You had me on every point but knife play. That's one of the few lines I will not cross.

7305489 That's pretty fair. I'm not 100% sold on it appearing either. It will depend on whether or not I feel comfortable writing it when that time comes, among other things.

7305498 so long as it isn't Rapey Ied be up for it. It's pretty rare but it's hot and intense with the right author.

Perhaps she could break it. If she could just… taste. Just a taste, and then she could put all of this strange, weird obsession behind her and just be normal. No more daydreams about bindings, no idle and indecent thoughts. Just… calm again. Or something.

Oh Twilight, you poor poor mare. You know not what you have thought.

7305498
I'll keep an eye on this. Especially if I get to see a sub!Celestia/dom!Twilight dynamic. Not something that gets written often.

7305530 It's an easy lie to believe in the moment about a lot of things. It looks dumb from a distance.

7305511
7305489
7305498

Yeah, knife play isn't easy to do. I tried writing about it turned out shit.

7305540 My brief experience with it was both fantastic, enduring in its hold on my imagination, and utterly bizarre. Still not sold on it. I think if I *do* end up including that at some point I may warn people ahead of time.

7305542

See, I wasn't really into it. I mean, it was alright. I didn't HATE it. I guess the one thing about it that really held me back was the knowledge that if I want careful, I could, you know, DIE. So I wasn't really able to lose myself. Am I making any sort of sense?

I'm digging this. It's great work so far, and hits the notes for things I like. I also love criticism, so here's some points for discussion. Feel free to ignore them. Pretty much every thing past this is questions on writing style because I'm curious.

A small bit, I noticed a double dash here and there (--). Double dash is fine, but you can use alt codes for en dash and em dash. Hold down the alt button, and press 0151 on your number pad. When you release the button, you get an em dash(—)! It's awesome! And en dash(–) is alt+0150. I like dashes...-–—

Your first paragraph is creative and artsy, it very much sets the stage. It's also difficult to get past. I understand that capitalizing "Experience" in your opening line is a statement about the nature of "Experience," but that doesn't make it any less briefly confusing. You switch tenses in description and tone, it's a past tense situation and you describe Twilight in the present sense. "It Is what drove her.." Vs. "It was what drove her..." If the clock is still ticking, which it may be, then either is fine! It's just a little momentarily distracting.

Another issue with the opening paragraph is that it's disorienting. In the context of the story it makes complete sense, but as a starting point it just leaves me confused. You have a noise, neither described by the narrator or explained by Twilight, interjected with her thoughts and the external narrator. And it switches to and fro with little connection. Why are mounted clocks and noble heritage important? I find out later, but the first time I read this paragraph it feels like each bit is very loosely connected. Reading it over after I've read the story, it makes complete sense. But the first impression I got was confusion.

Another point in the first paragraph is "Beside her bookishness there is at least a small bit of her that remembers". What does being bookish have to do with remembering something? In this case, her noble heritage is a call to pride, a refusal to relinquish herself to her ignoble desires. I don't see that as being at odds with being bookish. It's not a bad sentence for building the character and setting, just a strange comparison!

You are using two narrators. You have Twilight interjecting thoughts with an external narrator describing Twilight. This is fine, but you may want to differentiate her thoughts from the narrator. Italicized text can work well for that. You can also leave it as it is of course, but it might be momentarily disorienting for a reader. Then again, you already use italicized text for text that Twilight reads. And a few of your sentences would be made unbearable as they are both the external narrator and Twilight. It works well with how you've done it. Is there a name for this style? It's not completely 3rd person nor is it 1st person...

Don't take my comments too seriously, I just really like when people provide criticism on my stuff so I do it for other people when I can. And honestly most of these are questions to help me learn instead of necessarily criticisms.

In short, it's great! I'm really looking forward to the rest of it. It vaguely reminds me of the dark apprentice, by come hither, that got cancelled. This is not a bad thing in any way...

7305611 you know, I can never remember those codes. I should learn them, with how much I abuse the em dash.

7305554
And for some of us, that's the thrill. Complete trust in the other party, or worse, completely at their mercy. On the topside, it's also complete, dangerous, control. As the one on top you damned better not lose control, that's your job! lol. Which makes it great for fiction. Dicey and requires very special people for real life.

7305617 I can kinda see both sides of that. It is a bit more serious and a bit more... well, on the edge (I tried to avoid that pun) than most things, you know?

Well then.

This should be... Something.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7305624 hey you changed your avatar!

~Not Skeeter the Not Lurking

7305617

I get that, and luckily I do have that in the form of my wife.

And it WAS fun, and I probably would have kept going, but the bandages were annoying as all fuck.

7305644
Knife play doesn't have to turn into blood play. I mean... it can of course, but if you don't like the bandages why would you? Cool on having that person in your life! Gratz! I got mine too! It does oddly affect how much time I have for writing though. Four years ago I used to have hours a day to devote to it. Now, I have family stuff. That doesn't leave nearly as much time for writing. Especially considering the mindset I need to have to write something that doesn't feel forced... In a way I'm weirdly jealous of people like this Cynewulf fellow for having the time to devote to awesome stories like this. Still, wouldn't trade my current life though. Hopefully Cynewulf (and others) keep(s) pumping out awesome things.

