Lily and somepony else

by Hyper44

Chapter 5

Rowan Longsocks walked through the town silently for several blocks with this youngest child sitting on his back. Lily was silent as well with the minotaur hat still on her head while she sat up as tall as she could hoping that passing ponies saw a little minotaur and not a little pony.

“Lily what are you doing in town by yourself?” Her father finally asked. “You know better than that.”

“I followed the uptown fillies here to be like them but didn’t work so I tried to be… what he was.” Lily pointed back in the direction of the stage.

“Ok, back up a bit, why did you try to be like them and then a minotaur?”

“Because it better for me,” Lily explained. “I don’t want to be Lily anymore. I clumsy an’… don’t like it! And it hurt,” Lily touched her hoof over her heart, “With no more Gramgram and Pawpaw. Aspen an’ col’bine not sad no more but I am. I can’t be them so I be somepony else and it not hurt no more and I no more be clumsy and stuff. I see the uptown fillies and tried to be them and they help. They make my hair all nice and show me how to put on makeup and stuff but then they went to get dresses and it no work. So I find Mr. Will and I be like him and not Lily.”

Rowan walked on listening until she had finished her story. “Lily,” He said with a sigh, “Those fillies had no real intention of helping you. They accepted you in because it made them feel important and mature. It was simply about how they felt about themselves, not helping you. As for Iron Will, the last thing you need to be is like that bully.”

Lily chewed on her mane as she thought about it and finally asked, “Why?”

“Because plenty of ponies have no problem using others to make themselves look good and because nopony needs to be a bully.” Rowan explained. “And most importantly becoming another pony won’t help you with Gramgram and Pawpaw.

“But I hear you tell Aspen about being a different pony when you was young,” Lily replied crossing her hooves. “You said it, you changed.”

Rowan sighed. “Lily that was different.”

“Why,” Lily asked.

“Because I changed things about myself that were not good but I didn’t change me, Rowan,” Her father stated pointing to himself. “When I wasn’t much older than what Aspen’s is now I used to sleep all day and party all night. I never worked, that was for lame ponies. I shunned any idea of commitment as if it was more frightening than Nightmare Moon. I decided that that was what I was and I loved it. If I was going to be anything else I was going to be a rock star and that was it. Then there came a moment when I realized that one unpredictable day it would all come to an end and I would have nothing to show for my life, nothing but skills of being a freeloader. My lack of success was no pony’s fault but my own. I would have spent my life chasing glittering things just out of reach and not realizing the good things that were before me. All the talents that I had or skills that I could get would never be achieved. I also realized that committing to a family life, while much more work and sacrifice is far more rewarding than anything that I chased before. Sometimes we have to change things about us that aren’t good for us or so we can achieve better things but that isn’t the same as completely changing who we are. These are two different things. Do you understand?”

“Why?” Lily asked. “I don’t want to be Lily and you change you.”

Rowan moaned and rubbed his forehead with a hoof. “I changed Rowan but I did not stop being Rowan. Not being Lily will not make you better.”

“Why? Lily hurts and if I not Lily I won’t hurt.”

Rowan swept her off his back and hugged her. “Because you can’t stop being Lily. Things just don’t work that way.”

“But why?!” Lily demanded.

Rowan sighed, “I don’t know. I supposed because if it did, nopony would ever truly be anything.”

“I no be Lily!!” Lily stated crossing her hooves and closing her eyes.

Rowan shook his head and hugged Lily tightly again. “You’ve always been a very determined pony once you decided on something but that can backfire sometimes.” He placed Lily back on his back and trotted into a building. It had a sign hanging over the door picturing a pony posing in a stately looking suit. Rowan nodded to a mare sitting a desk.

“Your next client is waiting on you,” She said nodding towards a door on the right.

“I’ll be there shortly,” Rowan replied heading to a room on the left. Inside were rolls of fabric, buckets of cufflinks measuring tapes and other various equipment for building suits.

Rowan sat Lily in the chair next to a work desk. “Wait in here until I’m done and I’ll take you home after work, ok?” Lily nodded and started playing with a pile of cufflinks that was on the desk. “And perhaps you can consider that just being Lily isn’t such a bad thing,” Rowan added as he reached the door.

“Uh-uh!” Said Lily. Rowan sighed and closed the door behind him. After he had gone Lily reached up and touched the minotaur hat that was still on her head. Why couldn’t her father understand?

