Chrysalis is a new Queen who has lost her hive. She leaves the hive and runs into a young Luna and her father and ends up being adopted into Celestia and Luna's family.
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Cover art by LuminousDazzle
Chapters (10)
- Member Since 23rd Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Sep 2nd, 2017
Danger A Dragon
Okay, I'm now a brony. Not obsessed or anything like that and I definitely like the fictions more than the show, for now.
Danger A Dragon
Joined 23rd Oct, 2014 ·
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This is a very interesting story to read keep up a good work update more on this story soon.
Hey, you might want to link to the artist who made the cover, or at least credit them.
this is going extremely well for how everyone is reacting to this. Let's hope the other ponies that find out what Crissi is take it in a calm manner. Keep up the good work and i will be reading more of this.
So cute I love it
that was good, but I'm up to late right now and need to stop.
Sorry, but I have to be honest. Despite the other comments, I honestly wasn't all that wowed by this fic. It felt rushed and the interactions felt completely unnatural. Not to mention the constant "telling" rather than "showing" can get a little annoying.
It's an interesting set-up for sure, but I think it could have been executed better.
7319408 Yeah, have to agree and apologise for the same reason. Honestly couldn't get though it all. The dialogue and characterisation seemed so bland and emotionless, also a little awkwardly direct from time to time.
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Thanks for letting us know. I get that there should be more descriptions instead of dialogue, but I'm not sure about ScopeEva's criticism. So, if you could give some suggestions of how to fix it and improve that'd be great.
Well to be honest, I really liked the fist hapter as I said, but after thinking a bit about it, I at least would have expected a few more different emotions, maybe seeing more reactions, which is probably the "showing" part one or two where talking about.
I know she is a child, but I thought she would be more sceptical. Not sure if it was really to much conversation, but I guess I only had the scene playing out in my head this time. Well this is just a try to give you a good review on this chapter to know what you could do.
edit: I think I would really like it if she would talk with them about missing the voices in her head or something like that, and I would like it if she would need to explain it to them. Maybe they still know only so much about them.
The only other question I have is, if you are planning to write about their childhood in a different universe which I hope, or if you want to make a huge skip to them being grown ups.
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I'm the other person writing this with Danger. It's more a mixture of both and yes, it is in a different universe.
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We'll make sure the next chapter is a bit better than the first one.
7321235 well okay there is always hope that the timeskips aren't skipping any special bonding time. I really like to see how they actually like to get to know each other, not just 10 years later they suddenly were a happy family, one is mean, one is nice.... I guess you know what I mean.
aawwww no matter how old they are, I would enjoy it if in some storys they still don't know everything and can act a bit more mysterious.
I can't help it, but Chrysalis is one of my absolute favourite characters, and that makes me wanting her to be able to impress them too.
I understand that you probably want to use the Nightmare/firery Celestia/burning Twilight thing, but I really hope you write Chrysalis in a way, that would allow her get more or less equally strong as them if she would play her cards right.
I don't mean just absorbing love, but maybe completely hiding her presence, even if the enemy was already aware of her presence and maybe even saw her already before hiding in the shadows again.
I think if I remember it right there is that type of Changelings, which are able to feed on every emotion, but have the easiest time with love, or just like it the most.
aaahh I don't know, I like this story, but I can't stop myself to not want her as the weakest link in the family forever. I don't need her to be the strongest, but maybe the three oldest could notice some of her strong "abilitys" in the fight or something like that. I mean strong people like Lunas father maybe notice potential in other people/ponys.
I can't say the reaction from her and the familly would be off, but I honestly imaged it a bit different. Since she has a special backstory, I maybe expected her to be a bit more agressive or cautious, but even if I agree with the crying moment, the scene felt like it happened to fast for me right now.
Now since I know I can complain quite good, even if not only about stupid stuff, I want to name a few things I really liked.
1. Not sure if Lunas Mother was just acting, but I liked it that she seemed to be a little bit suprised about those three answers from Chrysalis and probably thought she would already agree with her after trying to neglect the importance of fighting training.
(I just like it if it looks like the characters have some sort of free will, even if there wasn't reason yet to compare it to any bad fanfiction I saw so far.)
