“Okay, THAT hurt like hell. Who even was that?” I opened my eyes, but instead of being in the forest, or a cave, I was in some sort of room made of crystal. I felt nothing on my back and when I checked, I noticed my backpack and sword were gone. I looked around the room but didn't see them anywhere. I look at my chest and noticed I still had my medallion my mom had given me for my 16th birthday. It was a silver spider with ‘DS’ on it. “Great. Now I get mugged." I sighed. "Well, at least I still got my necklace. Now, let's find out where I am.” When I got to the door, I noticed it was unlocked. “Weird. If they wanted to mug me and kidnap me, why leave the door unlocked?" I just shrugged. "Awe well. Easier for me I guess.”
When I exited the room, I found myself in a hallway made of the same crystal. “Where have I seen this before?” I shrugged it off and decided to worry about it later and web-zipped to the ceiling, because if there's one of the many things about Spider-Man that I know of, or anything for that matter, it's that people don't usually look up. I went across the hallway, until I saw a door that was slightly open. I went in the room and heard some voices, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I saw a strange looking chandelier in the center of the room and decided to go to it. As I got closer, I was able to hear the conversation.
“-idea to fly in there without waiting for anypony and not having a plan.”
“What was I supposed to do? Stay with you and let those two get hurt? As if. Besides, I had a plan: fly in and beat up anything that tried to hurt me or them.”
Ha. That reminds me of that scene from Avengers. Wait, why do those voices sound familiar?
“That's not a very good plan.”
“Whatever.”
By this point, I've reached the chandelier and was sitting on it. Then I heard a third voice, this one rather quiet. “I'm just happy those two are okay. Though, I don't think you should've kicked that creature. You could've hurt it.”
“Oh yeah? What do you think would've been a better idea? Go up to it and try to communicate with it? I saw that thing take out four timberwolves with its bare hands. It even shot some weird looking white goop off its hands.”
Oh, looks like they're talking about me now.
“Yes, but it seemed kind of mean to do that,” that quieter one said.
“Wait,” the first one said, “what do you mean that it shot ‘white goop’ out of its hand?”
I can't help but imagine Goop from Ben 10, but white.
“Exactly that. It shot some white gooey thing from its hands and it stuck the timberwolves to the ground. It looked weird.”
“Fascinating.” I heard the sound of something being written down. “So it can shoot a substance from its hands, and able to hold its own against timberwolves rather well. And if the sword it had was any indication, it knows how to use a blade. Hmm, any idea what is it?”
Before I can hear what they were going to say, I felt like I was being watched. I turned to my left, only to see a large pair of blue eyes right it my face.
“Hi.”
To put it simply, I panicked. I lost my footing and fell on some table. Luckily, it stayed intact, both the table, and my back. Thank god I'm more durable now. When I looked around, I noticed I was in front of more ponies, these ones also being anthropomorphic. One had yellow fur, as well as wings sticking out of her back, blue eyes, and a pink mane and tail, with a picture of 3 pink butterflies on her. The second one had purple fur as well as matching eyes, a horn sticking out of her head, as well as a pair of wings on her back, dark purple mane and tail with a pink streak on them, and a star for her mark. The last one, who was right in front of me, had light blue fur, and also had wings on her back as well, along with red eyes and her mane and tail had pretty much every color of the rainbow, and her mark was a cloud that had a lightning bolt that was red, yellow, and blue. In other words, I was in front of Fluttershy, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and Rainbow Dash, all of whom are from MLP.
Well I think I know where I am now. Question is, if I'm right, HOW did I get here?
We all just stared at each other for about a minute, probably because they didn't expect me to fall from the ceiling, and I didn't expect to land in front of a bunch of humanoid ponies. Then Fluttershy let out a small ‘eep’ before hiding behind her chair. Twilight just continued staring at me. While Rainbow Dash on the other hand, flew right at me. Luckily, I was ready this time and jumped over her before she got a hold of me and landed on the top of her throne. Before I can turn around however, she tackled me to the floor. I was able to kick her off of me and quickly got back onto my feet. Before she was able to readjust herself, I pulled her towards me and punched her in the face. After that though, I was suddenly floating and surrounded by a purple aura. I turned towards Twilight and saw her with one hand facing me, with both her horn and the hand glowing with the same aura.
