XI: Confessions
- - -
The weight on Rainbow Dash's back could not be said to come from heat of the jungle, or the steady fatigue of her slowly returning magic. Compared to the immateriality of her burden they were as solid and tangible as stone and yet as light as the wind. The mass came from the sorrow that had slowly built with each step down the side of the three-pronged mountain. Now, off the barren rocky cliffs and back amongst the dense undergrowth of the jungle proper, it was almost enough to stop her every step. Yet despite the massive pain of her guilt, her lips were held still and quiet. Her silence might have been said to be a testament either to the sheer oceans of her guilt or to the steady resilience of her carefully controlled apathy. Neither view was true. She was quiet because she had no desire to further hurt the zebra mare who walked in silent mourning beside her.
Partway down the mountainside, the pair had encountered Rainbow's guide. The pegasus had nodded in acknowledgement of his presence, but said no more. His rhyming questions were left unanswered and unfulfilled until the whole of their recent memory was overflowing with their corpses. It took him some great time to realize that neither had the desire to speak, and when the idea finally sparked he too was claimed in the rampant contagion that was their implacable silence.
It persisted from the mountaintop into the village, as the sun passed noon overhead and continued is inexorable approach, marking another day closer to Luna's impending demise. As the only companion Rainbow would acknowledge, it wordlessly compared with her reflections of her struggles on behalf of that ticking fatal clock. Four days had passed since she reluctantly joined the Honor Guard, and in that time, Rainbow Dash's world had fallen apart alongside the Princess of the Night. Now, Luna had little more than two days to live, and yet even that urgency did not seem to justify what had happened. Why had she done it? Over and over the burning orb demanded an answer. It echoed Dead Reckoning's question: why? What unimaginable force had pulled her into the nightmarish mess that was her quest? What loyalty did she owe Luna? They were hard questions, but their contemplation served as a welcome distraction from the far more brutal lingering doubts of why: why had she done it?
Dash threw herself so boldly into the exploration of these thoughts that she did not realize the plodding path carved by her hooves until a dozen voices called out from around her in unison.
"Karibu."
She quite literally jumped, and for the first time since awakening, her wings held her aloft. There, she eyed the zebra villagers with ire and violence, ready to strike out at the attack her instincts and her overloaded nerves insisted was sure to come. Instead, the village beat the hooves on the ground in a thundering applause. To them, the action was that of a stranger returning victorious from battle with a great foe, rescuing a lost friend and family member. It took the pegasus some time to realize what they believed they had seen. The cheering bolstered her spirit, though only a little. She gave an easy flip and quick spin before her wings began to demand rest. Her magic, it seemed, still needed time to return.
When she landed, they swarmed around her, asking questions in a tongue she could not understand. She tried to be accepting, but her body would not listen. Her wings bunched against her sides, doing their best to hold the cheering crowd at bay. They might have continued in their choking throng until her control broke completely, were it not for the sudden crack of thunder.
It was impossible, surely, and for that alone, it grabbed the attention of the entire village. The air over the jungle might have borne the signs of a storm, or at least light rain, but there was no lightning to be seen on the horizon or otherwise. Stranger still was that the noise had come from amidst the crowd, traveling up into the air instead of falling down to the ground.
Then the crowd parted before a scowling old stallion with a bleeding cut on his shoulder and a single eye that had been clenched down into a furious bloodthirsty glare. Dead Reckoning's anger was palpable, turning the air around him to a fine and sickening haze and cutting him a clean swath as he passed the zebras. When his clear eye settled on Rainbow, though, his fury broke like a wave over rocks. The lines of sweat and fury faded from his face, replaced by the happy smiling wrinkles of a stallion his age. For just a moment, Rainbow saw her grandfather, but Papa's thick whiskers were nowhere to be found beside Reckoning's brutal claw scars.
"You're alive. Oh, thank Celestia." It came out airy and desperate, like a gasp, as though he hadn't drawn breath in her absence. Deadeye looked over his younger partner, and took a few careful steps forward, until he stood by her side. There he stood, analyzing her, for more time than she cared to mention. With each passing moment more and more of his rich aged smile faded away. Unlike the zebras, he had come to know her former spirit, even if only for a day. The vibrancy of her personality was enough to tell him that something had changed. She knew that he knew. To her surprise, he made no comment, nor gave any acknowledgement to what had happened. Instead, he turned into the crowd, scanning their faces with a surprising alacrity. Finally, his gaze locked onto the mare he had been searching for. "Kiongozi. She fulfilled her Rite."
"Indeed she did, as I was sure. I'm not the one who doubted her."
He didn't actually say anything to respond. Instead, he gently slid a wing over Rainbow's back, and began guiding her toward the center of the village. Without really intending to, she forced his embrace away. A little bit of guilt slipped out of her eyes at the action. He nodded, acknowledging her desire for privacy, even amongst the throng of zebras. Together, the pegasi made their way into the fire circle.
Kiongozi approached Rainbow next, along with Mzungu and the zebra shaman who had leapt into the fire only mere hours earlier. The last of the three held a rack, containing six carved wooden bowls, their contents obscured by ornate lids of ivory. Mzungu shot Rainbow another look of detached hatred, implying that the pegasus was beneath actual anger. Trying to avoid the unspoken accusation, Dash locked eyes with the elder Zebra. Kiongozi outright beamed back, either unaware or uncaring of the brutal battle of wills going on in her presence. She craned her neck back and spoke to the herd.
"This mare who came into our fold has proven that her heart is bold. Surmounting such a task was hard. We welcome her amongst our guard. Though wings you wear upon your back, inside your soul is white and black. You've saved our lost without delays, and for such an act you have earned our praise. Now, Mzungu, speak your mind, for she who brought you back to our kind."
The younger zebra looked over the crowd slowly and surely, and then set her gaze on her leader. Her words were not meant for Kiongozi, however. They had been pondered, weighted, and bladed, so that they would best cut through Rainbow's already struggling soul, even if she could not understand them. "Wewe walikuwa sahihi kuhusu wao."
A murmuring of confusion spread across the crowd. Without the hesitation that ought to have been present, Rainbow turned to Dead Reckoning. "What did she say?"
He hesitated for a moment, but the pause did not last long. "You were right about them."
Rainbow slowly turned back to Kiongozi, who had begun to pelt Mzungu with questions in zebra. All were met with a blank face and silence. Finally, the leader had enough, and turned to the shaman who stood beside her. "We give our gift to one so brave, before she moves on with another to save."
The shaman nodded, and wordlessly began to open the jars. Their contents were brilliantly colored pigments, in each of the colors of the rainbow. Without further word in Equestrian or Zebra, Kiongozi and the shaman dipped their hooves in the red ink, and approached Rainbow. Their hooves pressed gently, yet firmly against her brow, and in a smooth motion, bestowed upon her head a vibrant red stripe. A dip in a bucket of water gave them clean hooves to handle orange, and so on. In a mere minute, Rainbow bore the marks of a zebra, from purple lines around her hooves and flank, to a brilliant red upon her face. Though her mind was still addled, and her soul still troubled, the act was enough to pinch up the corners of her mouth.
"Thank you."
"We deserve to be thanking you, as surely will others when these days are through." Kiongozi padded Rainbow on the shoulder. "South by river leads your path, but beware lest you face the Griffon's wrath. Once your path to the lost elk leads, be thee ware on what he feeds. Should from his home you solve your quest, fly back home, as you do best. But remember, for so long as you rule the sky, to visit your herd, should you pass by." As she spoke, she gestured with a sweeping hoof toward the path out of the village.
Rainbow nodded but said nothing more. The sun wouldn't wait for her to wallow in the praise she wasn't sure she deserved. She took to wing, darting out of their sight in a trail of rainbow brilliance. Her magic carried her only a short duration by her usual measure, but the immense speed that had earned her both her name and her purpose made the most of that little time. She was well clear of the village when she finally settled to land; in fact, she had nearly reached the edge of the enormous sinkhole. Above her, the gondola elevator would bring her back up to where their journey had been interrupted. How had it only been a few hours? No more than six, by her haphazard glance at the sun. It was well past lunchtime. Despite her only food being the fruit her zebra guide had offered before entering Discord's temple, she wasn't particularly hungry. Perhaps it was the knot in her stomach taking up all the space where food ought to have been stored.
She felt a surprising gust of wind, followed by the audible sound of flapping feathers behind her. Hooves dropped onto the ground hard, and immediately approached. Dead Reckoning sat down beside her. "What happened?"
"I'm fine."
"I didn't ask how you were feeling. I asked what happened."
"I don't want to talk about it." That was how it went, right? He'd say something witty and insightful, or make some sort of metaphor, and everything would be better, like magic. That's what stallions his age were for.
He looked at her for a long time, inscrutably, before laying down on his belly and spreading his wings. It was then her turn to stare at him in confusion, though it lasted only a few seconds before he finally spoke. "Climb onto my back."
"What?"
"Your wings still aren't up to flying up that cliff, are they?" He gestured to the sheer height above them.
She looked upward, and then back to her companion. "You think you can carry me up that height? Aren't you, like, fifty?"
Dead Reckoning's response was a healthy vibrant laugh that took away some of the sharp edges of the world. "I don't know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. I guess we'll just have to see how many ponies you can carry when you turn sixty-eight."
She was flabbergasted, and so remained still until he prompted her again with his wing. Gentle steps put her over his back, and with hesitation, she wrapped her forelegs around his neck. He rose up beneath her, and then spread his wings wide, and they were off into the sky.
"I imagine it’s probably been a long time since you've had somepony to fly you around like this," Reckoning observed, before letting out a little laugh. "Or maybe not. Do you have a special stallion back home in Ponyville?"
"No." Rainbow spoke the word barely over the sound of the wind rushing past their ears.
He cocked a little grin, half-heartedly adding another question. "Maybe a special mare?" Another of his little laughs broke into the air when she shook her head. "It's always weird for me to think that's acceptable now. Not that everypony hasn't been pairing off that way since the dawn of time; the publicity is all that's really new." He shrugged. "Just an old guardspony rambling. What do you want to talk about?"
Rainbow shook her head 'no'. Reckoning nodded slowly, tilted his wings wide to the left, and began to circle the sinkhole, at a level height with its rim.
"Where are you going?"
"You're not fit to go tromping through the jungle when you're too busy wondering if you did something wrong. So we're just going to fly, and relax, and chat, until you're ready to get whatever it is off your chest."
Rainbow looked off for a long time, and finally pulled the knot out of her gut. Words spilled out of her like water from an uncapped faucet. "I killed a dragon."
"I knew that." Reckoning answered.
"How?"
"When you've been a guardspony for almost fifty years, you learn what some things look like. You had the face on." He settled into a shallow descent, forcing Rainbow to slide closer on his back, until their necks were pressed together. His unkempt short mane tickled her chin. "I want to know why you did it."
So she told him. Hesitantly, at first, she gave him the tale of the hours she had been gone, from her journey into the ancient zebra temple to her surprising meeting with its unexpected 'god', and finally, her encounter with the wyrm. Reckoning said not a word during the entire tale, letting the raw emotion and pain flow out of the young mare on his back, and accepting it fully without judgment or comment.
"...and the spear just went straight into his eye. I didn't want it to; I wasn't even thinking. I just needed to stop the fire, and his eye was right there, and I didn't have any other way, and-"
"I understand." Reckoning curved into a steep bank that Rainbow had to admit she envied, given his age. It was well within her capabilities, but that didn't mean it was easy. When the tight turn had been completed, the elder pegasus swept up out of the zebra's sinkhole and into the thick canopy of the upper jungle. There he flew in silence for another few hundred feet, before dropping down to the floor on the edge of a rapidly flowing river.
She scrambled off his back, at which point he turned to look straight into her eyes. "You were defending yourself," came his first observation.
"That doesn't make me feel any better."
His brow rose slightly. "I'm not trying to make you feel better, Dash. You've killed another living, intelligent being. You're supposed to feel bad." Rainbow found herself stunned by the words, and so he continued his speech. "That's what tells you you're still a good pony inside. What you're feeling right now that you shouldn’t be, though, is guilt; I can tell that it’s eating you up inside. So think about this for a second: did you start that fight?"
"I tried to grab Mzungu-"
Reckoning's gaze grew sterner as he interrupted. "Did you make the first attack?"
"No, but-"
"And did you try to kill him?"
"I didn't mean to, but-"
"No, Rainbow Dash, there isn't any 'but'. Those are the facts. That's reality. You were trying to be a good guardspony. You were trying to save lives. My life. Your princess' life. Sometimes, that means making choices like forcing the zebra to go home. Not many ponies could make that choice. It might not have been nice, but what you did was right, Rainbow. Do you understand the difference?"
Rainbow took a deep breath, and then nodded slowly. "Yeah. I guess. I still don't feel much better about it though."
Reckoning shrugged. "That's something you have to get over on your own. Every guardspony... well, at least the Honor Guard all have our own way of dealing with it. I'd tell you to go fly around if it were safe. As it stands, we've got to get moving if we're going to save your princess. Just remember what we talked about."
Reckoning then broke out into a steady gait along the riverbank, following the gentle but swift waters as they curved and bent into the depths of the jungle proper. Their path didn't go very far, however, before the older pony's machete cut through a wall of vines to reveal a small but sturdy dock tied up to a pair of canoes. "Here's our path to Fallaner," the scout observed, before climbing down the bank of the river and approaching one of the boats. Its paintings and attention to detail made it obvious that it was a zebra craft. It was more than large enough to accommodate the pair comfortably, and so Reckoning climbed aboard. "Hop on and we can get going."
She followed his directions, and with another swift chop of his machete, the rope holding the canoe in place was no more, and their journey had begun. Dash sat down at the back of the craft and rolled her shoulders, making herself comfortable. Reckoning, meanwhile, stood in the center of the boat facing downriver. His wings were cutting strange motions in the air, turning the craft as the speed of the water carried it along its journey.