2. I liked it that Celestia wants to train with her and that she agreed to it, and if I think about it her being affraid of Celestia a bit makes sense. Queen or not and seeing everyone dying or not, I guess that was still impressive to her. However to be honest I like it if they aren't exactly treated like they wouldn't even have to try to rule the world.
3. sorry I know there was more I liked, but I'm to tired to think about everything right now.
I like it.
Please continue
7346245 Tis' it's true; the mystery = the fun.
And yes, I like a story where we see more than the love-absorbing villain queen Chrysalis. Every
ponychangelingcreature there is always a story underneath the surface.I like the ability/potential thing, too.
7350159 Glad to see someone agrees with me, and while I would prefer it if her parent's wouldn't know everything about a Changeling, I'm not sure if that part still matters, at least they already know a bit about her, I mean Lunas Mother was already feeding her, it pretty much looked like that.
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7351929 Chrysalis will no be the weakest link in the family, I assure you, and she will be more than just the love-absorbing Queen she usually is. Speaking of love-absorbing, their mother knows what Chrysalis feeds on, but nothing else and she only knows that because of the rare instances changelings have been reported.
7352973 good to know.
I was worried you'd make the parents seem like the ALL-KNOWING kind of type. I hated when people do that. Cause' they are just a(...uh...creatures?...nay...lets just stick with) pony and make mistakes from time to time.
Even if you had made them gods and goddesses, the mortal world would help/make them make mistakes. Things never go perfectly but many things can go right.
7352973 okay I like what your saying so far.
The cuteness! HNGGG!
*ded*
A fair number of important points are missing here. Not to be rude, but if you can't figure out what they are on your own then I can't help you.
I nearly forgot Luna had an power up there and Chrysalis still has to get one if she can, but I was suprised that her getting less angry involved fighting Luna more instead of well just train really hard. However I think it made somehow sense, at least I believe I already saw something like this as a solution for anger somewhere else.
I like laughed and cried so much.
GOOD JOB!!!
I say it everytime, I don't dislike her, but for some reason I hate it that she or some other people are idolized that much. I think I just want to have a different god in a mlp fanfiction for once and her being something less than the OP god of the OP gods.
7383024 either I prefe other stuff as my most awesome theme for a story, or I'm just not that easily impressed, but I agree with him, that was a good chapter. I finally get the feeling that Chrysalis is a potential future member of the familly. Not sure if her grown up form is the real one here, or her super form. Maybe the Nigthmare fan version of her could be used, as a nice contrast to the other forms.
I mean the others seems to be somehow calm, cool, impressive and stuff like that, but not aas scary as I image her form could look like.
I guess I only want the parents to be suprised too. While I don't exactly like any sort of bodyless voices and stuff like that, I think I can live with the visions as long as they aren't the solution for every problem here.
It just sounded a bit less special, as she said that she would knew that Chrysalis would be there.
so you get my like now. I only gave the dislike because I felt like I had given the like to early and couldn't take it back anymore. I usually wait a few chapters, so that a story has the chance to actually show something and built up a bit. I always think it is to soon to judge a story for the first chapter.
Some start to get really bad after the fourth chapter, and this one is starting to get better, but that is of course in my opinion.
edit: I like the Changeling version, where they don't have to fuck non stop to make more Changelings, or that the Changelings itself can get children. I always liked to think that they only need a real relationship if they want to make a new Queen.
Sorry if I'm wrong, but I think in a teen story I get use words like that right? I guess that is one of the things that were already allowed with the teen rating.
7383913 I know right. The parents aren't-how would you says...uhh...real.
Well ----wait,wait I'm a girl, dude!
Anyway they are just to...perfect. Add some flaw. And then I feel like it might be a whole lot better.
Now, Celestia, the author did an amazing job doing her just right. Perfect with "cubby flanks" and all.
I'm still a little pissed that you thought I'm a dude. But there nothing saying I'm a dude or girl. So I'm chilling down a little.
7384189 Flaws don't automatically make a character better.
In fact, it can has the opposite effect.
7389464 but perfection does the same. Like what would you call it "Sally something" they just seem to perfect.
