Super Pony Roomies

by TheManehattanite

Match Making (1)

1

“I say it’s a spaceship,” Rainbow Dash said weeks later, lounging in the rafters of the Castle of the Two Sisters.

“A spaceship.” Rarity rolled her eyes as she played with Twilight’s mane.

“Yeah! Think about it. We get, like, everywhere. Soon we’re gonna run out of everywhere. Solution? A kick butt spaceship!”

“It’s a bit small for that, dear,” Rarity said patiently. “Would you like me to do your wings as well, Twilight?”

“Um, if you like.” Twilight smiled at her and went back to the manuscript she’d been studying. “And not to take sides—”

“Because mine’s the best,” Dash agreed, playing with a low hanging drape like a cat because of her complete inability to stay still, even when relaxing.

“—but if you get the magical geometry right it is possible to alter the scale and mass of something to be contained in a space far smaller than intended. It’s getting things bigger on the inside than the outside that’s the problem. If you’re not careful you wind up with a lot of space that doesn’t know where to go, so it tries to be everywhere! Um, not that I’m…speaking from experience.”

Dash squinted. “What?”

“I don’t have a scar that exists in three planes at once, who told you that? What is this, the Andalusian Inquisition?!”

“That’s nice, dear,” Rarity said absently, levitating a copy of Under the Sun over as well as finer brushes for feather work. “Personally, whatever’s in there I hope we get to keep the box!”

“You would,” Dash muttered.

“Hmm.” Rarity raised a brow “This article says they’re still digging up plunder seeds in the Manehattan region. Strange, they’re usually so efficient. Or at least they rush everything.”

“It’ll be the geology,” Twilight sighed. “Even beyond Manehattan’s complex magical background variations, we’re talking about acres of vastly different land that was co-opted for different uses before being built over. The island itself is some of the most solid bedrock in all of Equestria, that’s why they can afford to build skyscrapers so tall they technically have three resident airspaces.”

“Four,” Dash said, trying to make shadow puppets with her wingtips. “They designated an extra emergency services one in the ’70s. Your colt and his buddies cut through it all the time.” She snickered. “Drives Spitfire nuts!”

“Would you like me to do your wings too, Rainbow?” Rarity offered as she examined the glossy new sheen to Twilight’s.

“Uh, got any of that Istallion stuff? Fleetfoot swears by it.”

“Let’s see…” Rarity probed with her telekinesis, scanning Under the Sun as Twilight continued to happily babble about the Manhattan Prong psychoiographic region. “Hmm. I hope they didn’t hit Yancy Street.”

“It should only take a few days,” Twilight said without pausing for breath, “the problem is some of them may have latched onto the ley magic, probably entirely at random, but off the top of my head that’s most likely why they won’t have retracted with the rest. Signal suddenly cuts out but you’re stuck in the shifting spectrum of two neighbourhoods, and the rest of you is held in place by unchangeable minerals. Baltimare and Chicloudgo have had similar problems. Removing inert vines won’t be so hard, though!”

“Let’s hope so. Fashion Week cost enough as it is. Aha!” Rarity waved the correct tube in the air, then remembered which Pegasus she was dealing with and just tossed it. “Here we go!”

“You’re a gem.” Dash caught it without looking, reminding the two magicians that most of that ego was earned. “Wait, back up. Yancy Street? That’s the Lower East Side, right? Figured you for an avenue girl.”

“Flatterer!” Rarity chuckled, tidying away her things and deliberately not looking as Twilight admired her touch ups. “It’s not that downmarket, really. Quite a few hotspots.”

She eyed Dash carefully as she put her makeup bag away, but the Pegasus didn’t seem to have noticed the little slip.

“It’s a lot like the cloud bank you were raised on, Rainbow,” Twilight smiled, though naturally there were certain parts of Dash’s stories she suspected of being either exaggerated or totally made up. “Oh, and Grim Skies was born there! In fact, a lot of the recent renovations are all him.”

“Grim Skies?!” Dash sat up, almost squeezing all the balm out of the tube in her hoof. “Rarity, are you gonna team up with Grim Skies? Because you need to tell me if you’re gonna team up with Grim Skies. I need to team up with Grim Skies!”

“I could…make him a very large suit?” Rarity looked at Twilight for help. And got none as the princess shrugged helplessly. “Anyway, it’s just a possibility! I’m still scouting. Don’t even have a partner yet.” She smiled to herself. “Although, things change.”

“You’d know, huh Twilight?” Dash grinned, rubbing her wings together to work the stuff in. “Just add a crazy seed attack and a magic mirror, not necessarily in that order, and bam!”

“You’re leaving out a mis-cast spell and the Elements achieving a one in a million sense of harmony,” Twilight smiled, glancing down at where she estimated the chamber they’d found would be, relative to their position in the lounge. “But yeah, I would. Things are stable enough for everypony now though, I’d say.”