"How come you all call her 'my princess'?"
"Eh?" The one-eyed scout glanced over his shoulder. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I thought it was just Thunder Crack being a jerk, but then you said it too. Luna is just as much your Princess as she is mine."
Reckoning broke away from looking at her and forced his eye dead-forward. "I'm not her bodyguard." The lack of confidence in the statement belied an obvious lack of honesty. Rainbow could almost see the strain in his body as he tried to make himself believe his own words.
"You're lying to me, Deadeye."
"Dash, you don't want me to answer that question."
Confrontationally, she flared her wings and rose to walk toward him. The canoe shifted in the water, adjusting to the change in weight. "Why not?"
The scout shook his head firmly. "Just drop it."
"Tell me!" she pressed.
His scarred brow twitched, but his tone remained under control. "It's not something you'll want to hear right now. Not after this."
She rolled her eyes, before all-but yelling into his face. "Just tell me!"
"It's none of your business!" His voice had developed into a heightened growl.
"Like you having flashbacks was none of my business?" It was a cheap shot, but Rainbow felt she needed to know.
"Fine!" He whipped his head around, putting his scarred face so close to Rainbow's that she fell backward onto her haunches. Gone was the friendliness and the usual humor in his voice, replaced with a blunt fervor that seemed to border on bloodlust. "You want to know so bad? Don't interrupt me."
It took a moment for him to regain control of his emotions, and he took the opportunity to seat himself. The boat drifted lazily as he spoke with a calm tone that was nevertheless so full of spite that it almost hurt to listen to. "The reason we call her 'your princess' is because we don't want anything to do with her. Every single one of us joined up before she came back, and we all swore our oaths in front of Celestia alone. Then she showed up out of the blue, and-"
"Is this about Nightmare Moon? Really?" Rainbow set her teeth together. "So she made it nighttime for a while and scared everypony. Big deal! It's not like-"
Reckoning didn't interrupt with words. The fury in his eyes left his body through his legs, which cracked into the air in a powerful kick. The sudden burst of thunderous sound sent birds into the air overhead and brought total silence to the two ponies. His magic released, Reckoning slowly shook his head and set his gaze on Rainbow, and for the first time in the entire conversation, it was clear that his anger was directed at the young mare, rather than the distant dying princess. "You have no idea what she did to us."
"What?"
"I shouldn't blame you for not remembering, Rainbow Dash." The way he delivered the words suggested that he did nevertheless. Dead Reckoning drew in a deep breath, and then released it. He turned his back to the mare and began to again guide the canoe with his wings. "But you were there."
- - -
The early-morning mid-summer air in Ponyville was pleasantly warm, and not a cloud troubled the still-dark sky. Standing on the balcony of the town hall were three identical stallions, bearing golden armor over their sheer white coats. They watched over a crowd of tired but excited ponies who were making their way into the biggest event their tiny town would ever see.
"Good to have you back, Corporal Reckoning."
"Good to be back, Star." As some curiosity of the enchanted armor, only one of Dead Reckoning's illusory blue eyes actually tracked his glance toward Morning Star. "I have to ask, though; why exactly am I back?"
The third pony present let out a little laugh. "I don't see why they wouldn't want you back, Deadeye. It's not like anything went wrong the last time you were at a Summer Sun Celebration."
That particular international incident replayed in his mind, and Reckoning was glad that the illusory form of the pony he was supposed to be couldn't blush or scowl at her. "Clever, Loose."
Despite wearing a stallion's body, Warrant Officer Loose Cannon was clearly riled up by the distasteful use of her first name. Her wings flared for a moment, before a smile broke over her broad white muzzle. "That's funny, Reckoning. I heard that's what we should be calling your sweetheart up in Cloudsdale."
"That's enough, both of you." Morning Star's command was heeded instantly, a sign of the respect he commanded. "I want your attention on the crowd."
All three guardsponies looked down over the edge of the balcony, watching as stallions and mares of all shapes and sizes flooded into the town's largest structure. Though the welcome break from the desolate solitude of the jungle was nice, Reckoning had to admit that as his eye searched the crowds for threats, he found himself bored. "How long have you two been waiting for me?" he inquired, hoping to strike up some sort of conversation.
"Since yesterday afternoon." Star answered. "We charioted Twilight Sparkle down here. You know, the Princess' personal student?"
"I'm not that old, Star. I remember Twilight, even if I never actually met her. What's she doing down here on her own?"
"Apparently, she organized the Celebration." Star shrugged. "We stopped watching her after we dropped her off. We've been digging up threats since then. Which reminds me, if you see a pink earth pony mare, or a blue pegasus mare, and either has saddlebags, let me know."
"Threats here? You're joking, right?" Loose Cannon butted in, gesturing around. "I didn't turn anything up on my rounds; hard to have a real nutcase in a town of forty ponies."
"Not a real military threat, but I'd just as soon save the embarrassment of a practical joke to the Princess." Star wore a brief smile that belied his imagination, before it was stolen away by reality. "Don't get comfortable; something’s going down here. The Commander's been on edge since this morning."
Loose Cannon shot a quick sideways glance to the two stallions. "You know why, right? I heard he just got back from a mission."
It wasn't much of a surprise that Reckoning hadn't heard; news didn't get to Zebrica very often. It was, however, a big deal when the Commander went out to deal with something himself. That was, after all, what the entire rest of the Honor Guard was for. He was, therefore, incredibly surprised by Morning Star's clarification.
"He went to south to Suida. He took Lieutenant On and Lieutenant Flag."
Reckoning's jaw dropped. "Soldier On *and* White Flag? Are we going to war with the boars?"
"No, of course-" Star's attention was torn away by a glance at a little orange filly darting around on a scooter. He put on his best guardspony voice as she shouted down toward her. "You're going to have to leave that outside, kid."
The filly moped a bit about the demand, but complied without further fuss. Having resolved the dire threat that a child's scooter presented to their nigh-immortal ruler, Morning Star turned back to Dead Reckoning. "We wouldn't be having the Summer Sun Celebration right now if we were looking at a war, Corporal," Morning Star responded calmly. "I'm sure their business was peaceful."
"Yeah, right." Loose Cannon nickered, holding a hoof to her (momentarily masculine) mouth to avoid a further break in composure. "Keep telling yourself that. But on that topic, why the hay is the Celebration here? Look at this place!" Reckoning took in the surroundings. It was pretty small; barely more than a village, bursting at the seams from the number of visitors who had swept down from Canterlot. Cannon continued in a mocking voice. "Welcome to Ponyville, Capital of Nowhere, population twelve."
Morning Star responded deadpan. "It was the Princess' decision, Cannon."
"That doesn't make it right, you know, Star. Remember when she made Flag stand in as Princess Platinum in the Hearth's Warming pageant?" The other two identical white stallions shared a small chuckle at the thought. Yet another inside joke Reckoning had missed in exile.
He shook his head, before his eye locked onto an incredibly unexpected sight. "Is that... a dragon?"
"What?" Morning Star's gaze snapped to where Reckoning was pointing. The creature in question was much smaller than he had feared. "Oh, yeah, that's Spike. Not a big deal. The purple mare there is Twilight Sparkle. He's her assistant, or something."
Reckoning laughed. "Wait, are you telling me that little dragon is the one we freaked out over when it broke through the roof of the Princess' school?"
"Yeah. Strong magic runs in their family." Star smiled. "Rumor has it that her brother is going to replace Captain Vigil."
Suddenly intense, Reckoning turned away from the baby dragon and the young mare. "What happened to the Captain?"
"Nothing, she's retiring." Loose Cannon smiled as wryly as she could manage. "You might try it some time, geezer."
"Again, Officer Cannon, that is quite enough." Morning Star nodded to the structure behind them. "The Commander is inside with the Princess; we should take up position in the crowd. I remind you that this is a public event, and unless something happens, we are currently representing the *Royal* Guard. No scaring the civilians, and no magic. Restrain yourselves."
The pegasi moved swiftly, as was their nature. The room was filled to brimming with ponies; after the floor and balconies had been filled, some of the civilian pegasi had taken to the air, in a way that strictly violated Royal Guard security protocols. Fortunately for them, the Honor Guard were more forgiving, especially in a backwater town like Ponyville.
At the front of the room, a small raised platform, a brown mare with graying hair addressed the audience. "Fillies and gentlecolts, as mayor of Ponyville it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!" Ponies cheered, though the guardsponies were too busy sweeping the crowd to join in. "In just a few moments," she continued, "our town will witness the magic of the sunrise, and celebrate this, the longest day of the year!"
Reckoning felt Loose Cannon lean up against his side. "Twenty bits says the Commander is standing behind her, and nopony notices."
Looking up at all the rafters, railings, and decorations in the room, the scout nodded. "You're on."
Unaware of the betting going on in her audience, the Mayor's speech continued. "And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria..."
"Eyes up." Morning Star ordered.
" ...Princess Celestia!"
A fanfare played, curtains were raised, and a sudden shock swept the room.
"What?" Loose Cannon tensed her wings.
"What's going on, Star?" Reckoning hissed.
"I don't know." His wings spread out wide, ready to wield magic instead of take flight. After a moment of desperate scanning, he nodded toward a particular part of the crowd. "Look at Sparkle." He gestured toward the Princess' student, who was staring up at the glass roof with a terrified expression on her face. From where they were standing, the guardsponies couldn't see what had frightened her, but they already had enough evidence to know something was going on.
As ponies bickered and whispered in fear and shock, the three trained soldiers turned to one another. Star was again the first to speak. "We don't know if this is real. Remember, keep calm. We don't need the crowd involved. But arm up."
"Are you sure this isn't just one of her pranks?" Reckoning asked hurriedly.
"If you'd seen the Commander this morning, you'd know," Cannon answered bluntly. In the course of the discussion, she had shod her hooves in blunt steel. "I'm heading into the back." Without another word, the youngest of the three guards was off into the air.
"This can't be good.”
The Mayor raised her head and spoke up, trying to gather the crowd's attention. "Remain calm, everypony, there must be a reasonable explanation!"
"Ooh, ooh, I love guessing games! Is she hiding?"
"If the Princess or the Commander were fighting, we'd have seen something, right?" Reckoning's body flared, as his instincts screamed out about an unseen danger. Every few moments, his head would duck or bob or shift suddenly, but nothing came of the erratic motions.
Morning Star nodded. "It's too quiet, I'm heading back. Watch the crowd."
The pegasus guard was beaten to the mark by a young white unicorn, who very-nearly shrieked her discovery as she emerged from the Princess' back room. "She's gone!"
"Ooh, she's good."
The rest of the crowd gasped almost as one. Meanwhile, Loose Cannon soared back from one of the Town Hall's less focal side-doors. Clutched against her body with one foreleg was a lacquered black helmet with gilded trim and a short black crest. Both the other guardsponies recognized it instantly.
"They're gone. I'd bet the Princess teleported them." It was a desperate statement, devoid of any actual faith. The helmet told all. Something was very wrong, in a way none of them had ever faced before. Instincts honed over years began to kick in, ready to organize a search for the culprit. No longer did the crowd or the decency of control matter. The Princess had been threatened. Only blood could pay that toll.
Another set of gasps drew their attention. What followed was a swirling of mist around the uppermost balcony. The white mare darted down the stairs in fear as the guardsponies assessed the situation.
"Unicorn magic?" Reckoning asked.
Morning Star nodded, even as he pulled a pair of thick, stony black shoes from his armor and placed them on his forehooves. They were lodestone, a rare and powerful mineral known to disrupt mana, but incredibly dangerous to whatever unfortunate pony was on the receiving end. As he adjusted his equipment, the Lieutenant continued to give directions. "Unicorn. Cannon, you and I are going to close to melee; I'll try and take the horn; you go for body blows. Injure, don't kill. We need her to find the princess. Reckoning, I want you to-"
The commands were cut off by a burst of light and a crack of thunder, before a frighteningly familiar being burst onto the stage.
"Oh no... Nightmare Moon!"
"Is that...?" Reckoning began, unable to bring himself to finish the thought. It was hard to have grown up in Equestria without recognizing the face, even as stylized as it was usually depicted. An annual holiday at the end of the harvest season made sure of such a fact.
"It's Nightmare Moon!" Cannon hissed, before flaring his wings. Morning Star held out a stiff arm, and the gung-ho mare heeded his restraint.
"How do we know that isn't the Princess?" the Lieutenant snapped.
"What?" Reckoning was momentarily rendered speechless. "You're joking, Star! Look at her! Didn't you ever go out-"
"No joking, Cannon!" Star barely kept himself from yelling. "She's the Princess' size; not like a normal alicorn. And she has the magic mane. I don't want to risk hurting her if she's been, I don't know, possessed or something. Hold back, but be ready. As soon as we have the information, we move." Seeing a familiar glint in Loose Cannon's disguised eyes, he added another few words. "That's an order."
Nightmare Moon spoke, with an echoing tone that froze the blood and chilled the hearts of even the hardened soldiers. "Oh, my beloved subjects. It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces."
"Not the Princess!" Cannon hissed to her commanding officer.
"Quiet!" Star answered, in a barely-restrained whisper.
Some insane, brave civilian mare with a vibrant rainbow mane rose up into the air, shouting at the intimidating being. "What did you do with our Princess?!" Reckoning and Cannon shared a glance when the mare then attempted to charge at Nightmare Moon head-on, only to be stopped by another pony who bit her tail.
Nightmare Moon unleashed a hollow chuckle, responding sarcastically to what she clearly deemed an insignificant threat. "Why, am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?"
"Ooh, ooh, more guessing games! Um, Hokey Smokes! How about... Queen Meanie! No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty-"
"Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?"
When Twilight Sparkle spoke up over the murmuring crowd, everything else fell into silence. "I did. And I know who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon – Nightmare Moon!"
