Anonymous was asked to join a illegal street race, but because of a strange anomaly that happened during said race, he and his car were somehow transported to Equestria.
Chapters (10)
Viper Freak
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I wonder how they will react to horsepower
Going to point some typos out
You're not your
Steps not steppes
You're not your
7380231 Thanks for that, will Change that asap.
7380114 Like ponies always do in the show when something new and roaring loud goes through there village.
also he should ask twilight she seems like she a thing or two about drifting
Update soon please!!
Besides a few errors in grammar I love how it starts!!
I notice you say 'ow'. I am not certain but I think its meant to be 'oh'?
I generally see others use 'ow' as a different way of saying ouch, or expressing pain. Also I believe the use of quotes would be a better way to establish when some one in talking. Like in the first chapter. The use of apostrophes make it a little awkward to look at.
And you might want to slow it down a bit. Fluttershy mentions that he is in equestria, and he instantly believes (knows) he is in another world.it'd be a much more reasonable human assumption to believe he is dreaming or in comatose via a car wreck he may or may not remember. And he is dawdling through this town of ponies that are pastel colored and talking with hardly any second thoughts.
Sorry if I seem rude but I just want to help you become a better writer, via your authors' comments. You have a great idea for a fic, and you had done a great job for leaving a reader interested, but you need to utilize it more. Better plot development and more eye catching/ appealing structure for your story.
7439944 thanks, tough I will keep the ow's in for this. if someone gets hurt I can also go for saying "yelp of pain" or something.
I will look into that line about Equestria, maybe ad something.
and about him walking though Ponyvile, I also said it was still early and that ponies are still be waking up.
Your not rude, this way I can try and get better at this.
thanks for your comment.
7439944 There, I now made some changes and hope it's for the better.
7440585 okay, I'll give it another read through and tell you if I find anything else.
7440513 I like it a bit better from where you added him pinching himself, but I would still suggest you use quotes instead of apostrophes.
Where is RD.WHERE IS SHE!
Also he should try racing rd on foot(no wings) in his car.they should hang out more. The car should get a spell cast on it for it to be able to not need gas/repairs(runs on magic in equestria).plz take as much time as you need no ruch for chapter 3 i can wait.
7440513 try Gah
.or hissed in pain.
I'm pretty sure fimfiction is okay with you saying the what the car was. (Plus the cover art gave it away) I personally like Dodge as well. (Charger more than Viper)
Can't wait for the next chapter
SS
Honestly ive always loved vipers.the body the infinite option for paintjobs but most importanly the THRILL
. But ive waited patiently for this and thank you for taking your time on it.it makes it more special.
7449684 I was more worried that dodge found out.
7449735 Thanks for the vote of confidence.
I'm not a fast writer, so the next chapter would probably take a month as well.
7449924 no problem. Like I said the more time put into it-is all the more reason i love it. But if you ever hit a impass of ideas ill be glad to help , just msg me and ill be there with a jumpstart idea.
I hope I get some more character development after intros are done.
7449935 Thanks, I will keep that in mind. But for now I have plenty of idea's.
If you want, you can start a silly story I thought of when working on this one named; The fast and the... Lyra?
If you do, let me know. It is only an idea, so if you don't like it, there is no harm done.
7454131 thanks for the offer.but im not much of a writer unless its in school for a grade even though ive never dropped below an A in Language arts.but i just come up with ideas to help people in need.its just the way i am.
Ohh nice these chapters keep getting better and better
7487230 thanks, hopefully I can keep it that way.
As the first to comment.may i say thisstory is up to a great start.i dont care what anyone votes no on.your story is the shit.
Ps.will rainbow gain a crush on him.cuz hes a badass well toned,fit Street racer.
7523494 Thank you, it is because people like you I want to keep going and the haters will all ways be hating.
7523495 Sounds interesting, I'll think about it.
We need some anti-lag in this story...
7554798 Anti lag as in less Scene breaks of something else?
7555240 No, i mean... you could add to the story that Anon's Viper has an Anti-Lag System (ALS).
7555524 oh that,
well, I'm writing a story for everyone to enjoy, so I don't want it to be to technical and make readers confused.
Although, I will use some basic car knowledge in this story more under the "hey, I saw that on T.V. once" tag.