“Speak for yourself,” Dash quipped, completely ignoring the fact she had. “This Wonderbolt’s ready to take off and she’s never comin’ back down!”

“Wonderbolt cadet,” Rarity teased sweetly. Dash threw her imported balm back a little harder than was necessary. “I echo both sentiments, honestly. Things are good and there’s room for them to improve.”

“Yeah, like getting a spaceship.”

“Is she still goin’ on about spaceships?” Applejack called from the upper levels.

“Yes,” Twilight and Rarity called back, now sharing Under the Sun.

“Beats a really big weed whacker,” Dash retorted.

“What?” AJ called.

“Weed! Whacker!” Dash enunciated.

“It makes sense! Ya got a bunch of weeds with attitude? Whack ‘em! We probably just turned up too early or somethin’!”

“You’re too early,” Dash muttered.

“I heard that!”

“Oh sure, that!”

“The valiant efforts of Damage Control,” Rarity mused, turning a page. “Bit on the nose, although it sounds familiar. Ugh! That logo, though.”

“That’s Peter’s new job!” Twilight said, though she was now engrossed in what Sapphire Shores had to say about her new arts program. “They clean up after ponies like him. Well, us. The Magic of Friendship might restore a lot of things in a flash, but it’s murder on windows and delicate masonry.”

“Well I hope they get rid of those nasty things for everypony’s sake,” Rarity said idly, “since someone conveniently decided snapping those greasy fingers of his was cheating for once.”

“Yeah,” Dash grunted, slipping onto her front to let the balm dry and examining one of her spread wings to admire the effect, “those things were such a pain. Y’know, normally I’d find something with that many spikes cool.”

“Somepony say my name?” the dragon asked, bouncing a ball down the stairs as he went. He stumbled half way, Twilight and Rarity yelping as they ducked the renegade ball. Dash caught it in her wing, again without looking. “Uh, thanks for the ball, Rainbow Dash.”

“De nada.” Dash shifted it to her hooves yawning. “You’ve gotta figure the princesses did the same thing way back when. All those hallways!”

“Are we done for the day?” Spike asked hopefully, watching Rarity turn another page.

“Probably,” Twilight said vaguely. “It’s going to take a while before the Historical Preservation Society can raise funds for a proper construction crew to—Ooh, Ice Crystals is putting out a new book! ♪I know what I want for Memorial Day!♪”

“Poor Honey Tea,” Fluttershy said in perfect sync with Rarity as she and Applejack made their way down the stairs, Pinkie Pie sliding down the banister after them. “I packed some sandwiches unless everypony would like to eat in town?”

“Walk’ll work up an appetite,” Applejack yawned. “Where’re we thinkin’?”

“You guys know Sugar Cube Corner’s happy to give free treats to extended family, right?” Pinkie smiled.

“Yeah, which is why we don’t take ya up on it.” Applejack’s own smile withered as she glared at Dash’s perch. “Most of us.”

Dash chucked the ball at her, but she caught it just as effortlessly.

“Burger Princess then?” Pinkie asked, bouncing in a circle to take them all in. “Twilight and I have enough points between us for a serious discount!”

“I’m, ah, actually trying to take a break from there.” Twilight fought not to blush, because even though her back was to Dash Rarity’s smirk was mere inches away. “Even before my wings they knew me on sight.”

“Town is only so big and you were the new girl, darling,” Rarity said mercilessly. “I, for one, would prefer a meal that has this daring new ingredient known as actual flavour.”

“Seconded,” Applejack agreed. “Everypony’s out or I’d invite ya’ll over for lunch. Don’t mind cookin’ if we pick somepony else’s place though!”

“Got some cloud casserole you could heat up,” Dash offered. “I mean, I’d have to pick the care package up from the post office first.”

“You know you’re not supposed to store food in those lockers, right?” Twilight turned to squint up at her. “Don’t your parents know your address, anyway?”

“Oh what, you gonna tattle on me?”

“…no,” Twilight admitted, falling into the trap of enjoying being a fellow bad girl like Dash had planned.

“What about that sushi place on Market Street?” Spike asked. “You guys can eat that, right? I mean, it’ll probably be mostly griffons in there, but they have veggie options too. Salads and stuff.”

“Now there’s an idea!” Rarity beamed at him, accelerating his pulse rate.

“Too fancy!” Pinkie and Rainbow said in a perfect combination of enthusiasm and lack thereof.

“Oh, you two think lapels just because I feel like it sometimes is too fancy,” Rarity muttered.

“They are!” Again in perfect synch. Pinkie bounced up to Dash’s perch so they could high hoof without looking.

“What about that one place, ah, what’s it called,” Applejack pretended to struggle. “Oh yeah, Ambience!”

“Seconded,” Dash said, sitting up a little too quickly.

