Barbs are not fun at all, but at least he wasn't very "filling" as it were. The sex was good (aside from the barbs) and the foreplay was quite entertaining. I'm actually surprise by two things: there has never been a hippogriff before and the Diamond Dogs don't get some.
Alright, took a bit longer than planned, stuff got in the way. But here we go. Doing 2 chapters in one go: Liked that there was mention of a contraceptive, and estrus. The set-up seems a tad bit cliche, but can work. Daring as a player might work too, depending on how you picture the world. (and nice that she isn't made a random virgin, as some would) Shamanism was a interesting, if peculiar touch. Daring ought to know about foul/bitter tasting liquids shamans make though xP So far the seeming theme have been rather unusual, which has been really neat. Even if some things kinda scream "cliche", it at the same time doesn't in other areas, making this a really interesting mix tbh. (like the suave villain and "defeated victim" mixed with the while "gentle treatment".) Bit perplexed with the "griffin nature", but can work I guess. Don't know too much on their mythology. Anyhow, even if the "villain wants heroine (and gets her due to reason) is used a lot, you managed to have a rather good "reason" and execution of it. Above many I've seen. Not too sure what I think of the presented personality, (specially at a few times, like saying she wouldn't marrying, while prior pointing out she was a player) but in contemplation, they seem quite accurate-able.
And can see griffons as having at some point (likely not anymore) been eating ponies. Not too sure how a beak works for "that", but eh, magic xP (quite good "smooth talk/teasing btw) And hum, much more interesting take of reason for sex than I've ever seen so far in one of these. Though, it felt rather silly with the "reasons" given. 1'st since it seemed angle as if he only spoke of male griffon+female pony. As the counterpart would be a whole lot easier, especially if the griffons now would be that bloodthirsty, they could rape him, then eat him. As said, using others to force impregnate is overall just inefficient. Though that might just be going into much detail, but just pointing it out. As if they were genetically compatible to crossbreed, but that bad at not killing, along with seeming being willing to rape, it seems rather stupid of them to not have thought of that. And while she gave in quite quickly and easily like they do in these, I gotta say she did better than most I've read, there at least were some pacing, along with her being given a decent amount of time to "let it sink it." (though, one question: How come she knew before the bedroom what he wanted? I can't recall any mention of it.) Now, lets see how you handle the estrus part...
(And damn, sorry, failed to do a short review) Anyhow, you wrote the "smug bastard" speech well overall in this. And not going with human anatomy (least not internal) actually does give him a very good chance of impregnation, unlike humans as said, with our might average 2,5 % per insemination xP They'd have around 40-80 %, depending on how willing and in what condition the female is in. (and health of male) Could drop much lower to 0 if female is in bad shape though and unwilling. And overall, the theoretical birth won't be overly hard on her either, again, just us humans that suck xD Trailing off again, sorry. *Cough* See you're going with equine anatomy for her, that's neat And can take winking as involuntary when in heat. (headcanon wise they can also choose to do it, along with not being the porn-story generic "mindless sluts", but just being extra horny during the time ) Gotta say I'm impressed that this has "gentle rape" in it. It's a really rare thing to see. Especially when it's done well too. (I was the first one to introduce it in the pony fandom btw hehe) But yeah, really rare to see it. For doing such a neatly "compact" clopfic, it has quite a few good scenes in it. Sure, they're short, but they get the important parts. (though aw... no squirting ) And as said, it's a rather refreshing thing to see "rape/torture" more aimed mentally than physically. He's far more devious than most simple rapists.
