Makeup

by Cherry delight

Perfection

I gently dabbed foundation onto my cheeks and tried to ignore the hooves that were doing so. I ignored the huge cracks in the mirror. It was time for the show. I was perfect. "Perfectly FAKE!"

I ignored the voice inside my head and carefully slipped on my shoes, wincing where the sides of the shoes brushed my cuts. When the voice first started bothering me I panicked. I thought I was going insane and in retrospect I probably am. I can't go to counselling though. I am the perfect model and if I go to counselling all anyone will know me as is a once great role model but one who went insane. I would instead of being one who the masses want to be I'll instead be a great example of who not to be. " You could always rely on your friends... Oh WAIT... you don't have any."

The voice has got worse recently. It tells me to do things I never would do. However I fear that if it is around for much longer I shall snap leading to terrible consequences. Before each show I say 'After this show then I shall tell.' This is when my fears kick in. I think then I'll be through in a white room, constricted to a straight jacket, never to see the light of day again. I know this is illogical and absurd but the thought's vile tendrils still tug my paranoia anyway.

I think somehow I brought this upon myself. I was quite the bully when I was younger. Sometimes I think the voice sound awfully like the young me. I try to erase this thought from my mind. After all I wasn't that bad... Was I? I mean in the end I was forgiven and I had Silverspoon. Oh Silverspoon... Ever faithful until the end. I was never much one to believe in karma but know I'm not so sure. "You have a pegusus who can't even fly!"

I remember the CMC as they called themselves. Applebloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie belle. Looking back I can't remember why I was so horrible too them. Despite my constant taunting they turned out well. The CMC travel around equestrian looking for cutie mark issues to help. I believe they are in Las Pegasus at the moment. "Yeah they didn't end up a failure like you."

I remember my first sip of alcohol. I hated it. I wish I still did. For it is when I am drunk that the voice is at it's worse, saying horrible things about me until I can't bare to look at myself. that is how my smashed mirror came into being and why my legs still bare the cuts given to them by the strike of a knife.

Before you ask, NO I am not self harming for attention. In fact most of the time I am not even conscious enough to remember it. this is my other fear. I fear ponies will think I'm faking. they will turn on me. lovers will become haters and even as I cry out their knives will cut into me.

As you clearly see I am not in the best state of mind. I should think I would make a great actor for all the newspaper's say about me is how confident I am.

Speaking of the newspapers, do you want to know how many paparazzi I get? I don't think I can count! it is not like I'm even remotely interesting but they follow me around like gnats. When I was younger I was head of a newspaper for a day. I know apologize to everyone. I can now see how horrible being considered to have " a juicy story" is.

I don't think many people recognize how stressful it is being famous. Hay I can't even buy my groceries anymore without at least one pony saying "Look it's Diamond Tiara!" Ponies say if you complain when your famous your selfish. That's because they think that I live in a mansion. I don't I live in a tiny one bedroom flat. My pay is lower than a teacher's!"Your so funny! You can't even afford to pay your rent. You must be pretty ugly!"

I'm sorry I'm being bitter. I certainly don't live a bad life. There is only one part of my life I hate. The voice inside my head. It is changing me so much I wonder if I'll be the same person when I die. I hope when ponies visit my grave they will remember me and not what I became.