and all the other friends she’d made since she’d come to Ponyville. Twilight thought of her family, and the Princesses, and poor Spike, and really everyone she’d ever met.
Each and every one of them had helped her learn something about the magic of friendship, and now each and every one of them were counting on her to make sure that some version of the things she cared about survived.
“No you won’t,” she said at last, turning away from the open sky and facing Starlight again.
They had been sitting in silence for so long that Starlight asked, “Excuse me?”
“You won’t win,” explained Twilight. “You’re not going to break me.”
Starlight's eyebrow rose skeptically. "Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. The world is counting on me. I won't let them down."
"Spare me your narcissism.” Starlight rolled her eyes. “You haven’t even seen what I’m going to put you through, Twilight. I’m sure you’re thinking it can’t be worse than what you’re already going through. But you’re wrong.”
"We'll see about that," Twilight murmured.
Starlight grimaced. “I suppose we will indeed.”
Twilight gathered up Spike and cradled his body close to her chest. She might have lost him, but she could still get him back, and she would never, ever allow another pony to fall in the same way.
There was a long, empty silence, and then Starlight made a show of popping her joints.
“As much as I’d like to stay here and mope,” she said cheerfully, “We do have to get going. Time waits for nopony but me, Princess! Before we start our adventure properly, though, I’m going to allow you a few questions—just in case something went over your head.”
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Heheheh... Well, this ought to be an interesting ride.
A seems like the most productive of the choices—let's learn a bit more about what that spell can do.
Back in action? Hell yes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Starlight seems too crazy to question, and Twilight isn't ready to overpower her, so A, B, and C are out.
Best way to help Rainbow Dash would be to reset everything so this never happened.
I'm going to go with E. Run away, and see about getting help from this timeline's Celestia.
attack her. But do it smarter. I've seen no proof that shields can keep out teleporters. Pop inside it and get the drop on her. Hell, teleport inside Starlight and explode her like the beachball in Lesson Zero
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Telefragging appears to not be an option.
This is an interesting concept. I look forward to how it plays out. As for my vote, I'm going to go with...
A.
Definitely A.
Seeing how Twilight already tried (and failed) to execute both options B) and C), and how counter productive options D) and E) are I think that the most logical one would be A).
I'd go with D.
Starlight is trying to psych you out Twi, check on Dash and don't lose yourself.
B and C seem impossible, D seems like it could easily drop sanity more than help. A could be good to do but E could be a good idea right after, see if Starlight might get mad and make a mistake.
Twilight should just complete that pathetic unicorn's "tests" and then vaporize her.
Starlight is a shit character.
I wonder if Twilight will be forced to use dark magic like King Sombra's, then after its all over, kill Starlight and become Queen.
Good start, but I already want to
rip Starlight limb from limbno too good...
burn her alive before nearly drowning her to death in boiling water and then doing it all over againstill not enough
feed her into a meat grinder, tail--firstnope
slowly gas her to deathstill not enough
burn her alive before nearly drowning her to death, but when she's catching her breath there's also a little bit of chlorine /mustard gas mixed in, and do this over and over again, before feeding her tail-first into a giant meat grinder, but it's also red-hot.
I'll say D
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It might happen. I suppose we'll have to wait and see what Starlight manages to bring out in Twilight, eh?
If anything. Maybe Starlight won't break Twilight. I'm trying to be unpredictable here.
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I'm glad I managed to show that she's not going to be portrayed as a sympathetic character here. Starlight is one of my favorite characters, but this story needs an extremely deranged incarnation of her to serve effectively as a villain.
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Some of this stuff may turn up in the next chapter!
I've removed the options thing, since it was gimmicky, but that doesn't mean people can't affect Twilight's decisions by suggesting ideas for her. Additionally, I might put more than one pick in the chapter if they can co-exist. So, please, give your input! Thank you! <3
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For an instant you brought me back to the land of Doom 2 WADs. I will give your comment a thumbs-up for this.
Hi para! Here is a comment and an up vote. But mainly a comment. A very useful comment, maybe.
But unlikely
Well, that's one heck of a way to make an entrance. Starlight's really gone off the deep end, here. Like, at the bottom of a black hole kind of deep.
Spike's just a foreshadowing of what you intend to do to your readers, huh?
Adding a tag doesn't necessarily make a fanfic generic. I think the mention of blood, muscles, red circle, and the part with Starlight murdering Spike are quite dark.
Also, putting choices for readers to vote can be great if handled well, and can create interesting debates. Here is a good fanfic as an example, if you want to have a look.
I am interested by this premise, and I'm curious to see where this is going.
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omg thanks nermal <3
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I killed Spike because I wanted to isolate Twilight completely from outside influences, making Starlight the only constant companion she has. This increases the pressure on her.
But yes. This story will generate massive spears of light through your body as you read it. You will die, but at least you will be enjoying a
shittysomewhat okaycompletely amazing fic while you do.8103462
Kami bb pls.
Those who have not seen the Starlight will be equalized in due time.
8103691
You convinced me to change the tags! Good job! <3
I'm still wobbling on the reader participation. You made some good points. Mayhaps you could care to, ploze convince me further, as I am on the fence.
8103983 I'll have a lawyer over to pass you the upvotes and funeral expenses.
8103993 It might help to let readers know how much control you're giving them through those 'choices'. As in, are you just letting them choose the 'flavour' of Twilight's defeat/victory, or are there actual smart and stupid choices with vastly different, irreversible results? Though, considering how Starlight has access to Doctor Strange levels of time manipulation here, the only permanence will be on Twilight's psyche.
You somehow made Starlight even more godlike, and Twilight even more useless at magic, than the cartoon!
8104246 now that is funny
8103993 more please
8104024
Originally, the story's potential endings were practically limitless. Twilight could be dead, insane, friends with Starlight, or anything in between, by the end. Even without the readers making direct choices, I'm still going to take some influence from what's talked about in the comments and apply it to Twilight's actions at times, so the possibilities are still quite vast.
In fact...
oi66.tinypic.com/102wnqp.jpg
Liking this very much so far, hope to see more. :D
Twilight Sparkle should have a delayed war flashback because the Sunlight Spear through Spike's chest reminded her of an incredibly cheesy, incredibly delicious quesadilla - her greatest, most deep-seated fear - and immediately begin questioning Starlight Glimmer on how she knew the way through Spike's heart was his cholesterol. She should then attempt to push aside enough of her panic to try and fish out Spike's cholesterol medication from her saddles and force-feed it to him, as even when alive, she basically has had to force her hoof elbow-deep into Spike's throat to make him take the awful pills.
Once Starlight Glimmer gets close and wonders if Twilight Sparkle might be more damaged than she is, Twilight should make use of this grand opportunity to make out with Starlight Glimmer, and then reach her hooves up to caress her mane, then use that opportunity in turn to smash her horn to bits and take the scroll to resurrect Spike while she practices her apology for desecrating his corpse.
Tl;dr (B) Creative!