The crowd gasped in shock, their fears realized and stated as fact. This creature was the terror of their childhoods, come to feast on their flesh."
For her own part, Nightmare Moon seemed amused. "Well, well, well, somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here."
Twilight gave a subtle nod, struggling to speak. "You're here to... to..." The words wouldn't come.
The evil alicorn gave off another laugh. "Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!" Her overdramatic laughter was accompanied by a storm of fierce lightning that descended from the misty aura overhead, an extension of her ghostly mane.
The Mayor pointed a commanding hoof at the mare, bellowing at the top of her lungs. "Seize her! Only she knows where the Princess is!"
She had no true authority over the Honor Guard, but the prompt was enough to push Loose Cannon over the edge. She took off into the air, flying straight for Nightmare Moon. Star and Reckoning followed suit, unwilling to let their comrade face the danger alone.
"Stand back, you foals!" Nightmare Moon ordered, turning their way. Her slitted, feline eyes winked with the power of a terrible magic, and the storm around her grew. Then the magic grew, obscuring her eyes with raw light. The shadowy aura surrounding her stopped their flight too far away for any of them to even strike at her archaic turquoise armor. Star's special shoes were making slow headway through the force, but Reckoning and Cannon were held still. The latter, defined more by her focus on battle than a fear of the unreal mare before her, struck her forehooves together for a thunderclap.
Nightmare Moon found the magical attack amusing, and broke out again into her sickening laugh. As she did, the sound was echoed a dozen times. Bolts of pure electricity danced within the shadowy veil, until at last, they were let free.
Cannon took the first hit; being flung back to the far side of the room. Reckoning didn't last much longer, as a searing bolt of arcane energy struck his chest. He could feel his golden armor ignite like fire, as searing power coursed through his chest. He was thrown across the room as well, though only the shift of his body weight let him know this was the case. The pain of the electric shock had stolen from him sight and sound and even the feeling of the air and the stone against his coat. He skidded painfully to his side, and the world returned only just in time to see Nightmare's umbral aura flee through the open doors. The brave rainbow mare charged after the fiend, shouting "Come back here!"
When Dead Reckoning finally rose to shaky hooves, it was with the help of a white coated mare bearing a red cross for a cutie mark. "Are you all right, officer?"
He tried to tell her 'Yes', but all that came from his throat was a desperate wheeze. His hooves revolted, and he barely kept his stance thanks to his wings.
"Corporal!" It was Morning Star's voice, which was followed closely by his welcoming support under the scout's other wing. Propped between the two ponies, Reckoning was able to stretch his legs and endure the brief but unimaginable agony that accompanied the motion.
"I'll live," he managed to mutter through gritted teeth. "How's Loose Cannon?"
The civilian smiled. "Your friend is out cold, but I don't see much by way of burns or damage. I'll look at him in a moment, but you were awake, so we had a bigger risk of shock and trauma."
Reckoning shot a quick glance at Star, whose slow but steady nod told a very different story. Slowly, the two guardsponies turned to their third companion. Loose Cannon, still garbed in magic armor, was slowly twitching on the floor of Ponyville's Town Hall. Her form showed no burns or scarring; just a pristine white coat. Unlike the civilian, both guardsponies knew it for what it was: an illusion.
"Miss, thank you for the help, but I think you should get home." Morning Star's directions sounded more like a desperate plea.
"With respect, sir, you and your, uh, team, are in no condition to-"
Reckoning ripped his helmet off and threw it to the ground. She gasped as his face changed, but the fear didn't last long. Her eyes met his one with the force of raw magic, and he spoke bluntly. "Leave us alone. Go look after the rest of the town."
Without a word, she turned and fled. No sooner had the doors swung shut than Reckoning crumpled, with his wings folded.
"Are you actually okay, Reckoning?"
"Staring a pony takes too much magic." He answered, forcing himself up again by balancing on Star's back. "Did she hit you too?"
"The lodestones took most of it." Star answered. "But I don't know if I'll be flying distance for a while."
The two then exchanged a moment of awkward silence, before an unspoken consensus was reached. With a slow limp, Lieutenant Star helped Dead Reckoning make his way over to Loose Cannon's fallen body. They both knew what they would find underneath; the illusion pervaded above all else. Star's forehooves gently undid Cannon's claps. Even before they were done, the stench of burning hair filled the air.
- - -
Dead Reckoning looked down at himself in a canoe, deep in the heart of the Zebrican jungle, and realized that one of his forehooves was clutching the scar he had received that day. His words had trailed off for a moment, and so he shook himself to regain his focus. "You don't want to know what she looked like." He then turned around and sat down facing Rainbow Dash. A sudden fatigue had set over his body. He didn't feel like anything else needed to be said.
Rainbow's expression was unreadable, and indescribable. Had he shattered her hero? Or perhaps himself? The answer would no doubt come soon.
When Rainbow's voice finally arrived, it was defensive, coming off as almost a shout. "But... but that wasn't really her! Nightmare Moon was a different pony! A monster! Luna would never kill somepony else!"
"Would you believe that if it was your friend? If it was Twilight Sparkle?" Then, abruptly, the hatred was gone from his words and his body. He didn't so much loosen as simply collapse, with shoulders sagging and neck barely managing to hold his head aloft. "I don't know." The old soldier didn't put any sort of emotion into the acknowledgement. "I'll do this with you. I'll help you save her, but I'm doing it for Celestia, because it's my duty." He turned toward the front of the boat, looking out at the river. "And I don't have to like it."
- - -
Shining Armor awoke in rather mild pain that wormed beneath the flesh of his right front fetlock. He could feel bandages covering the same hoof, as well as a needle attached to his neck. The beeping of machines and the sterile scent of the air completed the scene of a hospital room, even before he opened his eyes.
It was surprisingly bright when he did finally take a look around. White puffy clouds were everywhere, and everything. Cloudsdale was familiar, though it took him a bit longer to remember the spell that had let him wander on their white surfaces.
"Hey, he's awake!" Shining turned in bed to a pair of occupied chairs occupying the wall of his room. The first had momentarily held Going Solo, who was now hovering beside the guardspony with a smile. "You feeling alright, Shining?"
"For what I just went through?" He let out a confident laugh. "Can't say it's that bad, no."
"Good!" She walked up to him, smiling, and then without warning, struck him as hard as she could manage on the shoulder of his (previously) unwounded leg.
"Ow!"
"What were you thinking, leaving me behind like that? And then you go running into a lightning factory wearing metal shoes? Are you insane?"
"Yeah, actually. Thanks for that." He had to admit, it was a good punch. He rolled his shoulder, and then bluntly rolled out of bed, catching himself on three hooves. It was strange to realize that the spell holding him on the cloudy surface was still alive and strong. "How long was I out?"
"Just a couple hours. The doctors actually said you would have woken up sooner if you weren't so sleep deprived. You're lucky. Some second-degree burning, but nothing that won't heal if you stay off the hoof."
He nodded, pulling the injured appendage closer to his torso. "Did you bring me here?"
She shook her head. "Well, not alone anyway. Not long after you set off half the thunderheads in Cloudsdale, the Wonderbolts showed up." Then she put on a teasing smile. "If you weren't so heavy, I might have been able to take you up here myself."
"Funny," he replied straight-faced, in a deadly serious tone, before a little bit of a smile broke onto his lips. "So, did they grab Go Between?"
"Yeah. I guess you hit him pretty hard; they took him upstairs for x-rays. I can take you up. The Wonderbolts are up there, watching him. I didn't know they were guardsponies."
"They barely are," Shining answered, with more of a joking tone than actual derision. "They're all in the National Guard. We mostly use them for recruitment posters, honestly, but every so often they get called in for first-response on something when we need it done fast."
"Yeah, but you're married now." Going Solo ducked out of the room before Shining could respond. The limping unicorn rolled his eyes, but took the time to replace his enchanted armor before following after her.
It didn't take too long to navigate up two floors and down a long hallway. Fine cloud architecture of pillars and perfectly smooth walls supported baby-blue doors set apart only by their numbered plates and the clipboards of medical information attached to each. The door they were actually after was quite obvious, set apart by the blue jump-suited pegasi flanking it. At his rather painful approach, they turned and saluted.
"At ease," Shining muttered, upon reaching a decent speaking distance. "Is he awake?"
"Yeah, but he hasn't said anything to us," answered the larger of the two, a light gray stallion with a green and white striped mane.
Shining had to force himself not to yell at the pony for his lack of disciple in addressing a superior officer. It was an old guardspony saying, that the sun could burn out and the oceans dry up, but a real guardspony C.O. would still be shouting. The thought earned a quiet chuckle, before he approached the door to Go Between's room. "You've been on duty long enough. Tell your, uh... Captain?"
"Yes, sir. Captain Spitfire," answered the stallion on the other side of the door. "I'll go get her."
"No, don't bother. Just tell her to meet me in front of the hospital in an hour."
"Got it." With curt nods, the two Wonderbolts flew off, earning irate glares from the medical staff they passed. Left alone, Shining and Solo spared each other a quick glance, before opening the door to their prisoner's room and stepping inside.
Apart from a decidedly raised shaven spot on his neck, Go Between wasn't much worse for the wear. Said raw flesh bore a small burn, but it was the sort that would clearly heal in time, perhaps even without leaving behind a scar. He lay, hoof-cuffed to a hospital bed, with an obvious fear on his face. Shining paced up to his bedside rather directly, but did not address the accused. Instead, his horn released a faint stream of mana, which slowly poured over and through the other pony.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to learn something about Masquerade's magic." Shining focused on his sixth sense, absorbing the strange inputs from the base of his horn. To describe them was to explain a painting to the blind, or music to the deaf. With each second, his brow creased deeper and deeper, until his face broke into an outright scowl and his magic ceased to flow.
"What's wrong?" Solo asked. "Are you alright?"
"Fine," he snapped, before shaking his head to regain his composure. "In a better world, we'd have time to talk to my sister about this, but I guess I'll just have to make do."
"What did you learn?"
"Masquerade put a spell on to shield him from unicorn magic. It's an illusion of pain." He neglected to add that the magic was completely beyond his comprehension. It looked to his mind like the sort of thing Twilight would bring home from studying theory with Celestia. Once more, he found himself regretting his lack of a more formal magical education.
Shining gently tapped Go Between on the side. His eyes squeezed open slowly to look upon the guardspony and his companion. Almost immediately, he tried to flee, only to realize the bonds holding him to his bed. When the futility of the action settled in his mind, he relaxed and sighed, clearly giving up. In that frail, collapsed state, he muttered under his breath. "What do you want?"
"Masquerade," Shining stated forcefully. "I need her location."
"Is it worth letting me go?"
Shining took a slow breath. "It'll be up to the Princess, but I might persuade her to leniency-"
Go Between interrupted with a fierce shake of his head. "I'm looking at the gallows no matter what, guardspony. I know what I did." His face grew grim. "So you undo these cuffs right now and let me walk away scot free, or you'll get nothing from me."
Shining leaned forward with intensity in his face. "Princess Luna is going to die, Go Between! Tell me what you know!"
He responded with a stern refusal. "I'm going to die, Captain. You know what I want, so let me go, or you'll get nothing."
"It's not happening." Shining Armor shook his head. "I'll put in the good word with-"
"Your 'good word' isn't worth two bits to me. As far as the law cares, I killed Luna, just as much as Masquerade or whoever hired her did, so screw your 'good word'. I was dead the minute you caught me."
Shining shook his head slowly. Going Solo tapped the guardspony on the shoulder, and then cocked her head toward the room's door. He allowed himself to be led out into the hospital hall, where the pegasus pulled the cloudy door firmly shut. All around, orderlies were moving about casually, glancing at clipboards or calmly making their way between patients who needed to be seen. It clearly wasn't an urgent wing, and the quiet was a welcome break from recent events.
The guardspony's moment of relaxation was stolen away by his unlikely companion, who posed a curious question.
"Why don't you give him what he wants?"
"Because he actually did it!" Shining literally yelled the words, gathering the attention of several of the pegasus orderlies. He glanced around awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck with a hoof. "Sorry."
Solo chuckled when the medical staff finally decided that the accidental outburst wasn't worth pursuing. "It's fine. He's pissing me off too, but we need to get him to talk, right?"
"Not necessarily. He'll have to have a file or a reference somewhere in his home, or his warehouse, or something that we can follow up on. The issue is time."
"You said three days, right?" Solo cocked her head to the side. "Is that enough?"
"I don't know." Shining's gaze danced nervously around the sterile hospital hallway. "If he knows where she is, we'd be fine, but he might just be another middle-pony. If it takes two days to dig something up, that would be too much. I don't want to be gambling with a life in my hooves, but I also don't want somepony like him out on the streets again. We might never catch him."
Solo nodded, and then looked away awkwardly. "You know, we, uh... we could do it Grizzaloo's way."
"What?" Shining wore his most confused expression.
"You know... good cop, bad cop? Rough him up a bit?" The smuggled glanced around quickly, and then leaned up to Shining's ear to whisper. "Break his wings?"
"Absolutely not," the guardspony responded, refusing to acknowledge the temptation Masquerade's spell offered. "That's what my argument with Red Ink was about. I won't have the Royal Guard be known for intimidation, let alone torture."
"Yeah, but isn't it worth saving Princess Luna?"
Shining Armor shook his head slowly. "Once you cross that line, even for something like saving a life, you've destroyed the reputation for the entire guard. Especially for me, as the captain. Then the other guardsponies will see that it was okay, and soon enough, you have Red Ink or the Honor Guard."
"The Honor Guard?" Solo raised a brow.
Shining shook his head and smiled as disarmingly as he could manage. "Just guardspony stories. Rumors. Forget I said anything."
