Coloratura has a big secret, one she shares with one and only one very special somepony. (Crossdressing R63 Femcolt Coloratura x Donut Joe, M/m colt-cuddling, lots of romantic fluff with optional clop)
Okay, so to start with... first chapter was pretty good with plenty of solid emotional context to really make me feel for Coloratura as a character. Second chapter was kind of overly abbreviated and really doesn't accomplish much on its own beyond transitioning between the preceding and subsequent chapters. It really could have used more content to flesh itself out, or otherwise might have been better combined with or spilt between either of the adjacent chapters. Third chapter was a return to form in terms of providing good emotional context, but also introduced some potentially needless complications involving Joe's mother.
Her being a member of Clocktower alone would have seemingly have been enough of an icebreaker without also needing to be intersexed, or maybe just a male crossdresser. Not that I really mind the concept of Joe's mother being futa, but the whole curse of Discord angle sort of feels like an unnecessary extraneous detail that only raise questions which needlessly distract from the primary plot. Not to mention that in both her case and Coloratura's I find myself strangely off put by the implications that Equestria is so intolerant, which seemingly stands in stark contrast to episodes of the actual show, like Brotherhooves Social, where we saw BigMac crossdressing without anyone making much fuss about it at all.
Unfortunately that now brings me to the forth chapter, which is where this story just about loses me completely. Admittedly, you did warn about dark themes, but that's not what bothers me. Rather, it's the awkward and overly-forced way in which you dealt with them.
It started out more or less okay, with Svengallop coming across as mostly just a jealous ex-boyfriend who can't take a clue, and I was eagerly expecting Joe to scare the creep off while telling him never to come back... but then safewords were invoked sending up a distress flare and summoning a dozen guards who proceed proceed to drag Svengallop off saying he'll never see the light of day again. Not that I've any love lost for the overly possessive jerk, but the whole thing just feels like too much *Disproportionate Retribution*, for what little offense he actually committed. Sure he vaguely mentioned something about owing money, and in other less savory settings that could lead to some rather unfortunate consequences, but here there's just not enough context to make that connection obvious and so it feels more like everypony is just jumping to conclusions and making wild accusations without any evidence to back it up.
Maybe if Joe was an active Torchbearer instead of retired, and if the whole thing had been a sting operation with Svengallop already under suspicion of illicit activities it could have worked better. However, even that would predicate on knowing what a Torchbearer even is in the first place, something that this story by itself never really explains properly. I'd have been completely lost if it weren't for the fact I've read the forums and seen Manifest Harmony briefly mentioned them.
Anyway, sorry for bothering you with a rant. I really did like most of what you did in the first few chapters, and maybe, I'll come back and try finishing this story later. But for right now I'm going to need to take a break and washout the bad taste that forth chapter left me with.
Great chapter here! It really had me on edge!
Narrowly escaped a bad end there. Donut Joe is so badass! I cheered when he arrived and kicked that sorry flank.
Towertop means stop, drop, unknot and comfort! Got that, beyotch?!
Okay, so to start with... first chapter was pretty good with plenty of solid emotional context to really make me feel for Coloratura as a character. Second chapter was kind of overly abbreviated and really doesn't accomplish much on its own beyond transitioning between the preceding and subsequent chapters. It really could have used more content to flesh itself out, or otherwise might have been better combined with or spilt between either of the adjacent chapters. Third chapter was a return to form in terms of providing good emotional context, but also introduced some potentially needless complications involving Joe's mother.
Her being a member of Clocktower alone would have seemingly have been enough of an icebreaker without also needing to be intersexed, or maybe just a male crossdresser. Not that I really mind the concept of Joe's mother being futa, but the whole curse of Discord angle sort of feels like an unnecessary extraneous detail that only raise questions which needlessly distract from the primary plot. Not to mention that in both her case and Coloratura's I find myself strangely off put by the implications that Equestria is so intolerant, which seemingly stands in stark contrast to episodes of the actual show, like Brotherhooves Social, where we saw BigMac crossdressing without anyone making much fuss about it at all.
Unfortunately that now brings me to the forth chapter, which is where this story just about loses me completely. Admittedly, you did warn about dark themes, but that's not what bothers me. Rather, it's the awkward and overly-forced way in which you dealt with them.
It started out more or less okay, with Svengallop coming across as mostly just a jealous ex-boyfriend who can't take a clue, and I was eagerly expecting Joe to scare the creep off while telling him never to come back... but then safewords were invoked sending up a distress flare and summoning a dozen guards who proceed proceed to drag Svengallop off saying he'll never see the light of day again. Not that I've any love lost for the overly possessive jerk, but the whole thing just feels like too much *Disproportionate Retribution*, for what little offense he actually committed. Sure he vaguely mentioned something about owing money, and in other less savory settings that could lead to some rather unfortunate consequences, but here there's just not enough context to make that connection obvious and so it feels more like everypony is just jumping to conclusions and making wild accusations without any evidence to back it up.
Maybe if Joe was an active Torchbearer instead of retired, and if the whole thing had been a sting operation with Svengallop already under suspicion of illicit activities it could have worked better. However, even that would predicate on knowing what a Torchbearer even is in the first place, something that this story by itself never really explains properly. I'd have been completely lost if it weren't for the fact I've read the forums and seen Manifest Harmony briefly mentioned them.
Anyway, sorry for bothering you with a rant. I really did like most of what you did in the first few chapters, and maybe, I'll come back and try finishing this story later. But for right now I'm going to need to take a break and washout the bad taste that forth chapter left me with.
Discord has tits?
9184527
Yes, but they're as useless as the titties on a boar hog (as my grandmother used to say)