“I believe that's enough of that,” she said. Rainbow flew down next to her, with a hand on her head. “I will not allow you to harm my friends.”
“I didn't need your help Twi,” Rainbow said to the alicorn. “I could've taken it.”
“Maybe, but I wasn't going to let you get hurt fighting it. Now,” she then turned to face me, “who are you and why did you attack us.”
I stood, er, floated there quiet, looking at myself with the costume, thinking about how to respond.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Come on Twilight, do you really think that thing can understand you? I bet it tried to sneak out and fell. Then it decided to attack us so it can have something for dinner.”
That just got me annoyed. “Okay, first off, I'm not an it, I'm a he. Second, in case you hadn't noticed, I only attacked you,” I pointed at Rainbow, “out of self defense. But the punch was just payback for kicking me in the face. And third, why the hell would I eat you? I rather not eat something that can actually think for itself.”
They just stared at me with wide eyes, apparently surprised that I could talk. Immediately though, Twilight shook her head and recomposed herself. “And what is your name?”
I look at myself again before saying, “Back home, most called me Tito. But in this suit, I guess you can call me DarkSpider, or just Dark.”
“DarkSpider? Never heard that name before.”
“Sounds stupid to me,” said Rainbow.
That made me glare at her. “Look who's talking, Skittles. Besides, I made that name up when I was 10. And I rather like it. Most original name I ever came up with.” In hindsight, I'm pretty sure everyone in those HiE fanfics I read who wanted to make fun of Rainbow or insulted her called her that. Or a walking pride flag, but I'm not going there.
“Skittles? That's not my name. I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all of Equestria, and future WonderBolt.”
Wait, future WonderBolt? I guess the events of Newbie Dash hasn't happened yet.
“Okay then,” Twilight said. “What do you want?”
That question confused me. “What do you mean?”
“What are you doing here? Why were you on my chandelier? And what is that substance that shoots from your hand?”
“Well, I have NO idea what I'm doing here, nor how I got here, I was on your chandelier because I wanted to hear what you were saying, and it's call webs. Ever heard of them?”
“Webs? Well you do have ‘spider’ in your name. But how can you possibly do that?”
“Um, spider DNA I guess.”
“Spider DNA? Does that mean you're part spider? Can you do more things? What even are you? Can you-”
“Enough!” I shouted. I understood her curiosity, but I barely processed her questions. “I'll answer all your questions, one at a time, but can you at least put me down first?”
Twilight seem to consider it, but Rainbow quickly said, “Woah woah woah. Twilight, you're not seriously thinking of trusting this guy, are you? What if he attacks us again?”
I figured this would happen. “For one thing, if I wanted to, I could just shoot a web at her face to disrupt the whole magic thing of hers, and web those wings of yours so you can't fly, and then I'll be able to take you down easily. But since I have no reason to, that's why I haven't done it.”
Rainbow just narrowed her eyes at me. “And why should we trust you?”
I just held my right hand up and said, “I will not harm anyone of you in anyway, shape, or form unless it is in self defense. You have my word. And I NEVER break my word.”
“Well that's good enough for me,” Twilight said before putting me down and disabling the magic around me. She then held out her hand. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy,” she said, pointing to the pegasi, the latter still hiding behind her throne.
I shook her hand and afterwards, replied, “Oh I'm well aware of who you are Princess. Though is there someplace else we can talk? And maybe get something to eat? I've haven't eaten for a while.”
Twilight looked like she was about she to say something, but stopped when she saw something behind me. Sensing the same presence as earlier, I turned around and found myself facing a pony with pink fur, a darker pink, as well as poofy, mane and tail, bright blue eyes, and 3 balloons representing her cutie mark. And finally, a smile so big, it can rival the Joker’s, but when his was sadistic and scary, hers was friendly and kind. I immediately knew who this was, and even smiled behind my mask.