“Oh yes, that place.” Rarity’s smile stopped just shy of a timber wolf’s only because her mouth couldn’t open that wide. “Next to Dream Searcher’s office.”

“The Olive Branch,” Twilight said loudly and only to stop AJ and Dash saying anything.

Fluttershy scowled. “Not until they change their environmental policies.”

“Ooh, ooh, Sunny D’s!”

“You’re 22 now, Pinkie,” Rarity said not unkindly but firmly. “Raison D'etre.”

“That’s in Canterlot,” Applejack countered.

“And expensive!” Dash agreed. “Might as well just clean out the Equestrian Express snack car on the way up.”

“They do good coffee, you have to give them that,” Twilight said half-heartedly. “Do we feel like going further afield, though?”

“Further Afield?” Applejack squinted. “Ya wanna grab lunch in a department store?”

“No, but what’s wrong with that? My mother and I used to eat in those when I was a little filly!”

“Oh yeah, the age when you’ll stick anythin’ in your mouth, that’s a real recommendation, Twi.”

“Is this because they wouldn’t write back about your invention?”

“Maybe.” AJ was trying to avoid eye contact now.

“Darling,” Rarity said carefully, levitating her saddlebags on so she could start backing everypony into making some kind of decision, preferably hers, “don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe the world just isn’t ready for what is basically, let’s be honest here, a waffle iron that forces everything to taste like apples.”

Dash used her left wingtips to mime gagging. Applejack snorted steam jets and took a stomp towards her perch.

“Okay, okay, what about pizza?” Spike tried, raising his claws for calm. “Who doesn’t like pizza?”

Twilight’s face scrunched. “I don’t know, other than Salernitano’s nowhere really does it for me lately.”

Spike folded his arms. “You’ve become so spoiled since you started getting Manehattan style straight from the source, y'know that?”

“I don’t see you complaining!”

“What about somewhere local?” Fluttershy tried not to flinch as everypony turned to blink at her at once. “It’s just that you’re all talking about chain franchises, not that there’s anything wrong with that! Although I have some leaflets about the Olive Branch’s connections to big oil if anypony’s interested.”

“Local doesn’t sound too bad,” Rarity agreed, then smirked at Dash. They’d had the luck to be sat closest to the family and the boyfriend a few days ago. “Like, say, the Carrot and Stick?”

“Ooh-hoo-hoo, maybe that’s what’s in the box!” Rainbow cackled, forcing Twilight to dilute her glare by splitting it between them. “The letter she shoulda written last year! Dearest, darlingest Momsie and Popsicle: so, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the symposium…”

“I was busy!” Twilight snapped.

“Twilight, please!” Dash leered in her best Rarity impression. “Not in front of Spike and Pinkie Pie!”

“Busy doing what?” Pinkie asked, now balanced one legged zen master style on one of the recently repaired banisters.

“Pulling Rainbow Dash out of all those craters mostly,” Twilight smirked, managing to high hoof Rarity on her second attempt.

“Pffft! Okay, yeah, that was pretty good,” Dash grinned, now draping herself upside down on the beam she was using. “Guuuys, come ooon! I’ve only got an hour and a half of putting off my shift left!”

“Fine,” Twilight huffed, conjuring everypony’s saddlebags on, enjoying the fact she could now do this and also that the sudden weight made Dash fall off and just manage to catch herself. “The Carrot and Stick it is! Just to show everypony!”

***

“So what do you think is in the box, darling?” Rarity asked Fluttershy as Twilight teleported them outside to save time.

“She thinks it’s a spaceship.” Dash swooped low, narrowly missing Twilight’s head with her saddlebags for revenge.

“I…hope it’s something nice,” Fluttershy smiled.

“Maybe it’s snacks,” Spike groused, stomach gurgling as Twilight levitated him onto her back.

Applejack shared rueful smiles with Twilight as they trotted after everypony. “It’s probably gonna be big.”

“It’s us,” Twilight said simply.

They navigated the trail Zecora had shown them, taking a strange kind of comfort from walking backwards through the path they’d followed Nightmare Moon down almost four years ago.

Twilight blinked when she realised Applejack wasn’t following her and that the airborne Rainbow Dash had frozen in almost perfect sync. Both ponies' heads whipped to the left, glaring into the underbrush.

“Girls?”

“…nothing,” Dash muttered as the other’s stopped to look up at her.

“Nothin’ we can see, anyway.” Applejack‘s eyes narrowed with years of experience living with the Everfree Forest right next door.

“It’s not an animal.” Fluttershy hugged her knapsack a little. “At least I don’t think it is.”

“Then it ain’t our problem.”

“Yet,” Twilight and Rainbow muttered.

“Pass me one of those sandwiches, Shy,” Applejack decided. “Chewin’ ‘ill work off some of the aggression. RD?”

“What kinda sandwiches?”

“Um. Grilled margherita.”

