I think I heard something.
I keep running. No idea where I'm going. Better than being eaten by whatever in the hell is chasing me.
I hear it again. Almost sounded like someone calling 'Rainbow Dash.' I turn my head around to check on the freaky wolves chasing me. Instead I see a yellow horse flying after me.
I scramble to a halt, dredging up a bunch of dirt from the road as I do. Hey, at least I didn't fall on my face!
"Oh my goodness! What were you doing in the Everfree Forest, Rainbow?" She asks with a strangely adorable look of concern in her eyes. She lands in front of me, a little bit too far inside my personal space bubble for my comfort.
Yellow, butterflies, Fluttershy. "Uh, wh- who are you?"
"Wha? What are you talking about Rainbow?" She looks confusedly into my eyes.
"No, what are you talking about...?"
"What?" She looks around for a moment. "Oh, I get it! This is one of those pranks that Pinkie's always talking about isn't it? Oh, Rainbow, this isn't the time for pranks…"
I try to look confused, "Pink…ie?"
"Rainbow? Ar- Are you alright? Did you hit your head on something? Oh my, what happened to your face?" She asks, leaning in to take a look at my face.
"Huh? Oh, I guess I fell a few times.” Geez does it look that bad? “Anyway, who is this ‘Rainbow’ person? Is it... me?"
"Oh my! You poor thing! We have to get you to Twilight right away!"
"Eh?" SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. THE LAST THING I WANT IS THAT PURPLE ONE’S GODDAMN PET 'DRAGON' TALKING ANYWHERE NEAR ME.
"Come on now, follow me, I’m sure Twilight knows some kind of spell to fix amnesia, we'll get you fixed right up!" She says in a shaky little voice.
I gotta find a way out of this, or at least stall until I can think of something. "So, uh, what's your name?"
She turns around and looks at me through teary eyes, biting her lower lip. "I'm…" sniff "Fluttershy…" She trails off, mumbling and sniffing.
"Flutter? What's wrong Flutter?"
"Um… n- nothing… please… j- just follow me, ok?" She's doing all she can not to break down crying.
Sigh
I can't stand watching her cry. I hate seeing people cry.
"Sure, but can you tell me what's wrong, did I do something wrong?"
She starts sobbing now. Crap! I'm just making it worse!
FUCK. STUPID CHURCH. MAKING PEOPLE CRY. Er… ponies? You know what I mean.
I look around nervously, and walk closer to her. "Hey, I'll follow you ok? Just please, stop crying," I say awkwardly, putting a hand… arm… leg… (goddammit) hoof gently on her back.
She stops crying and sniffs a couple times. "O..." sniff "Kay."
I follow her down the dirt road to town. It's quiet and boring. She (obviously) isn't trying to start a conversation, and neither am I. As I walk, though, the adrenaline rush from being chased by fluffy cartoon critters begins to wear off and the pain in my face is really starting to get to me.
I'm starting to have a really bad feeling… that I'm not dreaming.
We walk into town and I start getting weird looks from all the… ponies. It's getting annoying. Is my face really that messed up from falling on it so many times?
Before I get to think about it too much, a tiny orange pony runs up in front of me and starts walking backwards as it faces me with a disturbingly large smile. Aw shit. I know who that is too. Fuck my life.
Scootaloo? Right?
"Oh hi, Scootaloo," Fluttershy says.
Seriously? Fuck my Steam Friends list.
"Hi Fluttershy! Hi Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo says.
All I can muster is, "Uh…"
Fluttershy cuts me off, weakly saying, "I don't think now is…" She trails off.
"Hey, I heard the good news Rainbow! Congrats!" The orange one says over Fluttershy. “This is SO awesome! I can’t believe you… I mean of course you would, but-“
"Scootaloo," Fluttershy says firmly, but still softly, getting the little one's full attention. "Now's not the best time, ok?"
"Oh… um ok Fluttershy, see you later. Bye Rainbow!" And with that, Scootaloo runs off.
What the hell was that all about? Whatever, Fluttershy starts walking again and I follow suit. We're still getting the weird looks. And I could swear I saw a camera flash somewhere back there.
