Crown Agent Crash moved into the den of hooligans, adjusted her glasses, and then in a voice filled with strange confidence she announced the following: “Now you must learn the science of my hoof-fu.” After that, the most amazing thing happened, and Crown Agent Crash exploded on screen. Everypony was hoof-fu fighting and she flew around the room like a hurricane of plot-kicking; a flurry of hooves that dislodged teeth and snapped limbs like matchsticks.
The science of hoof-fu was powerful and horrendous. Faces were left crooked and broken. Teeth shattered like glass. Limbs were left in twisted, unnatural positions. Crown Agent Crash seemed untouchable as she bounced around the room. The worst were the nutshots, and several enemies had the misfortune of somehow standing bipedal for a clear punch or kick to the stones.
Sumac winced, feeling sympathetic pain.
One bad guy, after being punched in the junk, coughed up two walnuts and spat them out on the floor. Sumac laughed—he couldn’t help it—and behind him, he could hear more laughter. Beside him, Pebble was shaking her head from side to side, and he couldn’t tell if she was enjoying herself at the moment. The sound of Lemon’s laughter stood out and Sumac’s ears perked. If Lemon could laugh at the walnuts, well, then it must be okay.
It was quite a way to start an adventure.
Windia was a terrible, horrible, no good, backwards place on some far forgotten end of the world. At least, the movie made it seem that way. The Grittish had somehow made everything worse, though the movie did not make it clear how this had happened. Almost everything seemed to be either slums or jungle, and the jungle was filled with old temples, ancient old structures, a reminder of what had once been a long time ago.
In what just had to be a flying pegasus pan shot, the camera soared, rising upwards, showing more and more of the jungle, and in the edge of the shot, figures could be seen. The camera zoomed in, a smooth, steady shot that no doubt showed remarkable flying skills, and the tiny figures grew in size and detail.
“Oh come on!” Tarnish shouted. “That’s not an army! There’s like what, ten of them? I had hundreds of cultists chase me through the jungle!”
On screen, the cultists of Collie Ma jogged after Crown Agent Cocoa at a leisurely pace, and the muscle bound unicorn outpaced them in a dignified, sweeping shot that revealed his hunky, muscular plot swaying from side to side. Crown Agent Cocoa wasn’t even sweating somehow, but the cultist dogs were panting. Something didn’t quite seem right about all of this as Sumac watched the scene play out.
The scene dissolved, fading away from Cocoa and his slow stroll, and when the film came back into focus, it showed Daring Do and Crash sitting at a table, sipping on drinks that had little paper umbrellas in them. They were talking to some professor type with thick glasses, who kept pointing to a map with his hoof.
“Professor Link, thank you for telling us the location of the diamond dog clan De Stein.” On screen Daring Do gave the professor a sultry look of thanks.
“Clan De Stein has been a hidden menace for quite some time,” Professor Link replied.
“That’s not how we got that information,” Rainbow said in quite a loud whisper. “Daring held him in a headlock and I punched him in the gut till he gave up the goods—”
“Rainbow Dash, you crotch-jockey, you punched him right in the twig and berries!”
“You can’t prove that I did that on purpose, he was squirming!”
“Be quiet!” Cloudy’s voice was shrill and grating with annoyance. “Some ponies, I swear!”
On screen, Daring Do was still being rather seductive, and Sumac began squirming in his seat just a bit, as watching her made him feel funny. She was doing stuff, stuff with her lips and her eyes, and watching it made him feel itchy in weird places, like he needed to rub himself. Something within him had awoken, and he felt too warm.
“Oh boo! Why would I try to seduce him!” Miss Yearling shouted, and popcorn was thrown at the screen. “He tortured Rainbow and I and sicced wild monkeys on us!”
“Monkeys with mind control helmets!” Rainbow added.
“You know, I don’t feel quite so angry with Tarnish over what he did to Professor Link,” Miss Yearling remarked. “Tarnish was right… this is something to look back upon and laugh about.” Then, when Miss Yearling began guffawing, both Tarnish and Rainbow joined her.
“Tarnish… Tarnish… he stole the monkey mind control rod!” Rainbow wheezed, somehow sputtering out the words while she howled with laughter.
“Oh, shut up! All of you!” Now it was Octavia who was annoyed. “Some of us are trying to watch a movie!”
“And some of us lived it,” Tarnish replied. “I was lectured for hours because of what I did with the monkey mind control rod.”
“Vinyl Scratch, you are never leaving home again!”
“I feel funny between my legs,” Sumac whispered, too embarrassed to raise his voice. “Like I need to pee, or something.”
“Sumac?” Trixie had apparently heard him, and she leaned over. “You okay?”
“I think I need to go to the bathroom… Mom, something really weird is happening!”