“Awesome!” Dash was almost on top of Fluttershy, but hesitated. “Sauce?”

“Well, I didn’t know what everypony would want so…ketchup.”

“Aaand?”

“Mayo.”

“I’ll take point,” Dash said, voice bitter from crushed expectations instead of trying too hard.

“More for me.” Applejack’s smirk lasted until halfway through her first bite as they set off. “Aww, crusts!”

“I’ll have them,” Spike said hurriedly.

“AJ, wait, my mane!” Twilight ducked as torn bread crusts whipped into Spike’s clutches.

They’d feel better once they got back to civilisation and could have the typical power playing over who paid. And would remain completely oblivious of H.E.R.B.I.E. cowering behind a tree for the rest of the journey.

Trying to beep quietly, the automaton extended his telescopic eyes, zooming in on the dog eared Under the Sun feature on Yancy Street sticking out of Rarity’s saddlebag. “Ask P,” was written across the corner in eye liner, “, can delay but Sat would be perfect!!!”

2

“Attaboy!” Johnnycake crowed into his collar mic, lounging on a cloud as the snapshot resolved and magically flipped the message on his compact.

He didn’t indulge this particular oddity his powers allowed him that often, and if he didn’t pay attention he could still sink halfway through, but it was smart to keep his distance. For starters, where was the fun in letting Rarity know he was still playing too? And then there was the matter of Rainbow ‘Fun Police’ Dash.

The Crown also hadn’t officially said the FF couldn’t take a couple of readings of the Tree of Whatever It Was, but if River Reeds had been good at waiting for paperwork to clear the Excelsior would never have been in position for that cosmic storm.

…Cosmic Storm would be an awesome code-name.

Anyway! Technically he and the Herbster were out here in the sticks to figure out what kind of signals the crystal shrubbery was putting out, since Reed knew by now that asking for a sample would be time consuming and probably impossible to take.

As a potential contingency against any more floral related crises, of course. He totally didn’t want to find a polite way to ask the Elements for samples of their blood.

Just like he hadn’t asked Johnny to be the one to scope it out because he knew the Torch had experience getting into places he really shouldn’t.

“This weekend,” Johnny mused, sliding lazily off his cloud and flaming on. “What’ve we got this weekend?”

Now that he and the web-slinger were ensconced in 616B Yancy Street, or at least too lazy to unpack those remaining boxes they’d crammed into the closet, Sue had decided the policy should be that he technically had weekends off like a normal job, but the whole team had known that was an impossible idea going in. Even if Blastaar and Annihilus didn’t have another spat, they were all born adventurers. One glint out of the corner of Reed’s telescope and they’d be tripping over each other to clamber into a ship.

It was a shame Soarin’ had been serious about graduating from the Wonderbolt reserves back in the day. Johnny could’ve swapped with him like they had when Crystal really wanted to see the outside world. Maybe he could trick Soarin’ into coming along to distract Dash? What Pegasus mare didn’t want to get distracted by the most promising stallion member the line-up had recruited since the ’88 Equestria Games? Rarity deserved more attention than that, though.

And there was still the fact Rainbow Dash had his scent. She and the blonde with the other cool hat had picked up H.E.R.B.I.E. like a pair of timberwolves, and you could feel the interest in the air between him and Rarity. The second she suspected they were making a move she’d come gunning for him, hence the Soarin’ idea. But asking them or Twilight and Peter along would be babysitting their friends, and they clearly both wanted some adult time.

It was a shame this wasn’t a super thing, since swapping in B-listers to cover for a missing family member had worked out in the past, even accounting for Spidey’s hilarious stint on the so called New Fantastic Four. Maybe he could call in sick and they could rustle the Horsepower Torch out of retirement?

…or.

“Oh yeah!” Johnny cooed, loop-de-looping with delight as the idea solidified and he reached the mouth of the cave under the Two Sisters. “H.E.R.B.I.E.? Playback!”

“♪I know what I want for Memorial Day!♪” Twilight’s voice crackled out of his collar.

…did the tree flash from his flames or her voice?

“No.” Johnny rolled his glowing eyes. “And don’t even think of doing that restaurant bit again! Isolate Rainbow Dash.” He squinted at the confused chirruping. “What do you mean who?! Who do you think?”

The Tree of Harmony’s branches seemed to twinkle almost fondly at the sound of Dash’s fake gagging. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was rubbing off on you. Uh…search: Grim.”

“—ed to tell me if you’re gonna team up with Grim Skies. I need to team up with Grim Skies!”

“Yes, you do,” Johnny grinned, extra flames shooting out his eyes as he adjusted his compact’s settings.

H.E.R.B.I.E. finally floated into the cave, chirruping and gesturing inquisitively as the device’s screen glowed, bombarding the Tree with every kind of scanning spell Reed knew, had invented and had come up with that morning.