“Hi,” Pinkie Pie said. “I'm Pinkie Pie. I saw you climbing the walls and I thought you can use some company, plus, I've never seen you before, and since I know everypony in Ponyville, that means you must be new here. And if you're new, that means you don't have any friends. And if you don't have any friends, that mean you must be lonely. And if you're lonely-”
“Pinkie, I think he gets the point,” Twilight said, putting a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder.
I chuckled softly. “It's a pleasure to meet you Pinkie. You can call me Dark. Now, about the whole food thing…”
Pinkie hopped a few times. “Ooo, we can eat in the dining room. I brought some tasty treats I'm sure you'll all enjoy. Come on.” With that said, Pinkie ran out of the throne room.
Twilight shook her head and sighed. “Sorry about that Dark. She can get rather excited when meeting new ponies.”
I couldn't help but smile some more behind my mask. “It's okay Princess. If anything, it's nice to see someone so happy. Now come on, I'd like to see what treats she brought. And while we're there, I'll answer a few of your questions.”
“Okay, also you can just call me Twilight.” And with that said, the 4 of us left the throne room, heading for the dining room.
Nicely done
7362641 Really? Thanks
7362678 Ur welcome.
Awesome and unique story, I'm liking the route you've taken.
Keep up the good work!
Seriously?
A good way to get Pinkie to sound more like Pinkie is to shorten her sentences but pile them one on top of another so you increase the reading pace. This makes it sound more like her. Just a suggestion though.
The last sentence needs to be fixed.
Spidey-sense didn't pick up Pinkie the first time, though that may just be because it's Pinkie.
The paragraph of DS recognising the anthro ponies throws off the reading pace and feels a little unwieldy.
Other than that, this is the best chapter so far.
The four of what now?
Well here we have the 'basics' happen. Meet with M6 and talk. Skittles. Pinkie. Aggressive Skittles.
You know, the basics.
Honestly not a huge fan of such situations. I mean, this whole they attack him and then blame him for it then he actually defends himself. I never understood why people wrote that. I always found it exteremly illogical. Especially when Twilight actually asks such a question. She is supposed to be the smart one after all.
I will admit I also was not a fan of the timberwolf situation. I mean, a character being randomly attacked after saving someone seems not that logical too. Especially considering how Rainbow saw him saving them and how he doesn't seem to appear all that threatening. At least I assume he isn't the tallest considering he is as tall as his sister and is 17 years old. But that's just an assumption.
They kidnapped him and then ask such a question? Actually I would expect him to ask this considering he was kidnapped. Also considering that he didn't do anything to warrant such a suspicious question it seems a bit out of place in my opinion.
He probably has more right to assume them attacking him than vice versa. He was attacked without provocation and kidnapped.
Same reasoning than above. Being kidnapped and attacked like that doesn't make them trustworthy towards him so he has more right to ask this question than them.
Just something I noticed, but since they are anthro, doesn't that mean that they are wearing pants and the like? Are the cutie marks on their clothes printed?
Well. That's all from me. I hope it wasn't too harsh. There are just certain things that rub me the wrong way while reading. And you used several situations I never really was that big of a fan of because I have trouble see them happening.
Compared to the previous chapters, this one is much better done, and much balanced as a result.
I can pin the result of the previous two chapters, as a result that comes from the initial awkwardness that comes with writing - and with the writer trying to take a hold of the story, to narrate it better.
The Characterization is appropriate, the showing of the characters is well-done, and the situation is credible considering how ponies behave when facing unexpected circumstances.
I will keep posting my feedback, as you requested.
7367233
stopped
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Ah yes...ever on edge is the Rainbow...honestly...I have no real comment other than a slight wince every now and then, but that's mostly just grammar.
Definitely an improvement from the previous two chapters I read.... match personality, RD's matches for the most part except
. I find that quite hard to do and you should be ashamed of yourself.
...JK I know Spiderman and his ability, so Tito would have done almost well...
Awesome chapter
Typical Rainbow. Hit someone then accuse them of assault when they hit back.
Maybe because you knocked him out and dragged him back to your home, i'm pretty sure that's more then enough reasons for him to attack you
the story is really good so far, looks to be one of the better ones i have read
Minus a point for him not being angry for getting attacked for no reason