Before long, we arrive at a giant tree carved into a house. Or a library. Oh yeah, Twilight's library.
Goddammit.
Fluttershy opens the door, somehow managing to turn a doorknob with a single hoof – how the hell did she do that? – and I follow her inside.
"Hello?" Fluttershy calls out.
That sorry little excuse for a dragon waddles down the stairs.
GODDAMMIT! Ok, ok, just cage in your anger… breathe… I'd pinch the bridge of my nose right now if I still HAD FINGERS!
Ok, try not to look angry. Ok Church? Everything's cool. I'm just some regular guy in the magical land of whatever-it's-called, pretending to be Rainbow Dash with amnesia- oh my gawd. This is ridiculous!
"Oh, hi Spike." Fluttershy smiles weakly. "Where's Twilight?"
"Oh, she just went out to find you guys, actually." Spike answers with a shrug.
"Is that supposed to be a dragon? He's so puny." Dammit! I let that slip.
"Very funny, Rainbow," he replies flatly, giving me a dirty look.
"Oh goodness… she's out looking for us then, I should go find her…" Fluttershy says as she gets ready to head back out.
"Uhhh, should I go with you? I'd rather go with you." I'm not staying here. Fuck Spike.
"Oh no, no… um, ok, I guess…" She turns toward the door and walks back out.
And I follow. Again…
Ok, now I'm sure I saw some camera flashes. Some random ponies are waving at me.
"Uhhhh, hi?" Keep walking…
Creepy. At least it was a short walk to this giant gingerbread-looking house. Flutters walks up to the (great, now I'm using nicknames…) door but it opens in front of her and misses her nose by an inch. Twilight’s standing in the doorway.
"Oh, perfect, I was just about to go look for you two. Rainbow, can you go get Applejack please?" she asks, in the tone of a command.
"Twilight, we have a little problem… with Rainbow…" Flutters pipes up, glancing awkwardly in my direction.
"Oh, I know…" Twilight turns to me, looking sad but serious, "We all understand, Rainbow, but we all really need your help right now, Equestria needs your help."
Well, let's see if Twilight can see through a lie. "Who?..."
Where's a 20 sided die when ya need one?
She stares at me with a cocked eyebrow for a moment. "Huh?"
"Oh, but Twilight, Rainbow's…" Flutters protests, trying to tell Twilight.
Twilight interrupts , "Yes, Fluttershy, we all know.” She gives a sage little nod.
"Who's Applejack?" I butt in.
"This is no time for jokes, Rainbow," Twilight glares at me.
"Shut up! I can't remember anything!"
That was probably going a little too far, wasn't it? Awkward silence is awkward.
I hear Flutters mumbling to Twilight but I pick out the word 'amnesia' and I think Twilight does too.
"You… you really don't remember… anything?"
A pink blur bounces out the door from behind Twilight.
"Hi Dashie! Hi Flutters!" Pinkie. Freaking. Pie.
Before I can say anything, Twilight orders Pinkie, "Pinkie, please go get Applejack and Rarity and bring them to the library."
"OKIE DOKIE LOKIE!" Fuck Pinkie Pie. Good riddance.
"Ok," Twilight continues, "Let's see what you can remember. What's your name?"
"Flutters keeps calling me 'Rainbow'."
"Alright, what year is it?"
"2013?"
"Uh… ok. What's the name of Equestria's Princess?"
"Princess Smellestia."
Twilight gives me a look of thorough un-amusement. "Well… what do you remember then?"
"Nothing, I woke up on a cloud and couldn't get down. Then I ran into Flutters," I claim, it's mostly true. "Oh! And some gray pony."
"Oh for the love of… let's go talk about it at the library." She just about does a facepa-hoof.
"So, do you remember anything at all before waking up today?" Twilight asks with a suspicious eye.
I stare angrily at Spike and say, "Nope."
Twilight sits down and rubs her temples with her front hooves.
"Why are you looking at me?" Spike says, looking uncomfortable in my gaze.
"Because... I. Don't. Like. You."
He keeps shifting uncomfortably. Twilight sighs, "I didn't think this would happen so soon…"
Fluttershy pipes up, "Can you help her, Twilight?"
