After being shown the wonders of generosity by her friend Rarity, Coco Pommel goes out of her way to help somepony in need. He repays her in ways she hadn't expected.
8018119 Thank you! And to answer your question, it's because I prefer quality over quantity, and I am not used to writing large amounts for extended periods of time with no editor.
I have also never written anything pornographic, and the framework for this story was laid out around four in the morning.
First, I'd like to say that your prose has improved considerably since you've written this, so I'll try to abstain from those types of comments. As a pony that edits for you, there's a lot of things that I could say, but instead I'll focus of the story itself.
Everypony in this city is a Celestia-damned animal.
No duh, eheh.
I sighed and glanced down at the droplets of water hitting a window pane, it had started raining. How cliché.
Breaking the fourth wall this early is a sensitive affair, and though it works, it could have been worded better.
Coco is written well, cute and adorable as she should be. Your main character being a bit of a dick, intentional though it may be, prevents me from becoming truly empathetic to his personal issues.
8018119
Thank you!
And to answer your question, it's because I prefer quality over quantity, and I am not used to writing large amounts for extended periods of time with no editor.
I have also never written anything pornographic, and the framework for this story was laid out around four in the morning.
Prime Value? Was he an appraiser or something like that? Is he an Earth pony as well?
8018535
You'll find out soon enough!
It's by no means bad, but it doesn't really stand out. It's bland but not without potential. I'll give it a few chapters to see if it gets interesting
8020544
Uh? Thanks?
The next chapter is already done, I'm just working ahead at this point, trying to piece together the plot as a whole.
Love the story any news on the new chapter for into the twilight?
8020705
I, uh, started it?
I'll have it done before my break is over, I promise. I just wanted to finish this first.
And so it begins.
First, I'd like to say that your prose has improved considerably since you've written this, so I'll try to abstain from those types of comments. As a pony that edits for you, there's a lot of things that I could say, but instead I'll focus of the story itself.
No duh, eheh.
Breaking the fourth wall this early is a sensitive affair, and though it works, it could have been worded better.
Coco is written well, cute and adorable as she should be. Your main character being a bit of a dick, intentional though it may be, prevents me from becoming truly empathetic to his personal issues.
Gonna keep reading, but I like the setup
Ah, this is how we know it’s fantasy. An attractive female selects a homeless jobless male she just met and invites him to live with her.