“Basically,” the Torch agreed. “I mean, what could possibly go wrong?”

Hero and robot’s heads turned to the suddenly shuddering compact, following it as it shook out of Johnny’s grasp and vibrated into the air. He couldn’t tell if the rising pitch was coming from the compact or the Tree.

Finally, the device just…stopped and dropped. Johnny barely managed to catch it, blinking at his and H.E.R.B.I.E’s reflections in the blank mirror surface. The cave had gone so quiet, almost smugly so, he could just make out the strange, grating sound the magically overloaded machine was making.

“Yeah?” Johnny glared at his distorted, flaming image in the crystals. “Whadda you know?”

The Tree of Harmony only glinted in response.

3

Being a Damage Control consultant, Peter was learning, really came down less to how much you knew and more how good you were at standing around waiting for things to happen.

He was trying to pull his weight, though. He’d never make it as a certified construction worker unless he took the right courses, though the company did offer them, but it also provided the latest science and magic literature to keep everypony up to date. He was getting the twin benefits of realising how up to date he actually was and covering whatever he hadn’t known, not having to spend a bit to do it!

The actual money wasn’t high for a freshly certified consultant but it was consistent, which was key. He felt like he was doing his bit there too, not just because he’d been focusing on the Bleecker Street vine site he’d been assigned to for three days running, but also the unpaid time he was putting in. Getting to know his crewmates, double checking their readings, asking about what exactly went into the reconstruction process, lending a friendly ear to the shell-shocked residents and coordinating with Aunt May at F.E.A.S.T. to make sure they were taken care of.

And, naturally, swinging around all night as Spider-Pony to make sure no one made off with the giant spike covered vines he’d been trying to help clear out of Bleecker Street.

Anything that could paralyse and kidnap not one but two Alicorns, the city’s villains figured, had to be worth either a mint on the black market or its weight in gold as a weapon. Peter had run his own tests, thankfully spared having to come up with an excuse because Ms. Grace wanted to know what she was sending her crews in to remove, and whether they’d need more than just heavy padding. They didn’t, but even technically dead the vines were still potential weapons. With enough work you could make some nasty potions out of the sap and some decent armour out of the thorns.

Although it was deteriorating over time, the thorns sent out a weird kind of vibration that knifed through most test magic, which was probably why they’d punched through so much of the Equestrian landscape. If not for the pain in the tail of the city’s ley line frequencies they’d probably have overrun the entire East Coast in a matter of days.

The window for that work was closing fast too! Cut off from their seeds the vines just sat there, their magic being steadily eaten away by the city’s own, and rotting. Unfortunately, they just sat there, big, still relatively fresh and a juicy target.

Which was why Peter Trotter, rookie Damage Control consultant, had been dressed in a spider-costume and in the middle of a fight between the Enforcers and the Circus of Crime last night. He’d been half tempted to let them take their samples just to minimise his workload but the thought of someone like Thunderhead or Bonestone with that kind of weapons grade material…

He’d also have been lying if he said this all hadn’t presented a welcome distraction. There was a conversation he was probably going to have to have with Twilight at some point.

***

“You get used to them,” smiled Upside, his current cubical neighbour as he entered his own.

Her out tray was full, meaning the company wouldn’t need her to do anything unless the construction crew she was assigned to needed to solve a problem. He still had a lot to prove but once he did, he’d have that kind of free time, convenient for sneaking off to Spidey. Right now, he was here to catch up on his own paperwork and cool his heels until his late afternoon shift.

“Thanks.” Peter tried to stifle a yawn and pop a crick in his neck from where Sinker had landed a lucky shot at the same time. “Used to what?”

“The late nights. Did you hear about that thing on Bleeker? It’s Bleeker, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me!” Peter slipped on his orange Damage Control vest, thicker than the fabric of his costume but becoming that little bit more familiar every day. “And yeah, I heard. Good thing Spidey showed up. Maybe he isn’t such a menace after all.”

“It’s weird!” Upside leaned over the partition. “I’ve lived in the city practically my whole life and I’ve never seen one of, you know, them!”

“A super hero?” Peter blinked as he sorted some papers. “What, not even a Befrienders parade?”

“Oh, eveypony goes to those,” Upside smiled, waving a hoof dismissively. “Those creepy vines are the first time I’ve been in the middle of something like that! I mean, we get dumb ley line stuff here, not Guardians of Harmony tier events!”

“Is that what everypony’s calling the Elements now?”

“Sometimes,” she shrugged. “You know how horse whispering works in this town. Anyway, only bringing it up because we’re almost done over on Barrow. Could send some equipment you guys’ way the day after tomorrow if you’d like.”

“Oh wow, really? That’d be sweet! I’ll have to check with Load Bearer, but I doubt she’ll mind. How’d you get done so fast?”

“The thorns don’t like river water,” Upside beamed. “The ponies working the graveyard shift found out some vines were rotting faster than others and looked into why.”