You do have a point though someone who always making mistakes many times have haters. But so do perfect Sallys.
Plus I kinda blank out a little and I don't remember when so I kinda have like no idea what we were talking about.
Hey have read "bride of Discord" it's good.
7389464 hey I just realized how much sleep I need. So sorry about that and night night
7389517 Nah...Some classic characters that people like don't have any noticable flaws...
Mentor and Supportive characters being a few examples.
7390599 true true but you have to understand me for a sec. I'm like a lever I can go up on something and go down on something and **vises vera**. I go by experience and/or knowledge.
And I have come to hate or dislike those who act perfect, because many times they're just a bigass know it all or just plain old mean. But each time I meet a person like that, for a day or so I get close and learn that they are either are hurting or were.
Now in a kingdom realm when the king or queen it like this, one of two things are happening. One, they just need some laughs and love for the lost loved ones (to make the most of what mortal lives give them) or they have learn to show very little emotions even with loved ones.
....... I kinda lost track of where I was going with this so here come the twists and turns...
Nope don't remember so I'm just gonna pass out for a little bit
OOOOh references to Twilight and Sunset shimmer very nice oh oh oh I bet the fourth pony was Starlight
Aww cute.
I pretty sure the first one is sunset the other one is either Twilight or starlight.
Which one is it?
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Not telling.
heat cycle.....please don't make it one of those, where they just have to let themselves be fucked by any lucky Stallions that wants a fun time. I just hate the version where every Stallion can just bend them over and fuck them when they want to, without having anything to do with them or caring for them. That probably also includes the strong urge to have sex, which is causing them to search for anything that has the right equipment.
No matter if you don't really meant it like that, not being able to control themselves is probably going to look like they would have done it without even reall wanting it to do. It's like let someone you hate fuck yourself, just because you have to urge to so so. Sorry but I can mostly only think of the bad thing if the heat cycle is used in a normal story. There is barely explained that they even try to maybe stay at home till it's over or something, to prevent that.
I don't want any of them saying, "I have a foal because I had the sudden urge to let the neighbours son fuck me", or something like that.
Why don't just treating it as a really fertile moment.
all kind of jokes around that matter in this chapter, that it happens so suddenly looks a bit weird, but I don't try to be wary just because of the heat thing.
I have to say it again, with the heat cycle how you probably meant it, it would look like Chrysalis would always have to let herself get fucked by any drone in her hive, while I also like the version of her, being able to produce normal eggs just with enough energy.
Sorry if my language in this comment isn't alright with the teenage tag, but I think it only isn't allowed to get to detailed.
7413628 oh come on
Awwww so f**king cute. Man you, my good sir are good to kill me with this cuteness one day. And you'll do a dam good job about to
I like this chapter cause it open some new light and found myself laughing and/or awwing in the cuteness of this chapter.
For now I have not found anything wrong with this chapter but will tell when I do.
or did she....I don`t know....used the door? I thought that was, what she wanted Luna to think while slamming the door.
It seems her mother and Chrysalis doesn't think so.
Is having easy mood swings part of Lunas personality here? Does she have that issue to justify Nightmare Moon? I know you could say ponys, or she is just easily hurt, but to me it even looks a little bit like overreacting. I mean after that it looked at least like she easily went calm enough to talk normal with her.
I don't know, I think this is a story where I just sometimes have to dissagree with some things the characters do or how they do it, because you could see it this way, but you also could see it that way.
That's still not saying I don't like it.
Huh, but a bad start, though it does feel a bit rushed.
Huh...the spell or coming off pretty cool and adorable time in.
7414218 Sorry for the late reply, but let me clarify something. When they go into heat, they get really horny. They can choose their partner, choose to abstain, choose to be tied up with a pleasure-inducing device. So, no, they don't have to and probably won't just bang the first guy they see.
right now I just think she is affraid because it impressed her as a child.
I feel like all of them have random outbursts, or are just really unstable and I don't get what the hive has to do with that.
I thought Celestia was tossing Chrysalis.
I thought you would maybe just use the option of her lying normal eggs with a big amount of love.
To be honest, if they take to long, they should blame the nobles that are wasting the others time.
