The Great Pegasus Migration.

by Flutterwonder

The Great Pegasus Migration.

Fluttershy waked out of her cottage door to get the mail. She looked threw all of it. angel, angel, angel, angel, angel, suddenly, something caught her eye. It was a neon yellow, and all of it was computer printed, except for her name.

Dear Mr/Miss.Fluttershy,
As you may or may not know, every Pegasusus that are the age of 25 excactly, MUST go to the great Pegasus migration. We will leave on the 29th of May which will give you five days to say your goodbyes and pack. We will we gone for a yea...

Fluttershy dropped the note. Tears where coming to her eyes. She flew as fast as she could to Rainbow Dashes, who was also 25 years old.
"Rainbow Dash! Did you get the let....ter.......too...?" Fluttershy saw Rainbow Dash, lying on the ground, crying. I should've known "R.....Rainbow Dash? Are you oka..."

Rainbow Dash jumped into Fluttershy's arms, crying. Fluttershy started crying, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow Dash finally gathered up the courage to say "So..... We should go te....tell the o...others, right? I will t...tell Applejack and Twilight, you can tell Rarity and Pinkie Pie, okay?" O...Okay." Fluttershy said with no signs of encouragement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fluttershy went off to Rarities boutique. I better tell Rarity first. I don't want to see Pinkie Pie in tears. "U...Uhm...Rarity? I have something to tell you." Fluttershy said. "Well, whatever is it, dear? You can tell me anything!"

"I...."
"You what?"
"Okay, if you REALLY want to know... (If you have hippopottomanstrasuesquipedaliophobia, the fear of long 'words,' dont read this.)AllOfThePegasiInEquestriaMUSTGoToAPegasusMigrationForAYearInFiveDaysAndIJustWantToSay...Goodbye, Rarity."

Tears where forming in Rarities eyes already. "I....I'm going to miss you, Fluttershy." Rarity choked. "I'll miss you, too!" They both hugged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow Dash was trotting to Twilight Sparkles tree house. "Hey, Twilight? I have som...." Rainbow Dash started. "I already know. The pegasus migration. I'll miss you and Fluttershy!" Twilight finished.
"Twilight?"
"Yeah?"
"I'll miss you too!"

They both hugged.

Twilight then whispered "Hey, you do know I'm fine with you two going to the migration, right?"
Rainbow said."Yes. Yes I do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fluttershy walked to Pinkie Pies house, or Sugar Cube Corner, as she, and all of the other ponies in Equestria, call it. Fluttershy walked verry slowly.

When she FINALLY arrived, she asked the Cakes where Pinkie Pie was. "She's upstairs, playing with the twins." Mrs,Cake said. "Pinkie... I have some...." "OH HI, FLUTTERSHY! IT'S REALLY GREAT SEEING YOU!" Pinkie Pie said out of know where. This got Fluttershys hopes 20% lower. "Pinkie Pie, I have something seriou...."
"OOOOH I LOVE SERIOUS THINGS! LIKE T HIS ONE TI..."
PINKIE PIE!" Fluttershy yelled for the first time in 2 years.
"What is it, Fluttershy?"
"Okay, so, I thought I should tell you this now. In five days there's a pegasus migration, and I won't be back for a year, so...Goodbye, Pinkie."

Pinkie Pie was silent. Her hair became flat instantly, and she tried her best to ask, "D....Do you want me to th...throw a Goodbye Party for y...you and Rainb..bow Dash?"
"Anything you want, Pinkie."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow Dash was going to Applejacks barn, or Sweet Apple Acres. Okay, stay strong, Dash. It's going to be hard but...stay strong. "Uhm...Applejack? I need.....to talk to you."
"What is it, Rainbow Dash?"
"I...... Fluttershy and I need to go to something called a pegasus migration and..... I think I will miss you the most!"

Applejack was silent for about 3 seconds, then hugged Rainbow and said, "I'll miss you, too!" She was starting to cry for the first time in her life.

"Hey, Applejack? Do you mind if I take a couple of apples for the trip?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"You can take 100!"
"Wow, AJ. That's...Thank you."

They hugged once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FOUR DAYS LATER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thanks for the party, Pinkie!" Fluttershy said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "Oh, it's no big deal...." Said a sad Pinkie Pie. They all hugged once more, then Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash left. "Well, I guess this is it." Said Twilight. The all headed to their own houses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE NEXT DAY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy where at the edge of a cliff, getting prepared to take flight. (Fluttershy can now fly pretty decently.) "You ready, Flutters?"
"Y....Yes."
"Let's go."

Then they where off.

Derpy was next to Rainbow, and said, "Hey Rainbow? I think I have a letter for you." Rainbow was pretty surprised. "A letter to a 25 year old pegasus in the middle of the migration? Let me see that." She took it from Derpy, and read it while flying. "Dear Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy,." She stopped reading, and headed over to Fluttershy. "We have a letter from Rarity, Applejack, Twilight and Pinkie. It says: Dear Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash,

We miss you very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much, and hope you are having a wonderful time! inside of the envelope you will find a picture of us writing this letter. And next to that picture you will find a picture of us taking the picture of us writing this letter.

