"Throw down your hatred and surrender to kindness, or you will face love and tolerance unlike any this world has ever seen"
After claiming the seat of the Dragon Lord, Garble decides he will fulfil his promise to take over Equestria. Even when all the elder Dragons think his plan is a joke, or warn him not to go, he sets out with a small horde of teenage dragons.
What he didn't expect to find was a purple pony, not too pleased with how he treated her little brother, standing in his way to glory.
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ohhh yeah thats what im talking about
While the events that lead up to this are different this really felt in character for them. Well done. I could totally see Twilight doing that and having those reactions. Upvoted.
Well, it's not bad. I can't honestly say I think it's good, but it's not bad. I'm an amateur, so take my criticism for whatever value it holds. I have two main problems with this story. First, it's rushed, especially the first chapter. There's just not enough here, which is a shame, as I enjoy BAA (BadAss Alicorn) stories. Secondly, Discord isn't right. I can't put my finger on it, but he just doesn't sound like Discord. I may be biased there, because Discord is my favorite character. Perhaps if he'd had more time to shine, it would have solved itself, but that goes back to the first issue. I think the problem there is that you are telling instead of showing. Everything is happening in a vacuum. We don't get any perspective, not even Garble's. It's like we're watching a security camera's footage of the events, and there's only a few minutes worth of that. Again, I'm by no means a professional critic or editor, so feel free to ignore me. But I think these are things to keep in mind
7728562
First of all thank you for the constuctive criticism.
In Retrospective I probably used Discord as a means to an End. I needed a character who on the one hand wouldn't stop Twilight from beating up Garble, but also would be able to understand the consequence of Twilight killing Garble. Discord was the only one that came to mind and I still have to learn to properly write him.
you're really good at this fanfic stuff i like this story greatly.
7728645 You should write a sequel for the future where Garble is retiring and telling the next candidates what happened.
would have perfered spikes anger turning him giant and destroying garble with none of the ponies knowing just the other dragons
7736921 Anger doesn't turn dragons giant, greed does (at least as far as we know.). Also the point wouldn't have been made if Garble was defeated by a dragon instead of a pony.
7738244 it would have told the dragons that if they messed with equestria they would be destroyed and in my opinion a insanely strong negative emotion they could grow to insane size
I have reviewed this HERE.
7798349 Thank you so much for the review.