"Right..." She let the syllable hang for a moment. "Well, we have to get Go Between to talk somehow. If you won't hurt him - and I'm not saying you need to, just a thought - you might have to give him what he wants." She closed her eyes in thought for a moment, and then shrugged. "Got any ideas?"
A reluctant sigh gave her the answer she was looking for. "No, you're right. Saving the Princess is more important than punishing him. I'll make the deal."
Together, the two returned to the stallion's hospital room, where he looked to them with a mixture of hope and amusement. "Had a nice talk?"
In a burst of magical power, Shining's horn ignited, shattering the cuff on Go Between's right foreleg into a mangled mass of metal. A moment later, the second followed suit. The pegasus tried to fly for the door, only to find himself caught in the grip of equally potent magic.
"Where?" Shining's demand was sharp and plain.
"I don't know." Between answered, bluntly. "But there's a mare in-" his words were cut off by a glow of midnight blue magic, which engulfed his skull and emanated in brilliant beams from his eyes. His mouth hung open, obviously trying to scream, but no noise escaped his lips. Desperate to stop whatever was happening, Shining thrust his own magic into the rampant spell. His was a simple dispelling charm, powered by the force of his power rather than knowledge and focus.
For his efforts, the guardspony was once again seized by the illusion of unknowable pain. It was far stronger this time than when the spell had overcome him in Go Between's warehouse. Between the magic holding his hooves to the cloud floor, and the telekinetic energy suspending the pegasus in the air, it took some time to gather the focus and the power necessary to undo the torturous magic. His flesh burnt and his blood boiled. Knives tore through his chest and legs. A thousand times over, brute force tore his horn from his head. Blunt blows shattered his legs. Unlike the unfortunate pegasus, Shining's throat was quite capable of unleashing a horrified scream.
It all ended at once, for no clear cause. He was barely standing upright and tears poured from his eyes. As the armored stallion felt a comforting wing wrap around his neck, his only thought of happiness was that the pain had not been as bad as what Professor Cloudy Mirror had shown him the first time Shining had the misfortune of facing such a spell.
"Are you alright, Captain?"
Shining's still-unfocused eyes jumped toward the surprising voice. It hadn't been Going Solo's. Instead, a bright orange mare stood beside him, garbed in a vibrant blue and gold jumpsuit. It still took him far too long to put two and two together.
"Uh... Spitfire?"
"Easy, Captain. On your hooves." The Wonderbolt helped the unicorn to rise, where he was able to take in the sudden changes to the hospital room. Go Between lay slumped on the clouds. He looked tranquil; only Shining's sight of the magical glow told him that the conspirator was stone dead and not merely sleeping.
The wall had been completely taken down. Puffs of cottony white hung in the air as the pegasus equivalent of rubble. Apparently, the Wonderbolts had been in too big of a hurry to use the door.
At the far side of the room, Going Solo was laying on her chest in hoofcuffs, pinned down by a pair of other highly trained stunt fliers. "Oh, you're up?" she observed sarcastically. "Think you can get these two off me?"
"She's..." Shining put a hoof to his forehead at the sudden onset of another pang of pain. "She's fine, stallions. Let her go."
He didn't pay any particular attention to the awkwardness that ensued, instead having his focus drawn to Spitfire. "Now, Captain, are you okay?"
"I'll survive," he answered bluntly. "I've been through worse."
"What actually happened to you?" the mare pressed. "I've never heard somepony scream like that, and-"
"Unicorn magic. It was just an illusion; none of it was real. Unfortunately, it was real for him." He took a deep breath, glanced down at Go Between's corpse, shook his head. "He was our lead on the mare that tried to assassinate Princess Luna."
One of the other pegasi let out an incredible gasp. "Somepony tried to-?!" His words stopped when Shining's telekinesis clamped his muzzle shut. It wasn't quite as elegant a solution as Twilight's zipper, but it had always proved effective against rebellious guardspony recruits.
"We've been keeping it quiet for a reason," Shining muttered. "We didn't want somepony like this one getting ahead of us." He gestured to the corpse. "Not that it matters now. Uh... Captain Spitfire?"
Were circumstances better, she might have laughed at his confusion. "Between us, its Lieutenant. Don't use that title much."
"I can imagine. In any case, I need you to get whatever guardsponies you can and do a full investigation of the Pan-Equestria Shipping Services warehouse, as well as Go Between's house. You're looking for any sort of criminal contacts, but especially for references to somepony named Masquerade."
"I'll get on it," Spitfire told him firmly.
"This is time sensitive, Lieutenant. Make it your top priority."
"Of course." She nodded to her subordinates, who followed her to the room's now quite open wall. They spread their wings to fly, but Spitfire hesitated at the last moment. "Oh, by the way, Captain. Mr. Lining wanted to have a word with you."
"You mean Silver Lining? The Councilor?"
"Yeah. He has an office on Hurricane Boulevard, though I understand if you're too busy."
"No, I'll check it out. Let me know if you turn anything up."
"Yes, sir." With that, the pony shot off through the hospital wall in a blaze of fire. A moment later, Going Solo approached Shining. "So... what do we do now?"
"Pray that they find something in his offices, or that something comes up."
Solo nodded slowly, then gently prodded Shining out of the room with her wing. As they walked through the hospital, she nuzzled against him consolingly. "I don't know if it will help, but I'm gonna go talk to some other ponies I know around town. It's not likely, but they might know something about him we can use."
Shining Armor offered her a grim nod of acknowledgement, and then continued his slow pace out of the hospital. Something about the way he carried himself, even walking on three legs, caused the medical staff to leave him about his business. Nopony even addressed the grim unicorn, instead fleeing from his path as he continued on a depressingly single-minded path.
His hopes were falling apart around his ears. His investigation had hit a truly dead end, and what was likely the most important case of his career was all-but lost. He feared Luna would die. He feared Red Ink would be proven right. He feared the assassin would get away. His fears permeated his steps, so much that the world seemed to fade away, save the strip of cloud that led him toward his unfamiliar destination.
When he reached the place, it was as if the ornate script of the sign were taunting him.
Lining and Co. Design and Architecture
It was hard to see the 'silver lining' to the death of his one and only lead. Ignoring the sign, the unicorn made his way into the building.
A pair of glass - no, transparent cloud? - doors opened at the slightest touch of his shoulder into an opulent waiting room containing a dozen seats, a desk of cloud made to resemble fine dark wood, and even a small fountain.
"Can I help you?" The secretary, a middle-aged pegasus mare with her mane pulled back into a tight bun, looked up from her papers and gasped. "Ah! A unicorn?"
"Captain Shining Armor, Royal Guard." Shining put on a smile that he felt exactly the opposite of inside. "I'm here to see Councilor Lining."
"Oh, of course, Captain." He gestured with a wing toward the door beside the desk. "He's in the end office. Straight ahead, you can't miss it." She offered him a gentle smile. "Oh, and he prefers mister Lining."
"I'll keep that in mind." Resuming his slow gait, Shining trod through the indicated doorway and progressed down the hall.
Like the rest of the structure, the cloud here was of an almost unbelievable detail. In the hallway, the walls bore the color and texture of waves, letting soft blues and vibrant whites ebb and flow across their perfectly smooth surface. Hanging atop the walls were dozens of paintings in expensive frames. Most were of impossible looking structures with towering spires and magnificent pillars. Others showed the faces of pegasi, labeled with little plaques of names and dates Shining neither recognized, nor cared about. The last door at the end of the hallway again opened at a gentle push, revealing another large room.
Though the door swung completely silently, Shining knew his presence had been noted when a voice from a further room called out to him. "I'll be with you in a moment."
The unicorn looked around the room, and after a moment's contemplation, found himself a comfortable seat. In point of fact, the way that his back sank into the cushion of pure cloud was a luxury he would likely never forget. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, allowing him to truly appreciate the room.
There were more wonders here amidst the furniture, but the one feature that caught Shining Armor's attention most pointedly was an enormous portrait of a stallion, hanging in the center of the largest wall, opposite a pair of windows. Nearly as tall as Shining himself, it portrayed a formidable stallion with dark gray fur and a steel blue mane. His face was largely devoid of emotion, but his keenly focused eyes told the story of a potent will and an unimaginable determination. Decorating his head was a lacquered black helmet, with gilded edges.
Shining heard another pony approach, but didn't look away from the portrait. It was impossibly familiar.
"I see you've noticed my painting. Do you like it?"
"Is that the Commander?" Shining asked, finally tearing his eyes away to look at Silver Lining.
The aging pegasus wore an impressed grin beneath his bushy moustache as he nodded. "I'm impressed you recognize Commander Hurricane so easily. Most pegasi don't." Shining decided not to mention that he had intended an entirely different 'Commander', instead allowing the councilor to continue his speech. "He's my ancestor, by some crazy chain of parents or something, but Pegasi don't usually care much for that sort of thing. The Princess gave it to me as a gift after I did a contract for her, and I didn't want to put it in some dusty storeroom." Then he laughed. "I'm rambling, aren't I, Captain? Please, step into my office."
The two made their way into a much smaller room off of the lounge, occupied by a real wooden desk and three seats. The walls were densely packed with shelves of colored cloud, holding books and models and reasonably sized pictures taken with a real camera instead of painstakingly painted over the course of hours.
"I'm glad you could take the time to visit me, Captain. First of all, I heard you'd been hurt in the cumulonimbus factory. Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah, I suppose, Councilor Lining." The answer was far from the truth, though the ill sensation Shining was experiencing had nothing to do with wounds from that battle.
"That's very good to hear." The stallion nodded, smiling. His mane, tail, and moustache were a surprisingly rich black for the clear age that showed in the wrinkles worn into his face by a healthy lifetime of smiles. His coat was a gray that much better fit his age, though judging by its sheen, it might have always been that color. "You can just call me Silver, Captain Armor. Or Mr. Lining, if you like that better. I'm only even on the council for business reasons."
"All right." Shining took a slow breath. "How did you know I was in a fight there?"
"Well, I do own a sizeable share of the factory." The old pegasus shrugged with his wings, a rather strange sight for Shining Armor. "Not that I run anything there, but it does cut costs if you're able to buy clouds from yourself. I imagine you don't want to be stuck hearing about my business, though. Tell me, since you've found time to come visit me, have you caught this 'Masquerade'?"
Shining looked away slowly. "No. I'm... working on it."
"I see. Well, then, if I can be of assistance, please let me know."
"I doubt it, Silver." Shining allowed himself another long slow breath, before his mind finally gave in. "I came to Cloudsdale looking for Go Between. He was one of the contacts used to hire Masquerade."
"Go Between? Honestly?" The architect spared no effort in the expression of his surprise. "I mean, he was never much of a social pony, but he seemed like a decent stallion-"
"Most criminals are." The back of Shining's mind laughed at the idea, reflecting on the hooffull who had held his company in recent days. "He was my lead on Masquerade, but she had placed a spell on him. He died before he could tell me anything."
The old pony didn't show quite as emotion as Shining had expected, but the sorrow he offered did seem genuine. "That is... tragic. Well, I wish that I could tell you more, but I never got to know many of the stallion's business partners myself."
"That's fine," Shining responded, having expected nothing more. His eyes wandered lazily around the room, before diving into sudden focus at a tiny picture framed on a shelf just over Silver's shoulder. "Is that Rainbow Dash?"
Silver's tight-lipped frown turned into a proud smile as he turned in his seat toward where Shining had gestured. With gentle hooves, he pulled the picture frame off the shelf and set it down on the desk. "Yes. My granddaughter. She's actually why I asked you to come see me."
There was a sort of awkward pause before Shining's mind ground down its gears. "You're Rainbow's grandfather?" He found himself staring at a picture of a familiar blue filly, much smaller but with the same defiant hunger for fame in her eye, straddling the back of a younger and happier Silver Lining.
"Yes." The architect glanced away for a moment, wistfully. "We don't speak much anymore. She's too busy with her friends, saving the world and flying around. I still worry about her." He took a slow breath that seemed to suggest his actual age, before his eyes firmly returned to Shining Armor. "I've heard rumors from the newspapers. Some say my granddaughter died; others tell me she saved the Princess with another Sonic Rainboom." He laughed gently and bitterly. "I even read one that said she'd joined you on the guard."
"Is that funny?"
The humor on his face died slowly. "Probably not to you. It's a long story. What I want to know, Captain, is the truth. Where is she?"
"I don't know where she is, but she's very much alive." Shining smiled, momentarily proud to be the bearer of good news for once. "She's joined up with the Honor Guard trying to... are you all right, Mr. Lining?"
The sudden pause in his explanation was brought about by the pegasus' eyes pressing shut. It took him almost a minute to regain his composure, during which Shining simply sat quietly. At last, the old pony opened his eyes. The wrinkles of his face remained tightly pinched as he spoke. "I will be fine. It just brings back bad memories. My son - Rainbow's father - died in the Dragon Wars when she was very young."
"I'm sorry."
"He did what he thought was right." Silver slowly picked up the picture and restored it to its place on the shelf. "It's good to at least know that she's alive. Thank you for that, Captain. If you do see her soon, tell her I'd like to see her."
Shining arched a brow. "If you don't mind my asking, why don't you just go visit her in Ponyville?"
"An old stallion's foolishness," he answered. "I... well, it's no particular secret that my business has been very successful. When Rainbow was younger, I tried to... help her make way onto the Wonderbolts. Nothing as blunt as just bribing them, of course; I still wanted her to succeed on her own virtue. But I hired her private flying instructors, and I bought her the old Wonderbolts training hangar for practice. Eventually, she decided it was too much. I hurt her feelings. She wanted to make it on her own, so she just flew off." He glanced out the window, wistfully. "I suppose in the end, I've just been afraid that she won't want to see me."
Shining wasn't quite sure what to say, as the older stallion looked away with a sorrowful expression. A small thought nagged at the back of the guardspony's mind, however, and after a great deal of effort, it was finally able to make itself known.