Lily looked across the room at a tall mirror and looked at the eyes of the little pink filly staring back at her from underneath the hat. She hopped down from the chair and walked closer to the mirror. It wasn’t good enough. She scampered across the room to a small fireplace. It was still filled with the ashes from the fires that kept the room warm throughout the cold months. Lily took the coal shovel and battered ashes left and right to ensure that there were no live embers lingering beanth. Satisfied that she would not be burned Lily began rolling in the ash and rubbing it into her fur until she was grey from tail to nose. After a fit of sneezing she hurried back to the mirror and stood on her hind legs in front of it. Before her she saw a little minotaur properly covered in grey and glaring fiercely. Then after a moment a strutting around in front of her reflection she began to notice the same blue eyes staring back at her. She blinked at her image for a while. It wasn’t quite what she wanted. Her forehooves didn’t look like Ironwill’s. Her mane and tail didn’t fit and she even considered finding something to cut them with, but no, it still wouldn’t be quite right. It was just a filly covered in ash and wearing a hat. She took the hat off and hurled it at the mirror. Then she shook herself sending a cloud of ash into the air. She retreated from the spot sneezing and opened a window. Miserably she laid her head on the windowsill and stared out at the neighboring building. She could see ponies sitting at outdoor dining tables and enjoying the good weather. Lily glared up at the sun wishing that it would quit shining for a while. She hated it when she could feel it’s warmth but yet it did nothing to warm her feelings on the inside. Wiping a dirty hoof across her eyes Lily stared out the window as she thought about her grandparents. Soon she hardly noticed the ponies at the restaurant as memories played out and she pondered if she could be a minotaur as well as if it would really help.

Lily didn’t know how long she had sat there when a sudden swift movement snapped her out of her dream. She tipped her head back to catch sight of the yellow streak. It was a pegasus mare who circled around before landing at the table furthest from other ponies. She looked up at the sky through blue tinted shades. “Hurry up recruits!” She yelled upwards.

Two more mares landed on the ground. One of them turned around and called back, “Hurry up Clipper! Try not to hit the building on your way down!”

“Awww! Come on guys, it’s not like I clip the flagpole every time I land.” A stallion complained as he landed.

“No whining newbie!” The yellow mare stated. “Form ranks!” The three ponies quickly stood in a neat row. “Now this may technically be a vacation but I want to see you all on your best behavior, understood?”

“Yes ma’am!” all three replied in unison.

“I will not stand to be embarrassed by silly behavior by anypony. You must remember that you are a Wonder Bolt at all times, is that clear?!”

“Yes ma’am!”

Lily still sat with her chin on the windowsill watching the four ponies with mild interest. She didn’t know who they were and didn’t have much reason to care. It was pretty cool to watch them fly in but she couldn’t bring herself to smile right now. She needed to be somepony else and it just wasn’t working. Too bad she didn’t have a pair of wings so she could just fly away from it all. Lily suddenly sat upright at that thought. She glanced at their wings again and then quickly climbed out the window. She was running the second her hooves hit the ground. With no hesitation Lily took the place next to the closest pony and stood stiffly at attention like the others.

Spitfire stopped her lecture and peered over he shades at the filly. “Kid, what are you doing?”

Lily responded with the same words as the others, after all it seemed to make this mare happy, “Yes ma’am!”

Snorts and badly suppressed laughs came from the other ponies. Spitfire silenced them with a glare the turned back to Lily. “That doesn’t answer my question, what are you doing?”

“I get wings and fly away.” Lily stated matter-of-factly.

“I see, but I can’t give you wings. Do you want to be a Wonder Bolt someday?”

Lily shook her head. “No, I want wings so I can fly away. I fly away from here and then I won’t feel bad no more.”

Spitfire scratched her chin and thought for a moment, “So you have some issue that’s making you feel bad so you want to fly away?” Lily nodded. “Can you tell me about this problem?”

“Gramgram and Pawpaw gone and Lily feel bad,” She stated pointing to herself, “Other’s don’t feel bad anymore so Lily not be Lily anymore but it no work. If I fly away, I no have to feel bad anymore so I need wings.”

Spitfire took a moment to process her jumbled explanation to ensure that she knew what the little filly meant. “So your grandparents are gone and it still hurts because… you are Lily?” Lily nodded “To solve this problem, you want to become some other pony but that’s not working. So then to solve this new problem you’re going to fly away? Do I understand that right?”

Lily paused and mulled over her words for a moment to make sure that she knew that this adult meant. “Yes,” Lily finally stated.

Spitfire took her shades off so she could look the little filly in the eyes. “Look kid, I don’t know much about children so I’m just going to tell it to you straight, ok?” Lily nodded again. “You’re going about everything the wrong way. While I am sure that there is some spell out there that can give you wings, it will still do you no good. While there are times to make a tactical retreat you simply can’t just choose to run away or fly away from problems. Especially if that problem is something on the inside. In that case it will come with you no matter where you go. Regardless, if you make a habit of running from problems, you will always be running. You also can’t deal with a problem simply by becoming somepony else. The only way for Lily to feel better is to deal with it as Lily. Do you understand?”

Lily shook her head stubbornly. She may not have understood everything that Spitfire said but she knew when she was being told no. “I want to fly away.”

Spitfire sighed, “Well if that’s the way you want to be then. Come on kid, let’s take you back to your parents. You can’t be running around here alone.” With that she escorted the stubborn filly back to the building.
“But I want wings.” Lily complained as they walked.

“I can’t give you wings.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t.”

“But, why can’t you?”

“Ugg!”