"Yes. Yes I can. Just like last time," she says, walking towards me with a mischievous smile.
"Wait, last time? What happened last time?" I look between Twilight and Fluttershy for an answer.
"Last time, when Discord unleashed chaos all over Equestria. Although this doesn’t seem to be exactly the same thing, this spell should still work."
What was Discord again? Oh well, I keep staring at Spike.
“Wait. Spell? What spell?!” I don’t want her using her pointy horn magic on me!
Whoa.
I feel a tickling sensation on my head. More like in my head. Kinda feels nice. I just roll with it.
For a moment, I saw… what can only be described as my life flashing before my eyes. It's hard to tell, it happened so fast.
As I come out of my daze, I feel tired. Like someone just woke me up. And my head is swimming.
"…Rainbow?" I hear two voices chime together.
I only manage to mumble a little.
"Do you remember anything?" I manage to focus my eyes on Twilight.
"Noooope..." I say with my best imitation of Chuck Testa.
"Shoot!" Twilight stomps a hoof on the floor.
"Well I remember some names..." I say, looking hopeful. Flutters and Twilight perk up at this, Spike is just sitting there ignoring everything like the shitty dragon he is. "But that's about it."
"Oh really? Whose names?" Twilight curiously asks.
"Princess Smellestia."
She squints at me with discontent. "…Well, let me try this a little differently."
She aims that pointy horn at me, and I feel the same sensation from before, but it's a little different. Not as pleasant. Almost painful.
"Ow."
Suddenly, images start rolling in my head. Like memories being replayed. But, they're not mine this time. I don't think they're Rainbow Dash's either…
There’s a flying rainbow pony, whooshing around the sky. She lands on a small bridge and says, "What'd I say? Ten. Seconds. Flat."
She pushes her nose in my face, "Are you a SPY?"
There she is again, her wings are tied up with rope and she’s laughing. “What? You’re not an athlete, you’re a… well… you’re an egghead!”
She squishes her cheeks together. "SO. AWESOME!"
"OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH!"
"I was busy. Napping."
She’s up on a dark cloud at night, wearing a cheesy gimp suit and angry looking goggles. "Lighten up old timer! This is the best time of the year for pranks!”
A book goes flying over her shoulder. “No thanks! I SOOOO don’t read.”
"Ow."
Did she just… Did I just… fucking… watch…
My…
FUCKING
Little…
FUCKING
PONY?!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"GODDAMMIT!
"GODDAMMIT! GODDAMMIT! GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT!
"YOU…FUCKING…!!!
"I…!!!
"FUCK!
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCKITTY FUCK!
"WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!!!!!"
*Arches eyebrow*
What do we have here?
I'm seeing this type of story trending. "Non-bronies in Equestria.
You sir, will be a pioneer
2114775 A story very long in the making. I started writing it in June!
2114804 Cool?
2114885
And "editing" since July...
2114883
Every HiE ever
2114883 lol
2114918 HEY. Hey.
2114960 You might have to elaborate... but it is first person, it's gonna be different from a traditional 3rd person narrative.
2114963 I'm planning on a chapter a week, but this was all written before season 3, so a lot of changes still need to be made.
2114968 You know what's REALLY funny? Go read that story's description. Who wrote 'the only HiE' the author has read?
2114971
2115121 Monkies are cuisine in some places, does that make us cannibals?
This? This is a good story. I excitedly await the next chapter.
And by excitedly, I mean: OhmygoshIcan'twaitthissofunnywoot!
2115130 Have you read Last?
2115152
It was a joke, and no.
2115160 lol, and go read it!
why is he saying that he doesn't know them?
2115185 Actually, both of them are au naturel at the moment lol. And Church is just playing dumb.
Glad to see you finally got around to publishing this, I hope my previous critics were useful.
2115377
imageshack.us/a/img507/373/pinkieindubitably.gif
2115237 Church said in the 1st Chapter he's not a Brony
2115366 that's going to be awkward for rainbow when church's family wakes up.