"You said you bought the Wonderbolts training hangar? Is that the same building Go Between was using as his warehouse?"
The spark of curiosity was enough to pull Silver Lining out of his shallow sadness. "I think so, yes. After Rainbow left, I sold it to him." A little spark of recollection danced in his eyes. "Actually come to think about it, there was something strange about that. Hold on." Silver Lining turned around, pulling out a particularly old three-ring binder, labeled only with a set of dates. He set the book on his desk and began flipping through it quickly, until with a sudden smile, he found a particular page. "Yes, that's right. I had been expecting a bank statement, but Go Between came forward offering to pay in cash."
The statement, perhaps the biggest red flag of criminal activity in the world, earned a raised eyebrow from the Captain of the Royal Guard. Silver Lining shook his head. "I know, it sounds dirty, but it is legal. I went out of my way to keep records on the payments. Look at..." His words trailed off, and then without further word his hooves twisted the binder around and pushed it forward so that it sat in plain sight right in front of Shining Armor.
The guardspony read off where the pegasus' hoof indicated. "Transfer from the First Bank of Equestria in the order of... one-hundred-thirty thousand bits?"
"It's an expensive structure, captain. That's not the point." His hoof slid down a line, and Shining continued.
"Paid by order of Masquerade Ball; West City Branch, 1403 West Monument St., Baltimare." Shining's eyes looked up from the page slowly, as an incredibly wide smile spread across his face.
With a chuckle that shook his shoulders, the old pony nodded. "Glad I could be of service, Captain. Remember to tell Rainbow when you see her. And good luck."
Shining smiled, pulling the paper out of the file and tucking it into his armor with magic. "This was all the good luck I've needed."
- - -
Thunder Crack's wing stuck out at an odd angle in its cast and sling, making it hard to sneak around. Nevertheless, at every corner, he gave a quick glance to check for Red Ink's lackeys, or the doctors who would inevitably scold him for being out of bed. His journey was a short one, as the infirmary wasn't any great distance from the Honor Guard's underground section of the palace.
To the guardspony's relief, all of the Stalliongradi soldiers were away in the field, giving him easy access to the Commander's office. He walked past his own quarters - a small room with a desk, a bed, and little else - without pause. The living spaces of his other 'real Honor Guard' companions also passed without note, leading to the very end of the hall. There, the guardspony did stop before a set of a dozen broken, battered, and destroyed suits of armor. Crack didn't know the names of the ponies who had died wearing them, but he did respect them. They had been the old commanders, the rare and heroic ponies who did the job nopony else could. It was a sad thought to think of the gilded armor of black trim being put in place on one of the stands.
Tossing away the emotion, Crack pushed his way into what had recently become Red Ink's office. The inside was still exactly the way the Commander had left it. His half-organized, procrastinated paperwork spilled over the desk. Behind his virtually untouched chair, a massive chart detailed which two or three Honor Guard officers were tasked with protecting the Princess when he was forced to be absent. The Sergeant noticed quite bluntly that the final column of the chart depicted a flourishing script, detailing how he and Morning Star had been scheduled to be present during the Royal Academy Awards Ceremony. The text clashed with the Commander's blunt, scratchy script, and it was obvious even at a glance who had made the change.
Thunder Crack was again forced to discard his emotion and keep his attention on his self-assigned mission. He walked over the chart and tore it from the wall. Behind it was a small cabinet, bearing a few small vials of green fire. Beneath each was a careful label.
Dead Reckoning was written in simple script beneath the first. The next two, which read Flying Ace and Loose Cannon held no vials, a rather cold testament to the sacrifices they had made. Marathon, Mirror Image, Morning Star, and then the one he was looking for.
Soldier On. He removed the vial tenderly and set it down on the desk, before claiming a quill and a scrap of paperwork with a blank back. He set about his work quickly.
-On,
They're saying you betrayed us, and honestly, I'm not sure what to believe. If it weren't from the Princess, I'd say it was bullshit, no questions asked. I asked her about it, when she came to visit me in the infirmary - the first part of chewing me out over Rainbow Dash - and she told me you killed another guardspony. I won't just assume you didn't have a reason, but Shining Armor's office?
I know how close you were to the Commander - obviously, not that way, but for whatever he did for you in Stalliongrad - so I have a really hard time believing you'd screw him over like this, let alone Morning Star. The Princess dug up some old files, though, on you and Red Ink, and I was surprised what they'd said. I underestimated you.
I won't do it again. In the end, I'm really writing this because I don't want Red Ink to catch you, traitor or no. He's a jackass and a psychopath who doesn't understand the difference between making the hard choices we make and just taking the easy way out every time. I want him out of the Honor Guard. So I'm writing this to warn you. The servants say he's headed to Baltimare in search of you. If that's where you are, keep your head down. And if you really did betray the Princesses, you and I will be seeing each other again soon. Don't look forward to it.
-You know who wrote this.
His letter completed, Crack rolled up the message and shoved it into the vial. The fire consumed it almost instantly, sending it off through the air as a little trail of smoke. Then, without further action, he clamped a hoof down on the vial. It didn't take long for the fire inside to go out despite its magic.
Satisfied with his work, the guardspony returned the empty vial to its place on the hidden shelf. He was right about to replace the chart that served as a covering, when something caught his eye. Beside the scratching that read Soldier On was another name, one that he didn't clearly recognize. It began with Steel. The guardspony laughed as he closed off the hidden cabinet and strode away. He finally knew the Commander's name, and all he could think to mutter was a simple question.
"Like horseshoes?"
Special thanks to SatoshiKyu (Edit: who is amazing beyond all possible forms of articulation Re-Edit: Who thinks he is very clever for playing with the text at the end of the chapter that I don't usually pay attention to) for Pre-reading and 'Editing'. Silver Lining's Logo created using http://cooltext.com/.
At the behest of my pre-reader as well as myself, I observe that there is a comments section below, and encourage you to make use of it. I love criticism almost as much as he loves discussion.
Thanks again for reading! I hope you've enjoyed what we have so far!
Honestly shocked that you caught that, Loyal. Was just about to start patting myself on the back, too! A fair cop, if I do say so myself.
EDIT: Also, what's a brony got to do to get you readers to start commenting? A story like this one with all the martial machinations and political plotting should have you guessing wildly all over these pages!
I take a great deal of enjoyment out of watching readers speculate and theorize (and giggling at your mistakes, don't you doubt), and it saddens me that you aren't debating and collaborating opinions.
Oh god, each of these chapters have nearly 10k words or more. Reading this will take a while.
1464044
It's very much worth it, though. And I can say that with a clear conscience, not being at all biased or influenced by the fact that I'm the pre-reader.
1464044 1464478 1457817, and everyone else who has commented on length in this manner:
I'm writing as fast as I can! Yeah, the chapters are huge - it also makes them a little tough to proofread, as per Luzian. If anybody is interested in doing grammar/formatting/non-content editing, I'm beginning to realize that I desperately need someone. (On that note, if you do think you'd be interested, I'll take your content input too). Shoot me a PM if you're interested. Bonus benefits are that you get to read chapters like a day before anyone else. Hope that's worth it to someone!
Thanks for reading!
-Loyal Liar
1464561
I did tell you that you could send me chapters before you've proofread them, yanno. Pre-reading for content is new to me, but I'm an old hat at doing the editor thing.
1464577
Um... I have been. I don't go through a second sweep for grammar/spelling/etc until after they're back from you.
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... Shit, really? Dude, you are like the holy grail as far as editors are concerned. Do you know how rare it is to be able to write a story as well as you do on the first draft? I figured you only threw it at me after you did some extensive self-editing (a rare skill in and of itself, it must be said).
That does help to explain why I never find much in need of fixing, though. You write too well. Stahp it.
1464618
Uh... thanks? I didn't realize that was a thing, but okay. That's pretty cool.
I'm a terrible self-editor though. Straight-up the worst, at least for spelling/grammar/missing words/all those things that get pointed out after I post a chapter. When I go over my own text, its a battle not to be seeing "Oh, hehehe, that's foreshadowing for next chapter, but I bet nobody caught it..." as I steeple my fingers in front of my desk and stroke my pure white Persian cat.
Oh, I haven't made any comments on this chapter... going back, it occurs to me that there aren't an excess to be made, after all these recent chapters of having Foreign Language everywhere. I had a lot of fun writing the flashback sequence; I hope it doesn't ruin the first thirty seconds of Season 1, Episode 2 for anybody, like it has for me now that I can't see those three guardsponies get hit by NMM's without putting the names on.
On that note, I feel I should mention the concept of Retconning (Retconjuration?) with regards to the announcement of Season 3:
Obviously, I gave a 5 year window between canon and the story for several reasons. This was one of the major ones. This way, when/if Shining Armor retires from being the Guard Captain to rule the Crystal Empire or whatever, I can make an off-handed comment about how it was boring or Cadance was doing fine on her own, and that will be it. I fully anticipate that little clause showing up, so look forward to it.
In contrast, however, if we get something that is a massive, direct contradiction (i.e. a backstory for Luna and Celestia that actually explains something for once, or an introduction to Rainbow's family), I'll probably just keep going as-is. Some things are too deeply entwined with the plot to change at this point.
Not a huge deal, but I figured I should get it out of the way.
-LL
1464676
Am I the only one that's hoping we don't get an introduction to Dash's family? I like my canon RD free and open to interpretation, thanks very much. My personal headcanon is that she essentially raised herself. The whole Orphan thing is sad and cliched as all hell, but I really think it fits with her character.
But then, my headcanon also includes her spending a few years after Junior Speedsters wandering the globe with Gilda, during which time Gilda taught her the skills necessary to earn her blackbelt. Needless to say, my headcanon is not exactly the most realistic.
1457817
As a firm believer in the idea that a story can only be as good as its critics, I was meaning to ask you: what did you mean by this statement?
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I can't really speak for anyone else, but I'm finding myself in a subdued sort of shock. Maybe it's just me, but there's this weird feel to the writing style that I can't really name, and it's making it hard to do anything but think about what just happened and grin stupidly.
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1464845
You see that? This story is so awesome that it makes people shut up and grin.
If you could bottle that and sell it, you could rule the world.
Yeah, Reckoning's view of the fight with the dragon is exactly mine. She didn't start it, and she really didn’t mean to kill him.
God damn, I really want to see fan art of Dash in her rainbow zebra paint getup. Hmn, interesting idea about the guards back in episode two.
Oooo, I've been waiting for some Dash family members to show up. And a lead for Shining! Yay!
1464775
I agree, frankly, the show IS a children's show, and if they do explain her family they won't likely make her an orphan or have mean parents or whatever most authors do to explain her "stoic loner" attitude. And if they tried, honestly a 22 minute episode isn't likely to satisfy anyone. Hopefully they'll just leave it unsaid so she can remain the badflank Boba Fett of MLP.
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Well, fair enough. Thanks for the explanation; I know world-building can be a 'controversial' (for lack of a better word) subject, and I tend to have a 'go big or go home' philosophy in regards to explaining the fantasy realm that is Equestria. That is to say, I always found it at least a bit more interesting that magic, as a fantastic plot medium, does not 'show the work' behind what's going on, allowing the writers to get away with things beyond the mathematical and physical patters of reality.
On the other hand, here's a quote by by Terry Pratchett (Author of Discworld, an amazing fantasy series) that applies to this exact discussion:
To conclude, your explanation ran quite contrary to your spelling of the word 'explanation' - that is to say, it made perfect sense. (I hope you can forgive me for that; you should see some of the hilarious mistakes I've made before Satoshi went over chapters).
On a similar note, I had a notable feeling of disappointment when Hasbro released a canonical Equestrian map for the following reason: the Everfree Forest isn't infinite. In fact, by their (admittedly humorous) scale, it isn't even that big. Prior to that picture, it had always been my imagination that the forest was literally infinite, or at least that no pony had ever been to or even seen the other side. In my original plans for WLL, that was where the Elk were going to be from, as a more... interesting explanation for the inherent mystery that surrounds their species.
Thanks a ton, by the way. I hope I haven't caused you or any other readers to lose too much sleep, but since this seems to be a recurring comment, I will say the following:
NOTE TO FUTURE READERS: These chapters are each ~12,000 words long. That's as many as twelve one-thousands. And that's long. So, please, feel free to take your time. The story isn't going anywhere. Well, except forward, at about 12,000 words per week. Usually.
Thanks for reading, and especially for commenting!
-Loyal Liar
I have a feeling that Shining is heading for a trap, I don't think masquerade would leave a trail that blatant, as we have learned that she is a very crafty mare. (for a lack of a thoughtful pony emoticon)
P.S where do people get the extra emoticons from, like the shrugging pony ones?
I like the long chapters, take as much time as you need to keep them that way.
Ooh, Rainbow should totally keep the zebra war paint. It would definitely kill any attempt she could make at stealth, but lets face it, her regular mane does that already. And I get that Dead Eye takes the death of his friend personally, but it really wasn't Luna who did it. She was possessed by her evil alter ego. Maybe it just seemed weird because he brought it up right after telling Rainbow Dash not to feel guilt about killing the dragon. Technically, I don't think NMM intended to kill anybody (they would all be dead if that were the case, I'm thinking) and they did kinda fly at her first. Though, she was threatening the entire world with eternal darkness, so I get that reaction And the guy is still helping Rainbow save Luna, so its not like he's holding a crazy grudge or anything.
I liked Rainbow's gramps - we need a reunion between them at some point in the future. If they're both still alive by that point, anyway.
1473706 I agree with this. She probably would've used an alias - that's kinda the whole point of using cash, isn't it? No trail? Shining better watch his butt. Oh, and the Shining/Solo duo is awesome - I dunno why, but they give me a Law and Order: SVU vibe (maybe because the partners in that show work well together even though they're usually opposites?)
