When princess Celestia is seeking heroes for Equestria it seems that the ponys of her world won't due, instead she turns to another world for help. Meet Neon, well thats what everyone calls him anyway, he's just an average guy who always wishes that something abnormal will happen. One day he is "kidnapped" by the Doctor and taken to the middle of Equestria.
The series is now canceled. I will be restarting it with a whole new begining and name. This story will stay up until I finish the first chapter of the new story.
Chapters (1)
So...he can turn Super Saiyan? AWESOME!
YOUR SERIES IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD
Eh........an...average OC fic/self insert...
816308 ehh it isn't super sayin. But let's go with that.
Super Gary Stu to the rescuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue!
Haters gonna hate. But don't worry about them.
816337
Well, I CAN'T find any other word to describe him? Also, when, where and how did Neon learn about his abilities? After the initial revealing, he instantly had a name for it, and knew how to call upon it. At least a little more buildup could have helped. It all seems so sudden.
Yeah, very Gary Stu. Considering revising your character.
816392 what the hell is gary stu?
816406
The male equivalent of a Mary Sue. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue
816391 yeah i know, the pretty mcuh the next chapter is goign to be explaining everything and what the stories going to be about. sorry about the lack of details.
816412 ok I see what you mean now but he gets other traits later on. I pretty much jumped into this with having much thought about hte characters but there will be devolpment for him and he won't be a gary stu, hopefully, Im still a begginer at writing after all.
816444
Fair enough. Some other areas for improvement would be your grammar and punctuation. Lots of run-on sentences and comma splices. Keep at it though, this looks somewhat better than the other "human-transported-to-Equestria" fics I've seen today.
816444 You main character is a bit overpowered. I see many strengths, but little weaknesses. You should try revising this.
If you need help or tips with writing, check out our group!
Finally! A good story to hate. Hate with the burning passion of a thousand nihilists.
816413
Oh, OK. When will it be out?
816492 I'm not sure. But it should be out in 4-7 days.
816504
So...sometime next week?
I was going to link you to our group, but XiF already beat me to it. Yeah, do it for sure. Or in the least bit read the section on OC's in this article I wrote in it. Like those above me said, the main character is way to high on the Gary Stu charts.
I hate it when people say that someone's character is a Gary/Mary Stu, and the author says that "He will give him more traits later on." No! That is so cliche, and most of the time, it's poorly done, or not done at all. Before you create a character, map out who they are, and what makes them, them. Create an entire history for them, from beginning to end. If a character is good, then you will have a rich backstory, which you don't even have to tell, the character's actions, thoughts, and emotions can tell his backstory for him.
Wait a minute...Neon Dude...is that a Chinese character as your cutie mark? The one meaning love, no less. How bronylike.
818250 wow i'm surprised you nocticed that! And it's not because I'm a brony. The reason it's kanji is because I like many things from japan. and the meaning, "love" is because i've always wanted to find it.
818250 oh and its japanese not chinese
818325Kanji is the Japanese character set based off of Chinese characters, so it's reasonable that one would get confused, since it's only one word.