“That sounds so very Manehattan,” Peter chuckled as he finished his paperwork. “So, what, the gunk in the river messes with them?”

“It messes with everything,” Upside said, affirming her Manehattanite credentials. “I was telling my botanist roommate about it, and she thinks coming up through the riverbed didn’t do them any favours. But yeah, enough solvent in the right place and some of their thorns break off, but! They’re still big, sharp and putting out that weird field.”

“…so you could use them to cut the vines up.” Peter sat back heavily in his chair, trying to work through the shock of the simplicity and do the math in his head. “That, yeah, that would speed things way up, especially if you were smart about segmenting them.”

“Ms. Grace is sending out a memo once they’ve done more lab work, but yeah! We tried it out and now we’re onto actual reconstruction work, finally! But we won’t need removal equipment, might even be able to spare a crane.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Upside.” Peter fumbled for a pen rig so he could start filling out requisition forms and talk at the same time. “Hey, who needs super ponies!”

“Are you drawing a giant buzzsaw?” she snickered incredulously.

“What, Load Bearer’ll love it. Ooh! Or!” Peter’s eyes were wide and unfocused now. “Or! Hoses! Straight from the river! She was trying to figure out why it was so hard to get the roots out of the pipes, but there’s tons of filtration magic in those! If we could pump enough fresh—no, raw, raw water down there we could, yeah, we could haul out the big ones, recycle the thorns for the saw…”

“Or, uh, we could just have Princess Twilight zap them all away?” Upside sounded a little nonplussed.

“I wish it was that easy.” Soft violet darkness shooting over his eyes! “Guess who!”

She yelped a second after he did as he jolted backwards almost into her nose, her wings still wrapped over his face.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Twilight was trying to remove her wings which were now fluttering nervously. “Rainbow Dash told me to do that, I should’ve known better!”

“Toldja,” Spike said as Ms. Grace raised an eyebrow. “Hey, Pete.”

“Oh that’s okay, I’ll just put webbi--” Peter tried not to do a double take at his boss’s presence. “Uh, water balloons in her…Hi honey! Hey, Spike.”

“Princess Celestia mentioned you two were an item,” Ms. Grace smiled. “The young filly is here to check on our progress.”

“It’s not that we don’t believe in what you do here, Ms. Grace!” Twilight assured, managing to turn the wing that wouldn’t fold off Peter into a shoulder hug. “If anything, I’m the one taking responsibility. We just assumed we’d solved everypony’s problems when we used the Elements on the seeds. We should’ve been helping long before now.”

“Oh, live as long as I do and you’ll learn you can rarely solve everypony’s problems all at once, dear.” The old mare looked between the trio. “But with a little time, eventually you can mend just about anything! What was that about hoses, Mr. Trotter?”

“It was Upside’s idea, really.” Peter jerked his head to the cubicle partition.

“Not really!” the Pegasus smiled nervously as their employer’s eyes fell on her. “We just tried out chopping them up with their own thorns on Barrow Street. I mentioned we’re ahead of schedule and was wondering it Trotter would like some help, but since the princess is here…”

“Oh no, you guys are actually way ahead of me! I wish I’d thought of that thorn thing. Hello!” Twilight stood up on tippy hooves to reach up and shake Upside’s hoof. “I’m Twili...uh, Princess Twilight! …which you know. Sorry.”

“Uh, Upside! Nice to meet you! You’re together?”

Upside stared between her and Peter, lingering on Spike. Peter could see her wheels turning as she tried to figure out where a dragon fitted in, probably wondering if it was some kind of…unionised chivalry thing? Like was Spike an intern monster and Twilight had to rescue Peter from him, or what?

“Twilight wasn’t a princess when we met,” Peter explained, hoping he didn’t sound guilty or something.

How to explain this to other people was one of the many things he should probably have devoted some time to thinking about, but, in his defence, he was still reeling from trying to explain everything to her parents. He also had the guilty suspicion that, beyond her own hectic adventures, Twilight had neglected to mention their relationship because thwip thwip had to be kept hush hush.

“It’s okay, I’m still getting used to it too,” Twilight flustered. “And, well, it sounds like you have everything under control really, because, ha, y’know, Damage Control, so now I, ah, don’t really know how much use I’ll be…”

“Well, moving faster means we’ll need faster access to Canterlot disposal and security.” Ms. Grace smiled as Spike expertly whipped out a quill and started writing down what she was saying. “And there’s been some bad business with underworld factions trying to steal the wretched things, so anything that gets them out of the city is fine by us.”

She glanced at Peter and Upside, who’d trotted around from her own cubicle to get a better look at the princess and the dragon. “You two were saying something about hoses?”

“It was Trotter’s idea,” Upside said just in case. “But water from the river already made them sick, so if it doesn’t get rid of them it’ll at least make them useless, right?”