I hope you understand.
It's been a while since I've gotten on, but I am super happy to see you still writing this story. I can see that there are not a lot of people actually tuning in and reading, but I really like it.
Can you finish it? If not for me than just for the right to say you went through with it?
Many thanks for reading this comment.
7644283 thanks for liking it.
I'm only taking a break from the story, I'm not stopping it, so don't fear about that.
You know you need a good portion of proofreading. And today I feel generous enough to consider myself your very own proofreader! But only for this story though.
You won't regret it. Look how fast I can spot a frist mistake:
<< capital
There, it's right in the title!
So, shall I start from the next chapter?
yeah, there are a couple of errors (aside the fact you don't use quotes when one is talking) but otherwise its a good chapter. you should explain that fillies cutie mark though.
This story has potential
.It could easily be a top rated story when finished.
he should date RD
7750523 Explain filly's cutie mark?
She got it by fascination of Anon's car interior, obviously. Three cogs by standard mean an interest in all things mechanical. However, if author cares, he/she can make the filly an important background pony, who can boost the story later in some way. Make her a fan of Anon, for example - I saw that story mechanic in one major Lyra tumblr, but I'm not gonna spoil it.
Yes, I think that would enrich it a blittle bit.
7751495
TOO LATE, FLUTTERS HAS HER SIGHTS ON HIM ;D
7751743 normally a cutie mark indicates a talent or trait that one pony exhibits (I.e. Bad luck or large udders or good with animals or being fast). Having a fascination in anon's car doesn't really do anything to fill those requirements. She doesn't achieve any traits, nor does she have any talent or knowledge about cars, so how'd she get her cutie mark, and what's it mean?
7751954 I see. I honestly don't think myself able to conclude it in definite manner, no expert on the topic.
Traits - by the story it's not determined she has any peculiar traits.
Talents, though... Are talents something that comes only from within? Or something that can be learned and nourished with the outside work/help? Can it even be achieved from scratch?
Could be that she neither got any traits whatsoever since birth, nor developed any talents (or even interests n any of the specific areas).
You're right saying that fascination itself cannot determine a cutie mark, but it could spark an interest in her that would lead to actually discovering (and honing) the talent and passion. But that's a reverse to what I was going for.
Yet on the other hand, could be that the filly had practiced something related to mechanics earlier , even for a long time before the described event in the story - Anon's ar could very well be a catalyst.
EDIT You can ask me more questions if I didn't specify something. I think I'm gonna need that kind of exercise.
7752100 I guess the lack of real relevance and history of the filly might lead to a possibility that she has previous interactions with any mechanics not mentioned, but cutie marks are given when things are . . . realized, or over come, or achieved. I don't completely understand how the marveling of Anon's car interior would give her a cutie mark. Or at least not one of three cog wheels. If the car were to give her a cutie mark I would assume it should be, at least, when/if she got a look at the engine.
7752539 I must agree. We are playing the same game here like all the brony analysts trying to analyze episodes in order to find a logical conclusion in some motive where there isn't/shouldn't be any, for the sake of story flow and development.
7751743 she cant see shit.ANGEL HOGS ALL THE CARROTS.
7753812 Whaaaaaa?
Anon is a carrot? This is not what we meant when we said orange is the new black.
7754148
.i meant she cant have good SIGHT because angel is hogging all the CARROTS(good for your eyesight )
7754164
cdn.drawception.com/images/panels/2013/12-16/BH1E32NWcH-6.png
7752539
7752770
I was going for the fact that She was amazed by the car and started to wonder How it could so fast without help from a pony, how those lights work on the dash and such, and really like to know more about mechanics.
I hope this helps a bit.
BTW, any one got a good name for the filly For when anon comes across her in Ponyville?
7754343 speed demon. Gear grinder. Check engine. Pit stop. Quick finish. Race way.
7754343 lets say she just goes by slip wrench.slip wrench is a term used by mechanics to describe a Mechanic whos a pro at his/her job.
it also sounds like a name that a real character would be called.
7754253 EXACTL....probably should have specified you eat them not wear them.
7754343 Quick Fix?
7756561 Sounds like a possibility, was thinking of maybe calling her Digit or something, but yours sounds good too