Have to say I'm impressed that you didn't give him "the usual way above average dick", along with being rather vague on it bar from shape. And ofc the fact it was more feline, logically, as otherwise there'd be nothing there penis wise xP (Daring's package was never mentioned in size or shape, bar from that it was plump, but it's more in her perspective anyhow) Though, don't see why she'd have scoffed at small penises. Seems more among the lines of a superficial human to do. If anything, ponies would know how sex worked, possibly... least from what I guess. Just seems fitting with the matriarchy and all. They'd have figured out what females like if anything heh. And while she'd be more than moist and erect enough, and likely hung too, I can imagine that the barbs would hurt a bit, that, and the fact she'd likely be rather sore from all the orgasms, as she actually can orgasm from what he did, as he seemed to go for the prostate, and possibly clit too. Unlike normal vaginal. Though, it still sounds a bit too painful in theory. Then again, sounds like he sunk to trying to just harm her physically with it so... eh, give and take I guess.
Hm... even if the "visits" were very vague detail wise, I'd guess he still took time to make sure she was swollen and didn't aim too much on harming her, since that'd just increase chance of miscarriage and whatnot. Then again, he might not care about that... on a side note, wonder if she could harm him by clenching around his cock when he pulled back? xP And alright, now it took one of the two common paths of these types of stories, but imo, it did so rather well, even if it was quite short, that description had pacing to it. (don't see why she wouldn't just clench out the seed once he was done though) Also, now we come to the whole part where "the opposite" would prove much more efficient (side note to that: that type (and sub-genres) of story is like, close to nonexistent compare to this version.) Done with chapter 4 too. Sorry for the wall of text. But gotta say I'm more impressed by this than I thought I would be. Sure, it had quite a few "our world and modern time" stereotypes and etc, but also quite a few neat touches to it. It wasn't too generic either. Much less than I anticipated. (but yeah, most of these tend to be really "blargh", but it was still a bit rude of me to have a bit of a "judge a book by the cover" on it. But will be interesting to see where it goes, and I do hope it manages to keep up the current theme and quality.) And like said: Writing could use a bit of tuning, but so does most people's. But it was still good.
Okay, now we get to the nasty part.
957857 You're featured, congrats!
Barbs are not fun at all, but at least he wasn't very "filling" as it were. The sex was good (aside from the barbs) and the foreplay was quite entertaining. I'm actually surprise by two things: there has never been a hippogriff before and the Diamond Dogs don't get some.
me gusta macho
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/191/809/me_gusta_mucho_by_megustamuchoplz-d416uqk.png?1319690633
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ8v3eFKEK_s-vDY_QHxZh1RZOLaxLxsWB2HxAMvJstQlYNjJ5KrSSGRDA1Dg
Me gusta
not sure if torture and rape are gusta... but there are exceptions
957349
The rest will be posted shortly.
More chapters... NOW
Alright, took a bit longer than planned, stuff got in the way. But here we go. Doing 2 chapters in one go: Liked that there was mention of a contraceptive, and estrus. The set-up seems a tad bit cliche, but can work. Daring as a player might work too, depending on how you picture the world. (and nice that she isn't made a random virgin, as some would) Shamanism was a interesting, if peculiar touch. Daring ought to know about foul/bitter tasting liquids shamans make though xP So far the seeming theme have been rather unusual, which has been really neat. Even if some things kinda scream "cliche", it at the same time doesn't in other areas, making this a really interesting mix tbh. (like the suave villain and "defeated victim" mixed with the while "gentle treatment".) Bit perplexed with the "griffin nature", but can work I guess. Don't know too much on their mythology. Anyhow, even if the "villain wants heroine (and gets her due to reason) is used a lot, you managed to have a rather good "reason" and execution of it. Above many I've seen. Not too sure what I think of the presented personality, (specially at a few times, like saying she wouldn't marrying, while prior pointing out she was a player) but in contemplation, they seem quite accurate-able.