“Long as you don’t try setting fire to them,” Spike winced, then realised he should have saved it for the looks everypony except an abashed Twilight was giving him. “That’s what I heard, anyway.”

“I think there’s something to that," Twilight mused. “The water, not the fire!” she hastily clarified. “I was wondering about teleporting them away, but that could do even more damage to the buildings they’re embedded in and, well, I’m not a structural engineer. Could you treat water damage if we tried controlled teleporting into the spaces? Even if some of the roots stay behind, the bedrock and the…well, it’s arguably not water, but it’ll turn them to mulch and leave them to rot in the darkness beneath the city forever, is my point.”

Silence except for office chatter. A few passers-by slowed to confirm there was an Alicorn in the building and hastily moved on, sensing the awkwardness.

Twilight blushed, glancing nervously between Peter and Ms. Grace. “Too mystic?”

“We can treat water damage, yes dear,” Ms. Grace smiled. “We’ll just have to check which sites can afford controlled flooding and which can’t. Could take a while.”

She nodded to herself, coming to a decision. Twilight was not remotely surprised she knew Princes Celestia. She suspected this was one of those A-Thing-Or-Two stories she’d marvelled at in her junior year.

“Trotter, you’re her majesty’s liaison. Take her along with you when your shift starts, show her how things are done. Upside, tell Highrise to start collecting thorns and pass that onto the other sites. Might as well make them even less dangerous.”

“Wait, what does that mean?” Peter half ran after her as she turned. “I’m Twilight’s liaison, you said, but you just told us everything you’re gonna do. What does that mean?”

“It means take your girlfriend and her assistant out on the town, you silly foal.”

***

“Hey, we’ve got even more in common now,” Spike beamed as they watched her leave.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, both our bosses are kooks.”

“Hatched him myself, you know,” Twilight smiled at Upside as the Pegasus fought down startled laughter. “I know you guys are in security too but if it would help, I could seal those thorns in this faux crystal stuff I’ve been working on?”

“Oh, that’d be cool!” Upside beamed. “We’ve been lucky random heroes have been showing up to stop those guys.”

“Really,” Twilight smirked, side eyeing Peter. “Gosh, I wonder if they ever sleep.”

He shrugged all like I’m-50%-Spider-24/7-, Whadda-Ya-Want?

“Oh hey, there’s Load Bearer.” Peter reared up slightly to make sure he’d seen that distinctive brick coloured mane as she removed her hardhat. “Gotta bring her up to speed, meet you upstairs? There’s this place the crew goes to in Midtown, we can wander around for a bit and grab a bite, maybe meet everypony? If she finds out we’re together and I haven’t made the offer, she’ll be all pouty and put me on drainage inspection.”

“We’ll be down there anyway if Ms. Grace gives us the go-ahead,” Twilight smiled. “But yes, that sounds lovely. See you upstairs.”

“You mean downstairs?” Upside frowned as they smooched. The couple froze mid lip-lock.

“It’s a Canterlot thing,” Spike said quickly, in the middle of playing with Peter’s complimentary DC-Bulldog bobblehead. “Balconies and spiral staircases, y’know.”

“Oh, right.” Upside used her wings to slip some paperwork into a saddlebag with that same bulldog logo. “Well, I better go see Highrise and get things moving on our end, but that spell’d be great. Not even the added security, she just likes shiny stuff. Uh, would it be rude if I asked you to sign my saddlebag? The others’ll never believe me otherwise!”

“Oh, no problem!” Twilight still wasn’t quite used to this part of her…promotion yet, but this was a lot tamer than the post Nightmare/Discord signing frenzies the Elements had endured a few years ago. Rarity and Rainbow Dash had been the only ones in their element. Uh, the self esteem kind, not the Harmony…yeah. At least Sweet Apple Acres had a small side line in shipping goods to grateful enthusiasts.

She teleported Peter’s pen out of its rig, frowning at the doodle of a giant buzzsaw, and scribbled her signature. “There we are! Sorry it’s not in purple or anything!”

“It’s fine! Great to meet you! Hope the princess thing works out!”

“Thanks, me too!” Twilight waved as she flapped off.

“Is that a giant buzzsaw?” Spike squinted at Peter’s desk.

“Yes. Stop playing with that thing, you’ll catch your fingers!”

“What do you need a giant buzzsaw for?” the dragon asked as Peter trotted up.

“Gotta get my hair ready for the Grand Galloping Gala somehow.” He smiled at Twilight. “We’re on. Have I said it’s great to see you yet?”

“No, but you can make it up to me upstairs.”

***

A few flights of stairs (and Twilight getting winded and just teleporting them) later they were on the roof of the office block, the Flatiron District and practically the entire city spread out below them as Peter adjusted the web-shooter nozzles on the underside of his gloves.

“Last chance to back out, you two.”