Yours truly,
AJ, Rarity, Twilight and PINKIE!
Oh, and a poem from Pinkie:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I miss you,
and I can't rhyme.
Refrigerator"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ONE YEAR LATER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash where back, and they met up with Pinkie and the rest of the mane six for a Welcome Back! party. "WEEEEEEEEEW!" Screamed Pinkie. She seemed kinda........Weirder. "OOOH I LOVE THIS DARK COLOR AND THIS RED COLOR AND THIS WHITE COLOR! THIS IS A CUTE WIN BUT IT'S ALSO A FAIL!!!!"

"It's really good to see yu, again, guys." Applejack said with a big smile on the cowgirls face.
Then they all partied till they where purple. (YAY I LOVE BRING PURPLE!)

Comments

[Flutterwonder]

BTW I may make a sequel

[Mr. Self Destruct]

Well. I don't mean to be rude but. I think that this particular fiction is something you should scrap and maybe get some more experience under your belt. I won't go into a full review just because I don't want to come off as harsh but you should consider a few key things that make good fictions. When making a Slice of Life, you have to be VERY sure that it's semi related to canon and that it branches off from said canon to make a believable storyline. Otherwise, we're just confused. Since there is no such thing as a migration of ponies, you see where I'm coming from. More so, that goes for canon characters too. Try to stay in character of how they would act based off what you can assume from what you have seen on the show. Small things like Fluttershy yelling. In my opinion, I just don't see her raising her voice at Pinkie so quickly. Another thing about Pinkie and her dialog. When typing dialog in general, please don't get all Caps locks is Cruise Control. To show excitement, just use the exclamation point. That's what it is for. Besides that, your grammar isn't absolutely terrible, but it does need work. You should also work on your Show and Tell, by bulking up your paragraphs and detail along with trying to create a better connection with the reader. Also, while this is the internet and normal rules of novel writing don't occur, avoid things like writing "very very very very..." a ton of times or leaving notes in your fiction like (If you have hippopottomanstrasuesquipedaliophobia, the fear of long 'words,' dont read this.). Those are definitely mood killers and overall story killers. I will say that if you were to write the note at the end, "Very, very much" would of been acceptable and things of that nature for future reference.

I hope I didn't come off too harsh.

[Yonasomun]

Interesting idea but a very bad execution.

Let’s start with the most obvious problem: Why is there a great Pegasus migration in the first place? Is this a cultural thing? To which place do they migrate? There’s no answer to these question and those are the most obvious ones.

And the letter just opens another can of worms.

“As you may or may not know, “

So not every Pegasus knows about this rather important event? Whoa, someone would assume that parents talked with their children about this event and that they would teach this in the schools and that the great migration is common knowledge among all Pegassi since it’s a rather big event. Especially since you have to leave behind your friends, job and home for whole year.

“every Pegasusus that are the age of 25 excactly, MUST go to the great Pegasus migration.”

"…and if you don’t go to the great Pegasus migration the Pegasus police will break into your house and drag you along like the criminal scum you are."

“We will leave on the 29th of May which will give you five days to say your goodbyes and pack. We will we gone for a yea…”

Yes, five days are enough time to prepare for a long trip and say goodbye to everypony. Especially if you ARE ONE OF THE PEGASSI WHO HAD NEVER HEARED OF THIS WHOLE THING BEFORE. Their information policy is kinda screwed up...

Then we have the goodbye-scenes which are far too short to invoke any emotions. They are supposed to be dramatic and sad but everything happens so fast and every single one is basically:

FF/RD: “Hi Twiligh/ Applejack/ Rarity/ Pinkie Pie. I’m going to this big one year trip and I’m sad.”
TS/AJ/R/PP: “Oh that’s sad. I’ll miss you. Bye.”

Afterward the story jumps forward to the big "Good-Bye" party and again the whole scene feels rushed and squeezed into five sentences. It could’ve been a heart-wrenching scene but before any emotions could kick in you already moved to the next chapter.

Finally they start their trip and then there’s a one year time skip and they are back, and it’s supposed to be a happy scene but again. I feel nothing. It’s like they never left. In one scene they leave and then they are suddenly back and since every part of the story is so short it’s like only five minutes have passed.

FF/RD: “We’re leaving now and are very said. Bye….. Oh hey, we’re back again, what did we miss?”
Rest of the Mane Six: “Hurray.”

THE END

I’m aware of the fact that this is a harsh critic and but sadly there’s isn’t much good I can say about this story. Which is a shame since the idea itself sounded pretty good and made me really curious.

[Flutterwonder]

Yeaaaah, sorry about all of this. It's my first story, and I have NO EXPERIENCE AT AAAALLLL. soooooo.......MOUSTACHE!

[Yonasomun]

885289
There's no need to feel sorry about your story just because there aren't much positive reviews. We all have to start somewhere. Liste to the advices you got and try to imrpove and I'm sure you're will get better and better over the time.

[FlutterShay]

882348
You covered everything I could possibly have...so...I'll leave now as my mind just went blank.