I know it's for the storys sake, but hearing her talking like that hurts, because she is being stupid there. I mean she already makes the nobles starting to feel more important I think, but wasn't it the way, that they never did much with the other ponys when their parents still lived? I only remember that they wasn't supposed to do much else than protecting them, I guess you forget to mention something changing in this chapter.
Thank you for the long chapter, I just have a bit on my mind that is bugging me a bit, nothing to worse I guess, but it is still annoying.
Why do I have a feeling that celestias bitchfulness will lead to a Canterlot wedding and maybe nightmare sun
So...You're going to go with the show............................................................sigh
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This and a few other events but that's about it. Mostly we're sticking to our own story with this one.
7484296 Ok, then.
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I guess I got the downvotes on my comment, from some people because they either don't now why I said that, or they are totally into that stuff, but I answer on your comment now.
That is what I like to believe too, but in some storys, and I have read at least two, there it definitly looks, like they would catch themself the first suitable stallion they can find. In a certain story, which to be honest was supposed to look like that, Twilight would even go to Spike just to get over with it.
I guess some authors probably think like you and me, but they still manage to make it look like they would take everyone. That's why I wanted to say something before it is to late.
I guess that some of the characters are doing stuff like one-night stands doesn't help either. I mean there is probably nothing wrong with it, if everyone knows from the start that there is not supposed to be anything more than the sex, but mostly it just looks like everyone could get happy.
Thank you for the fact that you are not going to do it in that certain way.
I always miss something like "no one can force you do do your duties", since I even haven't read it yet, that they had changed anything from before. The first time I got the impression they were just living alongside the other ponys.
Part of me is nearly expecting to jump to the chance of being the perfect sister, now that she has one which she doesn't have to share.
I sort of hope Twilight is getting to know about her mistakes, or that Chrysalis can withold her true form and suprise Twilight with it, if that should happen.
I don't exactly want her to be that awesome to ge her new form to early, or in the first fight she would need it if you know what I mean. Like with super heroes in their shows, one epic find they can't win and...BAM!, new power.
Nice chapter.
sooo Chrysalis seems to be rather flirty already....in a way you made it look more casual than starnge. yes I guess that is what I mean to say.
Well in a way I would still prefer it, if that doesn't already means that Chrysalis is planning to go straight to the sex.
I know that would be a normal way to act for some people, and maybe even Changelings, but since she has so many ways to get love (and in this story even more), I would like it if she isn't just giving the Stallion a fun time at the first date already, or here even before the first date. (if it should happen)
I hope this is getting a sequel, it actually doesn't sounds like it would stop right there, maybe in the sequel you could describe a short bit of how they had their dates and eventually got kids after that, to make sure it looks like she would wait till she is getting to know him a bit at least. I'm just not one for love at first sight.
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It wasn't love at first sight. It's almost been a thousand years so Chrysalis knows what she's doing. She wants to settle down for a while and this stallion was already chosen by one of her drones.
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the short version of my comment since I accidently changed the page before I could save the comment.
I know it wasn`t love at first sight, but I didn't wanted to explain more, since I not always know how to describe it.
Not sure if she let her drones search a Stallion for her, and her proably just jumping straight to the sex withouth giving a fuck about the Stallion herself would be "knowing what to do".
Only the second time I noticed what exactly you had written. That didn't looked like it would take a thousand years old genius to make such a move.
It is fine if she wants to settle down, but since it is kind of my own moral, I prefer it if the character would actually try to get to know the Stallion, and not only....I don't know reading the notes of a spy, skipping a few steps in her relationship and probably already jumping straight to the sex.
I just think most of the time it wouldn't work if the characters just try to start a relationship with only sex. At least the people I know loose their girlfriend/boyfriend after a while, because they kind of actually don't like each other, and then they are pretty nasty to each other.
That is probably one reason why I don't exactly like it that way, or when they sleep with each other after the first date, at least in storys. In real life I'm somehow not that much against it, or angry at something that happens in a story.
I'm at least glad that this Chrysalis doesn't need to get every Stallion into her bad to have new Changelings, but I hoped for something more normal than a......overly flirty Chrysalis. ( Oh man words,....that is how far I can explain it right now.)