The Konqueror of Equestria

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acroamatis

acroamatis #1 · Jul 16th, 2016 · · · The Konqueror Rises Again ·

An interesting crossover, but poor grammar, punctuation errors, and stilted dialogue ruin it.

As a suggestion: grab your favourite work of fiction, and pay careful attention to the use of apostrophes, and (especially) capitalization as it applies to dialogue. You do it basically everywhere - this:

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Asked a male voice that echoed through the dark hall's of the ancient structure.

should be this:

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asked a male voice that echoed through the dark halls of the ancient structure.

The reason this is the case is because the sentence isn't finished. Look at the sentences in the original separately. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" is a sentence in its own right, but it's part of the larger sentence. "Asked a male voice that echoed through the dark halls of the ancient structure." is not a sentence. The quotation, in this case, is the object. What did the male voice ask? The question inside the quotation marks.

Apostrophes are not used for pluralisation.

He saw twelve ponies. (Right)
He saw twelve pony's. (Wrong)
He saw a pony's twelve friends. (Right)

It's great to see a new writer, but you need to familiarise yourself with grammar rules if you want your writing to look at all professional.

forrest yuchnitz