Awesome things like this story.

She was already calculating just how much damage there would be. Luna would want to know what these strange urges

You lost most of a paragraph here.

7305626

You haven't noticed?

I do that with alarming frequency.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Poor sheltered adorkable Twilight. There is no shame in sex dreams iirc the weirdest one I had was of my mother's gay(male) best friend who was practically family. XD

As has been said here, knife play doesn't automatically mean blood play. You can use a blunt knife, or dull the edge and get similar feelings from it.

Either way, sounds very yum and I'll make sure it's on my read list.

Good grief, Cynewulf. I remember you from Buffy smut back on AFF.net...

This has always been my preferred headcanon of Luna, honestly. The goddess of secret passions in the darkness, at once struggling with a new world of libidinous delights and oh so familiar with the oldest dance in the world.

Night’s soveriegn lady hummed. “Satisfying… no, it would not be, would it? Shall I play my hand so early?”

that be real impressive Luna considering you lack hands.

sub!Celestia is my favorite Celestia dynamic. I'm sure she would appreciate the break after a long day of having to make decisions for everypony around her, right? I also find it a good way to soften the inherent age gap weirdness of Celestia with non-immortals.

7306459

Or a reverse grip on a clip- or trailing-point knife. Or the flat of the blade with just enough pressure on the sharp edge to make it noticed. Or--well, anyway, there's lots of ways to use a knife as a prop.

7306821 Exactly! There's a reason knife-play and blood-play are considered two different things. But to be fair, both are fairly deep into edgeplay for most folks, so it can still be risky, emotion-wise.

Sorry for taking over your comments to discuss things Cyne ^^; At least it's related to the story. Or potentially related.

7306670 I watched Buffy some as a kid and never wrote any fan fiction for it! At least... I don't think so...

My dear Cynewulf,

Rarely have I found my appetite so thoroughly whetted - and other things made wet - by the lead-up of a story. Not only is it well written, with good characterization and pacing and an intriguing hook, but it touches on (or perhaps grabs hold of ) some of my personal passions, tastes, and kinks.

I am really looking forward to more of this. I'd even be happy to proofread it, if you're interested. It looks to be... delightful. Thank you for sharing it with us; I hope creating it was and continues to be rewarding for you.

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

7306886 I'm glad you're looking forward to it! It was fun to do the lead in. Now to see what the actual "hot parts" are like, I guess. It'll be an interesting experiment.

7306821 the juxtaposition of your dismayed Twilight with your comment is amazing.

7306838 I don't mind at all! I was not familiar with the term edgeplay until recently, actually, and it was both interesting to have vocabulary to apply to experience and... well, dismaying slightly to see how people usually talked about it. When the kinksters think you're a little too much you know you're weird, I guess! heh.

Why this is tagged as Twilestia and I just read Twilight and Luna? .-.

7306966 Because that's where it's headed. That's the dream, the one besides the Rarity one, that Twilight had that Luna brings up as something she can recreate.

7306945 It's a semi-uncommon term, simply because everyone defines it differently. To some people, pulling hair is edgeplay and to others, it's not edgeplay til you're hacking limbs off.

7306877 ... Well now I'm not sure if this is coincidence or bad memory on my part.

7307158 either is possible! I didn't make up the name. It predates me by quite a bit!

7305616
Those two are the only ones I've bothered remembering. They're about the only alt-codes you'd need anyways.

Twilight, Luna, Celestia, and bondage.

Ohhhhhh I am looking forward to this.

I may or may not be able to confirm my potential eagerness for the next chapter.

Hypothetically speaking, if I were to say aloud that I read that sort of thing, of course, I am looking forward to it.

I really like the gothic tones of setting and how you write about the light and Twilights mind. Its all a little unnerving and reminds me of The Raven.

Me gusta

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And now.... we wait

[Epic waiting music intensifies]

Eagerly awaiting more. There's more coming, right? Because with each passing day I fear that this will be (or already is) abandoned.

7358398 there is! I took a short break to reorganize my thoughts and work on a oneshot and I'm actually devoting the next two days to this.

7358471
Yay! Can't wait.
And, uhm, take your time. Of course. :)

7358482 We'll see if I'm up to the task.

Liked the story with Celestia, by the by.

7358552
I have no doubts. You're an incredible author.
And thanks a lot. It's so nice to see that my first story is received so well!

7358471 Glad to hear there's more to come! I was also starting to worry about this fic. ( ; I'd hate to see such a fun premise abandoned.

This is the first and stranger half of the experiment.

What, this only has one more chapter? Or does this refer to "Have You Considered My Servant Twilight", or something else?

I have to admit that you hit the nail on the head of my own experience regarding how one's mindset can radically shift when conscious in the wee small hours, even if bondage is frankly not among my own desires. Frankly that feels like a bit of a stretch for Twilight, but I suppose something has to give inside when studying and friendship problems take up so much time, and again, the night can shift one's thoughts.

Curious now about Twilight's previous "technically" physical experience.

Tracking, if only for curiosity of Twilight's mindset and an aversion to leaving the quartet incomplete.

Needs new chapter, pls

Quality!Luna

Moar..?

more to come?