2115465 Yet, despite this, he has amassed an abnormally large knowledge of MLP.
2115499 Oh... yea...
2115516 Oh I wasn't aware of that
I might make a story where I go to equestria [Course not too sure if I should bring my sword or not [Yeah I have an actual sword in me room]
he does not sound happy
2114968
>Not understanding my statements
Why does this always happen?
Meaning: This isn't the first story I've seen that has had this theme.
Keyword: "a", not "the"
And BTW, the story you linked was the story I was talking about. Way to completely miss the point of my comment. My two down-votes only proves my suspicions. Maybe I should stop trying, almost no one understands me where ever I go. At least those 2 gave my a good laugh my friend was right; I do have a twisted sense of humor.
I'm just gonna stop typing right here because now I'm rambling on about things that don't concern you.
I'll give you props.
Despite this story's HUGE FLAWS. That ending was pretty funny.
2114968
Not even a pioneer in 'Rainbow Dash switches bodies with a human' stories, even.
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
I showed the third chapter to my non-brony friend and said, 'this is you,'
2116725 No he doesn't, precious.
2117594 I hope by 'huge flaws' you mean it being an HiE with the typical 'omg where are my hands' type stuff, and not like grammar stuff.
2118789 Pitynever expected to be lol
2119118 Did you just... use MY own approval picture on my story?... I'm ok with this!
2119187 lol
2117594'Huge Flaws'? Royal Canterlot Voice activated: LIES! SUCH LIES! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT?!
2120042 No! Only Luna is allowed to use the R.C. Voice
2122741 Since cows aren't sapient then no it's not cannibalismm, and my parents do put bread in the ice box.
2122760
The point I was trying to make is that the reason that an eagle wouldn't be a cannibal for eating a chicken despite them both being birds, is that they're not the same species. Just like a human eating a cow isn't cannibalism, despite both being mammals.
2122834 Fair enough. I mean if a human ate a cow in Equestria it would be considered cannibalism.
2122853 Actually no. It all depends on your mindset since cannibalism's literal definition is the consumption of ones own species. Alot of humans tend to see other sentient beings as humans also if they spend enough time around them which is where that feeling comes from but like so many fanfics point out, a human's mentality is vastly different from person to person so just because one person would see eating say... a cow in equestria as cannibalism another would have no probs with it.
2122760 2122834 2123674
Say, a pony eating a cow, a human eating a pony, even if they're all sapient (it's 'sapient' btw), would not be cannibalism. I'm not entirely sure there is a word in english that means 'eating another sapient species.' Someone should google it.
Fun fact: did you know it's perfectly safe to feed most pet birds cooked chicken? I still always felt a little dirty giving chicken to my pet cockatiels though
I'm a cannibal for eating steak...
apparently.
2124603 YOU BASTARD!
2123973 Meh knew it was one or the other just didn't feel like looking it up.
Also Thats what i was talking about before. When we're around something that talks and acts like a human long enough we tend to stop looking at that thing as another form of life and start looking at it as a human with a different body or assign it human characteristics's and traits. It's for this reason it feels like it would be cannibalism to eat them even though in this light (morals withheld) it would be no different than eating a normal cow from back home.
It's perfectly ok to feed most things that can eat meat their own species i think. Even somethings that doesn't regularly eat meat may be able to eat it apparently though i'm not sure how that works. Mad cow spread because farmers took the brain and brain stem which were the left over parts of cows they butchered ground them up and put them into the feed of other cows. It passed on the misfolded, damaged protein or something (learned about it in college awhile ago but forgot the details).
2124749 Oh yea, I know. I'm just saying... there needs to be a word for this.
2118789
This has been done before...
2125325
Er, yes? You must have somehow missed that I linked to that myself.
I like this story I will be eagerly waiting for the next chapter
she's not lesbian she's my favorite pony
2126677 Cool!
2128890 Can't she be both? Besides, Church is just a hater!
Love this story!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
CURSE YOU THEREDBRONY!!!
2130913 Glad you do!
2132222
imageshack.us/a/img14/3954/trollfaceqi.png
Mr. Author man, I think you deserve this:
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png
2133206 I like it!
CURSE YOUUU!