1464775 I also hope they leave her back story up in the air. Its more fun that way. Plus, giving her an angsty upbringing does fit well with her character, and the show couldn't do that justice. If a fan animation of it somehow happened, though...
Also, long chapters are great. I dunno why anyone would complain - more text equals more content, and when a story is engaging and has cool world-building and character development, that's always a good thing
1470870
Yeah, if only they could see all the terrible errors you refuse to make. One of the last beta projects I took up (before this one, obviously) had me working with a guy who (this was during our initial correspondence and without me prompting him at all, mind you) swore English was his first language. In telling me that English was his first language he made four spelling errors and put a question mark in the place of an apostrophe. I HAVE SEEN SOME SHIT.
1470745
Okay, most of what you're saying there is all about your personal views of the magical world of Pones. I get that. But the part about Celestia not raising and lowering the sun? It's outright stated that she does that. It's a major plot point of the pilot episodes, since NMM returns on the longest day of the year, also known as the Summer Sun Celebration. That entire day is about Celestia raising the sun. I can see how you could take a different view on some things, but you're essentially just downgrading Celestia (and taking away her special talent, by the way) for no discernible reason. Whatever the case, you have to outright ignore a LOT of canon to come to that kind of conclusion.
1478212
I?m hvaing a hrad time beeleaving that. A friggin? question mark insdeat of an ?postrophe? Who?d od that?
1478220
*shudder*
Seriously, I was so glad when that guy decided his story was fine as a one-shot. And it turned out the question mark was just an anomaly, thank Odin. The spelling errors were not, however. I've got war stories that would curl the hair right off your head, man. Editing fanfiction is most definitely not for the faint of heart.
New reader here! I just got through the whole thing and damn, it's a great story!
Your world building is awesome; I particularly liked how you gave an immortal to several races in the world and associated one of the world's primal forces to them. I'm guessing that the dragon has something to do with fire? The griffon being the air incarnate was very inspired although I have to wonder what the boar immortal and the elk lady bring to the table. This thing you did brought balance to the world very smoothly while explaining away the very awkward Celestia situation in canon: if one race is led by the gal that makes the sun come up every day, you'd better keep her happy. And trust me, being Mexican I know a thing or two about how sun god cults can get to be... creative. Come to think of it, has Celestia ever had to deal with something like that?
Also, my being a rabid Dash fan (and who wouldn't be? She's at least 20% cooler than any other pony out there) I love what you've done with her (and pegasi in general). Your approach to magic has also been very interesting thus far but I have to say that for all the scope and versatility to be found in unicorn magic, the sheer potential of peasus magic in your world is frightening. With the degree of control Reckoning explored in the last couple chapters the idea of a team of attack pegasi causing a draught and outright starving an enemy (overnight even, if they can syphon the water off and out of crop lands) really makes the idea of attacking Equestria a dangerous prospect at best.
Dash's back story is also very interesting; the fact that it's somebody else that's doing the finding instead of just having Dash go off on an angst trip on page was a very nice (and welcome) touch. Is it just me, or did you actually intend Reckoning to come across as a candidate for being Dash's absent dad?. She doesn't seem to put much stock in looking back but it looks like her family (at least her grandfather) has Pull, Connections and Dosh (notice the capitalization?)... given that her grandfather has all this power, will it mean anything that Dash is playing guardspony in case the old stallion were to suddenly contract a terminal case of death? That'd be a sticky situation to be sure, but those interested in seeing Celestia (and to a lesser extent, Luna) consolidate their position may end up thinking that having Luna's bodyguard have a seat and vote on the council may not be such a bad thing.
On a more personal level, if and when Dash comes back she's going to be famous (if victorious) or notorious (if not) but either way, she'll be Someone... and when you're a person of interest that moves in the corridors of power, odds are that there's going to be a lot of digging into your family and private affairs. Given that it's apparently no great secret that Dash's family is loaded, she's high in the Princess' esteem and is also a (very) capable soldier apparently and good looking to boot, wouldn't that make her the catch of the generation for all those single stallions of marriageable age (that don't have a chance with the Princess)? Has Dash ever considered that even if she were not a soldier, she can only run from her family for so long before her name catches up to her? There's a heap of things to consider in that respect, she'd probably be expected to provide an heir(ess) as soon as possible or to just hand everything over to someone else if she's not interested... argh, sorry if I just ramble on but the potential I see in this plot arc is awesome even if Dash chooses to stay out of it and you brought this brainstorm on by only opening the door for a reconciliation between Silver Lining and Dash, didn't I tell you your story was great?
For that matter, how much time has passed since the wedding? Cadance is a noble pony, it's a wonder her overbearing and thoroughly repulsive father (great job there, he's a sleazy politician through and through) is not pushing for a grandson, if only to distract from the tongue wagging about Shining Armor being a commoner. That'd be an awesome little arc too... just what did he have to do to talk the old man into letting him take his daughter's hand (who on top of all her power and potential inheritance was also an alicorn). Favours owed to ponies like the old Bitalian are never cheap nor forgotten.
How would Red Ink and Shining Armor resolve their little competition if one of them nabs Masquerade and the other catches Soldier On? Celestia may end up deciding they should work together! The horror! (She did promise to do her best to turn Red Ink into a decent upstanding pony... yeah right).
Lastly, what about Ponyville? It seems to me that at least Twilight would wonder just what it was that kept Dash in Canterlot and if she got to digging I don't think it'd take too long to learn the whole sordid story (it's snowballed pretty bad by now, even if the public isn't aware of anything as of yet). If she confronted Celestia, would she learn that Dash actually died? Was she made immortal against her will? (that's what it sounded like when Luna said her reward was "stolen") if so, does that mean that a primal force of Equestria is now tied to Dash or is she just a run of the mill pony that won't die? (that'd be a nasty turn of events... all the bad with none of the good). Celestia did do something very, very bad and I wonder if her (few) closest friends will forgive her for it when it comes out.
By the way... alicorns being just another breed of pony? That was great! Let's dispense with all the mystic mumbo jumbo around them and make them normal people. That's what it feels like and I wonder why nobody else ever thought of it before.
Anyway, congratulations to both the author and his beta reader for an outstanding job. I'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter!
1478405
Wow... thanks for the awesome comment(ary). Reading that was real fun.
You have so many questions that I want to answer now, but will instead be answering between 20k and 100k words from now. I'll see what I can do:
I've never really thought about ponies making... sacrifices or something to Celestia, though its an interesting concept.
Actually, I suppose in a certain light, one could liken one of the major purposes of the Honor Guard to a vaguely similar principle, but that's a matter for later. Suffice it to say that as interesting as that would be, the Princess would be pissed, and unless those ponies were a very peculiar combination of ballsy and stupid, that would be the end of it.
Pegasi are supposed to be militarily scary-as-shit: in Equestrian antiquity, that was the sole function they provided to ponykind. That's fundamentally the origin of their magic. It's emotion-based so as to be fueled by things that happen on the battlefield, its innate and natural, and its chock-full of harmful applications but without the thousands upon thousands of peaceful non-weather uses you see in Unicorn magic. Wait 'till you see what Red Ink's signature 'spell' is...
I'll not comment further on Rainbow's family, as that is sort of an enormous plot point, save to say that I have deliberately left several ponies open to fill the slot of Rainbow's absent (quite possibly dead) father. Reckoning was one of those characters for a short time, but the potential candidates are a growing list. I'm curious if the Commander is still everyone's top pick, the way he was after the very first chapters.
- - -
You bring up a point about age that I thought I'd mention in the context of your question on 'when the Wedding was'. So, as I stated in a previous comment, some time ago, I've been using human ages for ponies. Why? Well, because its way easier to relate to when they have human personalties. 25-30 years isn't much for creating a sense of longevity, and it makes it real strange when you're trying to have events happen 'years in the past', like the Dragon Wars or the Blizzard Revolution. It would also imply that, over the course of the first two seasons of the show (a minimum of 2 years, just going by the occurences of winter in 'Winter Wrap-Up' and 'Hearth's Warming Eve') the mane 6 would have aged the equivalent of almost 10 years. I'm not really seeing that, so I gave them human ages.
So, Rainbow is something like 22-25 in Where Loyalties Lie. I figured that as a young adult with a job and her own home, she couldn't really be any younger than 16 in the show, but she seems to have a 'younger personality' than the rest of the main cast, and I figured 20 would be too old (even disregarding 'Word of Faust'). Thus, her father left to fight in the Dragon Wars when she was only 2 or 3 years old.
Now, WLL takes place 5 years after the pilot, give or take a few weeks (it's still Summer, as is very occasionally mentioned in regards to the weather, and the Pilot was during the Summer Sun Celebration). Given the aforementioned passing of exactly two winters between Nightmare Moon's return and the Royal Wedding, that would mean that approximately three years passed between the wedding and the fic; plenty of time for a scheming, sleazy Bitalian stallion to start expecting grandchildren out of his commoner-born Son-in-Law, for example.
This time scale does, however, mean that it would be just a little bit creepy (and also impossible) if Reckoning were Rainbow's missing father, simply based on the fact that, at 68, he's nearly as old as Silver Lining - and that Silver Lining is Rainbow's paternal grandfather.
- - -
End Rant on Chronology
Originally, I had a ton of ranting and moping to explain Rainbow's family backstory, but I quickly realized that was both out of character and terrible storytelling. I also originally didn't have a separate arc for Shining Armor's investigation, so when I came up with that idea, I nailed two gryphons with one stone. Glad you noticed that. I'll just go ahead and throw out here that if you or any other readers are able to make the connections between the two plots, you'll be able to figure out some of the mysteries of the story before they're outright revealed.
I do promise that Ponyville explanation, along with appearances by the main cast, are coming. I know that unlike the other plot points, there has been very little to address this idea - it IS coming, its just an issue that has to happen naturally, and going to home to visit friends is bluntly of a lower concern than saving lives.
Oh, I missed one thing to say earlier: you're on the right track with 'elemental' forces for the 6 'deific' figures, but its Celestia, and not Lord Krenn (the Dragon ruler) who represents fire. After all, what else would the sun be? Luna's connection to water is slightly more tenuous, but the Moon does cause the tides. This will be addressed further in the fic when it comes to actually matter. Again, soon. In fact, in this particular point, perhaps a lot sooner than you might expect.
To conclude, thanks a ton for reading and especially for the thoughtful response. Its great to see people catching on to things!
-Loyal Liar
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Ooops. You make a good point about the age point that I completely glossed over. I blame it on self imposed blinders because I really liked the old soldier and I wouldn't have minded one bit (sans pertinent facts) were he to be Dash's father.
I just hope he'll be a recurring character, he's quite lovable in spite of all his baggage (or maybe because of it, it's hard not to empathize).
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Glad to hear he's endearing, but no, he isn't Dash' father. Unfortunately, as a matter of course for this fic, I'm afraid that I cannot guarantee his (nor anypony elses) longevity. I do, however, note that death had already not been the end of one major character...
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I might note that I don't actually have a military source beyond Wikipedia with which to get information like this, but in this case I think'll I just say that 'of course I knew that', but that Thunder Crack is going out of his way to be a jerk to Rainbow and make her life miserable in said scene, even beyond the bounds of standard military protocol.
As I may or may not have already mentioned, that scene was written immediately following 4 back-to-back viewings of R. Lee. Ermey's performance as the Drill Sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. My goal was to make his a deliberately dislikeable character both because he just is, and because it was necessary for what he was actually aiming to achieve (as explained in the immediate next chapter - 5, I believe). Judging by the comments I got on his character, it seems to be the case that I succeeded too much? In any case, at this point, I'm just running with him.
Still, though, thank you for informing me. Supposing he survives long enough, it may very well come to matter in terms of Reckoning. We'll have to see, won't we?
-Loyal Liar
Been with you since the start of this story, and I must say this has been long overdue on my part....Thank you for writing this! It's taken my personal title of "Most Anticipated Fic" a few chapters ago. You are doing an excellent job, and the world building is among the best in the fandom IMO.
That being said, I am finding myself very engrossed with Shining/Solo investigation story arc and most particularily the dynamic between them two. Forgive me if I've missed this (I tend to be a MOAR type of reader and blaze through, picking up the smaller details on the 2nd or 3rd read through) but do we even know Solo's cutie mark? Maybe it doesn't matter...or maybe it does. Anyways she's a character that's starting to fascinate me...probably because of her puzzling motives. Why is a career criminal who historically bristles at any encounter with the law, chasing a case with the Captain of the Guard himself? Thrill of adventure? Her obviously growing attraction to Shining?
I hope I get to find out somewhere along the line. It certainly should be interesting to see how the UST you're throwing in on her behalf should play out...(Sorry Solo, but he is married to a princess tough to compete with that lol)
And maybe I'm just way off track with all of that and just chasing a red herring. Wouldn't be terribly surprised, you're certainly a skilled enough author to pull that off. There's probably a couple of those in here to keep us guessing
And one other thing...I've noticed you make a habit of personally responding to the majority of your reviews. That is awesome! Much like this story
Keep it up!!
1490101
I don't think there such a thing as a bad case of success.
The only problem is that success once, inevitably raises the bar for future attempts of the same thing. In this case, Crack has shown himself to be an ornery, opinionated jackass (due respect to all innocent asses out there) who does not mind fucking someone over if it means he gets his way. He's not evil or anything; just very much immoral. I don't know if it's because he originally was like that or he just bought too much into the mindset pushed by the Honor Guard establishment that left him like that.
