"Blergh." Look, it's all decently written, most it good even but, most of those paragraphs are just plain too long. I nearly go cross eyed trying to read them. I don't know specifically when a paragraph gets too long, nor how to appropriately split them but, if my experience with English and literature has taught me anything, it's that grammar and punctuation remains as important no matter what you're writing, especially when you know other's will be reading it.
Another thing I noticed is how often you use the same "names" (I've forgotten the technical term for it) when exchanging actual names with another, like how "The intelligent mare" is used instead of always saying Twilight all the time. Because I'm having trouble remembering the technical names and terms, I'm also having trouble explaining the issue.
However, the idea, the story itself, is fine, as far as I can tell anyway.
9085290 I usually break a paragraph whenever chracters are about to speak. I’m not quite sure when to properly split a paragraph when it drags on too long.
As for the name thing, I felt it would be kinda redundant if I just repeated characters names all time like “Spike did/said that” or “this happened to Twilight” for the entire damn story. So I decided to just use pronouns like he/she or used an adjective that described the character.
10076101 Kinda but not really. I’d say it’s more pseudo (false). I explained in a later chapter that the plant is designed so that both parties involved consent to act. You could argue that prior to plant’s effects taking place that it could be considered nonconsensual, but it’s still a bit of a stretch since they both end up consenting in the end anyway.
Kinda want more, not bad stuff.
7832127
Thank you. I'm glad you like it.
7832138 This story can fall under slice of life, at least it feels like it to me, keep it up. The pleasure is mine my friend.
"Blergh." Look, it's all decently written, most it good even but, most of those paragraphs are just plain too long. I nearly go cross eyed trying to read them. I don't know specifically when a paragraph gets too long, nor how to appropriately split them but, if my experience with English and literature has taught me anything, it's that grammar and punctuation remains as important no matter what you're writing, especially when you know other's will be reading it.
Another thing I noticed is how often you use the same "names" (I've forgotten the technical term for it) when exchanging actual names with another, like how "The intelligent mare" is used instead of always saying Twilight all the time. Because I'm having trouble remembering the technical names and terms, I'm also having trouble explaining the issue.
However, the idea, the story itself, is fine, as far as I can tell anyway.
9085290
I usually break a paragraph whenever chracters are about to speak. I’m not quite sure when to properly split a paragraph when it drags on too long.
As for the name thing, I felt it would be kinda redundant if I just repeated characters names all time like “Spike did/said that” or “this happened to Twilight” for the entire damn story. So I decided to just use pronouns like he/she or used an adjective that described the character.
Was that rape?
10076101
Kinda but not really. I’d say it’s more pseudo (false). I explained in a later chapter that the plant is designed so that both parties involved consent to act. You could argue that prior to plant’s effects taking place that it could be considered nonconsensual, but it’s still a bit of a stretch since they both end up consenting in the end anyway.