Lightning Dust, after beeing kicked out of the Wonderbolds, became so devastated that she decided to live far away from her family and her beloved twin-brother Flash Sentry. Afraid that her family would be dissapointed at her beeing selfish and almost kill the Elements of Harmony, she never contacted them again. Her mother became worried that something bad, or worse, had happened to her daughter, and Flash was too busy with the Royal Guard but was always looking for answers to what had happened to his sister. But now, with the Birthday Ceremony of Princess Twilight Sparkle, she packed her things up and headed up to Ponyville with the hope of finally meet her brother.
Unfortunately for her, Rainbow Dash has some loose ends and won't be so happy to see her.
This is my very fist story i've ever done. This and the fact that english isn't my native language won't help at all. So if you guys could help me in any way i'll be forever grateful.
"dark" was tagged only for chapter one and two, the rest will be smoother
Cover art made by: CarouselUnique
Okay... how does this not have comments. I like it so far. Keep going with it.
Okay not bad. Interesting idea making them siblings.
7946797 Thanks
And like i said, this is the first time i'm writing a story so don't expect too much
7948162 Thats cool with me.
. Just take your time.
I happen to be writing stories featuring Flash and Lightning as siblings, too.
It's okay so far, though you could use an editor or two to help with the grammar/spelling. I'll gladly lend a hand
7979678 thanks a lot mate. How may we contact each other?
7980710 Just message me with a link the next chapter. You use Google Docs?
7980906 i only use Gmail
7980906 is there any other way? Can it be done with gmail?
Sweet little chapter. I hope things turn out for the better for Lightning.
Certainly interesting. I will track it.
If Rainbow gives Lightning to much of a bad time she hopefully gets hit down a notch.
I always saw the episode with mixed feelings.
On one side you could say that Lightning's action was much to reckless, selfish to a certain degree and it endangered Rainbow's friends.
On the other it was completely unintentional and Twilight & co -civilians- just came unannounced into a miilitary area, during the middle of a training session no less. Bearers or not, that was sheer stupidity from their side and that Lightning Dust lost in the end her chance to fullfil her dream and got blamed for everything was ridiculous. The others were at fault, too. Instead they got off scot-free for being retarded.
But whatever, that's just me. I'm interested in seeing how you'll handle the whole thing and what Flash and all the others are gonna do.
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I belive she was just too selfish trying to be the best of the best. And what she did was suppose to harm the other wonderbolts.
I always saw her as a trouble maker, but the way she acted on that episode was way too much. However i do think that the mane six had part of the fault, but that doesn't change the fact that she was selfish and reckless. She had no reasons to do that besides wining no matter what.
In fact, on my headcanon she was so much of a trouble maker that she even convinced flash to join her in beeing a trouble maker too. But the diference is that flash knew where to stop, and when things got out of control he would convince lightning to stop as well.
They both are that way, but flash is the one more responsible. Especialy after he entered the army.
Btw, i have something special for her in the end of the story. Something i won't spoiler
8148645 Ah, So Flash has in your fic the role of the worried and compassionate big brother who knew what his sister was capable of and tried his best to contain her more selfish side when they were together? What obviously couldn't work when Lightning was alone in the Wonderbolt Academy without him to, well, suppress her 'dangerous streak'?
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It's like "oh, i can do whatever i may desire because my brother is there and when i pass the limits he'll just warn me"
She just became more responsible after the s*** hit the fan, and she finaly saw how imature she still was. Don't take her wrong though, she loves him more than anything in the world. But alone she can pass the limits and he won't be there.
She still is a bit crazy and likes to do crazy stuff like RD. But now she's more mature. While flash is more calm and serious, but he's not boring and loves to hang out with her and his friends
I'm glad that Lightning is taking some careful thought and deciding to face it head on even the consequences she'll face.
Wait, I thought this wasn't a crossover? If I'm not mistaken, this is a reference to the Umbrella Corporation and Albert Wesker from Resident Evil, isn't it?