Compared with Reckoning who, despite uncontrollable homicidal flashbacks, still feels and knows the importance of remorse and manages to keep his moral compass where he can see it (even when he freely admits that sometimes he has to look the other way) Crack comes across as an all around bastard. Even his friends confirm it's not just a drill sergeant persona he pulled out of his ass just because he loved the Dash assignment. He's naturally that difficult, he just made a special effort for Dash :P
Crack is really not fit to be anything more than a grunt in my opinion, albeit an inspired grunt (he's a master sergeant). Your problem here, I think, will be that since you did a (very) good job in fleshing out Crack's character you'll have a tough act to follow now that he seems to be getting dragged into the plot. You'll have to keep in character with him and while I think it was easy to bring him alive when he had a clear target in Dash (and the Princess, to an extent), if he has to decide where his loyalties lie (if you'll pardon the pun) between Soldier On, the Guard and the Princess; I don't think it'll be quite as easy to be consistent with what you've already shown of him.
1490499
No, I haven't given Solo's cutie mark yet, nor Grizzaloo's or Soldier On's, or a handful of others - For many of them, its simply a matter of the garb that they wear. In the show, after all, guardspony armor does cover the flank completely, so that's the very deliberate reason for a lot of them, right there. For Solo, though, its because I'm saving it for when her special talent actually comes into play. You'll see.
There are a couple red herrings in the story so far, and I know from comments that at least two have been bitten onto (in fact, at least one has been consumed so readily as to have no more meat on its bones: begin random mass-guessing). I won't say that there isn't any chance of a romantic pairing between Shining and Solo, but its highly unlikely, given that the entire point of Shining's character is to be the 'pure' white knight who is totally faithful to his wife. And the likelihood of me killing Cadance is fairly low... probably...
I designed Solo to make a good 'buddy-cop' dynamic with Shining, essentially. That being said, she (like almost EVERY OTHER CHARACTER) has a fair deal of backstory yet to be revealed, which ought to answer the rest of your questions.
Thanks for reading!
1490515
First off, I chose my profile name simultaneously with registering this fic, so if I chose not to pardon your so-called pun, I'd be a heinous hypocrite. It isn't even really a pun, since that decision is the defining theme of the story. I couldn't really have said it better myself.
My concern is that when Crack does become more important in the future, readers will assume I'm being inconsistent with him because he isn't as big of a colossal asshole in general as he was to Dash. Don't get me wrong, he is an asshole, but he turned it up to 11 for Dash because getting rid of her was actually his mission. Of course, it blew up in his face, because its Dash, but that's the way things go.
Still, thank you for your input. It will definitely be very valuable when he returns to actually mattering in the story, eventually.
-Loyal Liar
1499979
Well, to start off, this is the sort of 'review' I'm always looking for in my writing, so you have no place apologizing for 'not proof reading' or 'negativity' - I understand constructive criticism when I see it, and I'd like to thank you for taking the time to give me so much.
First off, a semi-off-topic question:
Did you choose the Joker and Hannibal Lecter arbitrarily, or because they were the two references I made in Discord's dialogue with Red Ink (hint: fava beans and chianti)? They were the two 'classic' villains I channeled in writing his dialogue, as a way to add some depth to his chaos (the alternative to blunt 'randomness' that I try to avoid with him). Mostly this question just springs from curiosity, rather than concern for improvement.
Now that it's out of the way:
-I understand your point on Red Ink; I didn't fully complete my thoughts on him, which are: 'I deliberately don't want you (the audience) to fully empathize with him yet, because of plans I have for his development as a character.' I've been, so far, very deliberate with my use of his attitudes and information on his personality. I'm not really sure he's as much of the 'antagonist' as people are assuming, though I definitely see your point on leaving them... 'misunderstood'. Masquerade is, at least so far, a much better example of my use of that type of writing.
-Crack... Master Sergeant Thunder Crack. Honestly, I'm beginning to realize that I need to go back and rewrite him. In some sense, he did exactly what I wanted, but at the same time, there are so many mistakes in his character that I guess I just fell into by trying to force his actions to give Rainbow the 'correct' reaction. Maybe I'll do that, after a chapter or two... I have no intention of making him any nicer, but the consistency issue you bring up is just as infuriating to me as it s to you.
-Smog. What to say about Smog? Well, to begin, when I was talking to Satoshi (my pre-reader), he brought up the same point (about the 'duration' of the battle). I told him, just like I tell you now, that I didn't really intend for it to be a 'battle'. It was about how far Rainbow was actually willing to go to save Luna - whether or not she was willing to abduct an innocent zebra and force a different life on her (that is, to become the Dragon she was sent to slay). To that end, the violence was deliberately short, and also left... I don't know, somewhat surreal? Maybe that's not the word I'm looking for, but I can't come up with a better choice at the moment. The point is, it was supposed to feel like it didn't fit with the rest of the combat, so that it would stand out in the mind rather than being grouped together with 'that time Rainbow fights those Manticores, and Shining fighting the Stalliongradi unicorn, for example. I can also see the concern that the 'killing blow' feels like it doesn't fit. My goal with it was to suggest a level or mortality, much like I have with Luna's sickness and Celestia's 'loss of magic' (to avoid spoilers for people who aren't caught up). That is, one of the most important themes of the story is that anybody (non-ponies included) can die. That's what the Honor Guard is for, after all. At the same time, it does somewhat weaken the significance of Red Ink's 'proud accomplishment' that he replicated from the Commander (if you don't recall, this comes from when he and the Tsar are discussing his appointment as Captain of the Honor Guard with Celestia).
I feel like a paragraph break is needed, but I'm not quite done on that point, as you brought up another concern of mine, which I felt I had actually dealt with well: the 'standard "whyyyyyyy?" whining' you mention: namely, the fact that Rainbow basically doesn't. Now, far be it from me to say that she doesn't express regret, but if you go back and read the end of Chapter 10 and the beginning half of chapter 11, you'll see that she straight up doesn't say anything about the matter until Reckoning essentially forces her to. Now, the narration does make the point you're expressing rather... heavy-handedly? Rainbow, however, just tries to keep everything pent up inside. She even pretends to be her normal self, doing flips when the zebras cheer for her as she returns.
I imagine that at this point I might sound defensive about your criticism, so I hope that it is clear I'm just addressing your point. Namely, I knew completely that a great deal of whiny-ness out of Rainbow was a risk that I was taking with that plot development. However, as a very fundamental part of the story, she had to get her hooves dirty at some point, and that particular spot felt natural to me. In order to maintain Rainbow's character, I felt that her trying to hold it in and just ignore her feelings (a la Sonic Rainboom) in order to preserve her reputation in her own eyes would be the best approach. Maybe you read that differently; maybe I didn't get across what I wanted with the passage. Probably more than anything else, I'd love some further input on this point: what about Rainbow's reaction actually seemed off to you?
-Zebras: Yeah, you're probably right. I concede that I'm not Joseph Conrad here (and for that matter, Rainbow would probably make a terrible Marlow). Maybe in the future there'll be more of what you were hoping for.
-On the topic of back-story provided: I'll concede that I could probably have been more subtle with Rainbow's past It has... evolved, since I wrote the first chapter, and going back, I'd probably take out some of the more blunt facts to allow a slower and less rigid development. The Nightmare Moon scene, on the other hand, is something that I feel is very much necessary to the progression of a plot arc which, unfortunately, the story has yet to reach. Perhaps it might have been more interesting for Reckoning to simply say 'She hurt us', or something similar, but I feel that's a bit out of character for him, especially given the circumstances surrounding his explanation.
-Your point on writing style is one that I don't see much for my own work, or others; I'll definitely take up your 'challenge' and let things go a bit. We'll see where that takes us.
I can't express how happy I am to see a comment like this: you've given me not only interest, but demonstrated an attention to detail and an actual care for the quality of the work that would make any author glad. Far be it from me to view your description in a negative light; this is some of the finest criticism I've received, and I can only hope you have the time to help me as I continue the story.
I'll close by saying that I'm glad you've enjoyed what you read so far. Thank you again.
-Loyal Liar
1478405
Dude, you need to quit your life and comment on all my favorite stories. This is the kind of thing I hope to see in the comments of an epic story (like this one, obviously).
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Excellent commentary, but as it is bound to happen with something as subjective as literature there are diverse opinions and I'd like to add my two cents on some of the topics Luzian brings up.
First, I completely agree with his comment on Red Ink needing more fleshing out, but let us see the context in which the story is being presented. This is serial fiction and while it has many pros, one of its cons (arguably the biggest one) is that we get the story piece meal. It's hard to comment on a character that has just shown up because there really is no material on which to base an opinion, and I think this is Red Ink's case. He's had somewhat short appearances in the story and while it's been established that he will be a major antagonist, he was presenting his bona fides as such. I think we should let the Shining Armor-Red Ink arc develop a bit more to see how he evolves.
What we know now about him comes from third party observers and what we know for certain is how he does what he does; the why is yet to come according to the author.
Now, Thunder Crack... I had a bit of a rant regarding him a couple posts up but while I agree with you that inconsistency regarding him could be a problem, I don't think it is now.
He is a grunt doing a grunt's work, he doesn't need to think. He's happy being a grunt too, else he'd take Red Ink's (and the Princess'!) accusations against Soldier On much more seriously (there's tons of circumstantial evidence against her) but he is, if you'll pardon my being redundant, the quintessential grunt: he is happy following orders and he follows orders because he believes in the person who gives them. It takes a bloody cataclysm to shake that kind of faith because it's in his nature not to think. The tragedy of a character like that in a situation like the one he finds himself in is that it's more than likely that he'll have his world torn apart and then he'll have to choose what he believes in; he'll have to think, possibly for the first time in his life (he retired a Master Sergeant, that ought to tell us something about his mindset).
Regarding Smog, I'm a bit undecided. I would have liked to see a longer fight for certain... but that's a dangerous proposition for Dash right now. She doesn't have fighting experience per se, she just has the guts. So while a longer fight would have been awesome to see, it would be very difficult to write because the temptation of a deus ex machina solution would be very, very high (and probably inevitable considering the situation). Now, it could be argued that the way it was resolved is deus ex machina anyway but the sort of "quick and painless" solution could be construed as good instincts and a lucky shot (Goliath did die like this, to cite an example) without the potential for a truly unbelievable situation. I would say that the problem is not so much how the situation resolved itself but the fact that it feels like a dragon for a one-on-one enemy that would die in the end was a bit much at this time. Having Dash pull a grab and run while the dragon writhed in pain or just having something a bit more manageable for an enemy would probably be more to taste; but as it is it works fine, if you're willing to factor in luck (or something else not yet explained, remember that we don't know what is going on with Dash, she's supposed to be dead... just don't abuse this fiat because that way lies madness :P ).
Now, regarding the drama involved (or not) with Smog's death I think it was handled well (and I'm not just pandering to Loyal Liar) for the following reasons:
Dash is a practical pony, like she said: she didn't start it and she would have been happy to just grab the zebra and go on her way but the dragon wouldn't have it. It was Smog's right to defend the zebra if he chose to in the manner he wanted and he picked "kill the pony". By then the only believable solution was for one of them to die (or we'd be in the abstract fairy land of mangas like Naruto were mortal enemies become best friends in the course of a single page for no apparent reason). The way I read it, although I may be overcomplicating things, is that Dash's heartache stemmed from who she killed and that it was in the end, easy to go for the kill. That dragon came across as a thousand year old Twilight Sparkle with the sort of introduction he provided... I don't quite sympathize but I sort of understand why it would be difficult to come to terms with having killed such a creature.
The other salient point is that of all the elements of harmony I think only Dash and Fluttershy are emotionally equipped to deal with killing (not death, there is a difference). Dash because she was best friends for years with Gilda who, as a griffin, is an apex predator -probably the only one for miles around- and I just can't believe that living in such close quarters Dash wouldn't be introduced to the bloodier differences in species. Fluttershy cares for animals regardless of species (she's been shown to feed fish to birds, to care for snakes and bears) and you cannot play medic to any carnivorous or omnivorous creature for more than a day without feeding them... how she goes about procuring said food and how she keeps order in her land when there's hibernating (hungry) snakes waking up next to rabbits defies my understanding though, but them's the facts such as they are on the show :P
On the points of unnecessary information and the zebras I feel that any more information on the zebras would be unnecessary. We had enough back story to have a clear reason of why they are there, why they don't like ponies and the means through which the characters interact with them are explained succintly. They were, at this point, just a plot device for character development that was fleshed out just enough for what was needed and no more. Unless they came back onto the story in the future, we don't really need to know more about them (and even then, we'd only need information about pertinent individuals unless Zebrica became a major plot point). You could arguably trim the whole section with the zebras right now and not hurt the story at all, because the important point in that arc was that bit of soul searching with Dash and Discord which could be moved elsewhere and still work much the same.
Personally, I like it where it is because (shameless plug) I like Reckoning and it provided a good opportunity for the two to bond, which I feel will be important later. It also gave life to the setting: They were in Zebrica, in the middle of the jungle... there had to be zebras somewhere :P In the end, your mileage may vary here, I think.
On the whole though, the unnecessary information thing is a thorny subject. It's true that leaving the reader guessing creates suspense and engages the reader. However, the nature of the story Loyal Liar seems to want to tell will require that he be upfront with some things that his characters may not know but we will as readers, because it's not the mystery of the situation that he wishes to grab us with but to present us with all the facts the characters have and have us wonder right along with them what the correct choice is. Now, the difficulty here is that us as readers have to know everything the characters know (give us all the information) so that the story stays true to itself and still make sure that the characters are left wondering and unable to make an informed choice. If he does things well, we'll have information they don't and be happy or sad for them depending on what they do.
If he does things great even when having ALL the information ourselves, we should be left wondering what is the right way to go. Tall order, there.
A couple good examples of this, first hearkening back to Shakespeare would be Macbeth. There isn't much left to the imagination there but the sheer tragedy of how a bad choice compounds unto itself leaving less and less choices until there is no choice at all. The proverbial slippery slope... we know everything there is to know and still we're dragged along for the ride. It's all in the delivery. More recently Game of Thrones would be a great example, in a somewhat different way. There's a lot of story lines in the books that overlap with each other; however the characters themselves do not know what every other character does and so they're left making choices that we know are wrong (or right as the case may be) based on as much guesswork as thinking. In my opinion, this doesn't detract from the story because while we don't wonder why this or that character does something, we get to see how they react... it's more about the drama than the suspense.