“I’ve been practising with these wings for weeks. I earned this!” Twilight rolled her eyes. Peter blinked at the purple flash as she teleported herself onto his back, pulling his mask down over his head. “And I’m in the market for a living sedan chair.”

“Everypony warned me about you Canterlot fillies.” Peter adjusted Spider-Pony’s mask, chuckling as Twilight slapped the back of his head. “Spike?”

“Let’s do this,” the dragon rumbled in his best movie trailer impression, snapping on a pair of goggles. “Ow!”

“…are those swimming goggles?” Spidey was doing that signature squint.

“Rainbow Dash wouldn’t let me borrow hers.”

“And you’re surprised?” Twilight muttered as Peter helped secure the harness they insisted Spike use if he was going to do this.

In addition to her wings she didn’t have to worry as much thanks to Peter’s wall-crawling powers, adhering her to him even through the fabric of his costume. He most often used the technique to carry accident victims to safety, and she still blushed a little remembering the time he’d used it to help sneak her into that changeling fort.

“Actually,” Spidey mused as he made sure Spike was firmly strapped to his chest, “it’s kinda bright out today. My lenses are polarised, but maybe we should grab you guys some sunglasses?”

“Peter,” Twilight warned in the voice it hadn’t taken her long to perfect.

“Alright, alright, I get concerned, sue me!” He pawed the ground, Spike tucking his feet up in anticipation.

“They warned me about you Manehattan colts.”

“Will you two stop flirting and gYAGH—WHOA-HO!” Spike erupted into hysterical laughter as Spider-Pony sprang, dragon strapped to his chest, princess stuck to his back, to the edge of the roof.

He teased them with the view, letting them think he’d stopped before realising he was balanced only on his hind legs, lazily letting the momentum of the jump and their weight tiiiip them precariously…

And just as Twilight and Spike realised how high they really were, they were falling.

***

Teleport, Twilight’s mind jabbered as Peter made a show of lazily stream-lining his body, Spike’s desperately scrabbling legs reflected in accelerating office windows, remember you can teleport, he’s not really going to do it, you can fly, you can teleport, he’s milking this, you CAN MAKE HIM PAY, Y’O C’N TE’LAAAGH--

“T’ch!” Peter had to make sure the sound carried over the wind, which ruined the effect, but the exaggerated nonchalance was part of the act anyway. “Did I leave the stove on?”

“Peter.”

The problem with a slightly lengthened Alicorn neck: that bilious feeling came just as quickly but had further to travel. The sudden tingling feeling in her legs as he feigned a yawn and used it to slowly flip them up and over, so they were now vertical while plummeting straight down while he assumed a ‘Hmm’ pose, did nothing to help.

“Now is it West 25^th or West 27^th?”

“PETER GLEANN TROTTER.”

“Yes dear.”

He fired two web-lines straight up, slowing their fall to a leisurely Alpine descent rather than a heart stopping death dive. But only, Twilight realised, wings flaring, so he could build up torque to bungee them back into the air, the beautiful, conniving little…

“Sorry!” Spidey beamed at the startled pedestrians they were sagging in front of, hooves only a foot above the sidewalk. “Wrong floor.”

“I’m going to make him pay for this,” Twilight confided to them.

And then they were ascending, Spike’s one liner strangled in his throat by the primal whooping.

***

Spider-Pony fired another line, penduluming them towards 7^th Avenue. Teasing aside, he was careful with passengers. No stunts, no hard landings, simple A to B stuff.

But who said he couldn’t mess with them a little?

“You’re enjoying this way too much!” Spike guffawed as Peter leaned forward at the zenith of one swing, almost slapping the dragon in the face with his own tail.

“The pleasure of your company?” Peter used the hang time to snag the edge of a building and reassure himself the little guy’s straps were still biting tightly into his shoulders. “Not at all.”

“Help, help!” Twilight called playfully as ponies boggled at them from a rooftop garden. “That wicked Spider-Pony has kidnapped me! He wants me to do his math homework!”

“It’s Manehattan honey,” Peter grinned under the mask. “With my luck another hero’s gonna hear you and believe it.”

Okay, the cover of Amazing Fantasy#15 it was not. Okay, they probably looked like an 8^th grade play centaur costume designed by somepony who’d never seen one. But fun as web-swinging was, genuinely, after all these years, it was a part of himself he could never really share with anyone else. Not…fully.

One more way his powers cut him off from the world. Or the world off from him.

Whatever. He was in love, was quite fond of the pre-adolescent dragon strapped to his chest, and now he had somepony to share one of the innermost parts of himself with. And nothing waiting for him on the ground was going to stop him enjoying it.

To be Continued

Author's Note:

GLOSSARY

Comments

[Crack-Fic Casey]

I don't think Ben is going to enjoy playing Wingman...

[TheManehattanite]

9557034
Johnny's plan is so much more evil than that.