Curious about the equine beasts Twilight Sparkle spoke of, Princess Luna sneaks into the human world in her pony form. She finds the nearest farm, hoping to get a glimpse of the rumored "horses". She gets much more than she bargained for.
Luna had watched the mare scurry away suspiciously fast, and she sniffed the contents before taking a careful sip of her coffee.
She had almost choked on her coffee when she had spotted the first engorged stallionhood swinging under a burly armored pegasus, and she had spat the hot liquid all over the place when she realized all of the guards were sporting impressively swollen erections, some of them already leaking precum from their flared tips.
Outraged, she had jumped from her seat, intent on admonishing the stallions for their lack of control…
etc Why do you use Past Perfect instead of Past Simple? It looks stilted.
Hmm... that's odd. I feel wet, almost as if I've been rained on. But the weather team wasn't planning a rainstorm today. Also, this rain smells familiar, although I can't place where. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it smelled... like... OMG!!! It's that smell!!!
Seriously, I hope Luna knows what she's doing. Err, on second though, maybe ignorance is bliss. She's been through enough humiliating situations already. Besides, her dark coat blends into the dark sky, so I guess no one would know it was her raining those fluids on everypony.
8021815 That section is essentially in the past tense from the story's perspective; Luna is in her room during this chapter (written in the past simple) and the story is recounting how she got there, events prior to the main body; it would be confusing to write in the past simple there as well.
The Urge.
Are you my mummy?
*wary
Alright. I'm expecting that at the end of this, we'll hear about a city-wide erection-idemic that occurred mysteriously one night.
Nice reference to Princess Leia there in the beginning.
etc
Why do you use Past Perfect instead of Past Simple? It looks stilted.
She flies off, and ponies in the streets below feel a trickle.
Hmm... that's odd. I feel wet, almost as if I've been rained on. But the weather team wasn't planning a rainstorm today. Also, this rain smells familiar, although I can't place where. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it smelled... like... OMG!!! It's that smell!!!
Seriously, I hope Luna knows what she's doing. Err, on second though, maybe ignorance is bliss. She's been through enough humiliating situations already. Besides, her dark coat blends into the dark sky, so I guess no one would know it was her raining those fluids on everypony.
8021815
That section is essentially in the past tense from the story's perspective; Luna is in her room during this chapter (written in the past simple) and the story is recounting how she got there, events prior to the main body; it would be confusing to write in the past simple there as well.