The mare’s restroom had an eye-watering reek of disinfectant, and Trixie Lulamoon stared at the wall, almost unblinking, looking everywhere but at her son. Sumac sat on the toilet, squirming a bit, shaking, and red faced. No doubt, she was red faced as well, and she didn’t know what to say. She wished that Lemon was here, because Lemon would know what to do.
“Look, Sumac, these things… they happen.”
Squirming, clenching his hind legs together, the colt looked down at the floor in shame. His ears drooped and everything about him radiated misery while he sat there, shivering. Trixie realised how much worse it must feel for Sumac to be in the mare’s restroom, as he was getting older, and of course, there was the matter of what had just happened.
“You carried me through the lobby—”
“Look, Sumac, I didn’t know it… that… Trixie didn’t know it was happening and she is very, very sorry, okay?” The restroom stall seemed far too small and cramped now, and she was uncomfortable being this close to her son, given what was going on. She wanted to be far, far away, but she also wanted to comfort him during his moment of distress. “This has never happened before, has it?”
“No!” Sumac’s response was petulant and sulky.
Trixie found that she could not blame him. She stared at the graffiti written on the tile, but did not register the words written there. She wanted to tell him that this moment would pass, but the words were lodged in her throat. It was too painful to tell him that everything would be okay and that she still loved him, because right now, she couldn’t even hug him, even though he was in need of one.
This might just be the low point of her motherhood, Trixie realised, and it hurt.
Trixie, being rather focused upon herself, didn’t think about the fact that every mother of a little colt had to endure this moment at some point. She didn’t connect to the struggle of others. No, she could only think of herself and how awkward it was right now, standing in a bathroom stall with Sumac while he suffered from an involuntary reaction—something she didn’t want to think about or acknowledge.
He was her sweet, innocent snuggle-buddy, and this complicated things.
What would Lemon do? Her throat tight, Trixie tried to salvage the situation. “Okay, this is gonna be hard, but can you tell me what happened? I mean, the moment that, well, you know…”
“I don’t know.” Sumac’s voice was little more than a shamed murmur. “It got really bad when I could see her lips moving and her tongue and then there was a moment where I could see down her throat and then everything got awful and I couldn’t sit still.”
“I see.” Turning her head, she now faced the stall wall and tried not to think about the fact that her son had just experienced his first real arousal because he had stared down a mare’s throat. She didn’t want to think about the analogue it represented or what it had awoken in her son’s mind. It was troubling, to say the very least.
Was this normal? Was this natural? Trixie, being the way she was, had no idea how to deal with this, this notion that her son had been attracted to a mare’s open mouth. She wondered if this would be easier to deal with if Sumac had been set off staring at a mare’s backside. That, at least, felt more normal, more natural.
“Feeling better yet?”
“No.” Sumac did not look up from the floor and Trixie did not turn to look at him.
“Oh my.” Trixie took a deep breath. She wished that Lemon was here, not just because Sumac needed her, but Trixie knew that she needed her. When the sound of another mare could be heard a few stalls over, she cringed and didn’t want to think about it. Nopony had warned her of this. Twilight Velvet had said nothing about this torturous experience. Nothing she had ever experienced had prepared her for this moment, this test of motherhood.
Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to look at Sumac. Reaching out one hoof, she placed it beneath his chin, lifted his head, and looked into his eyes, peering over the top edge of his glasses. She saw pain, and a reflection of herself. There was a moment of agonising panic when she thought about how Sumac might be looking at her mouth. Steeling her nerves, she made herself continue, pushing past the pain, the difficulty, and the flood of emotions.
“Sumac, everything is going to be just fine, and we’ll get through this…”
When he was plopped back into the seat beside Pebble, Sumac had a whole new awareness of his fillyfriend. Wrapped in his poncho, he still felt too hot, while also feeling somewhat chilly. He was a bit sweaty, perhaps a bit clammy, and Pebble was almost too warm to bear. He did his best to sit still—it wasn’t hard, given his condition—and in a strange, inexplicable way, he was thankful to be back with Pebble, even though he wanted to be far, far away from her.
He was all too glad to lose himself in the movie once more, and he stared up at the screen, his eyes wide behind his glasses, wondering what he had missed. How long had he and Trixie been gone? It was a thought that he pushed from his mind, because it was better not to think about it. Anything was better than thinking about it.
Pebble had pretty lips and he struggled not to think about them.
On the screen there was a riot of oversaturated colour. The sound of jungle cats growling, monkeys shrieking, and cobras hissing could be heard. There was too much going on all at once to keep track of, and in the row behind him, there was non-stop laughter. Agent Cocoa was having a fight with a jungle tiger, and winning. The movie had to be exaggerating again. Tarnish couldn’t punch and kick a tiger into submission, could he?