And even then, Mr Martin manages to throw curve balls left and right because his characters are people, and like people, they may make wrong choices even when they have all the information because they don't understand it or they simply don't care. Again, this has more to do with style and presentation, I think. And the preferences of the readers as well, because that very same point is what detractors from Game of Thrones bring up.
Finally, Luzian is spot on in regards to the narrative. showing is better than telling 99.99% of the time but I think that a measure of caution should go here. For all that I've read a lot, I only just started writing a few months ago and I feel I tend to overuse the showing. Lately I've come to think that you should show the main characters in a scene (for example, if you have Reckoning and Dash in the zebra camp being the main characters there) but there's no need to go overboard with the description on every little thing (like the random zebra who brings them their food). I've found it's a difficult balance to build and I feel I don't do it well very often. If you do find that balance and read a passage of your own work where you did it right, you'll know right away because you'll be able to follow the action in your mind's eye as if it were a movie instead of having to stop your reading at every adverb and adjust your characters' reactions as you imagine them. I don't know, perhaps I went a bit overboard with cheesy philosophy but it's the best I could come up with.
If you can, pick up Stephen King's On Writing. He speaks at length on the topic and he's really good at it too. Certainly better than my own amateur effort above :P
I hope this sort of discussion keeps happening because for me, it's very interesting to go into what makes a story what it is and to trade opinions with the people who read them :)
1500834
LOL Thanks!
If you don't mind then, I'll put you on watch and see what catches my eye from your favorites :P
1504592
First, an amazing discovery: unlike in traditional 'forum-style' text boxes, you can actually use the 'tab' key to indent in these!
Now, on to more serious matters. To address your first point, I feel that as an author, being defensive or unable to take criticism is to do not only your readers, but also yourself and your work a great disservice. To that end, I try my very hardest to respond thoughtfully and thoroughly to those comments and critiques which I feel have the potential to increase the quality of the the story.
Due to the wonderful anonymity one achieves via the internet, I have no trouble giving you a 'little' bit of personal information. I'm 21, with 2-ish years of university study (transferring colleges has made that number fuzzier than it ought to be). I am an American, natively English speaking, and have had the great fortune of some 'upper level' English language and literature study (notably, an A.P. English course), though my actual occupational goal is Computer Programming. I began watching the show off of a (rather sarcastic) recommendation by 4chan (I know... forgive me), somewhere between the airdates of 'The Sonic Rainboom' and 'The Stare Master' (I forget the exact episode; I did start actually watching at the beginning, and by the time I caught up, more episodes had come out). This is not my first fanfic, though it is my first MLP work - its predecessors were... less than spectacular; the most recent was written almost 7 years ago. I'd rather not have much else to do with them, but I bring them up to address your point on re-writing: namely, that I once fell into the 'continual' rewriting trap, and now know a lot better than to do it ever again. That being said, I still feel that, in the future (perhaps at the end of act 1), a brief reexamination of Thunder Crack's passages might do the story some good.
Back on topic, I feel I should ask, in turn, what culture it is that you come from; if there are comments I've made on my state of mind or mentality while writing that have gone misunderstood, it would be my sincere pleasure to clarify. After all, good writing (dare I say literature?) ought to lack cultural boundaries., and that is something I strive for.
While I've said most of what I have to say regarding the 4 character groupings that we've been discussing, there's a point about the Zebras that I feel I might make. Writing their passage, along with those of Red Ink, Watchful Eye, and certain other characters, does force me to consider the risk of real-world racism.
Red Ink's concern, as a Cold-War era Soviet Stereotype, was easily enough overcome by the presence of his family. He alone speaks with the 'generic bad English' that exists as a Western stereotype for Russians, whereas his father, brother, and Soldier On are all perfectly competent (and Watchful Eye is, in fact, one of the more talented speakers of the characters).
The Zebras, however, are a much stickier issue to tackle because of the insinuation that their relationship to 'Equestria' (as a representative for the Western 'first world', if you'll forgive the term) is dangerously close to a mirror of the real world circa 1850 (if my History serves me correctly). I considered making live in a highly 'technologically advanced' society, but I felt that would ruin both the intrigue of the jungle adventure for Rainbow and Reckoning, and also undermine the significance of Zecora's character within the show. Instead, I gave them a very historical setting and did my best to portray their culture as both deep and 'valid' - hence fun little notes and the 'Zebra poetry' explanation for their rhyming.
In fact, I've been subtly hinting at a very literal real-world literary parallel with them. When I addressed your comment here: 150036, with the following line:
I was making reference to the book Heart of Darkness (I hope I'm not offending you by assuming you haven't read it, but I felt it would be better to explain, while also allowing other readers who missed the point there to understand as well). While that doesn't have much significance to Rainbow, it does have some meaning to Dead Reckoning - in particular, with the pony he refers to as Curt Nod, while explaining Zebra-Pony tensions. That sidestory may or may not ever get written, but it was alluded to here in order to make a suggestion that I feel may have been a bit too subtle overall: Reckoning does see the fundamental hypocrisy in the one-sided racism exhibited by the Zebras, but a level of guilt (on behalf of his own kind, as well as himself) leaves him unwilling to really bring it up confrontationally. You'll note, if you go back, the somewhat different stance that he takes when addressing Mzungu as opposed to explaining affairs to Rainbow. I can definitely see how a stronger approach to that 'lesson' might have added a lot of depth to the passage, but at the time, I felt I had achieved (or at least alluded to) as much of a racial tension metaphor as would actually benefit the scene.
Quality in fanfiction is a very interesting concept - as 'serial fiction' (as Everdusk so kindly mentioned; Thanks!), Fanfiction does inherently lean toward the side of popular interest over... 'enduring ideals'. Truth be told, I'm only writing here for fun as well. However, I consider it a valuable exercise to shift that balance a bit, both in the interest of improving my own writing, and in adding a level of appreciable depth to the story. That's not to say that I'll be putting down the works of Shakespeare or Tolstoy here, but I do believe you hit my squarely on the head when you commentary on narration style. That being said, I might posit that I do a fair job of show over tell. My concession, which I still catch myself doing from time to time, is overusing the same comparative demonstration for actions in a scene. To give an example, take just about any slow-ish conversation between Shining Armor and Going Solo. You'll note that I tend to emphasize the eyes, drawing attention to where the characters are looking and what they are focusing on. While it is said that 'The eyes are the window to the soul', the truth is that I sometimes struggle with what else to describe in a scene where little action is taking place. Direct back-to-back quotes seem dry and detached, especially for a fic like this where I prefer to emphasize the interpersonal (inter-pony-al?) interaction in non-verbal ways.
I guess my point in all that was to say that I 'accept your challenge' in regards to a level of deeper meaning, but I won't do so at the sacrifice of my own enjoyment, or the casual pleasure of the story. It is, when all is said and done, a murder-mystery-adventure starring magical miniature pastel horses.
It's my pleasure to respond to these comments, and I always hope to see more of them. Also, I'm 10k words into the next chapter, so provided that Satoshi isn't too busy, you can probably all expect to see it by Saturday, at the latest. After that, I have a special 'Nightmare Night' chapter to be released right around Halloween.
Thanks again,
-Loyal Liar
1504592
I did not intend to base my comment on your critique, rather to give my opinion on the points you brought up, which were very interesting and I hadn't really considered until you brought them up, especially the part about the zebras. Your idea for the possible development of the arc has a lot of potential I didn't perceive, mostly because like Loyal Liar says above, I felt the scene worked well as it was and didn't bother with it too much with it beyond that.... the Indiana Jones theme I had playing on my speakers right at that time might have had something to do with it :P
We basically agree on all counts, although it seems our interpretation of a few details is different (I don't really think a peaceful resolution would be realistic to the Smog situation, for example).
I concede that the speculation I presented about Dash and Fluttershy was just that, speculation; but I'd argue that if we're going to set out to give depth to and basically age the world of Equestria so we can tell rich, complex stories like this; a natural consequence would be to include such elements of real life as are glossed over by the show to keep it what it should be for its (actual) target audience. Case in point, we're eleven chapters in, Red Ink hasn't bothered to tone down the KGB vibes all that much and Princess Celestia is fine with it so long as he gets the job done (or she's willing to put up with it,. for now, I haven't decided which it is) and the Honor Guard itself is a (somewhat) sanctioned Black Ops corps. That's pretty much out there as far as the show's concerned :P
Your take on my ideas did get me thinking that you have a point about Fluttershy though; perhaps I give her chosen profession too much credit given her personality, but I do have to wonder (at the risk of going off topic) just how she's managed to turn her house into a neutral ground as far as wildlife is concerned.
Lastly, there's no need to apologize for your English, as it is both readable and clear and also not your first (or probably even second) language. You're doing a great job on the language end and if we can help you improve, so much the better as far as I'm concerned. The "lack of effort"? So not true either, you provide insightful commentary on the story and even other readers comments! If that's not honest effort, I don't know what is.
I hope you stay around so we can bounce ideas off of each other without boggling Loyal Liar down as the story progresses :)
1504988
I know racism is, on the whole, a very touchy subject for Americans; but I'd like to think your readership is mature enough to realize that if you write a racist, bigoted character well it does not mean anything beyond the fact that the character is thus. Perhaps I'm reading too much in your passage but I'd be sad to see your excellent character development curbed for the worry of people who may or may not take umbrage at something one of your characters says or does.
Excellent news on the next chapter! Thanks for the progress update, it's much appreciated :)
1507729
If that were my concern, I would never have come close to touching Grizzaloo. If a character is going to be racist, let them ("Filthy Zebs"). My concern is only in portraying an obvious parallel of a real-world culture in a fair light. That is to say, not demeaning historical African society by proxy myself.
1507773
Huh, now that's a fair point I hadn't thought about.
1490626Well, with a name like Going Solo, you don't have to think to hard bout what I thought she sold at first.
I am really enjoying this story, but am not ready to spew out a thousand word comment...not yet. However I am willing to say that I can't wait for you to reveal more of Red Ink's story to us. His Black Cloaks are all too like the secret police for him to be anything other than an antagonist(not THE villain though..not yet at least.). As for RD's family stuff...that could have been handled differently. Not necessarily better, but different. I for one still held the belief that the Commander(whatever his proper name is) is RD's father. There are a few things need to considered for him to be her father.
1. Her father fought in the Dragon Wars and presumably died or at least went MiA long enough to be considered KiA. Now from here comes a little conjecture; you have to assume that the Honor Guard is some sort of Black Ops-esque military outfit or that he suffered amnesia. I'll address both of these. If the Honor Guard is indeed some sort of Black Ops-esque military outfit, then the likely hood of him disappearing from the face of the earth (or 'dying') increases. This possibility would make him the sort of father that is either more loyal to his country than his blood or a dead-beat father who dumped his daughter onto his father. OR he could be..pause for dramatic effect..AMNESIAC!!!!1!11!one! Unless this guy is a master at hiding his inner thoughts(which we have seen almost nothing of), it would explain his lack of reaction at the blue rainbow maned mare that looks like an older version of his little filly.
2.Commander Hurricane. Quite possibly Equestria's greatest military mind. Ever. And implicitly, Celestia's lover. The resemblance between him and the modern Commander was more than enough to make Shining Armor think that it was the Honor Guard's leader. Silver Lining DID say that say he is related to the historical Commander somehow and another, and everyone knows how FiM loves strong family resemblances....or is it only the Apple Family that's like that. Hmmm....
3. He's the likeliest candidate for the position of RD' s long lost daddy(assuming that stallion IS still alive) introduced so far. As far as this story has gotten, unless this is some Project Horizons length fic, I doubt you'll introduce too many important characters as this progresses. As you've said your self, Reckoning is too old, and I doubt that RD has Stalliongradi heritage, let alone Bitalian. I don't think this leaves an characters that have been introduced already that could be her father.
On a different subject,
I can easily believe that Red Ink speaks like that merely to seem intimidating or so that ponies might underestimate him, see him as stupid. As intelligent as he is, and with family like his own, I doubt he wouldn't speak better Equestrian than he does, if it isn't by calculating choice that he speaks like that.
As for your portrayal of Rainbow Dash, I like it. Not too much to say that hasn't already been said, so onwards to the next chapter!
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Just wanted you to know that a part of your comment made Loyal and I start cracking up over Steam chat. Not gonna tell you which part, 'cause spoilers are bad, but there is a particular line of your post here that was hilarious beyond all reason. It's not something you'll notice over the course of the story, either. Might tell you after all is said and done, and by then you might just know enough to get a kick out of it.
1535114Which part come on, you can tell me. Come on, you know you want too!
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Well, alright. I suppose Loyal won't object to me giving you a little hint...
Point number 2 is as close as it comes, though you might be looking at a relationship from the wrong angle.
... then what was the point of paying in cash in the first place?
Another great chapter. I love having some of this lineage tied up in the story. Now we just need that illusive father to be identified, even though I've got a good idea as to who it is. Shining, you'd best make haste and get your plot over there quick! Wait... Masquerade was going to the boars to give them Steel... so she wouldn't even be there. Who knows, maybe she'll change her mind for who knows why. Must read on!
~SolidFire
Personally, I love the added bit of what happened during the NNightmare moon sequence (Got to to a voicing of that moment, SQUEE!) I also enjoyed Reckoning's reasoning behind what it is that they do and I loved Shining's determination to stick to the good side.
So we finally learn what the Honor Guard has against Luna. I figured it was something like that, but geeze people, let it go already, it wasn't really her.
Oh, and Dash is descended from Hurricane!