Two Lifetimes

by Nightstalker18

The Dreams

The sound of birdsong shook me from my slumber, for a split second the image of two bright lights was superimposed into my eyes. I arose to my hooves shakily where was I? How did I get here? Then I remembered.... Pinkie Pie's party! I had drunk too much punch, staggered out into the road and promptly collapsed...come to think of it my head hurt alot!
Oh I am sorry let me introduce myself my name is Autumn Breeze I am a resident here in Ponyville. Let me tell you it sure is fun living in Ponyville the ponies are friendly, the food is great and the weather is generally nice...but I digress. What I really want to say is things have been going well here for me well...until the dreams that is you want to know about the dreams?
Ok well since last week I have been experiencing these weird dreams, I have been dreaming of a world similar to Equestria but it is also very different. Different I hear you say well it works slightly like the Everfree Forrest clouds move, weather changes, animals care for themselves and the plants grow...all on their OWN!
Ok I couldn't help but make that sound as dramatic as possible but it's true thats the way this dream world works also there are these strange creatures that walk on two legs yes you heard me right everypony two legs! They are weird colours like peach and dark chestnut their forelegs are smaller then their hindlegs and don't end in hooves, they also lack a tail and their ears are almost non-existent...oh and don't get me started on the lack of muzzle either! Then there are the ponies in this weird place they come in boring colours such as chestnut, dapple, ebony, fawn and boring dull colours also they can not talk!
Thats right the weird creatures do that instead, there are also no unicorn or Pegasus ponies either and the carriages pull themselves and have lights strapped to the front and back of them. Oh yeah also the ponies have no cutie marks! Yes you heard right again no cutie marks! But that is just the setting of the dreams in the dreams I am one of the weird creatures and weird things keep happening to me, in the most recent one I walked into a moving carriage but before it hit me I just saw the lights on the front they were really bright.
"Hey! Autumn you're finally awake! I've been waiting for hours for you to wake up I brought you a cupcake from sugar cube corner!"

Comments

[Scarlett Haze]

Different I hear you say well it works slightly like the Everfree Forrest clouds move, weather changes, animals care for themselves and the plants grow...all on their OWN!
No comma breaks make this look like it's a run-on sentence, a proper Fix (darn it, I hate that pun!) would be...
'Different?' I hear you say. Well, it works slightly like the Everfree Forest, clouds move, weather changes, animals care for themselves, the plants grow, ALL ON THEIR OWN!

This entire segment could do with comma breaks and a bit of grammer checking, this introduction is a good start however, so with a little work, this might turn out good.