Agent Cocoa stomped the tiger right in the crotch, and it began to whimper as it curled into a ball, defeated. The theatre was filled with pained gasps, and once more, Sumac found himself squeezing his hind legs together, but this time for a different reason. Then, with the tiger defeated, Crown Agent Cocoa advanced upon a surprised Doctor Caballeron while scary, psycho stalker music began to play.
What happened next was a short chase through the quarry, and then when Cocoa caught Caballeron, there was a fight. The evil doctor was beaten like a piñata, but this beat down wasn’t played for comedy. Slow motion and dramatic zooms showed the savage ferocity of the beating that Caballeron endured. Teeth flew. Cringing, Sumac reminded himself that this was a movie, and that this probably hadn’t happened.
When Caballeron was beaten into helplessness, Cocoa hurled him into crocodile infested waters, where the evil doctor was pulled down into the depths and vanished from view. Sumac felt a little queasy, as this was just awful, and he was glad that Tarnish wasn’t the sort of pony that would really, actually do this.
Without even thinking about it, he scooted closer to Pebble, needing to feel her against him, and he shivered. On the screen, Daring Do was fighting Admiral Banks in a no-holds-barred slugfest and she had just been punched in the mouth, leaving her lip with a slight tear. The scary, psycho stalker music was still playing, screechy violins that made all of the hair along Sumac’s spine stand up.
“Daddy does bad things when he’s angry.” Pebble breathed out the words, and she too, now clung to Sumac.
Crown Agent Crash had been netted and was enduring a savage beating with clubs on the deck of an airship. Sumac winced with each blow, as it all looked and sounded far too real. On the ground, Daring Do was fighting for her life against Admiral Banks. Agent Cocoa, covered in blood from fighting a jungle tiger, covered in bruises from many fights, and bleeding from his behind because he had been shot, now made his slow advance on Admiral Banks.
The screechy, almost painful music intensified when Cocoa unfurled his whip. Admiral Banks had just been punched in the guts by Daring Do, and he staggered back, close, too close to the spinning blades of the airship. The camera had a wide angle view that showed everything in horrifying detail, from the terrific beating of Agent Crash on the deck to the continued advance of Agent Cocoa on the ground.
The tension was almost too much to bear and Sumac jammed a hoof into his mouth.
Pebble twisted in her seat so she could wrap her forelegs around Sumac and Boomer darted beneath his poncho to hide. Admiral Banks and Daring Do were punching each other, savage, brutal blows made in rapid exchange. The whip drew back, Cocoa said some very naughty words, and then the whip lashed out. Daring Do dodged, but Admiral Banks wasn’t so lucky. Agent Cocoa gave a yank on his whip and—
Sumac’s eyes were covered, but not his ears. There was an awful sound, a sound that could not be described, and screaming. His mother’s forelegs pressed his glasses against his face in a somewhat uncomfortable way and then he heard Agent Cocoa’s baritone rumble say: “Hang on, Daring, I have to go rescue Crash.”
When the credits began to roll, Sumac was exhausted from his experience, but ecstatic. The film was amazing, absolutely amazing, even though he had missed parts of it, including Admiral Banks falling into the propeller. He was too jittery to sit still and his body jerked with feeble movement.
“Tarnish,” Pinny asked while she turned around to look at her son. “Did you really rescue Daring and Rainbow, or was that just the movie trying to fluff up the male lead?”
“That part was real,” Miss Yearling answered in a low voice. “I was quite outmatched by Banks, he was a career soldier and better than I in combat by far. Rainbow was actually netted, and it was quite effective. Your son somehow held himself together through his injuries and saved us both.”
Pinny gave a solemn nod.
“Did you really fight a tiger?” Sumac asked.
“Yes.” Tarnish grinned.
“When we go home, can you tell us how it really happened?” Sumac was almost vibrating in his seat.
“Sumac, no… no… I’ll fight a tiger if I have to, but I’m not risking making your mothers angry with me.”
Disappointed, Sumac did the only thing a colt his age could do: “Awww…”
I guess this could be a struggle for Trixie as she is gray-asexual. She doesn't get arousal like that just watching someone so she is really unable to empathize with Sumac. Got to feel sorry for Sumac who had his arousal put on display for everyone to see and Trixie is likely feeling much worse off having done that to her son. She really need's Lemon Hearts to sit down and have this conversation with Sumac.
how do you think royalties work for daring do when the crown knows these movies are based on reality?
Do you think the Daring, the Dash and the Druid (oh my god I just made that up that's so cool) get some of the profits of the movie?
Fighting tigers is more preferable to Lemon Hearts' disappointment... seems par for the course.
8327827
Might be a good idea to have Mac come and talk to him as well and give him a male perspective
How'd you come up with the name for the Weedverse?