Finally the next chapter came. I'm really liking it too. Can't wait to read the next chapter when it comes. I really like how much Twilight was written as fan gasim to a book that she likes so much, it gave me a huge laugh. I hope that we get to see some more chemistry between Flash, Lightning, and First Base in future chapters. Keep up the awesome work Abigail Fetch Walker.
Nice to see them back together. Hopefully it works out (and for First Base, too).
Woops, my mistake.
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It actualy is. Though i only used it as an excuse to why he died. I don't plan on using it again anytime soon
Brother and sister reunions are sometimes the best.
It was at this point Flash realized.......
He f
ked up
*edit* didn't see the "E" tag
Abigail Fetch Walker, I definitely like this chapter too but the one mistake I keep seeing repeatedly are the words "someone", "everyone", and " anyone" cause your supposed to put "pony" at the end of each of those words not "one."
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I'll try to remember that, thanks
Now yah done it Flash.
Someone also needs to point out that a tornado took TWO ponies and any other pony who trespassed on a military practice zone would have been punished...but no....Elements of Harmony they get to go anywhere without repercussions....
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Hmm... you do have a good point there
Alright, i must remember to point that out
I FREAKIN LOVE THIS CHAPTER! So looking forward to the next chapter and keep up the awesome work Abigail Fetch Walker.
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I'm glad you liked
8501944
Not like, I LOVE It.
Love the Shed.MOV refrence
How are Lightning Dust and Flash Sentry twins? They don't look very much alike.
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Non-identical twins? I wanted to make lightning dust as the older sister, seeing that's how she likes to treat flash and first. But i also wanted flash to be the more responsible and that he was the fathernal figure once his father passed away.
I was brainstorming until i said screw it and made them non-identical twins. That's pretty much what happened
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It was actualy the editor's idea
Gold. Comedy gold. This chapter is comedy gold.
8559545
Fraternal twins.
Burst read the story from start to finish. It moved a little fast, has some grammar/spelling and formatting issues but I’d say those are minor. It’s mostly story and character I look for and this had it enough that I enjoyed it.
I actually really like this headcanon of Flash and Lightning being siblings, and this story gave a very plausible explanation as to why LD behaved the way she did in the Wonderbolts Academy episode. I say kudos to you, the author.
I so love this chapter and looking forward to more. Oh happy Holidays, as well as a happy New Year.
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you too, homie
It good to little flashlight in this story!
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I was thinking Iron man 3 extremis
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Author confirmed in a reply comment it was a Resident Evil reference.
Lightning: I just ruined the moment didn't I.
Cadence: Yes. Yes you did.
Lightning: I'm just going to make more tea.
I enjoy Ant man
You wanna know where I got these scars?
Despite being an older fic, I'll just leave my thoughts about the first chapter.
There was not much clear transition to Lightning thinking of the past. There was also the villains that we somehow have a perspective off despite being a memory "flash back". The entire chapter is basically just one huge exposition, including Lighting's interaction with her father. We even somehow have Lightning's father's thoughts included in Lightning's flash back. Then finally we have Lightning working over time all of a sudden; I thought she was suppose to help do the clouds for Baltimare?
The first chapter didn't really start off great. The evil bad guys part threw me completely off. There was no build up or anything, just that they do evil stuff. That was when I slowly began skipping lines then paragraphs after reading their first sentences.
The story would flow much better if we only focus on what Lightning could see, hear, and think, especially if it is just her memories. Having her remember how special her father was, how upset she was when he was leaving, and him explaining to her about his job and these bad guys. Then you could put this "embrionza" and their organisation as something ominous at the end of her thoughts. All without 4th wall breaking and reading off the script.
I know putting everything into the story will be fun and interesting, but stuffing all of it into chapter 1 without proper pacing, perspective, and progression, could potentially do the opposite of attracting readers. It is like telling a joke, except you put all the punchline in the front but never use almost all of the set up.
Side note; I will try reading the rest of the fiction. Hopefully without skipping a majority of the paragraphs or the entire fic altogether