And can see griffons as having at some point (likely not anymore) been eating ponies. Not too sure how a beak works for "that", but eh, magic xP (quite good "smooth talk/teasing btw) And hum, much more interesting take of reason for sex than I've ever seen so far in one of these. Though, it felt rather silly with the "reasons" given. 1'st since it seemed angle as if he only spoke of male griffon+female pony. As the counterpart would be a whole lot easier, especially if the griffons now would be that bloodthirsty, they could rape him, then eat him. As said, using others to force impregnate is overall just inefficient. Though that might just be going into much detail, but just pointing it out. As if they were genetically compatible to crossbreed, but that bad at not killing, along with seeming being willing to rape, it seems rather stupid of them to not have thought of that. And while she gave in quite quickly and easily like they do in these, I gotta say she did better than most I've read, there at least were some pacing, along with her being given a decent amount of time to "let it sink it." (though, one question: How come she knew before the bedroom what he wanted? I can't recall any mention of it.) Now, lets see how you handle the estrus part...
(And damn, sorry, failed to do a short review) Anyhow, you wrote the "smug bastard" speech well overall in this. And not going with human anatomy (least not internal) actually does give him a very good chance of impregnation, unlike humans as said, with our might average 2,5 % per insemination xP They'd have around 40-80 %, depending on how willing and in what condition the female is in. (and health of male) Could drop much lower to 0 if female is in bad shape though and unwilling. And overall, the theoretical birth won't be overly hard on her either, again, just us humans that suck xD Trailing off again, sorry. *Cough* See you're going with equine anatomy for her, that's neat And can take winking as involuntary when in heat. (headcanon wise they can also choose to do it, along with not being the porn-story generic "mindless sluts", but just being extra horny during the time ) Gotta say I'm impressed that this has "gentle rape" in it. It's a really rare thing to see. Especially when it's done well too. (I was the first one to introduce it in the pony fandom btw hehe) But yeah, really rare to see it. For doing such a neatly "compact" clopfic, it has quite a few good scenes in it. Sure, they're short, but they get the important parts. (though aw... no squirting ) And as said, it's a rather refreshing thing to see "rape/torture" more aimed mentally than physically. He's far more devious than most simple rapists.
Have to say I'm impressed that you didn't give him "the usual way above average dick", along with being rather vague on it bar from shape. And ofc the fact it was more feline, logically, as otherwise there'd be nothing there penis wise xP (Daring's package was never mentioned in size or shape, bar from that it was plump, but it's more in her perspective anyhow) Though, don't see why she'd have scoffed at small penises. Seems more among the lines of a superficial human to do. If anything, ponies would know how sex worked, possibly... least from what I guess. Just seems fitting with the matriarchy and all. They'd have figured out what females like if anything heh. And while she'd be more than moist and erect enough, and likely hung too, I can imagine that the barbs would hurt a bit, that, and the fact she'd likely be rather sore from all the orgasms, as she actually can orgasm from what he did, as he seemed to go for the prostate, and possibly clit too. Unlike normal vaginal. Though, it still sounds a bit too painful in theory. Then again, sounds like he sunk to trying to just harm her physically with it so... eh, give and take I guess.
Hm... even if the "visits" were very vague detail wise, I'd guess he still took time to make sure she was swollen and didn't aim too much on harming her, since that'd just increase chance of miscarriage and whatnot. Then again, he might not care about that... on a side note, wonder if she could harm him by clenching around his cock when he pulled back? xP And alright, now it took one of the two common paths of these types of stories, but imo, it did so rather well, even if it was quite short, that description had pacing to it. (don't see why she wouldn't just clench out the seed once he was done though) Also, now we come to the whole part where "the opposite" would prove much more efficient (side note to that: that type (and sub-genres) of story is like, close to nonexistent compare to this version.) Done with chapter 4 too. Sorry for the wall of text. But gotta say I'm more impressed by this than I thought I would be. Sure, it had quite a few "our world and modern time" stereotypes and etc, but also quite a few neat touches to it. It wasn't too generic either. Much less than I anticipated. (but yeah, most of these tend to be really "blargh", but it was still a bit rude of me to have a bit of a "judge a book by the cover" on it. But will be interesting to see where it goes, and I do hope it manages to keep up the current theme and quality.) And like said: Writing could use a bit of tuning, but so does most people's. But it was still good.
damn
usually I write my griffons without the barbs, but in this instance
it furthers the mood
good job