8328101
The Weed. The first story.
8327827
Yeah, but this is the moment where Trixie shines most as a character. She’s squicked out, a bit traumatised, but she sees it through. This is probably her best mom moment.
I will always think of the first Indiana Jones for a propeller scene. That movie wasn't Rated R either.
And i find it funny how all the stuff Sumac is like "that wouldn't happen" is the stuff that did happen.
8328105
When I first saw the tile of The Weed I assumed it was about a particularly virulent strain of marijuana taking over Equestria the same way kudzu (the plant) has taken over the southern US.
8328182
I think everybody thinks that.
*slow claps* i didn't miss that one
Also, oh my for sumac. Poor fella, awkward public boners are awkward.
8327979
I am still thinking Lemon. Mac can be a little.....old fashioned plus as an earth pony might have stronger drives when distressed which might not lead to the right kinds of advice. Lemon is at least comfortable with the topic and as a lesbian can still relate to attraction to a mare being sexy even if her body doesn't have the same type of outward display. She still deals with arousal in those situations though and needs to find ways of calming herself down so she isn't squirming in her seat.
Ah, that awkward first boner.
8328163
Yeah, but without some more context, I can only explain it like this:
In Raiders, the scene showed that he was caught in a propeller.
Here, the writing implies that the scene showed that he was caught in a propeller.
8328236
True, but missing the physical parts and only having her own female urges to draw on, her advice would still be somewhat limited. I agree though about Mac. Perhaps Tarnish and Igneous together might be a better option
8328254
I doubt that. Considering Daring is Jones homage, I'm pretty sure the scene is similar in that it was brutal, but did show him getting chopped by it. After all, Sumac didnt see if it was shown or implied.
8328261
Igneous is right there, too...
Suddenly i want4 a story to exist that is all about somepony making flims based on the exploits of the mane six that are about as accurrate as this movie.
Think a "a" is missing before "ball"
analogue - analog
So he is either interested in fellatio or vore good luck finding out which one trixie
8328261
That is a bit of a different set of awkward. Talking about your sexual arousal for mares with the father and grandfather of the filly you had just recently blurted out you wanted to make foals with sometime later and you blurted this out earlier this same day.
Edit: Trying to imagine the conversations
Ingeous: Well, we could just take you to the pairing stone and if it shows Pebble we could just get you two hitched. Why put things that are certain off? Once that is done you two can figure it out from there.
Tarnish: I am not having this conversation. I don't hear you. Lalalalalala
Someone say graffiti?
pre14.deviantart.net/6d9c/th/pre/f/2017/208/c/8/minuette_by_lynx318-dbhxh3a.jpg
8328396
Analogue is correct.
8328399
No pairing stone. The Pies were written into existence long before that episode.
8328399
hmm... if they get desperate they could try Discord. I'm sure that would be a fun conversation. He does love making others uncomfortable
8328498
Igneous actually seems like the best combination of "take this is stride", "gives good advice", and "actually willing to have this conversation" out of the established stallions in the Weedverse which is kind of surprising. Tarnish might be a good candidate normally as well but given that Sumac more or less said he wants to screw his daughter even if Sumac didn't realize he was saying that kind of puts a damper on the whole conversation.
The nerdy character secretly knows hoof fu? Classic.
Imagine it. Flicker, Dim, Vinyl, and Tarnish are all furious at the same thing.
Poor Sumac, that's always an awkward time. Feel kind of proud of Trixie that she pushed through.
8328264
That much is true, sure. However, and I admit this may be my memory failing me, I don't seem to recall Raiders making a big deal out of the sound that accompanied the scene; it certainly could not be described as "awful." He screamed, the camera cut away, and blood sprayed over the fuselage.
Here, the sound was emphasized — perhaps because Sumac couldn't see — but it was explicitly identified as "awful." Combined with the film earlier showing graphic depictions of limbs and jaws being broken and teeth being knocked out and smashed into bits, plus the beatings given to Caballeron and Agent Crash, I'm standing by my earlier assertion.
8328752
5 year old perspective. He is probably exaggerating it.
8328714
Fear the science of hoof-fu!
8328714
So that is how the heat death of the universe will come about. Always wondered about that.
I would hate to be that goat.
8328755
Even if I give you that, there is still the rest of the film to consider. I stand by my assertion.
So.... vore fetish or just mouth-hugs?
Poor Trixie that is just...ugh. I mean it would be uncomfortable for ANY mom, but for someone like Trixie it's probably even TWICE as bad.
I have transcended beyond laughter into the silent abyss of painful wheezing and seizing.
Lol, boners are funny! Immaturity is the best.
8330121
Was reading this story during a company meeting. The struggle to keep a poker face was real.